{"id":11372,"date":"2016-09-26T10:59:32","date_gmt":"2016-09-26T07:59:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=11372"},"modified":"2016-09-26T10:59:32","modified_gmt":"2016-09-26T07:59:32","slug":"un-scandal-monstruos-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/un-scandal-monstruos-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Un scandal monstruos 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Din episodul precedent (<a href=\"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/un-scandal-monstruos\/\">aici<\/a>.) <\/p>\n<p>Tema: \u00centr-o noapte, \u00eentr-o c\u00e2rcium\u0103 are loc un scandal.<\/p>\n<p>Varia\u0163iunile: \u00cen cele ce urmeaz\u0103, vom urm\u0103ri reclama\u0163iile mai multor martori prezen\u0163i (mai mult sau mai pu\u0163in) la eveniment.<\/p>\n<p>2. Chelnerul irascibil <\/p>\n<p>Subsemnatu\u2019 Nelu Robocop Lingurar, care mie-mi zice lumea \u015fi Pi\u015fpiric\u0103, da\u2019 nu-n\u0163eleg de ce! C\u0103 eu nu sunt vinovat c\u0103 am crescut doar p\u00e2n\u0103 aici \u015fi se \u015ftieee c\u0103 to\u0163i marii b\u0103rba\u0163i din istorie au fost mici. \u015eti\u0163i vorba aia, c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii-s ca sticlele de parfum cu esen\u0163a tare sau a\u015fa ceva. M\u0103 rog, to\u0163i prietenii mei \u015ftie c\u0103-s mic, dar dac\u0103 m\u0103 enervez bat o claie de lung\u0103i de se adun\u0103 de pe jos cu macaraua, deci nu trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103sori omul doar pe lung, ci \u015fi pe greutatea pumnului de fier. \u00cen fine, cred c\u0103 mi-am uitat ideea.<br \/>\nDar \u015fti\u0163i, s\u0103ru\u2019 m\u00e2na s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i, eu nu prea \u015ftiu s\u0103 scriu \u015fmecherii de-astea oficiale c\u0103tre personalit\u0103\u0163i importante, de aceea scuza\u0163i din inim\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103.<br \/>\nDeci, m\u00e2nca-v-a\u015f pipota, cu respect, domnu\u2019 primar, eu vreau, cum s\u0103 zic a\u015fa\u2026 vreau s\u0103 fac o reclama\u0163ie din cauz\u0103 de un scandal monstruos. Ca s\u0103 nu-l sup\u0103r pe \u015fefu\u2019, care este cel mai bun \u015fef, \u015fi ne iube\u015fte pe to\u0163i ca pe copiii lui \u015fi numa&#8217; nu ne caut\u0103 de p\u0103duchi de tare ce ne iube\u015fte. \u015ei care pe el \u00eel iube\u015fte foarte tare fetele vesele, de aceea \u00eei face scandal babele triste. A\u015fa am avut \u015fi eu ghinion la babe triste \u00eenc\u0103 de la un\u015fpe ani, c\u0103 de fiecare dat\u0103 \u00eencercam s\u0103 p\u00e2ndesc pe la baie pe la fete \u015fi mereu m\u0103 alunga femeia de servici cu m\u0103tura, javra dracu\u2019, \u015fi m\u0103 mai \u015fi p\u00e2ra la director\u2026 dar nu despre asta e vorba \u00een reclama\u0163ia noastr\u0103.<br \/>\nDa, nevast\u0103, \u015ftiu, trebuie s\u0103 scrim docimiliul unde locuim cu casa, mai las\u0103-m\u0103-n pace, bab\u0103 trist\u0103 ce e\u015fti! Sunt domiliciat pe Strada Veseliei, Num\u0103rul Ha\u015f\u2026 Nu, f\u0103, num\u0103rul blocului e Ha\u015f \u015fi scara e a cincea, pula mea, c\u0103 are cinci trepte. \u015ei ce sens are s\u0103 fie blocul 5 \u015fi scara Ha\u015f? Taci, f\u0103, c\u0103-\u0163i rup o m\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi te bat cu ea de-\u0163i iese clon\u0163ul pe cur \u015fi te caci pe gur\u0103!