{"id":11223,"date":"2016-08-16T05:47:52","date_gmt":"2016-08-16T05:47:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=11223"},"modified":"2016-08-16T05:47:52","modified_gmt":"2016-08-16T05:47:52","slug":"sase-motive-gresite-pentru-a-deveni-mama-si-unul-corect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/sase-motive-gresite-pentru-a-deveni-mama-si-unul-corect\/","title":{"rendered":"\u015ease motive gre\u015fite pentru a deveni mam\u0103. \u015ei unul corect."},"content":{"rendered":"

F\u0103ceam curat \u00een computer, c\u00e2nd am descoperit articolul \u0103sta scris acum ceva ani. Nu scriam r\u0103u. Enjoy.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ieri, am ie\u015fit la cafea cu o ga\u015fc\u0103 de fete. \u015ei, din vorb\u0103 \u00een vorb\u0103, din subiect de r\u00e2s \u00een subiect de r\u00e2s, toate am descoperit c\u0103 am avut copil\u0103rii oribile. De ce? Pentru c\u0103, nu \u015ftiu cum se face, dar toate mamele noastre au ales s\u0103 ne aib\u0103 din motive absolut ridicole. Pentru a scuti al\u0163i poten\u0163iali copii de copil\u0103rii dezastruoase ca ale noastre, iat\u0103 o trecere \u00een revist\u0103 a motivelor absolut eronate pentru maternitate. Motive care nu las\u0103 \u00een urm\u0103 dec\u00e2t o femeie frustrat\u0103, cu o povar\u0103 de g\u00e2t, \u015fi un copil care-\u015fi petrece primii doisprezece ani din via\u0163\u0103 dorindu-\u015fi s\u0103 nu se fi n\u0103scut, pentru c\u0103 simte \u00een mod acut faptul c\u0103 deranjeaz\u0103. Deci, fetelor, iat\u0103 de ce s\u0103 NU contribui\u0163i la cre\u015fterea popula\u0163iei Terrei (care, oricum, e deja suprapopulat\u0103).<\/p>\n

1. Presiunea partenerului<\/strong><\/p>\n

Din motive care difer\u0103 de la caz la caz, mul\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i prefer\u0103 s\u0103-\u015fi \u015ftie nevasta ocupat\u0103. Fie c\u0103 ideea c\u0103 \u015fi ea are o carier\u0103 \u00eei calc\u0103 grav pe nervi, \u015fi-i face s\u0103 se simt\u0103 mai pu\u0163in \u201ecapul familiei\u201d, fie c\u0103 vor s\u0103 calce str\u00e2mb \u015fi o femeie cu timp liber e mai vigilent\u0103 dec\u00e2t una care a stat toat\u0103 noaptea s\u0103 aline pruncul din or\u0103c\u0103itul inexplicabil, cert e c\u0103 mul\u0163i, foarte mul\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i ajung s\u0103-\u0163i explice dup\u0103 un timp c\u0103 e datoria ta s\u0103 na\u015fti pui vii \u015fi s\u0103-i hr\u0103ne\u015fti cu lapte, c\u0103 de-aia te-a f\u0103cut Dumnezeu mamifer.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 cedezi, s\u0103tul\u0103 de insisten\u0163e sau speriat\u0103 c\u0103 te va p\u0103r\u0103si, toate spumele tale pentru nop\u0163i albe, mameloane iritate, kilograme \u00een plus se transfer\u0103 asupra bietei fiin\u0163e absolut nevinovate, care n-a cerut s\u0103 se nasc\u0103. De aceea, noi, comitetul copiilor neiubi\u0163i, te implor\u0103m: nu o face. Tr\u0103ie\u015fte-\u0163i via\u0163a, ie\u015fi prin discoteci, f\u0103 sex cu cine-\u0163i place, distreaz\u0103-te \u015fi f\u0103 copii dup\u0103 ce \u0163i-ai potolit toate curiozit\u0103\u0163ile. M\u0103car vei \u015fti s\u0103 dai sfaturi realiste despre sex, c\u00e2nd copilul va face 14 ani, nu sfaturi de muiere frustrat\u0103, care \u00ee\u015fi \u00eenvinuie\u015fte incon\u015ftient copilul pentru tot ce a pierdut. Iar dac\u0103 boul nu \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 tu nu e\u015fti preg\u0103tit\u0103 pentru a renun\u0163a la be\u0163iile de la ora 3, p\u0103r\u0103se\u015fte-l. Adev\u0103rata dragoste \u00eenseamn\u0103 s\u0103 \u00een\u0163elegi. Nu s\u0103 impui.<\/p>\n

