Ieri am r\u00e2s cu spume. \u00cencepuse scandalul noului calendar Pirelli \u015fi pe Internetul rom\u00e2nesc \u015fi \u0163\u0103r\u0103nia noastr\u0103 specific\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi etala deja col\u0163ii \u00een glorie.
\nUna dintre cucoane d\u0103duse share cu un comentariu sup\u0103rat, din care citez aproximativ: “Dac\u0103 vreau s\u0103 v\u0103d frumuse\u0163i reale, m\u0103 uit \u00een oglind\u0103. \u00cen\u0163eleg c\u0103 acum e dezlegare la shaorma, m\u0103 duc s\u0103 bag \u00een mine!”
\nPas\u0103mite, pentru 2016, Pirelli, care p\u00e2n\u0103 atunci obi\u015fnuise lumea cu calendare lascive, \u00eenf\u0103\u0163i\u015f\u00e2nd modele anorexice \u00een pozi\u0163ii extrem de sexuale \u015fi cli\u015feice, a zis: stop. \u015ei a f\u0103cut un calendar cu femei vii, imperfecte, dar irezistibile, de la comediana Amy Schumer la tenismena Serena Williams \u015fi artista sincretic\u0103 Yoko Ono. <\/p>\n
—-<\/p>\n
Trec\u00e2nd de convingerea ferm\u0103 a cucoanei c\u0103 ea ar fi o “frumuse\u0163e real\u0103” – adic\u0103 una cu bur\u0163i, celulit\u0103 \u015fi cearc\u0103ne, dar nespus de gr\u0103itoare, \u00een pofida tuturor acestor aspecte – am r\u00e2s copios de partea cu shaorma. M\u0103icu\u0163\u0103, deci tu ai b\u0103lit la shaorma to\u0163i anii \u0103\u015ftia. Ai \u00eenghi\u0163it litri de saliv\u0103 proprie. Stomacul a \u00eenceput s\u0103-\u0163i clocoteasc\u0103 precum vulcanul (am tastat ini\u0163ial vulvanul, h\u0103h\u0103) de c\u00e2te ori treceai pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 shaormeria lui Abdullah. \u015ei totu\u015fi, tu te-ai \u0163inut tare. Ai rezistat eroic. Chinuit. Cu noduri. \u015ei ai suferit, dar ai \u0163inut \u00een tine. <\/p>\n
Pentru c\u0103 modelele \u00een calendarul Pirelli erau toate slabe ca a\u015fchiile. <\/p>\n
\u015ei acum, c\u0103 Pirelli pune o plinu\u0163\u0103 pe copert\u0103, subit, te sim\u0163i tr\u0103dat\u0103 \u00een fuga ta de shaorma. <\/p>\n
P\u0103i, nu te sup\u0103ra pe mine, dar \u0102H\u0102H\u0102H\u0102H\u0102H\u0102\u0102\u0102H. <\/p>\n
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAH! <\/p>\n
Din punctul meu de vedere, exist\u0103 dou\u0103 motive s\u0103n\u0103toase la minte pentru care un om renun\u0163\u0103 la shaorma \u015fi turbeaz\u0103 de poft\u0103 ani \u00een \u015fir. <\/p>\n
Primul motiv ar fi s\u0103n\u0103tatea. M\u0103n\u00e2nc ierburi \u015fi s\u00e2mburi pentru c\u0103 \u015ftiu c\u0103 astea au bog\u0103\u0163ie de vitamine \u015fi antioxidan\u0163i, care m\u0103 fac s\u0103 m\u0103 simt fabulos. Aleg un stil de trai care \u00eemi face corpul s\u0103 se bucure \u015fi s\u0103 se r\u0103sfe\u0163e \u00een pielea lui. Renun\u0163 la maionez\u0103 pentru c\u0103 ur\u0103sc s\u0103 m\u0103 simt grea. Ur\u0103sc s\u0103 trag de mine c\u00e2nd m\u0103 scol din pat. \u00cemi place s\u0103 fac \u0163up \u015fi s\u0103 ating tavanul. <\/p>\n
Al doilea motiv de bun sim\u0163 e profesia. Dac\u0103 e\u015fti actor sau orice alt\u0103 profesie care se desf\u0103\u015foar\u0103 pe o scen\u0103 \u015fi vrei s\u0103 creezi personaje zvelte, te \u0163ii de sport \u015fi dans \u015fi pozi\u0163ia c\u0103l\u0103re\u0163ei \u015fi multe alte zb\u00e2n\u0163uieli care te fac s\u0103 nu fii ridicol\u0103 \u00een personaje zvelte. <\/p>\n
\u00cen rest, fiecare are dreptul s\u0103 se l\u0103f\u0103ie pe c\u00e2te kilograme consider\u0103 c\u0103 i se potrivesc. Ai o singur\u0103 via\u0163\u0103, un calendar Pirelli care iese o dat\u0103 pe an \u015fi o imens\u0103 dragoste de shaorma. Ce e mai important pentru tine? S\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti fericit, r\u00e2g\u00e2ind a satisfac\u0163ie, sau \u00eentr-o etern\u0103 frustrare, dar privind cu \u00eenc\u00e2ntare spre Pirelli?<\/p>\n
—-<\/p>\n
Pe scurt, prea mult\u0103 lume vrea s\u0103 fie a\u015fchilopat de slab\u0103 din motivele gre\u015fite. Desigur, l\u0103barii nefutu\u0163i de pe internet o s\u0103 comenteze la orice poz\u0103 a unei domni\u015foare c\u00e2t de c\u00e2t mi\u015fto “ce gras\u0103 e\u015fti, f\u0103”, strict pentru c\u0103 sper\u0103 s\u0103-i alimenteze nesiguran\u0163a. Din furie pentru c\u0103 e prea mi\u015fto \u015fi-s \u015fomeri \u015fi n-au cu ce s-o scoat\u0103 \u00een ora\u015f.
