Salut, internet. <\/p>\n
Eu sunt Pulic\u0103 Splendoaremaxim\u0103 \u015fi sunt \u00eentr-o rela\u0163ie de du\u015fm\u0103nie aproape manelist\u0103 cu aspiratorul.
\nAm reu\u015fit s\u0103 transmit destul de clar informa\u0163ia asta, s\u0103 nu porneasc\u0103 nimeni aspiratorul atunci c\u00e2nd dorm. \u00cen fond, sunt un motan senior, am 13 ani, o v\u00e2rst\u0103 la care al\u0163i motani sunt str\u0103-str\u0103-str\u0103-str\u0103-bunici \u015fi somnul meu trebuie respectat. I-ai pune heavy metal \u00een urechi lu’ bunicu-tu c\u00e2nd doarme, \u015ftiind c\u0103 el e la baz\u0103 fan Ioana Radu?
\nDac\u0103 nu, mi se pare de bun sim\u0163 s\u0103 respec\u0163i faptul c\u0103 \u00een timp ce eu dorm, ASPIRATORUL ST\u0102 T\u0102CUT \u015eI RESPECTUOS \u00ceNTR-UN COL\u0162 \u015eI A\u015eTEAPT\u0102 S\u0102 SE TREZEASC\u0102 MOT\u0102NIMEA-MEA.
\nAzi stau mai mult singur, a\u015fa cum s-a nimerit s\u0103 stau \u015fi \u00een restul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii, \u015fi dac\u0103 tot m\u0103 plictisesc, am zis s\u0103 stau la pove\u015fti cu voi.
\nAvantajul singur\u0103t\u0103\u0163ii, cum ziceam mai sus, e c\u0103 nimeni nu se atinge de aspirator. Eu unul nu, \u00een mod cert. \u015ei atunci, m\u0103car inamicul meu e gata \u00eenfr\u00e2nt. Eu, spre deosebire de el, nu am buton de on – off. <\/p>\n
Dar s\u0103 ne distr\u0103m. Azi, \u015fapte rahaturi pe care-mi place s\u0103 le fac singur. <\/p>\n
1) D\u0103r\u00e2m pahare. <\/strong><\/p>\n Am un pariu cu mine \u00eensumi c\u0103, dac\u0103 tot am r\u0103mas singur pe lume ca un \u00eenger trist, nici un pahar nu va r\u0103m\u00e2ne vertical pe lume. Dac\u0103 sunt pe mese, le dau pe jos \u015fi preferabil le sparg. Dac\u0103 sunt pe podea, c\u0103 mai jos de podea n-au unde s\u0103 cad\u0103, e ideal s\u0103 fie goale, c\u0103 altfel tot con\u0163inutul lor va fi risipit glorios pe jos. 2) Rup suluri de h\u00e2rtie igienic\u0103 \u015fi prosoape de h\u00e2rtie <\/strong><\/p>\n Am dou\u0103 activit\u0103\u0163i, de fapt, cu curvele astea, \u015fi abia a\u015ftept s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2nem singuri. Pe de o parte, \u00eemi place s\u0103-mi ascut ghearele de ele, \u015fi s\u0103 le fac confetti, ferfeni\u0163\u0103 m\u0103runt\u0103, m\u0103runt\u0103, de zici c\u0103 a nins. Apoi m\u0103 t\u0103v\u0103lesc prin ele, s\u0103 am mul\u0163i puchi\u0163ei de h\u00e2rtie prin blan\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 par interesant. 3) Fut haine <\/strong><\/p>\n De\u015fi am o v\u00e2rst\u0103 respectabil\u0103, \u00eenc\u0103 am un apetit sexual de invidiat. Medicii zic c\u0103 e fiindc\u0103 am fost castrat dup\u0103 primele c\u0103lduri \u015fi mi-a r\u0103mas instinctul. 4) \u015ei d\u0103r\u00e2m usc\u0103torul <\/strong><\/p>\n Usc\u0103torul nostru de acas\u0103 are anumite puncte de instabilitate, iar o pisic\u0103 de\u015fteapt\u0103 \u015ftie c\u0103 acolo-s cele mai curate \u015fi \u00eemb\u0103ls\u0103mate haine. Drept care, ac\u0163iune! 5) R\u0103storn gunoiul <\/strong><\/p>\n O veche legend\u0103 celtic\u0103 spune c\u0103 \u00een fundul co\u015fului de gunoi se ascunde o comoar\u0103 magic\u0103. Eu \u00eenc\u0103 n-am \u00eent\u00e2lnit-o, dar \u00eenc\u0103 sunt t\u00e2n\u0103r. \u015ei perseverent. 