2. Nevoia de \u015fantaj<\/strong><\/p>\n

Multe femei se simt insuficient iubite \u015fi atunci, mecanismul din capul lor e urm\u0103torul: \u201eDac\u0103 \u00eei torn lui Vasile un plod, sigur va fi mai iubitor, mai afectuos, m\u0103 va c\u0103uta \u00een coarne \u015fi se va umple subit de responsabilitate p\u0103rinteasc\u0103.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 Vasile ar avea de g\u00e2nd s\u0103 se comporte iubitor, ar face-o pur \u015fi simplu. Un b\u0103rbat care te iube\u015fte, te iube\u015fte. \u015ei motorina respectivei iubiri e \u00een el \u015fi \u00een tine. \u00cen nici un caz \u00een instrumente de \u015fantaj cum ar fi \u201eoops, b\u0103, Vasile, sunt \u00een luna a patra, ce facem?\u201d<\/p>\n

Iar dac\u0103 Vasile nu mai e iubitor, poate nu mai simte nevoia s\u0103 fie. Poate rela\u0163ia s-a consumat \u015fi nu-l mai atragi. Se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103. Poate a\u015fa e felul de a fi al lui Vasile. Te-a curtat un timp, te-a avut, i-a trecut euforia \u015fi a revenit la stilul nep\u0103s\u0103tor pe care tu nu i-l \u015ftiai. E mult mai simplu s\u0103-i spui: \u201eB\u0103i, Vasile, m\u0103 deranjeaz\u0103 c\u0103 nu e\u015fti iubitor, putem face ceva \u00een privin\u0163a asta sau ne c\u0103ut\u0103m, fiecare \u00een parte, parteneri iubitori?\u201d, dec\u00e2t s\u0103 faci copilul, s\u0103 descoperi c\u0103 burta \u015fi depresiile tale de gravid\u0103 \u00eel mut\u0103 definitiv la m\u0103-sa, apoi s\u0103 te r\u0103zbuni ani \u00een \u015fir pe biata f\u0103ptur\u0103 inocent\u0103 c\u0103 a fost un instrument de \u015fantaj neadecvat.<\/p>\n

3. Spiritul de turm\u0103 <\/strong><\/p>\n

AKA: Toat\u0103 lumea face chestia asta, deci trebuie s-o faci \u015fi tu.<\/em><\/p>\n

Cred c\u0103 principalul motiv al nefericirii profunde a celor mai mul\u0163i oameni este c\u0103 pierd timpul \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 se alinieze la ce face toat\u0103 lumea, \u00een loc s\u0103 identifice ceea ce-\u015fi doresc ei, ca personalit\u0103\u0163i de sine st\u0103t\u0103toare.<\/p>\n

Eu am sim\u0163it c\u0103 \u00eencep s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc abia \u00een clipa \u00een care am rupt leg\u0103tura cu to\u0163i cei care-mi spuneau ce trebuie OBLIGATORIU s\u0103 fac (pe baz\u0103 de \u201ctoat\u0103 lumea\u201d sau pe baz\u0103 de \u201cvecina noastr\u0103 de la trei\u201d) \u015fi am luat-o pe cont propriu.<\/p>\n