<br \/>\nDeci, s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i, dom\u2019 primar, subsemnatu\u2019 eu e dolimiciat la o adres\u0103 care nu conteaz\u0103 c\u0103 oricum n-o s\u0103 veni\u0163i dumneavoastr\u0103 acas\u0103 la mine, c\u0103 ce s\u0103 c\u0103uta\u0163i \u00een s\u0103r\u0103cia asta de cas\u0103 c\u00e2nd dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i primar serios \u015fi eu om s\u0103rac cu \u015fapte copii acas\u0103 care n-are ce m\u00e2nca, \u015fi care i-am f\u0103cut pentru ca s\u0103 avem aloca\u0163ie, c\u0103 n-aveam cu ce s\u0103 ne lu\u0103m de b\u0103ut. Cum, f\u0103, c\u0103 sunt un be\u0163iv ordinar? P\u0103i, f\u0103, io \u00eenainte s\u0103 te cunosc nu beam dec\u00e2t suc natural, f\u0103. C\u00e2nd te-am v\u0103zut prima dat\u0103, mi-ai c\u0103zut direct \u00een bra\u0163e. Dar nu c\u0103 eream io fromos, ci c\u0103 ereai tu matoal\u0103, d\u0103-te dreacu\u2019. \u015ei c\u00e2nd te-am scos \u00een spatele c\u00e2rciumii \u015fi ai \u00eenceput s\u0103 dai la ra\u0163e, a trebuit s\u0103 beau \u015fi eu ceva, altfel m\u0103 \u00eemboln\u0103veam de stomac. \u015ei, asta e, b\u0103utura face femeile frumoase, de-aia trebuie eu s\u0103 beau mereu c\u00e2nd sunt cu tine. Mai taci, f\u0103, c\u0103 io am aicea de scris reclama\u0163ie la dom\u2019 primar!<br \/>\nM\u0103 ierta\u0163i, dom\u2019 primar, c\u0103 scriu a\u015fa prost; sunt neb\u0103ut \u015fi-mi uit ideile. Apoi, eu n-am prea fost la \u015fcoal\u0103, pentru c\u0103 aveam ga\u015fc\u0103 mi\u015fto \u00een fa\u0163a blocului \u015fi nou\u0103 ne pl\u0103cea cel mai mult s\u0103 chiulim \u015fi s\u0103 fum\u0103m \u00een pivni\u0163a blocului.<br \/>\nDar s\u0103 ne \u00eentoarcem la reclama\u0163ia pe care v-o reclam eu chiar acum. Nu \u015ftiu ce e cu mine, c\u0103 m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc mereu la altele, dar a\u015fa sunt eu mai de\u015ftept \u015fi mi se nasc multe idei deodat\u0103 \u00een cap.<br \/>\nDomnule primar, subsemnatul Robocop-Pi\u015fpiric\u0103 Lingurar, zis \u015fi Nelu, dar numa-n buletin, c\u0103 pretinii mei \u00eemi zice Pi\u015fpiric\u0103, angajat la clubul \u201eSexy Balamuc\u201d, care patronul lui este Popescu Gheorghe, care este cel mai tare \u015fi cel mai bun patron, Dumnezeu s\u0103-i pupe portofelul \u015fi mer\u0163anul, \u015fi s\u0103-l \u0163in\u0103 s\u0103n\u0103tos, voios \u015fi cu mul\u0163i clien\u0163i, s\u0103-i mearg\u0103 treaba bine, s\u0103 ne vin\u0103 numai bog\u0103tani cu bac\u015fi\u015f mare, s\u0103 mai punem \u015fi noi o vodc\u0103 pe mas\u0103, c\u0103 din salariu nu pl\u0103tim nici \u00eentre\u0163inerea. De aia am r\u0103mas cu \u015fase luni \u00een urm\u0103 \u015fi plec\u0103m la treab\u0103 pe scara de pompieri, s\u0103 nu ne vad\u0103 nenea Ghi\u0163\u0103 administratoru\u2019. Iar c\u00e2nd ne bate \u00een u\u015f\u0103, strig\u0103m cu to\u0163ii \u00een cor \u201eNu e nimeni acas\u0103!