Primim pe mail:<\/p>\n
Bun\u0103, Lorena,<\/em><\/p>\n Sunt X. \u015fi te citesc de o ton\u0103 de timp. M-a\u015f bucura foarte tare s\u0103 m\u0103 prime\u015fti \u015fi pe mine \u00een po\u015fta redac\u0163iei cu povestea mea de via\u0163\u0103, \u015fi eventual s\u0103-mi zici \u015fi o p\u0103rere prieteneasc\u0103.\u00a0<\/em> Eu : Vezi c\u0103 mergem la munte, s\u0103 nu ui\u0163i cheia de la chilo\u0163ii de tabl\u0103, de la nevast\u0103!<\/em> A doua zi, a venit. Eram deja preg\u0103tit\u0103, luasem vin \u015fi m\u0103 preg\u0103team s\u0103 \u00eel invit direct la mine acas\u0103. Ce at\u00e2ta cafea pentru un futai? S\u0103ndel m\u0103 sun\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eemi spun\u0103 c\u0103 e jos cu ma\u015fina \u015fi m\u0103 a\u015fteapt\u0103. A\u015fa c\u0103 i-am b\u0103gat un pretext s\u0103 \u00eel urc la mine, la vin.<\/em><\/p>\n Eu: \u0102\u0103\u0103\u0103…nu \u0219tiu cum s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i zic dar… mi s-a futut windows-ul la computer, \u015fi s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na asta \u015ftii c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 facem formularele alea pentru firm\u0103.<\/em> El: \u0218i cum s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i instalez?<\/em> Cobor, intru \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n El: N-am apucat s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc azi, am venit direct. \u0162ie \u0163i-e foame?<\/em> Vr\u0103jeal\u0103, b\u0103gasem la vin \u015fi whiskey s\u0103 prind curaj pentru cafeaua aia nenorocit\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n D\u0103 s\u0103 porneasc\u0103 ma\u015fina. \u00cel sun pe Alex, un amic. \u00cel sun ca s\u0103 \u00eel fac gelos, s\u0103 \u00eei v\u0103d reac\u0163ia. Vorbesc dou\u0103 minute cu Alex. Pe drum, S\u0103ndel sun\u0103 pe cineva \u015fi pune telefonul pe speaker. R\u0103spunde un tip. \u00cel \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 are Cd de windows s\u0103 \u00eei instaleze programul colegei lui (adic\u0103 mie). \u0102la zice c\u0103 \u00eel are. Mergem la \u0103la care st\u0103tea la mama dracului, afar\u0103 din Bucure\u015fti. \u00cei d\u0103 Cd-ul lui S\u0103ndel \u015fi ne \u00eentoarcem la mine, la 23 noaptea. Se pune la laptop \u015fi instaleaz\u0103 windows-ul cu prietenul lui \u00een telefon. O \u0163ineau \u00een conversa\u0163ii b\u0103ie\u0163ii. Eu, nervoas\u0103 c\u00e2t \u00eencape. <\/em><\/p>\n Termin\u0103 de instalat \u015fi \u00eemi repet\u0103 la nesf\u00e2r\u015fit ca o plac\u0103 stricat\u0103 c\u00e2t de norocoas\u0103 sunt! C\u0103 am avut noroc s\u0103 fie prietenul lui acas\u0103, c\u0103 \u00een general \u0103sta st\u0103 la gagic\u0103-sa \u00een Cluj. D\u0103 s\u0103 plece \u015fi \u00eemi arunc\u0103 a\u015fa \u00eentr-o doar\u0103: Cafeaua nu am mai b\u0103ut-o, dar r\u0103m\u00e2ne pe alt\u0103 dat\u0103. <\/em><\/p>\n Aaaa, deci nu e totul pierdut, m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc eu.<\/em><\/p>\n A\u015fa c\u0103 insist : Putem s\u0103 o bem \u015fi acum. <\/em><\/p>\n El: E cam t\u00e2rziu acum pentru cafea… pe alta dat\u0103. <\/em><\/p>\n \u0218i pleac\u0103.