Hai s\u0103 zicem, dac\u0103 toat\u0103 lumea poart\u0103 de m\u00e2ine pantaloni mov cu pene pe fese, e\u015fti doar ridicol, dar nu doare. \u00cen schimb, s\u0103 accep\u0163i lungul \u015fi durerosul proces al maternit\u0103\u0163ii doar pe baz\u0103 de \u201ctoat\u0103 lumea\u201d, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-\u0163i asumi ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 de fapt, e o t\u00e2mpenie major\u0103. Evident c\u0103 tot pe bietul copil te r\u0103zbuni pentru c\u0103 \u0163i-ai luat povara lui pe g\u00e2t s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 cazi din r\u00e2ndul lumii. Nicidecum pe propriul t\u0103u spirit conformist. \u201cMai bine nu te aveam!\u201d \u201cEi, uite, \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit un punct \u00een care suntem de acord!\u201d
\n
\n4. Nevoia de animal de companie<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201eTe-am f\u0103cut pentru c\u0103 m\u0103 sim\u0163eam singur\u0103 \u015fi ne\u00een\u0163eleas\u0103\u201d. \u201e\u015ei ce trebuia s\u0103 fac eu, un sugar incapabil de sunete articulate?\u201d, m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 prietena mea. \u201eS\u0103 trec direct la Sigmund Freud?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cert e c\u0103, \u00een clipa \u00een care ai ap\u0103rut pe lume s\u0103 fii leac de singur\u0103tate cuiva, e\u015fti tratat, de mic, ca o ustensil\u0103. Nim\u0103nui nu-i d\u0103 prin cap ideea vag\u0103 c\u0103, eventual, \u015fi tu e\u015fti o fiin\u0163\u0103 uman\u0103 cu personalitate proprie. Trebuie s\u0103-\u0163i plac\u0103 ce-i place ei, trebuie s\u0103-\u0163i displac\u0103 ce-i displace ei, fiecare p\u0103rere personal\u0103 e pedepsit\u0103 aspru \u015fi fiecare ini\u0163iativ\u0103 d\u0103 na\u015ftere la scene de cruzime familial\u0103.<\/p>\n

Mda. Eu am animal de companie, nu copil, \u015fi tot nu-l sufoc \u00een halul \u0103sta. Nu-l silesc s\u0103 fie vesel c\u00e2nd sunt eu vesel\u0103, s\u0103 fie obosit c\u00e2nd sunt eu obosit\u0103 \u015fi pup\u0103cios c\u00e2nd am eu porniri afectuoase. Brutalizarea st\u0103rilor cuiva, ignorarea nevoilor lui mi se pare cea mai cras\u0103 form\u0103 de neiubire. Ajunge s\u0103 te ui\u0163i la pisoi \u015fi-\u0163i dai seama c\u0103 moare de somn \u015fi c\u0103 e \u00een regul\u0103 s\u0103-l la\u015fi s\u0103 doarm\u0103. Cred sincer c\u0103 lucrul \u0103sta e valabil \u015fi pentru copii.<\/p>\n

5. Nevoia de a exercita autoritate<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201eLa ea la serviciu, maic\u0103-mea era ciuca b\u0103t\u0103ilor de joc\u201d, poveste\u015fte o alt\u0103 prieten\u0103. \u201eToat\u0103 copil\u0103ria, am avut senza\u0163ia c\u0103 m-a f\u0103cut din nevoie de compensa\u0163ie. S\u0103 simt\u0103 \u015fi ea c\u0103 poate s\u0103-\u015fi \u015ftearg\u0103 cizmele de cineva.\u201d<\/p>\n