\u201d<br \/>\n\u00cen fine. Nu asta conteaz\u0103, o s-o pl\u0103tim, sta\u0163i lini\u015ftit, dom\u2019 primar, c\u0103 noi v\u0103 respect\u0103m ca pe tat\u0103l nostru. Vreau s\u0103 zic Tat\u0103l nostru, rug\u0103ciunea, nu tat\u0103l nostru Romeo Alendelon Lingurar, care m-a l\u0103sat orfan la 18 ani din cauz\u0103 de topor \u00een cap, pentru c\u0103-i fugeau banii printre degete, \u015fi degetele erau mereu \u00een buzunarele altora.<br \/>\nAoleu, scuza\u0163i, dom\u2019 primar, s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i, nu vreau s\u0103 sub\u00een\u0163elege\u0163i din asta c\u0103 \u015fi dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i ho\u0163! Dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i cel mai serios om din ora\u015ful \u0103sta care nu v\u0103 merit\u0103 \u015fi eu v\u0103 respect, pupa-v-a\u015f pe moa\u015fte ca pe icoana maicii domnului cea f\u0103c\u0103toare de minuni. \u015ei dumneavoastr\u0103 face\u0163i minuni, dom\u2019 primar. Uite bugetu\u2019, nu e bugetu\u2019!<br \/>\nDar s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u0163i, dom\u2019 primar, acum chiar trebuie s\u0103 trec la subiect. Deasupra lui Sexy Balamuc, la etaj, st\u0103 o nesim\u0163it\u0103\u2026<br \/>\nDar \u015fti\u0163i ceva!? Era vorba c\u0103 azi, ca s\u0103 scriem noi reclama\u0163ia asta, Popescu Gheorghe ne d\u0103 salariul din ianuarie, c\u0103 de atunci noi tr\u0103im dec\u00e2t din \u015fpag\u0103 \u015fi promisiuni. Ce-s io prost s\u0103 fac reclama\u0163ii pentru el \u015fi el s\u0103 m\u0103 lase s\u0103 mor de foame \u015fi mai ales de sete? Uite, nene, cum a zis el c\u0103 ne d\u0103 banii, apoi c\u0103 pleac\u0103 la banc\u0103, apoi c\u0103 banca e \u00eenchis\u0103 \u015fi apoi c\u0103 mai vorbim s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na viitoare!<br \/>\nStimate domnule primar,<br \/>\nVreau s\u0103 reclam c\u0103 nu mai vreau s\u0103 reclam nimic, p\u00e2n\u0103 nu-mi v\u0103d salariul cu ochii! Nu-s io prostu\u2019 nim\u0103nui, \u015fi noroc c\u0103 la Sexy Balamuc e \u015fp\u0103gile mari, c\u0103 altfel a\u015f pleca de ast\u0103zi.<br \/>\nNelu Robocop Lingurar, zis \u015fi Pi\u015fpiric\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Din episodul precedent (aici.) Tema: \u00centr-o noapte, \u00eentr-o c\u00e2rcium\u0103 are loc un scandal. Varia\u0163iunile: \u00cen cele ce urmeaz\u0103, vom urm\u0103ri reclama\u0163iile mai multor martori&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10760,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/yell.jpg?fit=236%2C353&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11372","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11372"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11372\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11373,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11372\/revisions\/11373"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11372"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11372"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11372"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}