{"id":12814,"date":"2017-06-23T19:31:32","date_gmt":"2017-06-23T16:31:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=12814"},"modified":"2017-06-23T19:35:23","modified_gmt":"2017-06-23T16:35:23","slug":"cum-raspunzi-la-urari-in-functie-de-zodie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-raspunzi-la-urari-in-functie-de-zodie\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum r\u0103spunzi la ur\u0103ri, \u00een func\u021bie de zodie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Not\u0103: \u00cen primii trei ani de blog, a\u0219 fi mizat c\u0103 v\u0103 prinde\u021bi c\u0103 asta e o glum\u0103. Nu mai cred \u00een mo\u0219 cr\u0103ciun, drept care: cine comenteaz\u0103 c\u0103 e lezat \u00een astrogram\u0103 sau c\u0103 vaaai-tu-crezi-\u00een-prostii are un hot dog cu sos alb \u00een preg\u0103tire. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00cen fiecare zi, Facebook ne arat\u0103 s\u0103rb\u0103tori\u021bii zilei, \u0219i, \u00een m\u0103sura \u00een care n-am treab\u0103 \u0219i-i v\u0103d, le urez la mul\u021bi ani celor cu care sunt \u00een rela\u021bii afabile. \u00cen func\u021bie de zodie, reac\u021biile sunt precum urmeaz\u0103: <\/p>\n

Berbecul<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Dup\u0103 o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, pe perete): Frate, dar voi chiar n-ave\u021bi treab\u0103. 1.500 de \u0219omeri care se \u00eenghesuie s\u0103-mi ureze la mul\u021bi ani, de parc\u0103 le-ar p\u0103sa. De-aia o duce \u021bara r\u0103u. <\/p>\n

Taurul<\/strong><\/p>\n

A\u0219a, \u0219i vii la mine s\u0103 ne futem de ziua mea? Adu \u0219i vin. <\/p>\n

Gemenii<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mersi, \u0219i dac\u0103 tot te-am prins, d\u0103 like paginii mele, C\u0103cat care nu intereseaz\u0103 pe nimeni<\/em>, share la campania mea de salvat \u0219oc\u00e2tele cu burt\u0103 alb\u0103 \u0219i semneaz\u0103 \u0219i peti\u021bia asta cu Muie Dragnea.” <\/p>\n

Racul<\/strong><\/p>\n

< Emoticon cu inim\u0103 > < Emoticon cu inim\u0103 > < Emoticon cu inim\u0103 > < Emoticon cu amorezi \u00een p\u0103tu\u021b > < Emoticon cu inim\u0103 > < Emoticon cu Cupidon cu s\u0103geat\u0103 > < Emoticon cu pupic > < Emoticon cu lacrimi > Te iubesc, Lorena. Pentru mine \u00eenseamn\u0103 enorm c\u0103 te g\u00e2nde\u0219ti la mine. <\/p>\n

Leul<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Tot dup\u0103 o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103) De c\u00e2te ori v\u0103d at\u00e2tea ur\u0103ri, mi se confirm\u0103 c\u0103 sunt special, ceea ce \u0219tiam oricum, dar, \u0103\u0103, ce zicea\u021bi? C\u0103 sunt unic pe lume? \u0218i grozav? Mai b\u0103ga\u021bi. Mai b\u0103ga\u021bi, d\u0103-v\u0103 dracu, c\u0103 nu b\u0103ga\u021bi din buzunar. <\/p>\n

Fecioara<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Iart\u0103-m\u0103, nu pot vorbi, tocmai sp\u0103lam geamurile, f\u0103ceam o ciorb\u0103 \u0219i d\u0103deam cu aspiratorul. Dac\u0103 nu ai casa curat\u0103 de ziua ta, stai \u00een jeg tot anul.” <\/p>\n

Balan\u021ba<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Dar sincer, \u021bi se pare c\u0103 am \u00eemb\u0103tr\u00e2nit? M-am \u00eengr\u0103\u0219at? Mi se v\u0103d ridurile? Serios, 27 e o v\u00e2rst\u0103 avansat\u0103, e aproape 30, care e aproape 40, care e aproape moarte.”<\/p>\n

Scorpionul<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ce chestie, \u00eemi \u0219tii ziua de na\u0219tere. Mi-am dat hidden birthday s\u0103 verific dac\u0103 am prieteni sau numai co\u021boh\u00e2rle pe interes. Nu po\u021bi avea \u00eencredere \u00een nimeni zilele astea.”<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103torul<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ok, da da bine, dar s\u0103 nu te scapi pe public. Mi-am dat hidden birthday c\u0103 mi-e lene s\u0103 r\u0103spund la ur\u0103ri. Cine m\u0103 iube\u0219te s\u0103-mi cumpere diamante \u0219i parfumuri, huehuehue.” <\/p>\n

Capricornul<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Vii cu mine \u00eentr-o vacan\u021b\u0103 exotic\u0103 de patru zile \u00een Dubai? Pl\u0103tesc eu tot. Tu trebuie doar s\u0103 ui\u021bi prejudec\u0103\u021bile acas\u0103.”
\nTu: Dar eu \u00ee\u021bi uram doar la mul\u021bi ani de ziua ta, at\u00e2t.
\nCapricornul: Nu conteaz\u0103. \u00cen Dubai m\u0103car \u00eemi urezi \u00eentr-un club de cinci stele. <\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103torul<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Nu e ciudat c\u0103 exact acum fumam un cui \u0219i te desenam pe tine cu o coroan\u0103 de spini \u00een jurul capului ca un Iisus femeie mam\u0103 a omenirii, ceea ce chiar cred c\u0103 Mesia ar trebui s\u0103 fie matern\u0103 prin excelen\u021b\u0103, c\u00e2nd tu, chemat\u0103 de aura parasimpatic\u0103 a min\u021bii mele, ai prins glas?” <\/p>\n

Pe\u0219tii<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ce la mul\u021bi ani, fat\u0103? Am o r\u0103ceal\u0103 crunt\u0103, o cramp\u0103 dubioas\u0103 \u00een zona abdomenului, o durere st\u0103ruitoare \u00een t\u00e2mpla st\u00e2ng\u0103 \u0219i un puseu de anxietate. Ce, asta-i via\u021b\u0103?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not\u0103: \u00cen primii trei ani de blog, a\u0219 fi mizat c\u0103 v\u0103 prinde\u021bi c\u0103 asta e o glum\u0103. Nu mai cred \u00een mo\u0219 cr\u0103ciun,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/astro.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12814"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12814\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12817,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12814\/revisions\/12817"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12815"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}