Simptomele pe care le descrie sunt u\u015for ciudate, \u00eentr-adev\u0103r. \u00centre patru ochi, maic\u0103-sa se purta normal. Dar de cum ap\u0103rea o a treia persoan\u0103 la orizont, devenea o scorpie, \u00eencepea s\u0103 \u0163ipe la fiic\u0103-sa, s\u0103-i dea ordine \u015fi s-o urecheze. Am observat \u015fi eu, \u00een fast \u2013 food-uri \u015fi hipermarketuri, tendin\u0163a unor p\u0103rin\u0163i de a se transforma \u00een factori de nesf\u00e2r\u015fit scandal \u015fi de a-\u015fi teroriza cu r\u0103cnete odraslele, pentru nimica toat\u0103. De fiecare dat\u0103, \u00eemi vine s\u0103 le dau cu co\u015ful plin de marf\u0103 \u00een cap. \u201eBietul copil n-are nici o vin\u0103 c\u0103 e\u015fti tu o jigodie \u00eenn\u0103scut\u0103; las\u0103-l naibii \u00een pace!\u201d
\n
\n6. Nevoia de a-\u015fi \u00eemplini visele prin reprezentant.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Poate \u0163i-ai dorit s\u0103 fii c\u00e2nt\u0103rea\u0163\u0103 de oper\u0103 \u015fi nu te-a l\u0103sat taic\u0103-tu, c\u0103 f\u0103ceai familia de r\u00e2s \u00een fa\u0163a vecinilor. Poate \u0163i-ai dorit un so\u0163 milionar, dar nu te-a luat dec\u00e2t Gic\u0103 de la matri\u0163erie, \u015fi el beat, pe \u00eentuneric. \u015ei str\u00e2ngi din din\u0163i \u015fi zici: \u201eN-am ajuns foarte departe, dar o s\u0103 fac eu o fat\u0103, iar ea o s\u0103\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Genul \u0103sta de mam\u0103 \u015ftie ce \u015fcoli TREBUIE s\u0103 faci, ce liceu, ce facultate, eventual ce haine s\u0103 por\u0163i, cu ce b\u0103rba\u0163i s\u0103 discu\u0163i \u015fi ce s\u0103 le spui. \u201eDar, mam\u0103, pl\u0103cerea mea e s\u0103 desfund bude!\u201d \u201eTU FACI CE ZIC EU, EU \u015eTIU CE E CEL MAI BINE PENTRU TINE!\u201d<\/p>\n

Serios, oameni buni, femei dragi, \u00eemplini\u0163i-v\u0103 visele. Pentru voi. Pute\u0163i fi ce vre\u0163i voi \u00een via\u0163\u0103, dac\u0103 pune\u0163i osul la treab\u0103. Omul este adaptabil, flexibil, maleabil \u015fi ductil \u2013 v-o zice una care a vorbit ungure\u015fte \u00een familie toat\u0103 via\u0163a \u015fi a ajuns scriitor de limb\u0103 rom\u00e2n\u0103. Nimic nu e imposibil, dac\u0103 vrei ceva \u015fi faci eforturi sus\u0163inute pentru a pune acel ceva \u00een practic\u0103. Nu chinui\u0163i un suflet nevinovat, r\u0103pindu-i dreptul la propria identitate. Nu-l pune\u0163i s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi poarte cu voi primele r\u0103zboaie din via\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Iar dac\u0103 nu sunte\u0163i preg\u0103ti\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 obi\u015fnui\u0163i cu ideea c\u0103 \u0103la mic \u015fi pufos e tot un om, care m\u00e2ine va \u015fti sigur c\u0103 prefer\u0103 s\u0103 se retrag\u0103 \u00een mun\u0163i \u015fi s\u0103 exploreze pe\u015fteri toat\u0103 via\u0163a, de exemplu, \u015fi nu s\u0103 devin\u0103 expert contabil, s\u0103 v\u0103 compenseze vou\u0103 frustr\u0103rile, nu face\u0163i copii. Mai maturiza\u0163i-v\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u201cDar, Lorena, ai zis c\u0103 ne dai \u015fi un motiv corect!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSir, yes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unicul motiv corect pentru a avea copii e: OK, pot s\u0103 \u00eemi asum, ba chiar \u00eemi doresc responsabilitatea de a iubi \u015fi a educa o viitoare fiin\u0163\u0103 uman\u0103. Mi-am tr\u0103it suficient de mult via\u0163a, \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 nu regret c\u0103 voi sacrifica timp \u015fi bani \u00eengrijindu-l. Pot accepta g\u00e2ndul c\u0103, dup\u0103 ce va \u00eencepe s\u0103 g\u00e2ndeasc\u0103 de sine st\u0103t\u0103tor, va avea idei diferite \u2013 e chiar recomandat s\u0103 le aib\u0103. Am \u00een mine un surplus de dragoste; a sosit timpul s\u0103 capete o form\u0103.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

F\u0103ceam curat \u00een computer, c\u00e2nd am descoperit articolul \u0103sta scris acum ceva ani. Nu scriam r\u0103u. Enjoy. Ieri, am ie\u015fit la cafea cu o...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10495,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/mom.gif?fit=200%2C295&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11223","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11223"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11223\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11224,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11223\/revisions\/11224"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10495"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11223"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11223"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11223"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}