<\/em> \u00centr-o zi, m\u0103 nimeresc cu el la birou. Jovial ca niciodat\u0103. Plin de bancuri, a\u015fa deodat\u0103. M\u0103 duce cu ma\u015fina acas\u0103 dup\u0103 munc\u0103. Azi a\u015fa, m\u00e2ine tot a\u015fa, a treia zi \u00eemi zice ( \u00een drum spre cas\u0103) : N-am uitat de cafeaua aia \u015fi o s\u0103 o bem, dar nu \u015ftiu s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i zic exact c\u00e2nd. <\/em><\/p>\n M\u0103 umplusem de nervi. \u0102sta nici dup\u0103 at\u00e2ta timp nu \u015ftia c\u00e2nd. Iar el z\u00e2mbea. A\u015fa nevinovat.<\/em> ————<\/p>\n Drag\u0103 X.,<\/p>\n Din povestea ta remarc cu stupoare c\u0103 te por\u0163i de parc\u0103 acea cafea ar fi scopul ultim al rela\u0163iei voastre, nu omul. Ceea ce mi se pare cel pu\u0163in bizar. M\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc s\u0103-i invit pe cititorii blogului s\u0103 facem chet\u0103, s\u0103-\u0163i cump\u0103r\u0103m un pachet de cafea la jum\u0103tate de kilogram, s\u0103-\u0163i satisfacem mica hachi\u0163\u0103, s\u0103 te ajute s\u0103 vezi p\u0103durea cea de dincolo de acest infim cop\u0103cel.<\/p>\n Modul \u00een care l-ai ag\u0103\u0163at cu SMS-ul cu muntele e master move din \u015fcoala superioar\u0103 de gagici cu coaie. Bravo.<\/p>\n Felul \u00een care \u0163i-a r\u0103spuns stabilea clar coordonatele: Interesat, dar numai extraconjugal. Tu i-ai confirmat c\u0103 regulile jocului sunt OK pentru tine, p\u00e2n\u0103 aici a fost bine.<\/p>\n La prima \u00eent\u00e2lnire, iart\u0103-mi franche\u0163ea, dar te-ai purtat ca o cretin\u0103 absolut\u0103. \u015ei o lu\u0103m pe r\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n A) B\u0103rba\u0163ii sunt complec\u015fi \u015fi varia\u0163i. Dar, ca parteneri, se \u00eenscriu \u00een dou\u0103 tipologii principale: b\u0103rba\u0163ii gentlemani \u015fi b\u0103rba\u0163ii lurkeri. Iar tu, \u00eenainte s\u0103 te arunci cu SMS-ul, trebuia s\u0103 te prinzi c\u0103rei categorii \u00eei apar\u0163ine omul.<\/p>\n Pentru c\u0103, dac\u0103 un tip \u00ee\u0163i place, conteaz\u0103 s\u0103 \u015ftii s\u0103 \u00eei fii femeie, adic\u0103 tandr\u0103, cald\u0103 \u015fi adaptabil\u0103, s\u0103 te\u00a0aliniezi un pic la povestea lui, p\u00e2n\u0103 se relaxeaz\u0103.<\/p>\n Un b\u0103rbat gentleman e \u0103la care are nevoie de jocul seduc\u0163iei, s\u0103 se simt\u0103 b\u0103rbat. S\u0103 te duc\u0103 la un restaurant frumos, s\u0103-\u0163i spun\u0103 pove\u015fti de amor, s\u0103 cheme l\u0103utarii s\u0103-\u0163i c\u00e2nte Zaraza \u015fi s\u0103 cumpere trandafiri pentru tine. Exagerez, dar cam asta e linia general\u0103.<\/p>\n Lurkerul e \u0103la care vrea direct la tine sau la el, chilo\u0163ii jos, hai, ac\u0163iune. \u015ei aici exagerez, dar \u015fi aici, cam asta e linia general\u0103.<\/p>\n Un gentleman se va sim\u0163i ad\u00e2nc ofensat s\u0103-l tratezi ca pe un lurker. Ia-i pl\u0103cerea de a te seduce \u015fi va fi un copil c\u0103ruia i-ai luat juc\u0103rica. Un lurker va fi lovit \u00een calicenia lui ontologic\u0103 dac\u0103 ai a\u015ftept\u0103ri de gentleman. Va pl\u00e2nge pe la toate col\u0163urile c\u0103 femeile-s materialiste \u015fi curve. Ia-i pl\u0103cerea de co\u0163\u0103i cu vinu’ de la bunic\u0103-su de la \u0163ar\u0103 \u015fi va fi un copil c\u0103ruia i-ai luat juc\u0103rica.<\/p>\n De aceea e important s\u0103 STUDIEZI marfa \u00eenainte s\u0103 ac\u0163ionezi.