To\u0163i avem c\u00e2te unul \u00een lista de Facebook. Unii avem mai mul\u0163i \u015fi \u00eei \u201erul\u0103m\u201d, ca pe jointuri. Pe foarte scurt, circuitul scriitora\u015fului de Facebook \u00een lista de prieteni e urm\u0103torul:<\/p>\n
\u00ce\u0163i d\u0103 add.<\/p>\n Faza de curte<\/strong><\/p>\n Aici, specia se defalc\u0103, \u00een func\u0163ie de strategie.<\/p>\n Strategul zaharisit: o vreme e extrem de slugarnic, yesmanul personificat, \u00eencepi chiar s\u0103 te \u00eentrebi ce ascunde sub acest permanent \u201eda, st\u0103p\u00e2n\u0103\u201d \u015fi-l suspectezi de apuc\u0103turi masochiste. Nu are niciodat\u0103 o p\u0103rere proprie.<\/p>\n Strategul \u0163\u00e2fnos: intr\u0103 \u00een contact cu o atitudine de \u201eviitorul P\u0103unescu\u201d, \u00ee\u0163i spune c\u0103 scrii ok, dar po\u0163i mai mult, c\u0103 are preten\u0163ii de la tine, \u015fi c\u0103 el \u00eensu\u015fi are cinci manuscrise acas\u0103. De c\u00e2te ori d\u0103 o p\u0103rere pe peretele t\u0103u, ea are lungimea \u015fi tonul unui verdict. Lipse\u015fte doar cioc\u0103nelul de rigoare.<\/p>\n Faza de tatonare<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201e\u0102\u0103\u0103, uite\u2026 am \u015fi eu un manuscris, poate vrei s\u0103-l cite\u015fti?\u201d Dar de ce s\u0103-l citesc eu? Nu-s nici redactor-\u015fef, nici patron de editur\u0103, pierzi vremea cu mine. Caut\u0103 edituri pe net, trimite-le lor.\u201d \u201eOK.\u201d<\/p>\n Faza de bombardament agresiv<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00cen aceast\u0103 etap\u0103, la atitudinea scriitora\u015fului de Facebook se adaug\u0103 o doz\u0103 de ranchiun\u0103, c\u0103 nu ai vrut s\u0103 te \u00eembibi de savoarea unic\u0103 a crea\u0163iilor sale. Drept care:<\/p>\n 1. Posteaz\u0103 zilnic cinci poeme pe Wall, pe care te taguie\u015fte pe tine \u015fi al\u0163i 58 de prieteni. Fra\u0163ilor, literatura trebuie s\u0103 fie ca un seduc\u0103tor de\u015ftept. S\u0103 te atrag\u0103 at\u00e2t de lin \u00een capcan\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 nici nu-\u0163i dai seama cum ai ajuns acolo. Dac\u0103 literatura \u0163i se bag\u0103 cu sila \u00een g\u00e2t \u015fi te a\u015fteapt\u0103 pe dup\u0103 col\u0163 s\u0103-\u0163i arunce claia de litere \u00een cap, \u015fi inspir\u0103 spaim\u0103 \u015fi teroare prin insisten\u0163a obositoare a autorului ei, a\u0163i ratat complet ideea de art\u0103. Nu zic s\u0103 nu-\u0163i sharuie\u015fti pe Facebook crea\u0163iile, eventual mici teasere, dar at\u00e2t. Trebuie s\u0103 dai c\u00e2te pu\u0163in, s\u0103 faci omul s\u0103 doreasc\u0103 mai mult, nu s-o pui toat\u0103 flea\u015fc\u0103 pe tav\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 o \u00eende\u015fi \u00een ochii trec\u0103torilor.<\/p>\n Faza de ur\u0103 etern\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n De obicei, rabzi c\u00e2t rabzi, dar la un moment dat, rogi scriitora\u015ful de Facebook s\u0103 se dea jos de pe tine. Evident c\u0103 n-o va face. \u00cel rogi ceva mai ur\u00e2t. Aici, strategia se defalc\u0103 iar.<\/p>\n Strategii zaharisi\u0163i \u00een\u0163eleg \u015fi nu te mai taguiesc, nu te mai ha\u015ftaguiesc, nu te mai spameaz\u0103. Se retrag \u00een col\u0163i\u015forul lor de univers \u015fi fac p\u0103pu\u015fi Voodoo \u00een forma ta, pe care le \u00een\u0163eap\u0103 \u00een zona ficatului, ca s\u0103 nu po\u0163i tu s\u0103 mai bei.<\/p>\n Strategii \u0163\u00e2fno\u015fi te iau direct la \u00eenjur\u0103turi. \u201eCine te crezi, m\u0103, netalentato? Scrii ca o cizm\u0103. E\u015fti o cium\u0103 certat\u0103 cu gramatica \u015fi ai o mutr\u0103 de traseist\u0103 borc\u0103nat\u0103, f\u0103tat\u0103 \u00een staul!