Ai decis s\u0103 cru\u0163i vie\u0163ile multor pui\u015fori galbeni care piuie dr\u0103g\u0103la\u015f \u00een iarb\u0103, \u015fi treci la o diet\u0103 vegetarian\u0103. (Sau vegan\u0103, dac\u0103 ai s\u00e2nge-n instala\u0163ie.) Din acel moment, tot ce m\u0103n\u00e2nci e pe baz\u0103 de frunze, sau a avut o dat\u0103 frunze, sau chiar dac\u0103 n-a avut, \u015fi-ar fi dorit s\u0103 aib\u0103. O op\u0163iune de via\u0163\u0103, ca oricare alta, am zice noi, ageamiii. Eu m\u0103 includ la ageamii, pentru c\u0103, de\u015fi am tr\u0103it trei ani la modul cel mai strict vegetarian cu putin\u0163\u0103, \u00een ace\u015fti trei ani m-am purtat ca un om normal, deci am ratat chintesen\u0163a. Degeaba te hr\u0103ne\u015fti ca un vegetarian, dac\u0103 nu ai atitudinea de vegetarian. E ca yoga, un stil de via\u0163\u0103 complet, accesibil doar ini\u0163ia\u0163ilor.
\nDar tu e\u015fti vegetarian ini\u0163iat, deci e obligatoriu – ascult\u0103 la sora ta Lorena, FUNDAMENTAL OBLIGATORIU – s\u0103 urmezi lista de sugestii \u015fi indica\u0163ii care urmeaz\u0103. <\/p>\n
A) Posteaz\u0103 pe Facebook \u015fi Instagram tot ce m\u0103n\u00e2nci. <\/p>\n
“Mere cu piersici. O mas\u0103 delicioas\u0103”. Sau “Ro\u015fii cu castrave\u0163i. Ce poate fi mai bun?”
\nIar c\u00e2nd intervin firesc gigeii s\u0103 \u00eentrebe: “\u015ei? \u0162ine de foame?”, d\u0103 ochii superior peste cap, \u015fi d\u0103-le peste nas din elicopter: “Nu toat\u0103 lumea trebuie s\u0103 furajeze industrial, s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103”, respectiv “Eu m\u0103n\u00e2nc s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc, nu tr\u0103iesc s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc.”
\n\u015ei, surpriz\u0103, dieta vegan\u0103 corect\u0103 presupune s\u0103 adaugi c\u00e2te o protein\u0103, fie ea din ciuperci, soia, tofu, fie din fasole, maz\u0103re, n\u0103ut, etc., la fiecare mas\u0103, s\u0103 te \u015fi saturi din ceva. Nu convingi pe nimeni c\u0103 te satisfac dou\u0103 mere \u015fi o piersicu\u0163\u0103. Nu pe termen lung, cel pu\u0163in. Cel mult \u00eei \u00eendep\u0103rtezi de ideea de vegetarianism – veganism, pentru c\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n cu iluzia c\u0103 se moare de foame. <\/p>\n
B) Afi\u015feaz\u0103 o perpetu\u0103 superioritate fa\u0163\u0103 de muritorii de r\u00e2nd. <\/p>\n
Se \u015ftie c\u0103 Dumnezeu are dou\u0103 categorii de loc\u0163iitori pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt: popii \u015fi vegetarienii. Ambii au impresia c\u0103 e cazul s\u0103 se uite de undeva de foarte sus la semenii lor de r\u00e2nd, \u015fi eventual s\u0103 li se urineze \u00een cap cu bolt\u0103 (\u015fi relativ incolor, \u00een cazul veganilor, pentru c\u0103 ei respect\u0103 \u015fi regula de doi litri de ap\u0103 pe zi).