<\/p>\n Error 1: Ai tratat un gentleman ca pe un lurker. Gre\u015feal\u0103 crunt\u0103, crunt\u0103.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Apoi, victima ta era un b\u0103rbat c\u0103s\u0103torit. Cu b\u0103rba\u0163ii c\u0103s\u0103tori\u0163i, treaba st\u0103 a\u015fa: ei au deja acas\u0103 o nevast\u0103 care-i pune s\u0103 duc\u0103 gunoiul \u015fi s\u0103 ia bere de la col\u0163. Calc\u0103 str\u00e2mb special pentru c\u0103 acas\u0103 nu se mai simt donjuani \u015fi nu mai pot cuceri.<\/p>\n C\u00e2nd tu l-ai a\u015fteptat de la sosire cu “Repar\u0103-mi aia”, toat\u0103 erec\u0163ia lui a murit, \u015fi s-a sim\u0163it b\u0103rbatul care duce gunoiul. Dac\u0103-i mai era \u015fi foame, \u015fi calcula s\u0103 te duc\u0103 la mas\u0103, i-a murit \u015fi erec\u0163ia din suflet, nu doar cea fizic\u0103. Dragostea trece prin stomac. Un stomac gol e profund \u015fi definitiv impotent.<\/p>\n Error 2: \u00cen loc s\u0103 fii sweet, cute \u015fi elegant\u0103, ca o garofi\u0163\u0103, tu l-ai f\u0103cut s\u0103 se simt\u0103 pus la munc\u0103. Foarte, foarte gre\u015fit.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n C\u00e2nd ai urcat \u00een ma\u015fina lui, ai \u00eenceput s\u0103-\u0163i dai telefoane cu altul. S\u0103 ne \u00een\u0163elegem. Tu. \u00cen ma\u015fin\u0103 cu \u0103la pe care \u00eel voiai. \u00cen loc s\u0103-\u0163i concentrezi energiile pe el. \u015ei s\u0103 construie\u015fti o poveste de dragoste. I-ai ar\u0103tat din primele secunde c\u0103 e irelevant \u015fi c\u0103 joci jocule\u0163e.<\/p>\n Mai ales dac\u0103 b\u0103rbatul e un gentleman, \u015fi se preg\u0103tea s\u0103-\u0163i ofere o sear\u0103 superb\u0103, chestia asta a fost o m\u00e2rl\u0103nie gratuit\u0103, inutil\u0103, penibil\u0103 \u015fi complet f\u0103r\u0103 rost. Logic c\u0103 a stat pe telefon cu al\u0163ii toat\u0103 seara. Dac\u0103 tot i-ai stricat absolut toate ploile, ai meritat-o cu v\u00e2rf \u015fi \u00eendesat.<\/p>\n Error 3: Exist\u0103 o form\u0103 particular\u0103 de prostie uman\u0103, prezent\u0103 la ambele sexe, care se traduce \u00een a nu \u015fti c\u00e2nd s\u0103 te opre\u015fti din jocule\u0163e de rahat \u015fi c\u00e2nd s\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti momentul.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Din clipa aia, pentru el, restul serii a fost un “futu-te-n-gur\u0103-futu-te-n-gur\u0103-futu-te-n-gur\u0103.” Nu \u00eel acuz cu nimic. Trebuia s\u0103 fii nervoas\u0103 pe tine, c\u0103 te-ai purtat ca o \u0163\u0103ranc\u0103 retardat\u0103, nu pe el, care se preg\u0103tise s\u0103 te trateze ca pe o lady.<\/p>\n \u015ei mai e un lucru. B\u0103rba\u0163ii timizi, de obicei, \u00ee\u015fi fac un scenariu al primei seri. Scenariu de zero spontaneitate. Scoate-i din scenariul \u0103la \u015fi r\u0103m\u00e2n complet descoperi\u0163i, ca ni\u015fte actori care \u015fi-au uitat replica.<\/p>\n Dac\u0103 e\u015fti interesat\u0103 de om \u015fi vrei s\u0103 ai ceva cu el, intr\u0103 \u00een scenariul \u0103la, s\u0103-l aju\u0163i s\u0103-\u015fi ias\u0103 din jena primei interac\u0163iuni. Ai tot timpul, dup\u0103, s\u0103 \u00eei ceri s\u0103-\u0163i repare \u0163evile \u015fi wc-ul defect, \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i desfac\u0103 borcane \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i monteze un candelabru de vibratoare \u00een dormitor.