{"id":10393,"date":"2016-02-24T02:08:52","date_gmt":"2016-02-24T02:08:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=10393"},"modified":"2016-02-24T02:16:50","modified_gmt":"2016-02-24T02:16:50","slug":"top-10-piese-romanesti-la-care-sa-ti-bati-copiii-metaforic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/top-10-piese-romanesti-la-care-sa-ti-bati-copiii-metaforic\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 10 piese rom\u00e2ne\u015fti la care s\u0103-\u0163i ba\u0163i copiii (metaforic)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, iese din furnalele muzichiei rom\u00e2ne\u015fti c\u00e2te o imbecilitate. Dar o imbecilitate de-aia lugubr\u0103, de-\u0163i vine s\u0103-\u0163i dai foc la avu\u0163ie, s\u0103 te razi \u00een cap \u015fi s\u0103 te mun\u0163i pe Mutele Athos. Apoi \u00ee\u0163i aminte\u015fti c\u0103 acolo-s numai b\u0103rba\u0163i misogini \u015fi mai bine nu. Atunci \u00ee\u0163i vine s\u0103-\u0163i ba\u0163i copiii. Dar n-ai. Atunci \u00ee\u0163i vine s\u0103-\u0163i tai venele \u015fi s\u0103 le pui pe bigudiuri. Dar nu folose\u015fti. <\/p>\n<p>A nu se \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 am ceva cu autorii acestor piese. Fereasc\u0103-m\u0103 Dumnezeu. S\u0103 fie s\u0103n\u0103to\u015fi \u015fi la pung\u0103 gro\u015fi. Am ceva cu orele de oroare pe care le-au adus \u00een via\u0163a mea \u015fi pe care nimeni nu vi le va da \u00eenapoi. De asemenea, am cu radiourile care i-au dat iar. \u015ei iar. \u015ei iar. \u015ei iaaar. \u015ei iaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar. <\/p>\n<p>Nu includ piesele de rahat care n-au avut at\u00e2ta succes \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 ajung\u0103 s\u0103-mi zg\u00e2rie creierii cu \u015fmirghel de la acordul de deschidere. Ce nu \u015ftii nu te sup\u0103r\u0103. Dar astea zece sunt piese care l-au f\u0103cut pe Tony Popt\u0103ma\u015f \u00eensu\u015fi s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103 \u00een pumni \u015fi s\u0103 decreteze \u00eentr-un carton cu apus de soare \u015fi font Ariana Grande: <\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Iubi\u0163-i omenirea, c\u0103ci ea v\u0103 d\u0103 via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi v\u0103 \u00eembr\u0103\u0163i\u015feaz\u0103 cu mi-i de guri, \u015fi nu uita\u0163-i s\u0103 fii\u0163i oameni, dar \u00eenchide\u0163i \u00een pula mea radioul!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Deci, cele zece piese la care mi-am violat \u00een mod repetat urechile cu picam\u0103re sunt: <\/p>\n<p><strong>10. Mihail Sandu . &#8220;M\u0103 ucide ea&#8221;<\/strong> <\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/wqRuvmFfyag?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>De la acordul \u0103la fals-latino-muchacho-guapo de deschidere \u015fi la vocalul \u0103la de Ricky Martin closetat, totul url\u0103 a &#8220;wannabeeee&#8221;. Dac\u0103 vezi clipul, ai un motiv \u00een plus s\u0103-i ur\u0103\u015fti referin\u0163a la Abbey Road cu babe (Du-te-n pula mea, Mihail \u015eerban, tot internetul cunoscut a trecut Abbey Road \u015fi a f\u0103cut o poz\u0103 ironic\u0103 cu asta. Chit c\u0103 nimic din pies\u0103 nu aduce a Beatles s\u0103 justifice asocierea.<br \/>\nMai trebuie doar s\u0103 te bagi \u00een mare cu o bancnot\u0103 de un dolar s\u0103 ne faci \u015fi referin\u0163\u0103 la coperta celebr\u0103 a Nirvanei.)<br \/>\nPlus str\u00e2mb\u0103turile de Ricky Martin proasp\u0103t declosetat \u015fi bucuros de oaspe\u0163i. Te ucide ea? Mormal c\u0103 te ucide, pentru c\u0103 l-ai prefera pe el, dar el prefer\u0103 pe altcineva. <\/p>\n<p><strong>La ce a pl\u00e2ns Popt\u0103ma\u015f: <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;E totul \u00een vitez\u0103 \/ Delir c\u00e2t cerul de \u00eenalt&#8221;. <\/p>\n<p>Cum arat\u0103 un delir pitic? \u015ei mai important, cum m\u0103sori p\u0103s\u0103ri-l\u0103\u0163i-lungimea delirului? Dar viteza? \u00cen num\u0103r de cuvinte pe secund\u0103? Sau e un delir care a fugit de la B\u0103l\u0103ceanca \u015fi b\u00e2ntuie liber pe coclaurii patriei? <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Suntem \u00een antitez\u0103 \/ Subiec\u0163ii unui simplu joc murdar.