{"id":11924,"date":"2017-01-06T11:47:47","date_gmt":"2017-01-06T08:47:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=11924"},"modified":"2017-01-06T11:47:47","modified_gmt":"2017-01-06T08:47:47","slug":"punctul-p","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/punctul-p\/","title":{"rendered":"Punctul P"},"content":{"rendered":"

Am remarcat c\u0103 perechea mea de amorezi de la Revelion, Eusebiu \u015fi Eulalia<\/a>, s-a bucurat de succes, \u015fi s-a citit cu mare bucurie, de aceea \u00eei reactiv\u0103m pentru \u00eenc\u0103 c\u00e2teva pove\u015fti.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

-Chiar trebuie s\u0103 mergem s\u0103 vedem un film de Cristi Puiu? \u00eentreb\u0103 Eulalia, frunz\u0103rind u\u015for iritat\u0103 reviewurile de pe cinemagia.<\/p>\n

-Iubito, \u015ftii c\u0103 sunt fan al cinemaului rom\u00e2nesc t\u00e2n\u0103r.<\/p>\n

-P\u0103i da, dar \u0103sta nu mai e cinema rom\u00e2nesc t\u00e2n\u0103r, e cinema rom\u00e2nesc b\u0103tr\u00e2nicios din toate punctele de vedere. Nu vrei mai bine s\u0103 vedem un film care s\u0103 ne chiar intereseze?<\/p>\n

-Insinuezi c\u0103 \u0103sta nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103?<\/p>\n

-Da. \u015ei c\u0103 te duci de gura prietenilor t\u0103i hipsteri. C\u0103 e o impostur\u0103 destinat\u0103 s\u0103 vad\u0103 c\u00e2t\u0103 muie ecranizat\u0103 sunte\u0163i dispu\u015fi s\u0103 lua\u0163i \u00een numele imaginii de intelectuali.<\/p>\n

-Nu \u00een\u0163elegi nimic!<\/p>\n

Eulalia se enervase.<\/p>\n

-\u015etii ceva, m\u0103i, Eusebiu? Eu te iubesc, dar falsul \u00een care te complaci uneori m\u0103 scoate din s\u0103rite. Prefer s\u0103 fac o lab\u0103 dec\u00e2t s\u0103 rabd un film de Cristi Puiu.<\/p>\n

-Foarte bine, d\u0103du Eusebiu din cap.<\/p>\n

\u00cen secunda aia, ochii Eulaliei se aprinser\u0103 ca l\u0103mpile de girofar.<\/p>\n

-Perfect. Hai s\u0103 mergem.<\/p>\n

Eusebiu se uit\u0103 un pic suspicios la ea, dar \u00een cele din urm\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi zise: “Important e c\u0103 vine, restul sunt detalii.”<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Filmul \u00eencepu greu. Introducere lung\u0103 \u015fi necaptivant\u0103, ca \u00eentr-o capodoper\u0103 cinematografic\u0103 rom\u00e2neasc\u0103 demn\u0103 de acest titlu. Eusebiu \u00ee\u015fi st\u0103p\u00e2ni politicos un c\u0103scat. \u015etia c\u0103 dac\u0103 \u015fi-ar fi acordat luxul, ar fi \u00eencasat concomitent o r\u0103utate. Brusc, sim\u0163i o m\u00e2n\u0103 pe coaps\u0103.<\/p>\n

“Suntem la film.”<\/p>\n

“Jur\u0103-te, C\u0103pitane Evident.”<\/p>\n

M\u00e2na urc\u0103 \u00eencet \u00een sus.<\/p>\n

“Ce faci?” \u015fopti el deopotriv\u0103 alarmat \u015fi tulburat, con\u015ftient c\u0103 \u00een sal\u0103 mai erau exact patru persoane, la mare distan\u0163\u0103 de ei doi.<\/p>\n

