{"id":10724,"date":"2016-04-17T09:46:12","date_gmt":"2016-04-17T09:46:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=10724"},"modified":"2016-04-17T09:46:12","modified_gmt":"2016-04-17T09:46:12","slug":"despre-par-pubian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/despre-par-pubian\/","title":{"rendered":"Despre p\u0103r pubian"},"content":{"rendered":"

P\u0103rul pubian mi s-a p\u0103rut \u00eentotdeauna sc\u00e2rbos, vulgar \u015fi neigienic. \u00cenc\u0103 de c\u00e2nd mi-a dat primul firicel, am \u00eencercat o discu\u0163ie cu mama, c\u0103 p\u0103rul de pe corp e ur\u00e2t \u015fi dezgust\u0103tor – de\u015fi cucoanele de v\u00e2rsta ei fuseser\u0103 crescute \u00een perioada lui Ceau\u015fescu \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 umblau \u00een autobuz cu ditamai bob marley-ul la subsuoar\u0103 \u015fi la mare, de sub chilot, mijea glorios carlos valderrama.<\/p>\n

\"valderrama\"<\/p>\n

“Pentru o imagine complet\u0103 a p\u0103rului meu, \u00eencerca\u0163i o filmare din elicopter.” (Carlos Valderrama)\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mama, evident, s-a crizat teribil. “Ceee? Copilul meu s\u0103 se rad\u0103 ca o curv\u0103? Nu! NUU!”<\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 instinctele de curv\u0103, cum se vede, sunt ad\u00e2nc implantate \u00een om, a\u015fa c\u0103 am folosit la fiecare baie aparatul de ras al bunicului, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd s-a prins el c\u0103 ceva e \u00een neregul\u0103 \u015fi, de ziua mea, mi-a f\u0103cut cadou un aparat nou-nou\u0163, cu 5 pache\u0163ele de lame.<\/p>\n

\u015ei s-a \u015fi r\u0103stit la mama: “Las-o pe fiic\u0103-ta s\u0103 fie femeie!”<\/p>\n

De unde deducem c\u0103, dac\u0103 o femeie vrea s\u0103 se emancipeze, uneori \u00eei sunt mai de ajutor b\u0103rba\u0163ii din apropiere dec\u00e2t alte femei. Dar divaghez.<\/p>\n

A\u015fadar, de pe la 14 ani, mi-am \u00eendep\u0103rtat cu furie \u015fi vehemen\u0163\u0103 orice urm\u0103 de p\u0103r, prin toate mijloacele posibile, lam\u0103, Silkepil, cear\u0103, nu conteaz\u0103, curat s\u0103 fie.<\/p>\n

Apoi, anul trecut, la un moment dat, am prins o traducere mare, lung\u0103 \u015fi groas\u0103, care trebuia gata repede. Gen, 30.000 de semne pe zi, s-o termin la timp. Orice traduc\u0103tor profesionist \u015ftie c\u0103 asta e munc\u0103 de diminea\u0163a p\u00e2n\u0103 seara, cu zero drumuri parazitare. \u015ei nu m-am mai dus \u00een zilele alea la epilat, c\u0103 nu m\u0103 puteam lipsi de cele trei ore: dus, stat dup\u0103 al\u0163ii, opera\u0163ia propriu-zis\u0103, \u00eentors.<\/p>\n

M\u0103 trezeam, m\u0103 azv\u00e2rleam sub du\u015f, m\u0103 sp\u0103lam \u00een 30 de secunde, aruncam o \u0163oal\u0103 pe mine \u015fi m\u0103 puneam direct la lucru.<\/p>\n

Am livrat opera la timp, corect\u0103, recitit\u0103 \u015fi impecabil\u0103, \u015fi m-am culcat. Trecuser\u0103 dou\u0103 luni de neie\u015fit din cas\u0103 dec\u00e2t cu treburi.<\/p>\n

Diminea\u0163a, m-am b\u0103gat la du\u015f ca de obicei, dar, nemaiav\u00e2nd treab\u0103, de data asta, am f\u0103cut o baie lung\u0103, spumoas\u0103 \u015fi parfumat\u0103, ca o lady. \u015ei atunci am descoperit c\u0103 \u00eemi crescuse p\u0103r pubian ca \u00een filmele porno din anii 70.<\/p>\n

Ceea ce f\u0103cea diferen\u0163a, \u00eens\u0103, era nuan\u0163a.<\/p>\n

Culoarea mea adev\u0103rat\u0103 din cap e un blond sp\u0103l\u0103cit, care nu are leg\u0103tur\u0103 nici cu tenul, nici cu ochii mei negri. De aceea, \u00een pozele vechi, dinainte s\u0103 devin definitiv brunet\u0103, ar\u0103t de o banalitate absolut\u0103 \u015fi o lips\u0103 crunt\u0103 de jenesecoa.<\/p>\n

Ei, bine, \u015fi p\u0103rul pubian cu care f\u0103ceam acum cuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103 prima oar\u0103 era tot blond, dar blond auriu. Cea mai frumoas\u0103 nuan\u0163\u0103 de blond din via\u0163a mea. Str\u0103lucitor, m\u0103t\u0103sos, cre\u0163. M\u0103 uitam la el ca la o minune. Mi s-au umplut ochii de lacrimi amare.<\/p>\n

Uite, caz clasic de tragedie. Cum e s\u0103 ai p\u0103rul potrivit la locul nepotrivit.<\/p>\n

\u00cen cele din urm\u0103, mi-am luat inima \u00een din\u0163i \u015fi benzile de cear\u0103 \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, my friend, dar trebuie s\u0103 te sacrific pe altarul arogan\u0163ei mele. Poate \u00eentr-o via\u0163\u0103 viitoare cre\u015fti \u015fi tu unde trebuie.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

—–
\n
\nPentru mai multe zone interzise, ad\u0103uga\u0163i o moned\u0103 \u00een jukebox.<\/em><\/p>\n

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P\u0103rul pubian mi s-a p\u0103rut \u00eentotdeauna sc\u00e2rbos, vulgar \u015fi neigienic. \u00cenc\u0103 de c\u00e2nd mi-a dat primul firicel, am \u00eencercat o discu\u0163ie cu mama, c\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10725,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/kelly-brook.jpg?fit=615%2C409&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10724"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10731,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724\/revisions\/10731"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}