Ieri, am fost la Auchan, s\u0103-mi fac shoppingul. La \u00eentoarcere, mi-a venit servit maxi taxi-ul, a\u015fa c\u0103 am urcat \u00een el. Am l\u0103sat \u00eenghesui\u0163ii s\u0103 se buluceasc\u0103 \u2013 n-am \u00een\u0163eles niciodat\u0103 b\u0103taia aia absolut vulgar\u0103 de la urcarea \u00een maxi \u2013 taxi; nu e ca \u015fi cum ar pleca f\u0103r\u0103 tine \u2013 \u015fi, ca ultim combatant, am \u00eenchis u\u015fa. \u015eoferul: \u201cCe zici, dr\u0103gu\u0163\u0103, ai \u00eenchis bine u\u015fa?\u201d
\nTrec peste iritarea adres\u0103rii de tip \u201cc\u00e2\u015ftigat la belciuge\u201d, redeschid u\u015fa \u015fi o mai \u00eenchid, tr\u00e2ntind cu sete. Dau s\u0103 o iau spre spate. \u0102sta, iar: \u201cA\u015fa, deci \u00ee\u0163i place cum ai \u00eenchis-o.\u201d M\u0103 \u00eentorc, cu un ton care cuprindea grijanii, anafuri \u015fi christo\u015fi mai ceva dec\u00e2t sf\u00e2nta liturghie: \u201cCare e problema, domnule?\u201d \u0102sta, u\u015for surprins, tace. Mda, par inofensiv\u0103 \u015fi u\u015for de mi\u015ftoc\u0103rit. \u201cP\u0103i, cum a\u0163i \u00eenchis-o, c\u0103 nu e bine!\u201d \u201cCe nu e bine!?\u201d rag eu. \u201c\u015etii tu mai bine. Dac\u0103 \u0163ie \u00ee\u0163i place cum ai \u00eenchis-o\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cLA NEBUNIE. SUNT FANUL PROPRIULUI MEU TALENT DE A \u00ceNCHIDE U\u015eI\u201d, zbier eu. \u201cCe dori\u0163i de fapt, s\u0103 face\u0163i schimb de caracteriz\u0103ri de mame cu mine!?\u201d<\/p>\n
Era doar un nemernic cu care am interac\u0163ionat cinci minute, \u015fi deja fierbeam de nervi. Pentru c\u0103 nu era un nemernic oarecare. Era tipologia aia odioas\u0103 de nemernic trecut\u0103 \u00een catastiful lui Satana la subtitlul \u201cLas\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu.\u201d<\/p>\n
Genul \u0103sta de crea\u0163ie extrem de nociv\u0103 a diavolului se caracterizeaz\u0103 prin nevoia perpetu\u0103 de a te face s\u0103 te sim\u0163i vinovat. \u015ei cel mai oribil e c\u00e2nd “las’ c\u0103 \u015ftii tu” nu \u0163i-e un accident la nimereal\u0103, ci o persoan\u0103 cu care e\u015fti silit s\u0103 te intersectezi zilnic.
\nDac\u0103 \u00eentr-o zi, nu te sim\u0163i vinovat, individul de tip \u201cLas\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu\u201d se culc\u0103 zbuciumat seara, pentru c\u0103 simte c\u0103 a fost o zi irosit\u0103. F\u0103r\u0103 \u00eencetare, tu faci ceva gre\u015fit, \u015fi, tot f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eencetare, e evident c\u0103 gre\u015fe\u015fti pentru c\u0103 e\u015fti prost, sau r\u0103u inten\u0163ionat, sau ambele, drept care guilty as charged.<\/p>\n
C\u00e2nd \u201cLas\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu\u201d are ceva concret s\u0103 te \u00eenvinov\u0103\u0163easc\u0103, zice: \u201cMi-ai dat foc la valiz\u0103 cu o brichet\u0103 mov!\u201d. Sau \u201cMi-ai periat castorul cu peria de WC!\u201d Deci, acuze cu subiect \u015fi predicat.
\nDar sunt \u015fi zile \u00een care astrele se aliniaz\u0103 ok, \u015fi tu chiar nu zici nimic interpretabil, chiar nu faci nimic nepotrivit \u015fi nevoia ta de armonie pare netulburat\u0103. Pentru a te face s\u0103 te sim\u0163i absolut oribil \u015fi \u00een aceste zile, a ap\u0103rut acuza preventiv\u0103.
\n\u201cCrezi c\u0103 e bine ce faci?\u201d Tu, deja cu nervii ferfeni\u0163\u0103, \u00een\u0163elegi c\u0103 nici ziua aia nu va trece f\u0103r\u0103 certuri. \u201cCe fac?\u201d \u201cLas\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu.\u201d \u201cNu, nu \u015ftiu. Te rog, dezvolt\u0103.\u201d \u201cP\u0103i, ia g\u00e2nde\u015fte-te. Hai, g\u00e2nde\u015fte-te bine ce ai f\u0103cut.\u201d
\n\u015ei turu-turu, bla-bla, consta\u0163i c\u0103 nemernicul te cic\u0103le\u015fte de jum\u0103tate de or\u0103, te trateaz\u0103 ca pe ultima cizm\u0103, \u015fi tu \u00eenc\u0103 n-ai aflat care-i problema.<\/p>\n
Cu nenea \u015foferul, am interac\u0163ionat exact cinci minute. Dar m-a \u00eengrozit g\u00e2ndul c\u0103 poate are nevast\u0103 acas\u0103 \u2013 sigur \u00eel \u00een\u015fal\u0103 cu unul care o face s\u0103 se simt\u0103 confortabil \u015fi pl\u0103nuie\u015fte s\u0103-i lase \u00eentr-o zi pe mas\u0103 un bilet: \u201cVasile, divor\u0163ez. Las\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu de ce! \ud83d\ude08 \ud83d\ude08 \ud83d\ude08 \u201c. Mai grav e c\u0103, dac\u0103 are copii, \u0103\u015ftia chiar se vor chinui s\u0103-i satisfac\u0103 exigen\u0163ele, iar \u201cLas\u2019 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu!\u201d va fi trauma vie\u0163ii lor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ieri, am fost la Auchan, s\u0103-mi fac shoppingul. La \u00eentoarcere, mi-a venit servit maxi taxi-ul, a\u015fa c\u0103 am urcat \u00een el. Am l\u0103sat \u00eenghesui\u0163ii...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10338,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10337","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/deget.jpg?fit=1545%2C1034&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10337","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10337"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10337\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10340,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10337\/revisions\/10340"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10337"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10337"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10337"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}