“\u0162i-am zis c\u0103 prefer s\u0103 fac o lab\u0103, nu?”<\/p>\n

“Dar nu mi-ai zis c\u0103 mie!” murmur\u0103 el exasperat.<\/p>\n

Ea se aplec\u0103 \u00een urechea lui \u015fi-i \u015fopti:<\/p>\n

“Preferi s\u0103 i-o fac altcuiva din aceast\u0103 sal\u0103?”<\/p>\n

M\u00e2na urca \u015fi cobora lin, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 ating\u0103 deocamdat\u0103 nimic esen\u0163ial, iar a\u015fteptarea \u00eel f\u0103cea s\u0103 tremure pe interior.<\/p>\n

“La c\u00e2t m\u0103 plictise\u015fte arta poetic\u0103 b\u0103\u015fit\u0103 a \u0103stuia, i-a\u015f face o lab\u0103 \u015fi tipului care face proiec\u0163ia.”<\/p>\n

G\u00e2ndul c\u0103 nebuna se a\u015faz\u0103 random l\u00e2ng\u0103 vreun nene intelectual de 40 de ani \u015fi \u00eei d\u0103 jos p\u0103ienjeni\u015ful de pe p\u0103rul pubian \u00eel cutremur\u0103.<\/p>\n

“E\u015fti nebun\u0103.”<\/p>\n

“\u00centotdeauna am fost”.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit m\u00e2na \u00eel atinse, \u00ee\u015fi st\u0103p\u00e2ni cu greu un geam\u0103t. \u00cen fond, care era problema? Nu erau nici primul, nici ultimul cuplu care se destr\u0103b\u0103la la cinema. Mai ales la un film at\u00e2t de plictisi… rafinat \u015fi valoros din punct de vedere estetic, b\u0103i, boule. Se \u00eempinse ner\u0103bd\u0103tor \u00een palma Eulaliei.<\/p>\n

“A, bun, observ cooperare”, chicoti ea.<\/p>\n

\u00cei trase fermoarul blugilor \u00een jos \u015fi \u00eel m\u00e2ng\u00e2ie lung pe tot \u00eentinsul penisului din ce \u00een ce mai erect.<\/p>\n

Apoi se opri. El arunc\u0103 o privire pe furi\u015f s\u0103 vad\u0103 de ce. Ah! Crema de m\u00e2ini. \u00cen lini\u015ftea unui moment interminabil de t\u0103cere de pe ecran se auzi: “Prscct”, \u00een timp ce ea storcea o doz\u0103 generoas\u0103 \u00een palm\u0103.<\/p>\n

Sim\u0163i cum jena \u00eel ia, ca un val.<\/p>\n

“Hai s\u0103 ne oprim. E…”<\/p>\n

M\u00e2na umed\u0103, lunecoas\u0103, voluptuoas\u0103, \u00eel cuprinse iar.<\/p>\n

“Ziceai ceva, dragoste?” \u00eentreb\u0103 ea cu o inocen\u0163\u0103 diafan\u0103, care contrazicea lucrul manual viguros de dincolo de linia vizual\u0103.<\/p>\n

Prefer\u0103 s\u0103 nu r\u0103spund\u0103. Nu era sigur ce sunet \u00eei iese, dac\u0103 deschide gura. Prefer\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eenchid\u0103 ochii, l\u0103s\u00e2ndu-se \u00een sp\u0103tar, \u015fi s\u0103 par\u0103 c\u0103 a adormit – cum f\u0103cea \u015fi restul publicului la acest film \u00eengrozitor.<\/p>\n

Acum, degetele fierbin\u0163i \u015fi lunecoase \u00eei m\u00e2ng\u00e2iau suav testiculele. Eulalia \u015fi am\u00e2n\u0103rile ei, care \u00eel \u00eent\u0103r\u00e2tau mai r\u0103u dec\u00e2t frecarea \u00een sine.<\/p>\n

