Ajung azi \u00een sta\u0163ia aferent\u0103 locului unde aveam treab\u0103. Cobor \u015fi o iau pe sc\u0103ri \u00een sus. Pe sc\u0103rile normale, nu pe sc\u0103rile rulante, dat fiind c\u0103 aceste picioare lungi \u015fi frumoase trebuie \u00eentre\u0163inute cum se cuvine, \u015fi orice \u015fir de sc\u0103ri e prietenul lor.
\nDat fiind c\u0103 urcatul ia un pic mai mult timp, apuc s\u0103 z\u0103resc urm\u0103toarea scen\u0103:
\nSus, la cap\u0103tul sc\u0103rilor, o \u0163ig\u0103ncu\u015f\u0103 frumoas\u0103, cu ochi mari \u015fi p\u0103r cre\u0163, \u00ee\u015fi etalase diverse m\u0103rfuri: \u015fosete de b\u0103rba\u0163i, dresuri de femei, brichete, ace, brice \u015fi carice, complet neimpozitate \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 chitan\u0163\u0103, desigur.
\nUn cet\u0103\u0163ean relativ dodolo\u0163 \u015fi transpirat se postase s\u0103 examineze oferta. P\u0103rea c\u0103 o freac\u0103 la icre de ceva vreme, pentru c\u0103 \u0163ig\u0103ncu\u015fa \u00eencepuse s\u0103 se impacienteze. Ciulesc urechea.
\n-\u00cemi ar\u0103\u0163i \u015fi ciorapii?
\n-Dar \u0163i i-am ar\u0103tat odat\u0103, domnuuu’.
\n-Da, dar nu m-am uitat bine.
\n-Bine, hai.
\nCet\u0103\u0163eanul relativ dodolo\u0163 \u015fi transpirat \u00eencepe s\u0103 studieze cu min\u0103 de specialist inscrip\u0163iile \u00een chinez\u0103, \u00een timp ce \u0163ig\u0103ncu\u015fa se uita vag disperat\u0103 peste um\u0103rul lui la noul val de cump\u0103r\u0103tori la care nu putea \u0163ipa ademenitor, de vreme ce individul \u00eei lua fa\u0163a.
\n“Pretenarul dore\u015fte s\u0103 o are pe frumoasa, dar nu se termin\u0103 prea bine”, constat eu, apoi, pentru c\u0103 sunt o scorpie, m\u0103 proptesc aparent nep\u0103s\u0103toare de m\u00e2nerul sc\u0103rilor \u015fi m\u0103 fac c\u0103-mi dau mesaje pe Facebook.
\n-Te-ai hot\u0103r\u00e2t, domnuuuu’?
\n-Nu \u015ftiu. Parc\u0103 nu-mi plac ciorapii \u0103\u015ftia foarte tare. Sunt bumbac?
\n-Da, sunt bumbac, domnuuuu’!
\n-De unde \u015ftii, scrie pe ei \u00een chinez\u0103!
\n(Ahaha. \u0102sta c\u00e2nd nu freac\u0103 la icre \u0163ig\u0103ncu\u015fe la metrou, e comentacul \u0103la pis\u0103log care \u00ee\u0163i fute timpul aiurea cu remarci t\u00e2mpite \u015fi care finalizeaz\u0103 mereu \u00een block, chicotesc eu \u00een sinea mea, \u00een timp ce butonez la mobil de zici c\u0103 via\u0163a mea depinde de asta.)
\n-\u015etiu ce v\u00e2nd, domnuuuu’!
\n-\u015etii pe dracu’, nu \u015ftii nimic!
\n\u015ei st\u0103 din ce \u00een ce mai transpirat, pro\u0163\u0103pit \u00een fa\u0163a ei.
\n-Domnuuuu’, cumperi ceva?
\n-Mai arat\u0103-mi brichetele.
\n-\u0162i le-am mai ar\u0103tat, domnuuuu’.
\n-\u015ei mi le mai ar\u0103\u0163i.
\n-Nu \u0163i le mai ar\u0103t dec\u00e2t dac\u0103 cumperi.
\n-Cum s\u0103 cump\u0103r dac\u0103 nu-mi ar\u0103\u0163i?
\n-Dar \u0163i-am ar\u0103taat \u015fi ai v\u0103zuuuut, domnuuu’.
\n-E\u015fti cam obraznic\u0103.
\n-Auzi, domnuuu’, \u00ee\u0163i v\u00e2nd ceva sau ce facem, domnuuu’!! i-o reteaz\u0103 scurt \u0163iganca.
\n-P\u0103i nu prea vrei s\u0103 vinzi, c\u0103 nu-mi ar\u0103\u0163i nimic!
\nLa o asemenea enormitate, \u0163ig\u0103ncu\u015fa decide c\u0103 are de a face cu spam nigerian transpus \u00een form\u0103 puhav\u0103 \u015fi neapetisant\u0103. Se \u00eentoarce spre \u00eenc\u0103 un val de suitori \u015fi \u00eencepe:
\n-Dresuri de dam\u0103, \u015fosete b\u0103rba\u0163i, tricouri, brichete avem!
\nAstfel ignorat, cet\u0103\u0163eanul gras se \u00eentoarce cu spatele, ro\u015fu de frustrare, \u015fi pleac\u0103 bomb\u0103nind ceva despre cum femeile e toate curve \u015fi scorpii.
\nDin noul val se desprinde un alt tip. Nici el nu e neap\u0103rat \u00eentr-o rela\u0163ie tandr\u0103 cu c\u00e2ntarul, dar compenseaz\u0103 cu z\u00e2mbet.
\n-D\u0103 \u015fi mie trei perechi de \u015fosete. Dou\u0103 albe, una neagr\u0103.
\n-Pung\u0103 vrei, domnuu’?
\n-Da. \u015ei d\u0103 o brichet\u0103. Oricare, nu conteaz\u0103. Poftim, \u0163ine restul.
\n-S\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti, domnuuu’!
\nScurs\u0103 toat\u0103.
\n-Hai c\u0103 mai vorbim, dr\u0103gu\u0163o, c\u0103 m\u0103 gr\u0103besc.
\n-S\u0103 mai treci \u015fi m\u00e2ine, domnuuu’. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ajung azi \u00een sta\u0163ia aferent\u0103 locului unde aveam treab\u0103. Cobor \u015fi o iau pe sc\u0103ri \u00een sus. Pe sc\u0103rile normale, nu pe sc\u0103rile rulante,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11560,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/stairway.jpg?fit=3375%2C1662&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12560"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12564,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12560\/revisions\/12564"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11560"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}