6) M\u0103 tol\u0103nesc pe tastatura computerului <\/strong><\/p>\n Mai ales dac\u0103 e pornit. Combina\u0163ia de taste “cur de pisic\u0103” a rezultat adeseori \u00een ecran sucit cu josu-n sus, comentarii nespus de inteligente, gen “ztafnbvxyyvbkl\u015f8tgewqwer443456789jnvc”, date mereu c\u00e2te 18, \u015fi “Your search – 97ujbvxyxcvbnjgfxsasdfgbvxcvbnmkhgfdsathjkbvx – did not match any documents. Make sure that all words are spelled correctly.” 7) Rod \u00eenc\u0103rc\u0103toare \u015fi cabluri. <\/strong><\/p>\n \u00cen afar\u0103 de frigider, nu l\u0103sa nimic \u00een priz\u0103, pentru c\u0103 s-ar putea s\u0103 m\u0103 ai pe con\u015ftiin\u0163\u0103. Numai b\u0103ie\u0163ii de la diverse accesorii GSM \u015ftiu c\u00e2te chargere au schimbat mobilurile tale. Ca s\u0103 nu precizez c\u0103 dac\u0103 nu-\u0163i bagi bine c\u0103\u015ftile undeva, po\u0163i s\u0103 le pupi de adio. \u00cen caz c\u0103 toate aceste aluzii sunt prea subtile, v-o mai repet o dat\u0103, rar, s\u0103 pricepe\u0163i. Cu pisico\u015fenie \u015fi tors, Salut, internet. Eu sunt Pulic\u0103 Splendoaremaxim\u0103 \u015fi sunt \u00eentr-o rela\u0163ie de du\u015fm\u0103nie aproape manelist\u0103 cu aspiratorul. Am reu\u015fit s\u0103 transmit destul de clar informa\u0163ia...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11153,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12609","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/pis.jpg?fit=1600%2C900&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12609","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12609"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12609\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12655,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12609\/revisions\/12655"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11153"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12609"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12609"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12609"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur. <\/p>\n
\nPe de alt\u0103 parte, \u00eemi place s\u0103 le rod, s\u0103 le sug \u015fi s\u0103 le ling. E ceva cu con\u0163inutul de celuloz\u0103 sau a\u015fa. De aceea, c\u00e2te o por\u0163iune a sulului e mereu roas\u0103 \u015fi ud\u0103 de bale, s\u0103 fie clar c\u0103 i-am oferit \u015fi pl\u0103ceri orale, nu doar gheruial\u0103.
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nDrept pentru care, c\u00e2nd pisica nu-i acas\u0103, \u015foarecii joac\u0103 pe mas\u0103, iar c\u00e2nd pisica e acas\u0103, \u0163oalele joac\u0103 geamparalele. Deschid dulapul cu l\u0103bu\u0163a, ca un boss, sar \u00een cel mai recent sp\u0103lat \u015fi parfumat teanc, \u00eel d\u0103r\u00e2m, \u00eemi aleg cea mai pufoas\u0103 hain\u0103 \u015fi o t\u00e2r\u0103sc \u00eentr-un act sexual animalic (la propriu) prin toat\u0103 casa.
\nCred c\u0103 futaiurile f\u0103r\u0103 public spectator sunt cele mai bune. Nu \u00een\u0163eleg industria porno.
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nTot cu t\u00e2r\u00e2t sexual animalic prin toat\u0103 casa.
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nCurul meu e cel mai bun educator. Te deprinde s\u0103-\u0163i \u00eenchizi naibii sculele \u00eenainte s\u0103 pleci, \u015fi astfel, s\u0103 economise\u015fti curentul patriei. \u015etii c\u0103 resursele planetei sunt limitate.
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nCa s\u0103 priceap\u0103 tot peonul c\u0103 eu UR\u0102SC s\u0103 fiu singur.<\/p>\n
\nUR\u0102SC.
\ns\u0103.
\nfiu.
\nsingur. <\/p>\n
\nPulic\u0103 Splendoaremaxim\u0103. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"