{"id":12434,"date":"2018-04-08T10:00:50","date_gmt":"2018-04-08T07:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=12434"},"modified":"2018-04-08T10:16:47","modified_gmt":"2018-04-08T07:16:47","slug":"despre-atentie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/despre-atentie\/","title":{"rendered":"Despre aten\u0163ie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dac\u0103 a\u015f avea c\u00e2te un eurocent de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd s-a zbor\u015fit c\u00e2te un prost la mine: “Tu vrei doar aten\u0163ie”, pe un ton extrem de acuzator, de parc\u0103 voiam portofelul lui din buzunar, cu card de s\u0103n\u0103tate cu tot, sustras mi\u015fele\u015fte – \u00een prezent a\u015f fi \u00eentr-un birou elegant, la ultimul etaj al propriului meu club elitist destinat spectacolelor independente.
\nNu e nimic r\u0103u \u00een a vrea aten\u0163ie, tristule, \u00eei explicam eu. \u015ei tu vrei acela\u015fi lucru, altfel n-ai \u0163ipa la mine. Diferen\u0163a dureroas\u0103 e c\u0103 eu m\u0103 pricep s\u0103 ob\u0163in aten\u0163ie, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 milogesc de str\u0103ini \u015fi prieteni s\u0103-mi dea like \u015fi share, \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 latru agresiv la oameni care nu mi-au gre\u015fit cu nimic, pe c\u00e2nd tu nu.<\/p>\n

O alt\u0103 categorie de idiot semnaliza \u015fi mai retardat: “Tu \u0163ii blog \u015fi \u00ee\u0163i pui poze pentru c\u0103 vrei aten\u0163ie, \u015fi acum c\u0103 \u0163i-o dau, te enervezi”.
\nMmm, dac\u0103 voiam aten\u0163ia TA, PRIVAT\u0102, probabil c\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i trimiteam scrisorele de dragoste \u0163ie, personal, cu numele t\u0103u men\u0163ionat clar, \u015fi cu vinuri de colec\u0163ie cadou.<\/p>\n

Ce \u00eei reune\u015fte pe cei doi indivizi de mai sus e impresia lor c\u0103 toat\u0103 aten\u0163ia de pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt s-a n\u0103scut egal\u0103. Incapacitatea lor de a distinge \u00eentre tipuri de aten\u0163ie e, de altfel, una dintre sursele e\u015fecului lor social. Dar de fapt cred c\u0103 e mai grav: aten\u0163ia sc\u00e2rbit\u0103 \u015fi mor\u0163ii de mum\u0103 alc\u0103tuiesc unicul tip de aten\u0163ie pe care izbutesc s\u0103-l stoarc\u0103, \u015fi atunci, dec\u00e2t nimic, mai bine a\u015fa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u015ei care ar fi tipurile de aten\u0163ie?<\/p>\n

Ca om care a beneficiat de diverse niveluri de protocol de-a lungul (\u015fi de-a latul vie\u0163ii), pot \u00eencadra aten\u0163ia \u00een trei categorii mari \u015fi late, care au subcategoriile lor, desigur, dar subcategoriile prezint\u0103, toate, nuan\u0163ele specifice pe care le voi enumera.<\/p>\n

A) ATEN\u0162IA AGRESIV-DISTRUCTIV\u0102<\/p>\n

“Ce f\u0103 te crezi special\u0103? E\u015fti ur\u00e2t\u0103, gras\u0103 \u015fi na\u015fpa!”<\/p>\n

sau<\/p>\n

“Zi mersi c\u0103 te validez eu cu likeurile, altfel nu s-ar uita la tine nimeni!”<\/p>\n

Aten\u0163ia agresiv – distructiv\u0103 e tentativa interlocutorului de a-\u015fi crea un fals ascendent asupra ta, prin umilire verbal\u0103, h\u0103r\u0163uire, inoportunare, pe scurt prin generarea unei forme oarecare de disconfort. \u00cen caz c\u0103 e\u015fti genul slab de \u00eenger \u015fi tactica func\u0163ioneaz\u0103, interlocutorul tr\u0103ie\u015fte un uria\u015f sentiment de triumf \u015fi de “ce \u0163i-am zis-o.”<\/p>\n

Pentru a te \u0163ine \u00een \u015fah, individul \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-\u0163i insufle dependen\u0163\u0103 de aprobarea lui, cu texte de genul: “A, de ce \u015ftergi replici, nu rezi\u015fti?” sau “Recuno\u015fti c\u0103 e\u015fti slab\u0103?”<\/p>\n

“Nu, pur \u015fi simplu nu prezin\u0163i nici o miz\u0103 pentru mine \u015fi nu am de ce s\u0103 investesc timp \u00een c\u0103cat neproductiv”, po\u0163i riposta tu.”M\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 s\u0103 rezist strict \u00een concursurile \u00een care m-am \u00eenscris, nu \u00eentr-un r\u0103zboi de ambi\u0163ie care nu are nici o leg\u0103tur\u0103 cu mine \u015fi nici un premiu interesant la final.”<\/p>\n

Oamenii vor \u00eencerca s\u0103 te trateze \u015fi mai bine, \u015fi mai r\u0103u, dar nu le po\u0163i modela abordarea dec\u00e2t penaliz\u00e2nd tratamentul inadecvat \u015fi apreciindu-l pe cel pe care-l consideri adecvat.<\/p>\n

Eu includ la aten\u0163ie negativ – distructiv\u0103 \u015fi tentativele penibile de ag\u0103\u0163at. Pentru c\u0103 scopul acestui site nu e s\u0103-mi creez agen\u0163ie matrimonial\u0103. Scopul acestui site e s\u0103-mi ofer spre public arta scrisului, creativitatea vizual\u0103, spectacolele \u015fi orice alte priceperi, pentru entertainment preferabil recompensat.<\/p>\n

