Se mai nimere\u015fte ocazional pe peretele meu c\u00e2te o doamn\u0103 prost \u00een\u0163eleas\u0103. Iar doamna prost \u00een\u0163eleas\u0103 \u00eencepe s\u0103 m\u0103 \u015fcoleasc\u0103 nesolicitat: “Indiferent c\u00e2t de \u0163\u0103ran e cineva \u00een ton \u015fi atitudine, tu TREBUIE s\u0103 riplai ca o doamn\u0103, pentru c\u0103 faci \u00een primul r\u00e2nd pentru tine, \u0163i-o datorezi \u0163ie, blablablabla.”<\/p>\n
Eu sus\u0163in din toat\u0103 inima diploma\u0163ia fa\u0163\u0103 de oamenii care o merit\u0103. Sus\u0163in diploma\u0163ia fa\u0163\u0103 de bunicii care \u00ee\u0163i repet\u0103 a opta oar\u0103 aceea\u015fi poveste. Fa\u0163\u0103 de copila\u015ful care e \u00een coad\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163a ta \u015fi are nevoie de un sfert de or\u0103 s\u0103 numere restul. Fa\u0163\u0103 de omul care nu \u015ftie un lucru \u015fi \u00eentreab\u0103. Fa\u0163\u0103 de prietenul t\u0103u cel mai bun care te minte c\u0103 are diaree dar tu \u015ftii c\u0103 de fapt \u00eei e lene s\u0103 ias\u0103 din cas\u0103. To\u0163i ace\u015fti oameni merit\u0103 polite\u0163ea \u015fi amabilitatea ta, pentru c\u0103 \u00een principiu, nu d\u0103uneaz\u0103 cu nimic nim\u0103nui \u015fi, dac\u0103 po\u0163i oferi un strop de iubire, de ce s\u0103 n-o faci?<\/p>\n
\u00cen schimb, gher\u0163oiul care, din o mie de tonuri posibile, \u00eel alege pe \u0103la agresiv \u015fi beligerant, merit\u0103 \u00eenjurat f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 te repe\u0163i. \u015ei iat\u0103 de ce.<\/p>\n
A) Pentru c\u0103 nu \u00eel intereseaz\u0103 s\u0103 creeze comunicare pl\u0103cut\u0103 sau m\u0103car suportabil\u0103.<\/p>\n
Iar dac\u0103 el nu face acest efort, tu de ce ai face-o?
\nNu datorezi nimic nim\u0103nui care n-a f\u0103cut ceva concret pentru tine. Iar dac\u0103 un str\u0103in alege, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-i fi futut tu mama \u00eenainte, s\u0103 adopte un ton m\u00e2rl\u0103nesc cu tine, \u00ee\u0163i anuleaz\u0103 cu asta orice obliga\u0163ie de polite\u0163e.
\nInteresant e c\u0103, dac\u0103-i r\u0103spunzi cu aceea\u015fi moned\u0103, \u00een general o s\u0103 se dea de ceasul mor\u0163ii, de unde deducem c\u0103 nici lui nu-i place propria lui re\u0163et\u0103.
\nOrice dialog e cooperarea a doi oameni. Dedic\u0103 efort celor care \u00ee\u0163i dedic\u0103 efort. Bag\u0103-\u0163i pula \u00een cei care \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-\u015fi bage pula. \u015ei e posibil ca dup\u0103 primele trei sute de mui \u015fi blockuri s\u0103 se prind\u0103 c\u0103 fac ceva gre\u015fit.<\/p>\n
B) Prin polite\u0163e, de fapt \u00eel aju\u0163i s\u0103 te domine.<\/p>\n
Care era comportamentul servitorilor \u00een Evul Mediu? Indiferent c\u00e2t de be\u0163i sau abuzivi erau monseniorii, servitorii erau de o polite\u0163e impecabil\u0103 \u015fi o serviabilitate f\u0103r\u0103 limite.
