Fock the Koontz

The best movie of the year made by the people who brought you Little Fockers. The experts in witty alternative spellings bring you now Fock the Koontz, where “oo” reads like in blood, get it? A hilarious family friendly adventure with five twists that leave you guessing and a surprise ending you’ll never anticipate: Little Focker’s best friend, D. Ildo, get it? actually killed himself!!!

Following the tragic death of his entire family, Little Focker is remodeling his summer cottage when a tape left by absolutely nobody reveals that his best friend was tortured and killed by a group of disgruntled Iraq war veterans who were brainwashed in a cruel and deadly government plot to transform America in a war-raging theocracy for the benefit of big military corporations. He swears revenge but first he must win a dance contest in which the participants must also be good spellers. He teams with his ex-girlfriend who is secretly a zombie vampire from the future and from another planet. To escape her dominant father and reclusive mother, they must abandon their life of luxury in suburbia and travel to Sao Paulo, Moscow, Seoul, Minsk, Beijing, Knoxville, Shanghai, Pretoria, Osaka and Hillsdale, Michigan. With everything on the line, they learn ancient martial arts and fall in love, but Little Focker does not reveal his dark secret: he is actually a robot, from the future and from another planet, whose heart used to belong to a teenage stripper killed by incompetent mobsters by mistake. In their fantastic Odyssey, they foil the killing spree of the DC Sniper, John Allen Muhammad, a White Christian fundamentalist and receive advice from the ghosts of Little Focker’s slain family. When they finally arrive at the dance competition, a stranger locks them in a basement and announces that he will slay one of them every day until either they solve Gödel’s incompleteness theorems in a novel way or make sense of the plot in Vantage Point. Nothing is what it seems in this dreadful and charming animated spy mystery featuring blood-thirsty vampires, robot monkeys, talking dogs and Bollywood dancing numbers.

Pedro Almodovar writes and directs this colorful, romantic and tragic Cannes nominated thriller which paints a bleak image of post 9/11 paranoid America. A remake of last year’s remake with the same title and screenplay, but now with a very implausible happy ending, starring Ellen Page, Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Zenza Raggi, Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, Megan Fox, and Danny de Vito as Robert de Niro. Rated PG-13 for extreme gore and violence, drug use, sexually-oriented nudity, smoking, and unhealthy eating habits. In 3-D everywhere.

Ce le-a fătat mintea

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39 Responses

  1. Lotus says:

    :))))) fain. (eu pariez pe Natalie Portboy că văd că pe Zenza l-au ajuns bătrâneţile.)

  2. Lorena Lupu says:

    unhealthy eating habits. :)))

  3. lezbianu obosit says:

    strasnic. dupa primele 5-6 randuri, ma gandeam daca tarantino – rodrigues ar fi in stare… pe la jumate’ mi-am dat seama ca numa’ kim ki duk sau poate noboru iguchi s-ar descurca onorabil. “absolutely nobody” m-a olmoust ucis.

    • Lorena Lupu says:

      las’ că nu eşti tu aşa uşor de ucis.

      • lezbianu obosit says:

        10q tare pentru credit, da’ primavara imunitaru’ e slabit iar labilitatile se dezvolta mai sarguincios decat in restu’ anului. io’s tare temator, dezinfectez toate alea cu apa sfintita imbogatita cu izotopi la plic.

  4. Nea says:

    Până una-alta, luminează-ne ce era cu exerciţiul de stil din 14 aprilie, că are teză la română Dama şi iar o lasă repetentă în a şasea.

  5. Dama cu pandalii says:

    am visat că eram bărbat și lorena îmi spunea că sînt frumos și nu eram ostap bender. jur pe buzele dulci ca mierea, pe ochii în care se afundă infinitul, pe pielea catifelată ca limba de cîine, pe pletele nechezînd ca coama de armăsar și pe bicepșii, tricepșii și pectoralii lui ostap bender că așa a fost!

  6. Lorena Lupu says:

    băi, da’ mai comentează cineva şi ontopic la postarea asta? în afară de comentariile 1 şi 3 nu văd nimic care să aibă vreun rost sau vreo legătură cu postarea.

  7. goodman says:

    ontopic: before turning into a robot, Little Focker was obsessed by oac, oac, diri-diri-dam, oac oac oac oac, diri-diri-dam

  8. dadatroll says:

    Vezi cai scriis koontz gresit

  9. gigel says:

    egttrhtrkhfdacljhfdsasvnpiuhdsmrwqvczfjkqdfbnm

  10. Gregorie Casă says:

    Ce e mai ușor de scris: un comentariu on-topic cu postarea sau o postare on-topic cu comentariile care vor urma? Hai că v-am încuiat cu asta.

    • Dama cu pandalii says:

      pujlamao

    • lezbianu obosit says:

      e mai usor sa scrii un comentariu pe situatie. postarea on-topic la comentarii “ce va sa vie” e lucru’ dracu’. nu are cum sa iti iasa mereu. cred ca poti sa influentezi cursu’ la cum mere treaba printr-o maniera autoritar-agresiva. daca te cobori. nu e cazu’ AICI. mi-ar placea sa cred ca m-am prins de ce vrei tu sa zici. postarea de fata mi se pare cel putin extrem de foarte nostima. dar… e trist. realmente.

  11. Gregorie Casă says:

    Nu e trist. Ești tu un pic obosit.

  12. goodman says:

    pe cand un nou concurs cu “berea” ta ca premiu?
    (stiu ca nu castig, dar imi place sa particip)

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