Nu, nu cu “ce frumoas\u0103 e\u015fti” \u015fi cu “hai la mine acas\u0103”. Nu depun at\u00e2ta efort s\u0103 vin la tine acas\u0103 \u015fi tentativa de a m\u0103 reduce doar la at\u00e2t m\u0103 insult\u0103 teribil.<\/p>\n

Pe scurt, aten\u0163ia agresiv – distructiv\u0103, sau futerea de timp \/ interogatoriul imbecil de c\u0103tre oameni c\u0103rora nu le datorezi raport e lucrul pe care NU \u0163i-l dore\u015fti \u015fi pe care, \u00eentr-o via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi o activitate corect prioritizat\u0103, trebuie s\u0103 cau\u0163i s\u0103-l comba\u0163i c\u00e2t mai mult.<\/p>\n

Nu, aten\u0163ia agresiv – distructiv\u0103 nu e despre tine. E despre modul \u00een care po\u0163i fi transformat(\u0103) \u00eentr-o unealt\u0103 pentru binele agresorului.<\/p>\n

B) ATEN\u0162IA COMPLICE<\/p>\n

\u00cen general, autorii \u015fi performerii iubi\u0163i resimt aten\u0163ia complice atunci c\u00e2nd cititorii \u015fi spectatorii lor r\u0103spund cu entuziasm \u015fi ova\u0163ii. Ai un singur mod just de a ob\u0163ine aten\u0163ie complice: s\u0103 livrezi material interesant \u015fi de calitate. Nu, h\u0103r\u0163uirea altora nu e un shortcut.
\nMul\u0163i rata\u0163i au impresia c\u0103 aten\u0163ia complice se poate ob\u0163ine parazit\u00e2nd \u015fi agres\u00e2nd oameni care se bucur\u0103 deja de popularitate.
\nVeste proast\u0103: singura complicitate pe care o ob\u0163ii astfel este aceea a altor hateri de aceea\u015fi teap\u0103. Oameni incapabili s\u0103 construiasc\u0103 ceva \u015fi pu\u015fi doar pe har\u0163\u0103. Iar complicitatea va dura p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een sf\u00e2nta secund\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u0103la mai pu\u0163in ratat va \u00eencerca s\u0103 creeze ceva \u015fi va c\u0103uta sprijin \u00een \u0103l\u0103lalt, iar \u0103l\u0103lalt va \u00eencepe s\u0103 reverse ur\u0103 \u015fi spre complice, c\u0103 na. At\u00e2ta poate.<\/p>\n

Pentru oamenii slabi de \u00eenger, aten\u0163ia complice are urm\u0103torul dezavantaj: dac\u0103 ai cucerit deja un grup de oameni, acesta tinde s\u0103 devin\u0103 foarte iert\u0103tor cu tine. C\u00e2nd faci o idio\u0163enie, \u00ee\u0163i vor g\u0103si scuze. C\u00e2nd dai un rateu, te vor consola, c\u0103 n-a fost CHIAR A\u015eA GROAZNIC. Asta p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eencepi \u015fi tu s\u0103 te min\u0163i cu aceea\u015fi frenezie cu care te mint ei de drag.<\/p>\n

Antidot: apreciaz\u0103 aten\u0163ia complice, dar fii cu ochii pe propria performan\u0163\u0103. Dac\u0103 tu nu te min\u0163i pe tine, nimeni din univers nu va putea s\u0103 te mint\u0103. Chiar dac\u0103 o face de drag.<\/p>\n

C) ATEN\u0162IA OBIECTIV\u0102<\/p>\n

Asta e acea form\u0103 de aten\u0163ie \u00een care cititorul \/ spectatorul intr\u0103 \u00een dialog complet neutru fa\u0163\u0103 de persoana ta – ATEN\u0162IE, AM ZIS “NEUTRU”, NU “PASIV AGRESIV” – \u015fi discut\u0103 subiectul, argumentele, vine cu punctul lui de vedere, cu alte argumente, cu experien\u0163a lui de via\u0163\u0103.
\n\u015ei discu\u0163ia r\u0103m\u00e2ne \u00een afara oric\u0103rei tente personale, viz\u00e2nd doar con\u0163inutul propriu-zis.
\nNefiind personal\u0103, discu\u0163ia se men\u0163ine politicoas\u0103 \u015fi agreabil\u0103.<\/p>\n

Din aten\u0163ia obiectiv\u0103 nu poate deriva nimic r\u0103u. Fiecare interlocutor descoper\u0103 un mod nou de g\u00e2ndire, o viziune diferit\u0103 de a lui \u015fi \u00een cele din urm\u0103, c\u00e2nd \u00een\u0163elegi din alt unghi o situa\u0163ie, adeseori sesizezi nuan\u0163e care \u00ee\u0163i sc\u0103paser\u0103.<\/p>\n

De aceea zic:
\nSecretul vie\u0163ii fericite const\u0103 \u00een a-\u0163i alunga agresivii, a te bucura de complici, dar cu rezerva lucidit\u0103\u0163ii, \u015fi a-\u0163i respecta obiectivii.<\/p>\n

Foto de Amalia Savinescu.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dac\u0103 a\u015f avea c\u00e2te un eurocent de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd s-a zbor\u015fit c\u00e2te un prost la mine: “Tu vrei doar aten\u0163ie”, pe un ton...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11129,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/13708395_10206963136262627_897811315466970651_o.jpg?fit=2048%2C1536&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12434","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12434"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12434\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14695,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12434\/revisions\/14695"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}