\nSe mai \u015ftie, de asemenea, c\u0103 op\u0163iunile tale culinare te fac special. Mai ales c\u00e2nd nu ai alte merite cu care s\u0103 te lauzi. Nu uita s\u0103 subliniezi din trei \u00een trei propozi\u0163ii cum e\u015fti tu vegetarian \u015fi c\u00e2t de neasemuit e\u015fti. Un vegetarian care-\u015fi \u0163ine preferin\u0163ele pentru el e vegetarian degeaba. <\/p>\n
C) Dac\u0103 cineva din lista ta face o poz\u0103 cu o friptur\u0103 grill, bag\u0103-te \u00een seam\u0103 agresiv cu 108768 de comentarii \u015fi freac\u0103-l la cap interminabil. Sigur, asta o s\u0103-l fac\u0103 s\u0103 regrete \u015fi s\u0103 se r\u0103zg\u00e2ndeasc\u0103. “M\u00e2ncarea mea preferat\u0103 era ficatul de pui \u00eenvelit \u00een bacon, dar a venit clardelun\u010378 pe pagina mea \u015fi a \u0163ipat at\u00e2t de persuasiv la mine, m-a f\u0103cut troac\u0103 de porci – porci care vor muri de b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u0163e, s\u0103 ne \u00een\u0163elegem – cu at\u00e2ta for\u0163\u0103 de convingere, \u00eenc\u00e2t de azi leorp\u0103i \u015fi eu cot la cot din troac\u0103 cu porcii care vor muri de b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u0163e” – a spus… ei bine, nimeni, niciodat\u0103.
\nDincolo de faptul c\u0103 e enervant\u0103 \u015fi n\u0103sc\u0103toare de mi\u015ftouri, pis\u0103logeala e sinistru de ineficient\u0103.
\nDar asta nu trebuie s\u0103 te \u00eempiedice. Tu f\u0103 gur\u0103 \u00een continuare. \u015ei dac\u0103 tot faci gur\u0103, f\u0103 \u015fi bot.
\nImportant: ai bonus de puncte dac\u0103 postezi \u00een comentarii \u015fi imagini cu animale sf\u00e2rtecate \u015fi \u00eens\u00e2ngerate, respectiv dac\u0103 respec\u0163i formula magic\u0103: “Ce caut\u0103 cadavrul \u0103la la tine-n farfurie?” <\/p>\n
D) Amenin\u0163\u0103-i pe omnivori cu tot soiul de boli, unele \u00eenc\u0103 neinventate. <\/p>\n
A\u015fa cum \u0163a\u0163a satului le dorea personelor non grata s\u0103-i m\u00e2nce necazurile \u015fi \u015fanc\u0103ru’, a\u015fa tu trebuie s\u0103 \u00een\u015firi cu un r\u00e2njet discret de satisfac\u0163ie \u00een col\u0163ul buzelor toate bolile posibile \u015fi imposibile de care vor suferi \u00een calitatea lor de omnivori.
\nE ceva emanat de cercet\u0103torii britanici \u00een drum spre bud\u0103, cu zero dovezi statistice?
\nNu conteaz\u0103. Merge. Tr\u0103s\u0103tura de baz\u0103 a bolilor omnivorului e oricum cantitatea, nu calitatea. Cu c\u00e2t mai multe, cu at\u00e2t mai bine. <\/p>\n
E) Dac\u0103 cineva \u00eencearc\u0103 un dialog serios cu tine, d\u0103 neap\u0103rat ochii peste cap. <\/p>\n
Intr\u0103 \u00een scen\u0103 m\u0103tu\u015fa nem\u0103ritat\u0103 S\u0103ftica. Are 60 de ani, iube\u015fte animalele, ar tenta-o poate s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce vegetarian, dar \u00eei e team\u0103 c\u0103 nu-\u015fi face necesarul de proteine \u015fi fier. \u015ei te \u00eentreab\u0103 despre proteine vegetale.
\nNici din gre\u015feal\u0103 s\u0103 nu-i oferi explica\u0163ii calme \u015fi clare, pe un ton normal \u015fi u\u015for de \u00een\u0163eles.
\nNEAP\u0102RAT d\u0103 ochii peste cap ca T\u0103riceanu \u00eentrebat de al zecelea divor\u0163 \u015fi ofteaz\u0103: “Stupide \u00eentreb\u0103ri. Nu \u00eenc\u0103pe\u0163i de vegetarieni, nu?” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ai decis s\u0103 cru\u0163i vie\u0163ile multor pui\u015fori galbeni care piuie dr\u0103g\u0103la\u015f \u00een iarb\u0103, \u015fi treci la o diet\u0103 vegetarian\u0103. (Sau vegan\u0103, dac\u0103 ai s\u00e2nge-n...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12267","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/legume.jpg?fit=2365%2C1774&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12267","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12267"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12270,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12267\/revisions\/12270"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12267"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12267"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}