St\u0103team eu de vorb\u0103 cu un b\u0103iat dr\u0103gu\u0163, cu care colaborez zilele astea la un proiect. \u015ei, printre altele, \u00eencepem s\u0103 vorbim despre cum femeile au devenit foarte independente, libere, de sine st\u0103t\u0103toare, \u015fi cum nu le place b\u0103rba\u0163ilor lucrul \u0103sta.
\n“Dar de ce nu v\u0103 place? C\u0103 ele-\u015fi v\u0103d de treaba lor \u015fi nu v\u0103 afecteaz\u0103 pe voi cu nimic.”
\n“P\u0103i da, dar un b\u0103rbat vrea s\u0103-\u015fi poat\u0103 controla femeia.”
\nC\u00e2nd am auzit-o pe asta, am \u00eenceput s\u0103 r\u00e2d \u00een hohote, s\u0103 m\u0103 t\u0103v\u0103lesc pe jos. Dup\u0103 ce am terminat de r\u00e2s, am mai izbucnit \u015fi am mai r\u00e2s o tur\u0103. \u015ei la final, am zis: <\/p>\n
“P\u0103i vezi? Toate problemele pornesc de la termenul malefic ‘control’.”
\n“Adic\u0103?”
\n“Nici un om liber cu o f\u0103r\u00e2m\u0103 de creier func\u0163ional nu-\u015fi dore\u015fte s\u0103 fie controlat. \u00cen secunda \u00een care orice femeie normal\u0103 simte tentativa de control, se crizeaz\u0103 \u015fi se car\u0103.”
\n“\u015ei atunci ce ar trebui s\u0103 fac\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii, s\u0103 moar\u0103 de lab\u0103?”
\n“\u0102ia pro\u015fti, da. Dar \u0103ia de\u015ftep\u0163i pot pune problema altfel.”
\n“\u015ei anume?”
\n“Nu \u00eencerca s\u0103-i ob\u0163ii supunerea, c\u0103 nu vei face dec\u00e2t s-o enervezi. \u00cencearc\u0103 s\u0103-i ob\u0163ii angajamentul.”
\n“Adic\u0103?”
\n“Adic\u0103 arat\u0103-i c\u0103 e\u015fti persoana c\u0103reia merit\u0103 s\u0103 i se dedice. Femeile sunt foarte loiale \u015fi foarte devotate. S\u0103 ne g\u00e2ndim c\u00e2t de mult investesc \u00een pets, iar pets nu le ordon\u0103 nimic. Pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 asta, dau un exemplu: eu. Am fost un an \u00eentreg \u00eentr-o rela\u0163ie la mare distan\u0163\u0103, \u015fi n-am c\u0103lcat str\u00e2mb nici m\u0103car \u00een g\u00e2nd. Nu trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 p\u0103zeasc\u0103 nimeni, m\u0103 p\u0103zea faptul c\u0103 \u00eemi asumasem un angajament.”
\n“Tu?”
\n“Da, eu. Controlul e iluzoriu, angajamentul e real. \u00cencearc\u0103 s\u0103 controlezi o persoan\u0103 \u015fi nu vei ob\u0163ine dec\u00e2t o supunere formal\u0103, adeseori dublat\u0103 de sabotaj voit sau neinten\u0163ionat, pentru c\u0103 omul nu e f\u0103cut s\u0103 fie controlat. \u00cencearc\u0103 s\u0103-i ob\u0163ii implicarea \u015fi angajamentul, \u015fi vei avea un partener care st\u0103 l\u00e2ng\u0103 tine pentru c\u0103 vrea, \u015fi nici dracu’ nu-l va lua de acolo.”
\nMi-a dat dreptate.
\n\u015ei eu am sim\u0163it s\u0103 transcriu aceast\u0103 discu\u0163ie. <\/p>\n
Controlul porne\u015fte de la premisa c\u0103 interlocutorul e prost sau trebuie prostit. E o form\u0103 de \u00eenc\u0103lcare a demnit\u0103\u0163ii personale. Oamenii care \u00ee\u0163i vor tolera abuzul f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 cr\u00e2cneasc\u0103 \u0163i-l vor pl\u0103ti crunt \u00eentr-o zi. Femeia care-\u0163i z\u00e2mbe\u015fte c\u00e2nd \u0163ipi la ea \u00ee\u0163i coace cea mai sinistr\u0103 r\u0103zbunare. <\/p>\n
Angajamentul porne\u015fte de la premisa c\u0103 interlocutorul e valoros \u015fi tot ce aduce el e un lucru minunat \u015fi dorit. Angajamentul \u00eencepe cu pre\u0163uire \u015fi comunicare onest\u0103. \u015ei de obicei, cuplurile care au avut acest gen de rela\u0163ie r\u0103m\u00e2n buni prieteni \u015fi dac\u0103 se despart. <\/p>\n
Am observat mul\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i care invidiaz\u0103 banii \u015fi succesul femeilor. Inclusiv dac\u0103 femeia respectiv\u0103 e iubita lui, iar banii contribuie la bun\u0103starea cuplului. E vorba de un concurs prost \u00een\u0163eles, \u00een care eu trebuie s\u0103 demonstrez cu fiecare pas c\u0103 sunt mai bengos dec\u00e2t tine.
\nGenul \u0103sta de invidie, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 c\u0103 e penibil\u0103, e cel mai crunt vaccin antierotism pentru femeie. C\u00e2nd un b\u0103rbat devine veninos, fie sub form\u0103 de predici nes\u0103rate, fie sub form\u0103 de remarci caustice, \u00ee\u015fi pierde orice atractivitate \u00een ochii no\u015ftri. <\/p>\n
Chiar dac\u0103 iubita ta c\u00e2\u015ftig\u0103 mai mult dec\u00e2t tine, dac\u0103 st\u0103 cu tine e un semn de angajament. Fii b\u0103rbat \u015fi bucur\u0103-te pentru ea. Dac\u0103 rela\u0163ia are angajamentul ei, nu va pleca niciodat\u0103. Dac\u0103 tu cau\u0163i s-o faci s\u0103 se simt\u0103 mereu mai mic\u0103, mai ur\u00e2t\u0103 \u015fi mai insignifiant\u0103, la un moment dat o s\u0103-\u015fi bage pula. “Dar femeile n-au pul\u0103, Lorena”. Ei bine, o s\u0103 fac\u0103 rost, special pentru acest eveniment. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
St\u0103team eu de vorb\u0103 cu un b\u0103iat dr\u0103gu\u0163, cu care colaborez zilele astea la un proiect. \u015ei, printre altele, \u00eencepem s\u0103 vorbim despre cum...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10170,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/serv.jpg?fit=600%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12701"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12704,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12701\/revisions\/12704"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}