<\/p>\n —-<\/p>\n Dar se pare c\u0103 i-ai pl\u0103cut suficient \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103-\u0163i g\u0103seasc\u0103 scuze \u00een sinea lui pentru comportamentul de g\u00e2sc\u0103 b\u0103tut\u0103 \u00een cap, \u015fi a reap\u0103rut dup\u0103 c\u00e2teva luni. \u00cen prima sear\u0103, te-a dus acas\u0103 cu ma\u015fina. Aveai toate posibilit\u0103\u0163ile la tine. “Hai s\u0103 ne oprim pe drum la o salat\u0103”. “Hai p\u00e2n\u0103 sus la un ceai.” “Opre\u015fte ma\u015fina, vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 fu\u0163i acum.”<\/p>\n Tu, lemn. Dumnezeeeu prefer\u0103\u0103\u0103 lemnuuul.<\/p>\n Dup\u0103 dou\u0103-trei seri de lemn, \u0163i-a amintit de cafea \u00een glum\u0103. Ce \u0163i-a spus el, \u00een traducere liber\u0103 din rom\u00e2n\u0103 subtil\u0103 \u00een rom\u00e2n\u0103 de \u0163\u0103r\u0103nci proaste e: “F\u0103i, handicapato, noi aveam un flirt, \u00eel mai relu\u0103m?”<\/p>\n Tu ai dat-o moart\u0103, iar el, om de bun sim\u0163, a considerat c\u0103 r\u0103spunsul e “nu”.<\/p>\n \u015ei atunci a \u00eenceput s\u0103 se joace cu toate femeile din univers, s\u0103-\u0163i arate ce pierzi. A\u015fa-s b\u0103rba\u0163ii. Simt nevoia s\u0103-\u0163i deseneze ce pierzi, de parc\u0103 n-ai \u015fti.<\/p>\n Morala pove\u015ftii: uit\u0103 \u00een mor\u0163ii ei de cafea. Cred c\u0103 to\u0163i cititorii mei au un leu, iar Jacobs de 500 de grame e 17 lei la Auchan. \u00ce\u0163i lu\u0103m noi cafea pe trei luni, iar tu, sc\u0103pat\u0103 de fixa\u0163ia asta nes\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103, du-te la om \u015fi spune-i urm\u0103toarele:<\/p>\n Termin\u0103m \u015fi noi cu jocule\u0163ele de rahat secolul \u0103sta? Te plac, m\u0103 placi. Hai s\u0103 ac\u0163ion\u0103m \u00een consecin\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Primim pe mail: Bun\u0103, Lorena, Sunt X. \u015fi te citesc de o ton\u0103 de timp. M-a\u015f bucura foarte tare s\u0103 m\u0103 prime\u015fti \u015fi pe...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10147,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10680","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/t.jpg?fit=500%2C375&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10680","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10680"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10680\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10695,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10680\/revisions\/10695"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10680"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10680"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10680"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n La serviciu l-am avut coleg pe S\u0103ndel. Mereu sobru. Adic\u0103, nu era genul de tip cu care s\u0103 stai s\u0103 te ba\u0163i pe burt\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 faci caterinc\u0103. Mereu \u00ee\u015fi analiza colegii de la serviciu, uneori \u015fi pe mine (numai c\u0103 pe mine mai altfel). L-am observat cum se uita la mine discret, subtil. Ini\u0163ial, am zis c\u0103 mi se pare. Mereu generos s\u0103 conduc\u0103 colege de munc\u0103 acas\u0103. Pe mine niciodat\u0103. M\u0103 evita. La sf\u00e2r\u015fitul lui iulie, trebuia s\u0103 ne mut\u0103m sediul, \u015fi puteam nimeri la sucursale diferite, ne-am fi v\u0103zut foarte rar. A\u015fa c\u0103 m-am g\u00e2ndit s\u0103 \u00eei dau un sms, oarecum s\u0103 par\u0103 c\u0103 din gre\u015feal\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n
