Ocazional, via\u0163a ni-l scoate \u00een cale pe b\u0103rbatul perfect. Politicos, manierat, serios, implicat, perfect previzibil. Ra\u0163iunea \u00ee\u0163i spune c\u0103 e omul ideal pentru o rela\u0163ie lung\u0103 \u015fi convenabil\u0103. Are un singur defect: te plictise\u015fte p\u00e2n\u0103 dincolo de moarte.<\/p>\n
Sun\u0103 telefonul. Singurul num\u0103r din agend\u0103 c\u0103ruia \u00eei este alocat ringtone-ul Being Boring al celor de la Pet Shop Boys. Te faci c\u0103 nu-l auzi \u015fi te concentrezi s\u0103 termini rapoartele alea pe care ai zis c\u0103 le predai cu c\u00e2teva zile \u00een urm\u0103 \u2013 dar nu te-ai putut aduna nicicum, s\u0103 te ocupi de ele, c\u0103 e\u015fti \u015fi tu om, iar luna august e solar\u0103 \u015fi lene\u015f\u0103 pentru tine, ca pentru oricine altcineva. Dup\u0103 ce Pet Shop Boys tace, pui telefonul pe silen\u0163ios.<\/p>\n
Zece minute. Mai reu\u015fe\u015fti s\u0103 \u00eenjghebi exact cinci cuvinte. \u015ei, brusc, lini\u015ftea e \u00eentrerupt\u0103 de vibrat. Un vibrat insistent, iritant, de-\u0163i vine s\u0103 iei un ciocan \u015fi s\u0103 spargi aparatul pe care ai dat, din snobism, echivalentul a dou\u0103 salarii. \u00cel iei, \u00ee\u0163i \u00eenfr\u00e2ngi impulsul de a-l arunca de la balcon, \u015fi-l \u00eenchizi \u00eentr-un sertar. Degeaba. Se aude \u015fi a\u015fa. \u00cel duci \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie, \u00eenchizi u\u015fa \u015fi \u00ee\u0163i pui un rock sup\u0103rat. \u015ei te \u00eentorci la lucru.<\/p>\n
Pac, se deschide o ferestruic\u0103 pe Facebook. \u201eCe mai faci, Mara?\u201d<\/p>\n
Te prefaci c\u0103 nu erai la calculator. Zici \u015fi tu c\u0103 te dusese\u015fi dup\u0103 nesuri. Dai X din col\u0163ul ferestruicii, dar ea se deschide iar, \u00een secunda imediat urm\u0103toare: \u201ePoate \u0163i-ai pierdut telefonul pe undeva, c\u0103 \u00eencerc ca disperatul s\u0103 dau de tine. Cum e\u015fti tu, a\u015fa aerian\u0103\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00cenchizi iar ferestruica, ea se deschide iar: \u201ePoate bem o cafea \u00een seara asta, ce zici?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nu zici nimic. \u00cenchizi Facebook-ul cu totul \u015fi te \u00eentrebi ce e \u00een neregul\u0103 cu tine.<\/p>\n
\u00cen fond, ai \u00eenceput s\u0103 ie\u015fi cu b\u0103iatul \u0103sta pentru c\u0103 era responsabil, serios \u015fi te puteai baza pe el. Dac\u0103 zicea c\u0103 la ora 5 diminea\u0163a e \u00een fa\u0163a blocului t\u0103u cu un camion de chinezi ciungi, nu apuca cucul din ceas s\u0103 c\u00e2nte primul \u201ecucu\u201d din cinci, \u015fi te \u015fi suna: \u201eAm ajuns. Cobori s\u0103-\u0163i preiei chinezii?\u201d Era idealul pentru o via\u0163\u0103 lung\u0103 \u015fi o b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u0163e fericit\u0103 \u015fi lipsit\u0103 de griji. Din p\u0103cate \u2013 sau din fericire \u2013 tu e\u015fti \u00eenc\u0103 t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103.<\/p>\n
Problema e c\u0103 nu-l d\u0103 inteligen\u0163a afar\u0103 din cas\u0103. E genul de om care, dac\u0103 plou\u0103, constat\u0103 pe un ton solemn, de al doilea Einstein: \u201ePlou\u0103\u201d. Dac\u0103 radioul anun\u0163\u0103 scumpiri ale curentului electric, repet\u0103 \u015fi el spre tine, de parc\u0103 ai fi dotat\u0103 cu urechi speciale care nu recepteaz\u0103 unde lungi \u015fi medii: \u201eSe scumpe\u015fte curentul.\u201d Dac\u0103 drumul e \u00een lucru \u015fi toat\u0103 por\u0163iunea, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een intersec\u0163ie, e un imens \u015fantier nepracticabil, simte nevoia s\u0103 te informeze cu tonul p\u0103truns al unui de\u0163in\u0103tor de adev\u0103ruri: \u201eSe lucreaz\u0103\u201d.<\/p>\n
Ai \u00eencercat s\u0103-l ignori; dup\u0103 un timp, c\u00e2nd obiceiul a devenit mult prea enervant s\u0103-l mai supor\u0163i, ai \u00eencercat s\u0103 vorbe\u015fti cu el despre asta, s\u0103-i explici c\u0103 ai \u015fi tu ochi \u015fi urechi; la un moment dat, \u0163i-ai creat inclusiv obiceiul \u2013 reac\u0163ie pavlovian\u0103 de a \u0163ipa la el de c\u00e2te ori constata c\u00e2te un lucru evident. Inutil. Pur \u015fi simplu,era lipsit de con\u015ftiin\u0163a faptului c\u0103 lucrurile evidente sunt vizibile pentru toat\u0103 lumea \u015fi zicea \u00eemp\u0103ciuitor: \u201e\u00cemi pare r\u0103u c\u0103 ai o zi proast\u0103\u201d. Ai ajuns \u00een punctul \u00een care un defect minor la \u00eenceput te face acum s\u0103 evi\u0163i s\u0103-i r\u0103spunzi la telefon \u015fi s\u0103 ai fantezii cu crime s\u00e2ngeroase.<\/p>\n
