{"id":10558,"date":"2016-03-21T06:55:14","date_gmt":"2016-03-21T06:55:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=10558"},"modified":"2016-03-21T07:19:14","modified_gmt":"2016-03-21T07:19:14","slug":"da-mananc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/da-mananc\/","title":{"rendered":"Da, m\u0103n\u00e2nc!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Not\u0103 introductiv\u0103: Mai nou, muieretul din blogosfer\u0103 simte nevoia s\u0103 se laude c\u0103 se fute \u015fi c\u0103 suge pula. Lucruri pe care orice om normal le face f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 se mire foarte tare c\u0103 le face \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 dea valoare de eveniment. Mie mi se pare o cer\u015fetorie de aten\u0163ie de un penibil crunt \u015fi m\u0103 \u00eentreb de ce respectivele dudui nu se filmeaz\u0103 f\u0103c\u00e2nd numitele activit\u0103\u0163i direct pe redtube, unde traficul atras ar fi cvintuplu. Lista mea nu e \u00eens\u0103 de acord cu mine, c\u0103 altfel nu le-ar \u015ferui pe numitele dudui \u00een draci. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u015ei atunci cedez. OK, poate eu sunt proasta. Dac\u0103 tot a devenit o mod\u0103 s\u0103 te lauzi cu lucruri normale, m\u0103 laud \u015fi eu.<\/em><\/p>\n

N-a\u0163i fi crezut niciodat\u0103 asta despre mine, \u015ftiu, dar eu m\u0103n\u00e2nc feroce, nes\u0103\u0163ios, cu toat\u0103 gura. Oh, da. \u00cent\u00e2i plimb delicat c\u00e2rnatul \u00een cercule\u0163e pe buza borcanului cu mu\u015ftar – neap\u0103rat cu hrean, c\u0103 a\u015fa-s eu, amatoare de picanterii. \u00cemi place s\u0103 simt \u00eempuns\u0103tura condimentului. Da, normal, pe limb\u0103. Limba mea e avid\u0103 de \u00eempuns\u0103turi. \u015ei \u00een afar\u0103, \u015fi \u00een\u0103untru.<\/p>\n

Ohh, \u015fi acum am lubrefiat c\u00e2rnatul cu suficient mu\u015ftar, simt nevoia s\u0103 mi-l \u00eendes p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een esofag. Nu, nu trahee, c\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 mor sufocat\u0103-n c\u00e2rnat. Nu-s at\u00e2t de nes\u0103tul\u0103. Vreau doar s\u0103-mi satisfac poftele devoratoare. Pofta de a devora care m\u0103 devoreaz\u0103 totodat\u0103. Devoratoarea devorat\u0103. See what I did there?<\/p>\n

Mu\u015fc necru\u0163\u0103tor, \u00eemi \u00eenfig dantura \u00een c\u00e2rnat de parc\u0103 ziua de m\u00e2ine nu ar exista \u015fi n-a\u015f mai avea nevoie de din\u0163i niciodat\u0103. Aud un urlet. Rahat, iar m\u0103 spioneaz\u0103 Gigi din blocul de vizavi cu un ochean \u015fi iar \u015fi-a proiectat feti\u015furile pe mine. B\u0103rba\u0163ii este porci ordinari. Dar c\u00e2t ambitus a f\u0103cut Gigi \u0103sta de c\u00e2nd m\u0103 spioneaz\u0103 zi de zi halind c\u00e2rnatul! R\u0103m\u00e2i prost.<\/p>\n

Nu pot a\u015fa. N-ai pic de intimitate cu c\u00e2rnatul t\u0103u. M\u0103 \u00eembufnez, pleo\u015ftesc c\u00e2rnatul \u00eenapoi \u00een farfurie \u015fi farfuria \u00eenapoi \u00een frigider. O s\u0103 merg la restaurant.<\/p>\n

“C\u00e2te persoane?” m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 boul de chelner.<\/p>\n

De ce trebuie neap\u0103rat s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nci cu persoane? Ce, m\u00e2ncatul e cumva dragoste, s\u0103 se fac\u0103 \u00een minim doi?<\/p>\n

“Mie \u00eemi place singur\u0103, domnule!”<\/p>\n

“OK, masa din col\u0163”.<\/p>\n

\u00centotdeauna e\u015fti pus la col\u0163 dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i admi\u0163i pl\u0103cerea de a te \u00eenfrupta singur.<\/p>\n

“Ciorb\u0103 de peri\u015foare, v\u0103 rog. Dar s\u0103 aib\u0103 bile.”<\/p>\n

Deja \u00eemi las\u0103 gura ap\u0103 c\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc cum o s\u0103 mi-o umplu cu bile mari, c\u0103rnoase \u015fi zemoase. Mmmm. S\u0103 le sug \u015fi s\u0103 le ling pe toate p\u0103r\u0163ile, ca o bestie r\u0103v\u0103\u015fit\u0103 \u015fi r\u0103v\u0103\u015fitoare.<\/p>\n

“N-avem.”<\/p>\n

“Ciorb\u0103 pui a la grec, v\u0103 rog.”<\/p>\n

Deja m\u0103 umplu toat\u0103 de saliv\u0103 pe interior c\u00e2nd \u00eemi imaginez cum ling sm\u00e2nt\u00e2na cremoas\u0103, strop cu strop.<\/p>\n

“Ne cerem scuze, n-avem.”<\/p>\n

“Ciorb\u0103 de legume.”<\/p>\n

Deja fream\u0103t\u0103 inima \u015fi ficatul \u00een mine c\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc cum o s\u0103-mi pescuiesc vinovat\u0103 m\u0103rar dintre din\u0163i.<\/p>\n

“Ne pare r\u0103u, n-avem”<\/p>\n

“La dracu’, aici e o gagic\u0103 fl\u0103m\u00e2nd\u0103!” \u0163ip eu la el. “Ce dracu’ ave\u0163i, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103?”<\/p>\n

“Domni\u015foar\u0103, noi suntem cofet\u0103rie. De ce nu v\u0103 uita\u0163i unde intra\u0163i?”<\/p>\n

Futu-i. C\u00e2nd m\u0103 macin\u0103 pornirile atavice ale foamei, intru pe prima u\u015f\u0103 \u015fi \u00eendes \u00een gur\u0103 ce-mi iese \u00een cale.<\/p>\n

“Perfect. Banana split, v\u0103 rog. Triplu banana split, mai exact. C\u0103 a\u015fa sunt eu, pofticioas\u0103. \u00cenghesui \u00een mine p\u00e2n\u0103 m\u0103 sparg.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not\u0103 introductiv\u0103: Mai nou, muieretul din blogosfer\u0103 simte nevoia s\u0103 se laude c\u0103 se fute \u015fi c\u0103 suge pula. Lucruri pe care orice om...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10559,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/banana.jpg?fit=397%2C297&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10558"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10561,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10558\/revisions\/10561"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}