\u201d Pas\u0103mite, dac\u0103 te l\u0103sai taguit\u0103 la ultimul lui poem: \u201eMameloane de cle\u015ftar \u015fi laptele mirific\u201d, erai \u00een continare ok.<\/p>\n Post-unfriend<\/strong><\/p>\n Dup\u0103 ce scriitora\u015ful de Facebook \u0163i-a dat unfriend, tu, naivul, crezi c\u0103 nebunia s-a terminat. Dar te \u00een\u015feli. Uneori discu\u0163i lini\u015ftit\u0103 pe peretele unui amic \u015fi te pomene\u015fti cu un furios care-\u0163i spune, din senin, c\u0103 e\u015fti un antitalent \u015fi o curv\u0103 proast\u0103. Te \u00eentrebi de unde s-a prins. \u00cel \u00eentrebi de ce are chef s\u0103 se m\u0103soare-n buzdugane cu tine. Apoi \u00ee\u0163i spune c\u0103 numai un om f\u0103r\u0103 suflet \u015fi care a fost al\u0103ptat de Satana \u00eensu\u015fi ar refuza s\u0103 se lase taguit la \u201eMameloane de cle\u015ftar \u015fi laptele mirific\u201d. \u015ei c\u0103 din \u201ecauza la frust\u0103rile tale\u201d merge \u0163ara prost. \u00cei explici c\u0103 frustrarea e starea generat\u0103 de o lips\u0103 pe care n-o po\u0163i remedia \u015fi-l invi\u0163i s\u0103-\u0163i spun\u0103 ce i se pare c\u0103-\u0163i lipse\u015fte. Evident, nu are un r\u0103spuns: e ocupat s\u0103 te urasc\u0103 pe \u00eendelete.<\/p>\n \u015ei m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc cu triste\u0163e: c\u00e2t o fi oare de greu s\u0103 ob\u0163ii ni\u015fte adrese de editori, sau te editezi \u00een produc\u0163ie proprie, \u015fi s\u0103 nu stresezi oameni care nu-\u0163i datoreaz\u0103 nimic. Uite, \u015etefan Caraman a f\u0103cut-o cu una dintre c\u0103r\u0163i \u015fi a ie\u015fit chiar \u00een c\u00e2\u015ftig. Prietenii t\u0103i de Facebook pe care-i bagi cu nasul \u00een poezioar\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 voia lor like this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" To\u0163i avem c\u00e2te unul \u00een lista de Facebook. Unii avem mai mul\u0163i \u015fi \u00eei \u201erul\u0103m\u201d, ca pe jointuri. Pe foarte scurt, circuitul scriitora\u015fului de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9560,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/facebook.jpg?fit=500%2C434&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10138","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10138"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10139,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10138\/revisions\/10139"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9560"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n2. \u00ce\u0163i umple mailboxul cu crea\u0163ii literare unice, fabuloase \u015fi siropoase, eventual sub form\u0103 de Conversa\u0163ie de Grup, ca s\u0103 \u00eencasezi \u015fi \u00eenjur\u0103turile altor stresa\u0163i.
\n3. Te mai pistoneaz\u0103 din patru \u00een patru ore cu o mostr\u0103 de geniu pustiu, \u00een mesaj privat.
\n4. Te mai pistoneaz\u0103 din patru \u00een patru ore cu o mostr\u0103 de geniu pustiu, linkuit pe peretele T\u0102U, de parc\u0103 acesta s-ar fi transformat peste noapte \u00een pancarta publicitar\u0103 a ora\u015fului.
\n5. Pune un poem ilizibil, ilustr\u0103 crea\u0163ie reprezentativ\u0103 a curentului literar pe care criticii \u00eel vor conserva sub denumirea de onanism metafizic, apoi strig\u0103 \u00een comentarii dup\u0103 toat\u0103 lista de Facebook, p\u00e2n\u0103 ajunge la tine \u015fi \u00eei trimi\u0163i un poem f\u0103r\u0103 rim\u0103 din categoria hiperrealism argotic.<\/p>\n