Stai \u015fi te \u00eentrebi c\u00e2nd \u0163i-a repro\u015fat cineva ceva ultima oar\u0103, \u015fi ce eforturi ai f\u0103cut s\u0103 schimbi lucrul care \u0163i se repro\u015fa. OK, nici tu n-ai f\u0103cut eforturi, pentru c\u0103 \u0163i se p\u0103rea un lucru minor. Dar buturugile mici sunt cele care r\u0103stoarn\u0103, de fiecare dat\u0103, carele mari. \u00ce\u0163i juri s\u0103 fii mai atent\u0103 cu cei din jurul t\u0103u \u015fi cu nevoile lor.<\/p>\n
Se aude soneria la u\u015f\u0103. E el. A venit cu cafea \u015fi o pung\u0103 de croissante proaspete. Ce b\u0103iat bun. Te sim\u0163i ultimul om pentru c\u0103 te la\u015fi, ira\u0163ional, \u00een voia unei enerv\u0103ri f\u0103r\u0103 sens. \u00cen fond, toat\u0103 lumea are defecte. Al\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i \u00ee\u015fi neglijeaz\u0103 prietenele. Al\u0163ii sunt m\u00e2rlani \u015fi abuzivi. Al\u0163ii sunt fustangii irecuperabili. Al\u0163ii promit lucruri \u015fi nu le fac. Iar tu e\u015fti un monstru f\u0103r\u0103 suflet.<\/p>\n
\u201eE vineri.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eDa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u015etii c\u0103 nu o zice s\u0103 sugereze: \u201eE vineri, deci hai s\u0103 s\u0103rim \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 fugim \u00een lume\u201d, sau \u201eE vineri, deci hai s\u0103 ne-o tragem p\u00e2n\u0103 duminic\u0103\u201d. E pur \u015fi simplu un enun\u0163 constatativ. \u015ei sim\u0163i din nou impulsul s\u0103-l iei la b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n
\u201eCe tare, \u015fi eu care credeam c\u0103 e luni!\u201d, \u00eencerci o ironie.<\/p>\n
\u201eNu, nu, e vineri. P\u0103i n-ai muncit patru zile \u015fi azi e a cincea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00cenghi\u0163i o \u00eenjur\u0103tur\u0103 b\u00e2rzoet\u0103 \u015fi \u00eembujorat\u0103, ca m\u0103dularele din povestea lui Ion Creang\u0103.<\/p>\n
\u201eParc\u0103 am stabilit c\u0103 nu mai consta\u0163i evidentul, nu?\u201d o iei pe panta tran\u015fant\u0103.<\/p>\n
\u201eE\u015fti nervoas\u0103? Ai o zi proast\u0103?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eTu, boule, e\u015fti ziua mea proast\u0103. Idiot care nu \u00een\u0163elegi c\u0103 am \u015fi eu calendar, radio, ochi, urechi, nas, \u015fi \u015ftiu s\u0103 constat \u015fi singur\u0103 lucruri. C\u0103 nu-s o locuitoare a altei dimensiuni, pe care s\u0103 trebuiasc\u0103 s-o informezi c\u0103 \u00een lumea ta e vineri, e cald, e \u015fantier \u015fi c\u0103 cerul e albastru\u201d, i-ai zice tu.<\/p>\n
\u201eE cald.\u201d<\/p>\n
Te duci la buc\u0103t\u0103rie. Iei cel mai mare cu\u0163it. \u00cel aduci.<\/p>\n
\u201eVezi chestia asta t\u0103ioas\u0103? Hai s\u0103 juc\u0103m un joc. Data viitoare c\u00e2nd enun\u0163i ceva vizibil \u015fi observabil de c\u0103tre oricine, arunc cu ea \u00een tine. \u00cemi pare r\u0103u, nu am alt\u0103 metod\u0103 s\u0103 te dezv\u0103\u0163 de asta.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eE\u015fti nebun\u0103.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eIat\u0103 \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit o constatare subtil\u0103. Bravo. Acum te las; m\u0103 duc s\u0103 \u00eenfiin\u0163ez un ONG care s\u0103 militeze pentru importan\u0163a de\u0163inerii de arme. Armele sunt singurul lucru care transform\u0103 planeta asta \u00eentr-o lume mai bun\u0103!\u201d<\/p>\n
A plecat, u\u015for speriat. B\u0103ie\u0163ii previzibili suport\u0103 greu reac\u0163iile imprevizibile. R\u0103sufli u\u015furat\u0103 \u015fi-\u0163i suni cel mai inconsistent \u015fi golan amant de ocazie:<\/p>\n
\u201eSex murdar, cu limbaj obscen, vibratoare \u015fi c\u0103tu\u015fe, la tine, \u00een seara asta?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eTu nu te-ai f\u0103cut fat\u0103 cuminte?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201eN-am cu cine, \u00een pula calului\u201d, chicote\u015fti tu \u015fi, \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit, te apuci de rapoartele alea. Chit c\u0103\u2026 e vineri.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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