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Frate, m\u00e2nca-te-ar tata. Antitez\u0103 \u00een limba rom\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eenseamn\u0103 opozi\u0163ie. Nu ai cum s\u0103 fii \u00een antitez\u0103 \u015fi \u00eentr-un joc murdar \u00een acela\u015fi timp. Dac\u0103 era\u0163i \u00een antitez\u0103, unul f\u0103cea joc murdar \u015fi cel\u0103lalt, ceai cald \u015fi oblojeal\u0103 pe sufletul r\u0103nit. Unul era \u00een vitez\u0103 \u015fi cel\u0103lalt dormea. Unul avea un delir \u00eenalt \u015fi cel\u0103lalt o t\u0103cere scund\u0103 \u015fi \u00eendesat\u0103. Capisci? <\/p>\n<p><strong>9. Lora &#8211; &#8220;Pui\u015for&#8221; <\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/oIHyVibVwVA?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>Pentru c\u0103 ni\u015fte manageri au decis c\u0103 publicul rom\u00e2nesc are nevoie de ceva repetitiv \u015fi asasinant de neuroni, cum e Stupid Hoe al lui Nicki Minaj, r\u0103spunsul a fost Lora. Piesa asta face c\u00e2ntecelele de pe Itsy Bitsy s\u0103 par\u0103 simfonii. Banal\u0103, monoton\u0103, univoc\u0103, goal\u0103, exact ca privirea Lorei c\u00e2nd se holbeaz\u0103 t\u00e2mp \u00een ecran \u00een timp ce face&#8230; nu mi-e clar ce. Videochat? <\/p>\n<p><strong>La ce a pl\u00e2ns Popt\u0103ma\u015f<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Cu inima nu te po\u0163i juca \/ Bate cum \u015ftie ea.&#8221; O echip\u0103 de cardiologi \u00eentruni\u0163i la locul faptei \u015fi-au exprimat acordul. Inima e un mu\u015fchi striat cu contrac\u0163ii automate. Motiv pentru care Popt\u0103ma\u015f a mai pl\u00e2ns o dat\u0103, pentru c\u0103 visa de mult la o echip\u0103 de intelectuali s\u0103-i confirme cuget\u0103rile.<br \/>\n&#8220;Dar nu-i a\u015fa u\u015for \/ S\u0103-mi fie mie dor&#8221;. Cred \u015fi eu. Dorul presupune inteligen\u0163\u0103. <\/p>\n<p><strong>8. Maximilian &#8211; &#8220;Domni\u015foare&#8221; <\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/X0h1b8jSns8?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>Enter sec\u0163iunea cocalari cu tupeu. Pick-up artists cocli\u0163i. Dac\u0103 arunca\u0163i un ochi pe contul asociat acestui link, ve\u0163i vedea c\u0103 comments are disabled \u015fi e u\u015for de b\u0103nuit de ce. De la acompaniamentul de manea obosit\u0103 pe care Gu\u0163\u0103 s-ar fi jenat s-o interpreteze, la alura de s\u0103m\u00e2n\u0163ar \u00een Rahova, zona blocuri multicolore, \u015fi p\u00e2n\u0103 la etern reluata tem\u0103 a faptului c\u0103 artistul o are mare \u015fi r\u0103muroas\u0103, drept care o \u00eemparte peste tot, c\u0103 are de unde, \u015fi e \u015fi idolu&#8217; la fomei. <\/p>\n<p><strong>La ce a pl\u00e2ns Popt\u0103ma\u015f<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;C\u0103 nu mai am niciun loc gol de parcare<br \/>\n\u0218i o s\u0103 parchez la ele \u00een dormitoare&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Realitatea de pe teren: Ie\u015fi afar\u0103 din casa mea cu trotineta, b\u0103i, pu\u0163oi. Acum am dat cu aspiratorul \u015fi am sp\u0103lat \u015fi cear\u015fafurile!! <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Te rog, deschide-mi garaju&#8217;<br \/>\n\u0218i spune-mi care-i etaju&#8217;<br \/>\nEu sunt \u00een trecere p-aici<br \/>\nZi, pot s\u0103 urc s\u0103-\u021bi stric machiaju&#8217;?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Cine are garaj cu etaj, sigur are Makeup Forever, iar Makeup Forever se \u015fterge doar cu demachiant de-\u0103la bifazic. M\u0103 \u00eendoiesc c\u0103 are cocalarul a\u015fa ceva. Sau c\u0103 \u015ftie diferen\u0163a fa\u0163\u0103 de crema de g\u0103lbenele cu care se d\u0103 m\u0103-sa pe b\u0103t\u0103turi. <\/p>\n<p>7. <strong>Vunk \u015fi Antonia &#8211; &#8220;Pleac\u0103&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/PGCt6JiWObw?