Not\u0103: b\u00e2ntuiam eu aiurea p\u0103 interne\u0163i, c\u00e2nd hopa: \u00eemi sare \u00een ochi reclama: \u015eapte lucruri care se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 c\u00e2nd faci sc\u00e2nduri \u00een fiecare zi. Se refereau la “plank” – “plan\u015f\u0103”, un exerci\u0163iu \u00een care stai \u00een coate sau palme \u015fi v\u00e2rful degetelor de la picioare c\u00e2t timp te las\u0103 inima \u015fi experimentezi tr\u0103iri metafizice (“B\u0103ga-m-a\u015f singur\u0103 \u00een origini, de ce dracu’ a trebuit s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc pl\u0103cinta aia cu vi\u015fine \u015fi crem\u0103 de vanilie, mai bine-mi b\u0103gam banii \u00een anus \u015fi-i scoteam pe gur\u0103!”) \u015fi \u00eencord\u0103ri de mu\u015fchi, dar nu din alea ca \u00een club, ci reale.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Bun. Dar hai s\u0103 vedem \u015fapte lucruri care se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 c\u00e2nd efectiv faci sc\u00e2nduri \u00een fiecare zi.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
E\u015fti un asasin de copaci\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Copacii sunt printre pu\u0163inele forme de via\u0163\u0103 care nu gre\u015fesc cu nimic fa\u0163\u0103 de nimeni \u015fi nu fac dec\u00e2t bine \u00een jur. De aceea, am putea spune c\u0103 e\u015fti cel mai odios criminal \u00een serie.<\/p>\n Dar exist\u0103 speran\u0163\u0103 pentru tine. Las\u0103 copacii s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103. Ia-\u0163i un job la IKEA.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u00ce\u0163i intr\u0103 a\u015fchii pe ici \u015fi pe colo<\/strong><\/p>\n Nu exist\u0103 fum f\u0103r\u0103 foc \u015fi nu exist\u0103 lemn f\u0103r\u0103 a\u015fchii. O, ba da, exist\u0103. La IKEA. Pentru un lemn f\u0103r\u0103 a\u015fchii, ia-\u0163i un job la IKEA.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n M\u0103car nu faci h\u00e2rtie\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Iar \u0103sta e un lucru tare bun. Cu to\u0163i pierde-var\u0103-ma\u0163e-fripte \u0103\u015ftia de pe Facebook care se cred scriitori, o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de lemn piere complet inutil. Aproape la fel de mult, ca \u00een cazul unui catalog de la IKEA.<\/p>\n Cu singura diferen\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 la catalogul de la IKEA nu adormi.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n E\u015fti plin de r\u0103\u015fini\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u015ei-\u0163i place, perversule.<\/p>\n Spre deosebire de fluidele altor organisme vii sau recent decedate, r\u0103\u015fina miroase pl\u0103cut.<\/p>\n Aproape c\u0103 ai cump\u0103ra-o \u00eembuteliat\u0103, s-o ungi pe mobila ta de la IKEA.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Contribui indirect la co\u015fciuge\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n S\u0103-\u0163i fie foarte mult\u0103 ru\u015fine. Consumi o resurs\u0103 valoroas\u0103 a patriei pentru ni\u015fte cet\u0103\u0163eni incapabili s\u0103 mai aprecieze aspectul. E ca \u015fi cum ai face tampoane pentru b\u0103rba\u0163i sau filme de ac\u0163iune pentru femei.<\/p>\n La c\u00e2t \u00ee\u0163i pas\u0103 c\u00e2nd e\u015fti mort, ai putea fi \u00eengropat f\u0103r\u0103 probleme \u015fi \u00eentr-un produs de la IKEA.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n E\u015fti direct responsabil de efectul de ser\u0103\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n B\u0103i, nenorocitule. Tu \u015fi Schweighofer Holzindustrie sunte\u0163i vinova\u0163i de faptul c\u0103 eu m\u0103 sufoc de cald la ora asta. \u015ei de faptul c\u0103 iarna \u00eemi \u00eenghea\u0163\u0103 anusul de frig. \u015ei de gaura din stratul de ozon. \u015ei de faptul c\u0103, \u00een c\u00e2teva genera\u0163ii, omenirea o s\u0103 fac\u0103 solzi, s\u0103 reziste climei.<\/p>\n Pentru binele nostru al tuturor, opre\u015fte-te chiar acum, \u015fi ia-\u0163i un job la IKEA.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Sau poate e\u015fti doar juc\u0103tor de Minecraft\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u015ei faci sc\u00e2nduri cam cum jucau fotbal fanii lui FIFA World Cup pe PlayStation sau cum \u00ee\u015fi culegeau recoltele \u00een Farmwille prietenii t\u0103i iritan\u0163i de pe Facebook care \u00ee\u0163i cereau mereu greble \u015fi r\u0103saduri de castrave\u0163i.<\/p>\n Caz \u00een care nimic de mai sus nu e adev\u0103rat.<\/p>\n Drept care, ridic\u0103-\u0163i curu’ de pe canapea \u015fi f\u0103 ceva util pentru societate.<\/p>\n De exemplu, ia-\u0163i un job la IKEA.<\/p>\n Not\u0103 final\u0103: acest text a fost scris \u00een timp ce f\u0103ceam o “sc\u00e2ndur\u0103”. Ghici\u0163i voi de care.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Not\u0103: b\u00e2ntuiam eu aiurea p\u0103 interne\u0163i, c\u00e2nd hopa: \u00eemi sare \u00een ochi reclama: \u015eapte lucruri care se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 c\u00e2nd faci sc\u00e2nduri \u00een fiecare zi....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13046,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13044","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/lemn.jpg?fit=1500%2C1052&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13044"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13049,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13044\/revisions\/13049"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13046"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}