\n El : Cred c\u0103 ai gre\u015fit destinatarul, sau mergem la munte \u015fi eu nu \u015ftiu?<\/em>
\n Eu: Ha ha ha, glum\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103! Dar dac\u0103 insi\u015fti, mergem la munte!<\/em>
\n El: Cred c\u0103 glume\u015fti, din c\u00e2te te cunosc, nu te \u00eencurci cu lua\u0163i, iar eu nu sunt pe cale s\u0103 divor\u0163ez. Eu : Nu m\u0103 cuno\u015fti deloc, plus c\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 m\u0103rit, sunt prea t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103 pentru asta! Hai s\u0103 ne vedem \u015fi s\u0103 vorbim la o cafea, ce zici?<\/em>
\n El: La o cafea, sigur, oric\u00e2nd. M\u00e2<\/em>ine la 6? Acum nu sunt \u00een \u0163ar\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n
\n El: \u0218i ai Cd-ul de la Windows?<\/em>
\n Eu: Nu. <\/em><\/p>\n
\n Eu: \u2026.( pauz\u0103).<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Eu: Nu. Dar dac\u0103 vrei, mergem s\u0103 m\u00e2nc\u0103m\u2026<\/em>
\n El: Nu m\u0103n\u00e2nci acum, sau nu m\u0103n\u00e2nci \u00een general?<\/em>
\n Eu: Acum, numai ce am m\u00e2ncat.<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Dup\u0103 ce pleac\u0103, \u00eei trimit sms de mul\u0163umire, iar el \u00eemi repet\u0103 again c\u00e2t de norocoas\u0103 sunt. \u00cei spun c\u00e2t m-a\u015f bucura s\u0103 bem cafeaua aia… iar el \u00eemi r\u0103spunde: Da, nu au intrat zilele \u00een sac. Plin\u0103 de nervi, \u00eei zic: Asta sun\u0103 a v\u0103 sun\u0103m noi, adic\u0103 niciodat\u0103! El: Nu am vrut s\u0103 sune a\u015fa, dar am un program ciudat… promit s\u0103 nu fie ca \u00ee<\/em>n povestea cu v\u0103 sun\u0103m noi!<\/em>
\n Ne repartizeaz\u0103 la sucursale diferite. 5 luni de zile nu ne vedem. <\/em><\/p>\n
\n Zilele treceau, noi ne vedeam la munc\u0103. Dintr-o dat\u0103, omul sobru cocheteaz\u0103 cu toate muierile de acolo. Le cere num\u0103rul de telefon ( c\u00e2nd sunt eu de fa\u0163\u0103). Din nou m\u0103 evit\u0103 la munc\u0103, dar m\u0103 duce acas\u0103. Dar c\u00e2nd m\u0103 duce acas\u0103 cu ma\u015fina, pune telefonul pe speaker \u015fi converseaz\u0103 cu toate muierile, nu se sfie\u015fte c\u0103 sunt eu de fa\u0163\u0103 sau ceva. Ba parcheaz\u0103 ma\u015fina \u00een pant\u0103 \u015fi mie \u00eemi e greu s\u0103 deschid portiera care \u00eemi vine mereu \u00een fa\u0163\u0103 \u015fi par ultima penibil\u0103. Ba vede c\u0103 nu-mi mai merge bricheta \u015fi el st\u0103 cu bricheta lui \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103 l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine \u015fi se face c\u0103 plou\u0103.<\/em>
\nSe face juma’ de an de c\u00e2nd a zis c\u0103 nu a uitat de cafea si… pauz\u0103. O s\u0103 ies dracu’ la pensie p\u00e2n\u0103 d\u0103 \u0103sta o am\u0103r\u00e2t\u0103 de cafea. Sau dac\u0103 a zis-o strict de bun sim\u0163, mai bine t\u0103cea. La ce s\u0103-i mai aminte\u015fti uneia de cafea dac\u0103 nu vrei?”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n