-Bun\u0103 ziua.
\n-Ce s\u0103 fie? m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 \u00een u\u015f\u0103.
\n-V\u0103 rog s\u0103-mi str\u00e2mta\u0163i pantalonii \u0103\u015ftia c\u0103 am dat \u015fi eu trei kilograme jos.
\n-Foarte bine. E ur\u00e2t pentru o fat\u0103 t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 fie gras\u0103. <\/p>\n
\u00cen mod normal, a\u015f declan\u015fa o tirad\u0103 specific\u0103 nu-\u00eemi-dai-s\u0103-m\u0103n\u00e2nc-deci-nu-\u00eemi-dai-verdicte, dar sunt oameni, mai ales b\u0103tr\u00e2ni, c\u0103rora le trec cu vederea hachi\u0163ele. Mai ales c\u0103 remarca e complet lipsit\u0103 de arogan\u0163e de cocalar, “dac\u0103 ai avea trei kilograme mai pu\u0163in te-a\u015f fute”. E o remarc\u0103 sobr\u0103, de critic de art\u0103 care analizeaz\u0103 un tablou. Croitorii b\u0103tr\u00e2ni de ambele sexe au darul \u0103sta – de a-\u0163i face observa\u0163ii f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 o iei personal. Nu te ataci la medic dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i zice c\u0103 ai apendicit\u0103 \u015fi nu te ataci la croitor dac\u0103 te face gras\u0103. Sau m\u0103 rog, sugereaz\u0103 c\u0103 ai fost. \u015etii c\u0103 e un diagnostic. <\/p>\n
-Ce mai face Samantha?
\nSamantha e pisic\u0103 b\u0103tr\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi somnoroas\u0103, cu must\u0103\u0163i albite de vreme.
\n-Doarme \u00een camera ei. <\/p>\n
B\u0103tr\u00e2nul croitor e v\u0103duv, copiii lui sunt pleca\u0163i \u00een str\u0103in\u0103tate. “Camera pisicii” e fosta camer\u0103 a copiilor. Fosta sufragerie e acum atelier, cu a\u0163e \u015fi buc\u0103\u0163i de material de toate culorile, pungi cu diverse haine de la al\u0163i locatari. De\u015fi e croitorie la dou\u0103 str\u0103zi distan\u0163\u0103, toat\u0103 lumea \u00eei solicit\u0103 serviciile. <\/p>\n
-M\u0103 aju\u0163i \u015fi pe mine s\u0103 t\u0103iem unghiile Samanthei \u015fi te servesc pe loc?
\n-Cum s\u0103 nu?
\nAm experien\u0163\u0103 \u015fi skill \u00een a t\u0103ia unghiu\u0163e de pisici. De fapt, secretul e s\u0103 nu tai prea de la r\u0103d\u0103cin\u0103, s\u0103 nu atingi vreun vas, \u015fi s\u0103 ac\u0163ionezi repede, ferm \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 ezit\u0103ri. Unghiu\u0163ele pisicilor se taie \u00een ritm de optimi de not\u0103, s\u0103 nu apuce s\u0103 se supere cu adev\u0103rat. <\/p>\n
-Tu e\u015fti fat\u0103 frumoas\u0103, ar trebui s\u0103 te m\u0103ri\u0163i.
\n-Nu mai bine discut\u0103m despre ceva frumos? Cine v-a mai adus lucruri de modificat?
\n-Vecina de sus, dar s-a \u00eengr\u0103\u015fat ca o scroaf\u0103. Vai, \u00een ce hal a explodat. I-am zis: Dac\u0103 mai pui zece kilograme pe tine de Cr\u0103ciun, nu te mai primesc. Te duci la \u0103ia de la col\u0163.
\n-Hai, nene, iart-o \u015fi pe ea, intervin eu.
\n-Eu o iert, dar n-o iart\u0103 hainele. S\u0103 ai grij\u0103 de tine \u015fi s\u0103 nu te \u00eengra\u015fi.
\nM\u0103 m\u0103soar\u0103 cu un metru de croitorie.
\n-Da, ai dat trei centimetri. S\u0103 te \u0163ii de treab\u0103, c\u0103 tu dai \u015fi pui la loc.
\n-\u015etiu.
\nBzzz, face ma\u015fina de cusut, la fel de b\u0103tr\u00e2n\u0103 ca \u015fi proprietarul ei.
\n-S\u0103 nu m\u0103n\u00e2nci de s\u0103rb\u0103tori.
\nDeja m\u0103 umfl\u0103 r\u00e2sul. \u00cemi \u015fi imaginez ce so\u0163 o fi fost.
\n“C\u00e2te sarmale \u0163i-ai pus, nevast\u0103? Ce? Patru? Pune dou\u0103 \u00eenapoi c\u0103 te \u00eengra\u015fi!”
\n-Gata. Du-te la baie \u015fi probeaz\u0103.
\nM\u0103 duc, probez.
\n-A\u015fa. Vreau s\u0103 vii \u00eenapoi \u00eentr-o lun\u0103 s\u0103 \u0163i-i mai str\u00e2mtez o tur\u0103!
\nE un domn m\u0103run\u0163el, cu p\u0103rul alb \u015fi cu o asprime de director de \u015fcoal\u0103 de alt\u0103 dat\u0103. Zici c\u0103 m-a l\u0103sat repetent\u0103 \u015fi c\u0103 m\u0103 cheam\u0103-n var\u0103.
\n-Zece lei.
\n-Da, v\u0103 rog! <\/p>\n
\u015ei \u00een timp ce cobor sc\u0103rile, cu pantalonii modifica\u0163i pe bra\u0163, m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc pe sc\u0103ri cu vecina de sus:
\n-V-a luat mult?
\n-Zece lei.
\n-Ce om. Mie mi-a luat dou\u0103zeci c\u0103 cic\u0103 am explodat. A’ dracu’ pielea p\u0103 el! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
-Bun\u0103 ziua. -Ce s\u0103 fie? m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 \u00een u\u015f\u0103. -V\u0103 rog s\u0103-mi str\u00e2mta\u0163i pantalonii \u0103\u015ftia c\u0103 am dat \u015fi eu trei kilograme jos. -Foarte...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11695,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/cusut.jpg?fit=3648%2C2736&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11694"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11697,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11694\/revisions\/11697"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11695"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}