\u015ei apoi, o sim\u0163i ceva mai jos.<\/p>\n

“Ce faci?”<\/p>\n

“Nu e evident?”<\/p>\n

Degetul ei ar\u0103t\u0103tor se freca de orificiul din spate. Foarte u\u015for, abia sim\u0163it. Niciodat\u0103 nu \u00eel atinsese acolo.<\/p>\n

“Ai vrut la cinema, acum uit\u0103-te la filmul \u0103sta oribil \u015fi taci”, murmur\u0103 ea.<\/p>\n

“Nu te las s\u0103…”<\/p>\n

“Nu intru nic\u0103ieri f\u0103r\u0103 permisiune, OK? Uite, ce mochete de pe vremea bunicii au \u0103ia. Art\u0103.”<\/p>\n

Lui Eusebiu \u00eei veni s\u0103 r\u00e2d\u0103, s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103, s\u0103 \u0163ipe \u015fi… ah! Nebuna \u00eencepuse s\u0103 traseze cercule\u0163e lunecoase, abia sim\u0163ite, exact pe marginile g\u0103uricii. Era insult\u0103tor, obscen, umilitor. Era incredibil de pl\u0103cut.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd se pomeni c\u0103 se \u00eempinge cu \u015foldurile \u00een fa\u0163\u0103, ca \u015fi cum ar \u00eent\u00e2mpina invazia, Eulalia chicoti scurt.<\/p>\n

“De-asta nu \u015ftiu proastele cum s\u0103 se poarte cu voi. Trag de voi ca imbecilele \u00een loc s\u0103 v\u0103 lase s\u0103 veni\u0163i singuri.”<\/p>\n

“Dar dac\u0103 am… \u015ftii tu… gen, c\u0103cat pe \u0163eav\u0103?”<\/p>\n

“Iubi, \u015ftiai c\u0103 cinematografele au bude? \u015ei c\u0103 budele au chiuvete?” \u00a0\u00eei \u015fopti ea \u00een ureche, pe un ton de parc\u0103 i-ar fi descris orgii sexuale, \u00een timp ce ar\u0103t\u0103torul ei lung \u015fi sub\u0163ire intra \u015fi ie\u015fea, f\u0103c\u00e2ndu-l s\u0103 vrea mai mult, mai ad\u00e2nc.<\/p>\n

Pe m\u0103sur\u0103 ce \u00eel explora, \u00ee\u015fi \u00eempingea degetul \u00een fa\u0163\u0103. C\u0103uta duritatea de nuc\u0103 a prostatei. Dar nu fu nevoit\u0103 s\u0103 i-o g\u0103seasc\u0103 constatativ, ca un proctolog. Brusc, \u00eel v\u0103zu cum se crispeaz\u0103 din tot corpul \u015fi mu\u015fc\u0103 din partea de sus a fotoliului din fa\u0163\u0103, s\u0103 nu urle.<\/p>\n

“Aha. Cred c\u0103 \u0163i-am g\u0103sit punctul P.”<\/p>\n

Observ\u0103 imensa pat\u0103 de pe sp\u0103tarul din fa\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

“Iubi, eu zic s\u0103 ie\u015fim acum, \u00eenainte-\u0163i re\u0163in\u0103 tanti plasatoare semnalmentele \u015fi s\u0103 te dea la polu\u0163ie… \u0103sta, la poli\u0163ie, c\u0103 murd\u0103re\u015fti cinematografele patriei.”<\/p>\n

“\u015ei plec\u0103m a\u015fa, la jum\u0103tatea filmului?”<\/p>\n

“E un film de Cristi Puiu, da? Nimeni n-o s\u0103 se mire.”<\/p>\n

Se ridicar\u0103.<\/p>\n

“Oricum suntem deja singuri \u00een sal\u0103”.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Am remarcat c\u0103 perechea mea de amorezi de la Revelion, Eusebiu \u015fi Eulalia, s-a bucurat de succes, \u015fi s-a citit cu mare bucurie, de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11363,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/verigheta.png?fit=634%2C399&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11924"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11924\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11930,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11924\/revisions\/11930"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}