Scriu cu greu textul \u0103sta, pentru c\u0103 \u00eentre timp am c\u0103zut la pace cu p\u0103rin\u0163ii mei, avem o rela\u0163ie afectuoas\u0103 chiar. <\/p>\n
Dar cred c\u0103 e important s\u0103 discut\u0103m trecutul meu, \u015fi implicit al \u0163\u0103rii, pentru c\u0103 riscul de a se scoate din nou avorturile \u00een afara legii, \u015fi de a crea noi genera\u0163ii de p\u0103rin\u0163i nepreg\u0103ti\u0163i s\u0103 fie p\u0103rin\u0163i \u015fi de copii care \u00ee\u015fi petrec copil\u0103ria sim\u0163ind intens c\u0103 deranjeaz\u0103 \u015fi c\u0103 n-au ce c\u0103uta, \u00een fiecare secund\u0103 a vie\u0163ii lor. <\/p>\n
Am avut nevoie de ani de terapie s\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg c\u0103, dac\u0103 tot sunt aici, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 fi ales s\u0103 m\u0103 nasc, pot m\u0103car s\u0103-mi asum lucrul \u0103sta \u015fi s\u0103 caut partea frumoas\u0103 a vie\u0163ii. <\/p>\n
P\u0103rin\u0163ii mei aveau o c\u0103s\u0103torie ok \u00eenainte s\u0103 m\u0103 nasc eu. Tata nu era preg\u0103tit s\u0103 aib\u0103 copii, era genul “animal social”, \u00eei pl\u0103cea \u00een ora\u015f, era c\u00e2t de iresponsabil \u015fi de boem \u00ee\u015fi putea permite un om s\u0103 fie pe vremea lui Ceau\u015fescu, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-l salte potera. Era un tip mi\u015fto, dar cu zero instincte paterne.
\nMama era o femeie frumoas\u0103, educat\u0103. Ar fi putut duce o via\u0163\u0103 excelent\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 ne fac\u0103. \u015ei categoric i-ar fi fost mult mai bine. Dar, presiunea social\u0103, legile, amenin\u0163\u0103rile, gura b\u0103tr\u00e2nilor. “Trebuie s\u0103 ai un copil”.
\nNe-au avut. Pe mine \u015fi pe fratele meu. <\/p>\n
Din secunda \u00een care ne-au avut povar\u0103 pe cap, am\u00e2ndoi au \u00eenceput s\u0103-\u015fi urasc\u0103 via\u0163a cu patim\u0103.
\nTata a apelat la cel mai vechi truc b\u0103rb\u0103tesc din cartea de \u015fmecherii: a fugit din c\u0103snicie \u00een bra\u0163ele unei dudui \u015fi a “omis” orice form\u0103 de pensie alimentar\u0103. S-a \u015fi mutat din ora\u015f. C\u00e2t mai departe. <\/p>\n
Mama a fost la cap\u0103tul dezagreabil al \u0163epei. A r\u0103mas cu poverile pe cap. Organismul ei a clacat. Toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria mea, mama a fost bolnav\u0103, perpetuu bolnav\u0103 \u015fi indisponibil\u0103. Niciodat\u0103 nu m-a \u00eentrebat sincer, privindu-m\u0103 \u00een ochi, ceva. Eram proprietate. “Tu trebuie s\u0103 faci asta \u015fi asta!”
\nAm vrut foarte tare s-o fac m\u00e2ndr\u0103 de mine, s\u0103 ar\u0103t c\u0103 reprezint o valoare la casa omului, \u015fi am \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u0163 bine. S\u0103 merg la Olimpiade. S\u0103 iau men\u0163iuni pe \u0163ar\u0103. S\u0103 \u00eemi justific cu ceva existen\u0163a pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt. S\u0103 predau matematic\u0103 copiilor repeten\u0163i, s\u0103-mi c\u00e2\u015ftig singur\u0103 banii de buzunar, s\u0103 ar\u0103t c\u0103 sunt bun\u0103.
\nSigur c\u0103 nu eram.
\nM\u0103 rog, al\u0163i membri de familie spun c\u0103 se l\u0103uda peste tot cu mine. Eu n-am sim\u0163it asta niciodat\u0103. Dimpotriv\u0103. Dac\u0103 luam 9 la ceva, repro\u015ful era “de ce nu e 10?”. Pe un ton sictirit de femeie bolnav\u0103, pe care pur \u015fi simplu n-o po\u0163i deranja cu rahaturi. <\/p>\n
Am devenit independent\u0103 rapid, a trebuit s\u0103 muncesc \u00een facultate, pentru c\u0103 nici unuia dintre ei nu li s-a p\u0103rut c\u0103 facultatea mea merit\u0103 o implicare din partea lor. Insist: oamenii pur \u015fi simplu nu aveau nici un chef. <\/p>\n
Toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria m-am \u00eentrebat: ce sens a avut s\u0103 m\u0103 emane ace\u015fti oameni care \u00een mod evident nu aveau nici un chef de mine? Ce sens a avut s\u0103-\u015fi strice ploile ca s\u0103 exist eu?
\nAr fi fost mult mai bine pentru fericirea lor personal\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 avorteze. <\/p>\n
\u00cenc\u0103 cred lucrul \u0103sta. De\u015fi, \u00een acest moment, am dep\u0103\u015fit emo\u0163ional stadiul de responsabilitate pentru deranjul pe care l-am provocat n\u0103sc\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 \u015fi, \u00een timp, am \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at s\u0103 m\u0103 bucur de propria mea via\u0163\u0103, liber\u0103 de orice “dac\u0103” \u015fi “parc\u0103”.
\nDar eu sunt un caz fericit. Mul\u0163i decre\u0163ei \u00eenc\u0103 plutesc \u00een acest lichid al neiubirii \u015fi respingerii, de care nu se vor vindeca niciodat\u0103. <\/p>\n
\u015ei tocmai pentru a evita genul \u0103sta de lupte \u015fi culpabilit\u0103\u0163i, cred c\u0103 avortul trebuie s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 o op\u0163iune. Nimeni nu renun\u0163\u0103 la un copil de prea mult bine. Oamenii aleg s\u0103 \u00eentrerup\u0103 sarcini c\u00e2nd \u015ftiu c\u0103 nu au de unde, nu au cu cine sau, pur \u015fi simplu, nu pot. <\/p>\n
Po\u0163i for\u0163a din exterior un om s\u0103 devin\u0103 p\u0103rinte. Dar nu-i po\u0163i inocula cu sila emo\u0163ii de p\u0103rinte, ging\u0103\u015fie de p\u0103rinte, tandre\u0163e de p\u0103rinte, iubire de p\u0103rinte.
\nNu faci dec\u00e2t s\u0103 creezi traum\u0103 \u015fi durere. \u00cen toate p\u0103r\u0163ile implicate. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Scriu cu greu textul \u0103sta, pentru c\u0103 \u00eentre timp am c\u0103zut la pace cu p\u0103rin\u0163ii mei, avem o rela\u0163ie afectuoas\u0103 chiar. Dar cred c\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11553,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/no-photo.jpg?fit=256%2C256&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12360"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12360\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12362,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12360\/revisions\/12362"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11553"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}