\n Dar comentariul unui b\u0103rbat, sub aceast\u0103 poz\u0103 sharuit\u0103 cu curaj pe Facebook de comediana Amy Schumer, pe care kilogramele \u00een plus n-o fac s\u0103 fie mai pu\u0163in hazlie \u015fi nici mai pu\u0163in sexy, un b\u0103rbat pe bune, cu o rela\u0163ie vie, func\u0163ional\u0103, e mai mult dec\u00e2t gr\u0103itor: “Mul\u0163umesc, Amy. De c\u00e2nd m\u0103 chinui s\u0103-mi conving nevasta c\u0103 asta e frumuse\u0163ea.” <\/p>\n
—- <\/p>\n
Da, frate, un b\u0103rbat care v\u0103 iube\u015fte v\u0103 va iubi oricum. V\u0103 va iubi infam de grase, v\u0103 va iubi transparent de slabe, v\u0103 va iubi blonde, brunete sau chele, v\u0103 va iubi vesele sau ciufute, v\u0103 va iubi c\u00e2nd \u00eei face\u0163i sarmale \u015fi c\u00e2nd \u00eei comanda\u0163i pizza de pe net. De aia \u00eel doare \u00een pul\u0103 pe om c\u0103 \u0163i-ai f\u0103cut ceva la p\u0103r. El iube\u015fte ideea general\u0103 de tu. Detaliile sunt irelevante. <\/p>\n
C\u00e2nd un iubit v\u0103 va face comentarii acide de genul: Ai pus un kil, parc\u0103 nu-mi mai placi, e semn c\u0103 nu v\u0103 (mai) iube\u015fte foarte tare. Po\u0163i alege s\u0103 renun\u0163i la kil, dar va ap\u0103rea altceva. C\u0103 parc\u0103 ai \u0163\u00e2\u0163ele inegale. C\u0103 parc\u0103 ai ochii inegali. C\u0103 parc\u0103 ai labiile inegale. C\u0103 iar\u0103 n-ai \u015fapc\u0103. \u0102sta e un tip care, scuza\u0163i-mi franche\u0163ea, s-a s\u0103turat de p\u0103s\u0103rica voastr\u0103 ca de mere acre \u015fi g\u0103se\u015fte pretexte.<\/p>\n
Noi, femeile, punem condi\u0163ii pentru c\u0103 a\u015fa e natura noastr\u0103 de contestatare. B\u0103rba\u0163ii care iubesc nu pun condi\u0163ii. Pentru ei e suficient s\u0103 fii.
\nMai mult, nu i-au pl\u0103cut grasele p\u00e2n\u0103 la tine? Tu o s\u0103-l faci s\u0103 vrea s\u0103 fut\u0103 grase. Nu i-au pl\u0103cut blondele p\u00e2n\u0103 la tine? Tu \u00eel faci s\u0103 descopere frumuse\u0163ea de tip nem\u0163esc. Nu i-au pl\u0103cut proastele p\u00e2n\u0103 la tine? O s\u0103-l faci s\u0103 fie obsedat de modul \u00een care nu pricepi nici cea mai evident\u0103 glum\u0103 \u015fi de cum confunzi cuvinte \u00eentre ele \u015fi, la naiba, le nimere\u015fti mereu pe cele gre\u015fite. <\/p>\n
—-<\/p>\n
Acestea fiind spuse, da, frate, a venit vremea femeilor reale. Frumuse\u0163ea \u00eenceteaz\u0103 s\u0103 fie doar o lamp\u0103 sexy; frumuse\u0163ea \u00eencepe s\u0103 devin\u0103 expresie. <\/p>\n
Eu zic s\u0103 desfacem o \u015fampanie. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ieri am r\u00e2s cu spume. \u00cencepuse scandalul noului calendar Pirelli \u015fi pe Internetul rom\u00e2nesc \u015fi \u0163\u0103r\u0103nia noastr\u0103 specific\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi etala deja col\u0163ii \u00een glorie....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10151,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10150","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/schumerpirelli.jpg?fit=804%2C1080&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10150","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10150"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10161,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10150\/revisions\/10161"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10151"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}