{"id":11716,"date":"2016-11-23T13:45:19","date_gmt":"2016-11-23T10:45:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=11716"},"modified":"2016-11-23T13:47:28","modified_gmt":"2016-11-23T10:47:28","slug":"cum-nu-ne-ingrasam-de-sarbatori","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-nu-ne-ingrasam-de-sarbatori\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum nu ne \u00eengr\u0103\u015f\u0103m de S\u0103rb\u0103tori"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dac\u0103 ai abonament la newsletter pe diverse siteuri, \u015ftii c\u0103 acum sunt zilele acelea glorioase c\u00e2nd nu se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 nimic interesant pe afar\u0103, dar e perioada aia a anului, prin urmare, oamenii dau praful jos de pe articolul de “Cum nu ne \u00eengr\u0103\u015f\u0103m de S\u0103rb\u0103tori” de anul trecut \u015fi \u00eel mai public\u0103 o dat\u0103, c\u0103 oricum nu se prinde nimeni. \u00cen fond, principiile sunt valabile, nu? <\/p>\n

Pe mine m\u0103 amuz\u0103 de c\u00e2te cuvinte frumoase \u015fi politic corecte e nevoie pentru a spori ciorba unei reguli simple \u015fi ve\u015fnic eficiente: “Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul.”
\nDrept care, s\u0103 purcedem. <\/p>\n

Regula num\u0103rul 1: Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul <\/p>\n

Un semn foarte clar c\u0103 Dumnezeu nu te iube\u015fte foarte tare e c\u0103 \u0163i-a dat postul Cr\u0103ciunului chiar \u00een s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nile de dinainte de Cr\u0103ciun. Ai tr\u0103it zile \u00een \u015fir cu ciorbic\u0103 de legume, m\u00e2nc\u0103ric\u0103 de dovlecei \u015fi piureu\u0163 de sp\u0103n\u0103cu\u0163 p\u00e2n\u0103 te-ai dezobi\u015fnuit complet de balotat. Despre c\u00e2t de r\u0103u \u00ee\u0163i e c\u00e2nd, dup\u0103 o perioad\u0103 de m\u00e2ncat s\u0103n\u0103tos, cr\u0103pi \u00een tine ca animalul, am scris cu alt\u0103 ocazie. Cert e c\u0103 de Cr\u0103ciun familia tradi\u0163ional\u0103 g\u0103te\u015fte de zici c\u0103 urmeaz\u0103 o lung\u0103 foamete (ceea ce, cu alegerile de acum, nu e exclus.)
\nApoi, se ambi\u0163ioneaz\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eendese la ma\u0163 tot ce au g\u0103tit.
\nEvit\u0103 aceast\u0103 capcan\u0103 \u015fi nu vei avea nevoie de articolul re-re-reciclat al siteului t\u0103u preferat de lifestyle. <\/p>\n

Regula num\u0103rul 2: Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul<\/p>\n

Un mod de a nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul, e, ai ghicit, s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nci rezonabil \u015fi s\u0103 pui cu\u0163itul \u015fi furculi\u0163a jos dup\u0103 ce ai m\u00e2ncat rezonabil. Mai exact, s\u0103 te opre\u015fti din a b\u0103ga \u00een tine, s\u0103 mul\u0163ume\u015fti c\u0103lduros pentru bucatele delicioase (mai enerveaz\u0103 pe cineva cuv\u00e2ntul “bucate”?) \u015fi s\u0103 te \u015ftergi cu \u015ferve\u0163elul la gur\u0103. Mai exact: s\u0103 iei o pauz\u0103, apoi \u00eenc\u0103 una \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 una. \u015ei \u00eenc\u0103 una. \u015ei tot a\u015fa, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103toarea mas\u0103. <\/p>\n

Regula num\u0103rul 3: Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul <\/p>\n

Uneori am impresia c\u0103 Cr\u0103ciunul e modalitatea gospodinelor de a se r\u0103zbuna pentru h\u0103r\u0163uirea sexual\u0103 de palmares. \u015eti\u0163i genul: “Mari\u0163o, te vreau”. “Su\u0103ri, Ionele, eu nu.” “Ba trebuie s\u0103 vrei, Mari\u0163o, c\u0103 altfel nu m\u0103 simt ieu b\u0103rbat adev\u0103rat”.
\nBun, mecanismul e inversat de s\u0103rb\u0103tori: “Ionele, m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103.” “Su\u0103ri, Mari\u0163o, dar nu mai \u00eencape nici un dumicat”. “Ba trebuie s\u0103 \u00eencap\u0103, c\u0103 altfel nu m\u0103 simt ieu femeie adev\u0103rat\u0103”.
\nSolu\u0163ia e s\u0103 nu-i mai la\u015fi pe al\u0163ii s\u0103-\u015fi aga\u0163e preten\u0163iile de b\u0103rbat \/ femeie \/ orice adev\u0103rat de disponibilitatea ta de a face X. \u015ei de asemenea, s\u0103 nu bagi \u00een tine ca porcul. <\/p>\n

Regula num\u0103rul 4: Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul <\/p>\n

Nu, frate, degeaba aplici tactici de site pentru femei, degeaba bei g\u0103le\u0163i \u00eentregi de ap\u0103, degeaba mesteci fiecare dumicat de trei mii de ori \u015fi de trei mii de ori pe lat, degeaba spui tat\u0103l nostru dup\u0103 fiecare fel de m\u00e2ncare, dac\u0103 bagi \u00een tine ca porcul.
\n\u00cencearc\u0103 tehnica Lorena Lupu: bea ap\u0103 c\u00e2t\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i trebuie, mestec\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 se \u00eenmoaie ce ai \u00een gur\u0103, discut\u0103 normal cu lumea de la mas\u0103 \u015fi nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul. O s\u0103 fii mirat de rezultate. <\/p>\n

Regula num\u0103rul 5: Nu b\u0103ga \u00een tine ca porcul <\/p>\n

Mai am un argument. Por\u0163iile moderate \u00eenseamn\u0103 volum de alimente moderat, ceea ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 cheltuieli ceva mai mici, ceea ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 \u00een ianuarie n-o s-o arzi toat\u0103 luna pe p\u00e2ine cu margarin\u0103 \u015fi bere Bucegi.
\n\u015ei mai \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 \u00een ianuarie n-o s\u0103 trebuiasc\u0103 s\u0103 cite\u015fti articolul, re-re-re-reciclat \u015fi el: “Cum sl\u0103bim repede \u015fi feeric dup\u0103 S\u0103rb\u0103tori.” <\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103 \u015ftiu c\u0103 acest articol v-a ajutat cu mari nout\u0103\u0163i, v\u0103 voi invita s\u0103 sus\u0163ine\u0163i efortul asiduu al blogului mov. Pentru c\u0103 eu, de s\u0103rb\u0103tori, bag \u00een mine ca scroafa.<\/p>\n

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Dac\u0103 ai abonament la newsletter pe diverse siteuri, \u015ftii c\u0103 acum sunt zilele acelea glorioase c\u00e2nd nu se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 nimic interesant pe afar\u0103, dar...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11717,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/craciunita.png?fit=400%2C600&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11716","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11716"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11716\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11720,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11716\/revisions\/11720"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11717"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11716"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11716"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11716"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}