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>C\u00e2nd am auzit prima oar\u0103 piesa asta, am refuzat s\u0103 cred c\u0103 e Vank, trupa aia mi\u015fto cu 1000 \u015fi cu Noapte de adio, care-mi pl\u0103cuse mie \u00een pruncie. Totul e gre\u015fit. De la r\u0103getul victorios de deschidere, neurmat de nimic pe m\u0103sur\u0103, la inflexiunile orientalo &#8211; mahalage\u015fti; de la lipsa absolut\u0103 a unei chimii sau a unui sentiment uman de orice fel \u00eentre personaje, la clipul stupid, care reu\u015fe\u015fte imposibilul: s-o ur\u00e2\u0163easc\u0103 pe Antonia. Cine a inventat boiala aia de trib african din prima jum\u0103tate a piesei \u015fi hauriul aplatizant de la final merit\u0103 un cazan special \u00een iad. <\/p>\n<p><strong>La ce a pl\u00e2ns Popt\u0103ma\u015f<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Am r\u0103mas ca un orb \/ Nu te mai v\u0103d la mine-n viitor&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Serios, nu te mai v\u0103d la mine-n viitor? Au fost-a topica rom\u00e2ne\u015ftii limbi mai aprig violat\u0103 \u015fi umilit\u0103? Reformulez: au topica violat\u0103 rom\u00e2ne\u015ftii umilit\u0103 limbi fost-a \u015fi? <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;\u00cen loc s\u0103 ne iubim \/ Ne purt\u0103m ca doi anonimi.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Pas\u0103mite, anonimii nu iubesc. Anonimii sufer\u0103 de autism \u015fi de sindromul Asperger. Trebuie s\u0103 ajungi la o oarecare notorietate s\u0103 sim\u0163i pl\u0103p\u00e2nd un sentiment \u00eenfirip\u00e2ndu-\u0163i-se \u00een inim\u0103. <\/p>\n<p>6. <strong>Anda Adam &#8211; &#8220;Amo&#8221; <\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2ysdePQ7fPA?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>Se iau: toate cli\u015feele posibile ale muzicii pop din toate timpurile. Ea care este cea mai sexy \u015fi rea, dar totodat\u0103 cea mai fidel\u0103 fat\u0103, fum, coregrafie la unison, sex, sex, sex, sex, latex, ciorapi cu plas\u0103, ochelari de soare, n-ai nimic pe sub tricou, craci, \u0163\u00e2\u0163e, vagin insinuat. Se amestec\u0103 la blender. Gata. <\/p>\n<p><strong>La ce a pl\u00e2ns Popt\u0103ma\u015f<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Am o inim\u0103 de dat<br \/>\nUnui singur b\u0103rbat<br \/>\nCare s\u0103 \u015ftie ce s\u0103 fac\u0103 L\u00c2NG\u0102 mine \u00een pat.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Ce? Solitaire pe tablet\u0103? Angry Birds pe mobil? Cro\u015fetat la patru andrele? Alte forme de lucru manual? <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Iubirea mea nu se vinde la metru p\u0103trat&#8221;. <\/p>\n<p>Aici mi-am amintit de bancul cu ginecologul care caut\u0103 vaginometrul c\u0103zut \u00een h\u0103u \u015fi se \u00eent\u00e2lne\u015fte cu un tip \u00een uniform\u0103:<br \/>\n-\u0102\u0103, ce \u00eent\u00e2lnire impromptu\u0103. Nu mi-a\u0163i v\u0103zut cumva vaginometrul?<br \/>\n-Dar dvs. nu mi-a\u0163i v\u0103zut mie armata?<\/p>\n<p>(Continuarea m\u00e2ine, \u00een cazul unui num\u0103r consistent de dona\u0163ii, c\u0103 e perioada aceea din lun\u0103. C\u00e2nd mi se termin\u0103 fardurile Makeup Forever \u015fi demachiantul bifazic.) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, iese din furnalele muzichiei rom\u00e2ne\u015fti c\u00e2te o imbecilitate. Dar o imbecilitate de-aia lugubr\u0103, de-\u0163i vine s\u0103-\u0163i dai foc la avu\u0163ie,&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10395,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/wtf.jpg?fit=620%2C400&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10393"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10393\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10402,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10393\/revisions\/10402"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10395"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}