\nTu e\u015fti un om liber. Nu datorezi atitudine de slug\u0103 ca r\u0103spuns la atitudinea de st\u0103p\u00e2n. E ca \u015fi cum ai semna cu m\u00e2nu\u0163ele tale fine \u015fi date cu crem\u0103 de m\u00e2ini un contract de subordonare nepl\u0103tit. \u015ei, prin polite\u0163e, \u00eel asmu\u0163i pe dobitoc s\u0103 fie \u015fi mai agresiv. \u00cei sugerezi c\u0103 tonul lui e acceptabil \u015fi c\u0103 te supui.<\/p>\n
C) Oricum, nu-\u0163i respect\u0103 \u015fi nu-\u0163i apreciaz\u0103 polite\u0163ea<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 remarci o tr\u0103s\u0103tur\u0103 comun\u0103 a tuturor gher\u0163oilor, e faptul c\u0103 ei PRETIND polite\u0163ea ta, ca \u015fi cum li s-ar cuveni din na\u015ftere. Pretind un anumit tip de atitudine submisiv\u0103 din partea ta. Pretind s\u0103 faci lucruri a\u015fa cum dau ei instruc\u0163iuni.
\nPentru genul \u0103sta de om, nu exist\u0103 no\u0163iunea de recuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103. Sau apreciere. Nu exist\u0103 ideea de considera\u0163ie fa\u0163\u0103 de timpul \u015fi priorit\u0103\u0163ile tale. De aceea, trebuie s\u0103 trasezi tu foarte clar limite, termeni \u015fi condi\u0163ii, \u015fi s\u0103-l for\u0163ezi s\u0103 le ia la cuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103. Cu frumosul, cu ur\u00e2tul \u015fi, \u00een definitiv, cu \u00eenjur\u0103tura de autobaz\u0103.<\/p>\n
D) Cu c\u00e2t omul e mai primitiv, cu at\u00e2t e mai condus de fric\u0103<\/p>\n
Omul lipsit de argumente \u015fi stil \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-\u015fi impun\u0103 domina\u0163ia cum \u015ftie mai bine: \u00eenfrico\u015f\u00e2nd. De ce? Pentru c\u0103 exact lucrul \u0103sta \u00eel subordoneaz\u0103 pe el.
\nUn gentleman nu are nevoie s\u0103 te \u00eenfrico\u015feze, pentru c\u0103 \u015ftie c\u0103 are alte arme \u00een arsenal. Un gentleman care ofer\u0103 amabilitate \u015fi delicate\u0163e e cuceribil prin amabilitate \u015fi delicate\u0163e. Un gher\u0163oi care \u00eemproa\u015fc\u0103 ur\u0103 poate fi dominat doar cu un volum de violen\u0163\u0103 mai mare dec\u00e2t cel pe care \u00eel pune el pe mas\u0103.
\nPractic, omul brutal umbl\u0103 cu c\u0103tu\u015fele la vedere. Brutalizeaz\u0103-l mai aprig dec\u00e2t \u00eencearc\u0103 el s\u0103 te brutalizeze \u015fi ai un sclav pe via\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n
E) Dac\u0103 nu \u00eempar\u0163i polite\u0163e oricui, oricum, oriunde, \u00eei faci pe oameni s\u0103 se str\u0103duiasc\u0103 un pic s\u0103-\u0163i merite polite\u0163ea.<\/p>\n
Exact ca \u00een cazul sexului: fetele care o \u00eempart generos oricui solicit\u0103 sunt trecute la catastiful de \u0163inte u\u015foare, \u00een schimb cele care te pun la lucru sunt cele \u00een care chiar investe\u015fti. A\u015fa \u015fi cu polite\u0163ea. Stabile\u015fte criterii clare pentru cei care vor s\u0103 se califice la polite\u0163ea ta. Cu c\u00e2t \u015ftii s\u0103 ceri mai ferm, cu at\u00e2t \u0163i se va da exact ce solici\u0163i \u015fi nu “ceva pe acolo”.<\/p>\n
Foto de Andraw.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Se mai nimere\u015fte ocazional pe peretele meu c\u00e2te o doamn\u0103 prost \u00een\u0163eleas\u0103. Iar doamna prost \u00een\u0163eleas\u0103 \u00eencepe s\u0103 m\u0103 \u015fcoleasc\u0103 nesolicitat: “Indiferent c\u00e2t de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8865,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/pinup1-e1482837731411.jpg?fit=638%2C638&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11885","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11885"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11885\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22584,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11885\/revisions\/22584"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11885"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11885"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11885"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}