{"id":13155,"date":"2018-08-26T10:30:46","date_gmt":"2018-08-26T07:30:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=13155"},"modified":"2018-08-26T10:50:48","modified_gmt":"2018-08-26T07:50:48","slug":"la-administratie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/la-administratie\/","title":{"rendered":"La administra\u0163ie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Domnul Gigel \u00eencasa \u00eentre\u0163inerea lunea, \u00eentre orele 16 \u015fi 18. Avea o chichinea\u0163\u0103 v\u0103ruit\u0103 cu grij\u0103 \u00een alb, s\u0103 inspire ideea de oficial. \u00cen chichinea\u0163\u0103, avea un birou cu dou\u0103 sertare. Unul con\u0163inea catastiful voluminos cu locatarii \u015fi sumele datorate de ei, precum \u015fi restul registrelor blocului. \u00cen cel\u0103lalt sertar erau pixuri, post-ituri, coli pentru anun\u0163urile administra\u0163iei. Un pahar. \u015ei mai multe cutii de Antinevralgic Forte.<\/p>\n

La 16 f\u0103r\u0103 zece, domnul Gigel \u00ee\u015fi turna ap\u0103 \u00een pahar, \u00eenghi\u0163ea dou\u0103 tablete de Antinevralgic, apoi zicea un “Doamne ajut\u0103” \u015fi deschidea u\u015fa chichine\u0163ei.<\/p>\n

Ca de fiecare dat\u0103, \u00eel a\u015ftepta o coad\u0103. Unii se obi\u015fnuiser\u0103 cu coada din tinere\u0163e \u015fi nu aveau cum altfel. \u00cen prima or\u0103, \u00eencasa de la oameni care se \u00eenghesuiau \u00een fa\u0163a lui de ziceai c\u0103 e Justin Bieber \u015fi d\u0103 autografe. \u00cen a doua or\u0103, st\u0103tea singur cu g\u00e2ndurile lui \u015fi cu c\u00e2te un nefamilist pasager.<\/p>\n

-Bun\u0103 ziua, doamna Popescu. Apartamentul 33.<\/p>\n

-Domnu’ Gigel, tre’ s\u0103 v\u0103 zic, nu mai suport. Curva ordinar\u0103…<\/p>\n

-Iar, doamna Popescu?<\/p>\n

-Habar n-ave\u0163i cum se \u00eembrac\u0103 \u015fi ce b\u0103rba\u0163i aduce. Ieri a adus-o un Mer\u0163edes ro\u015fu, azi un \u0102up\u0103l verde. Mereu r\u00e2de a\u015fa, ca o curv\u0103, hi-hi-hi, o v\u0103d de la vizor. E o stricat\u0103 \u015fi ar trebui s-o penaliza\u0163i.<\/p>\n

-S-o penalizez cu ce, doamna Popescu?<\/p>\n

-Nu, \u015ftiu, dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i administrator. S\u0103 v\u0103 zic eu cum s\u0103 v\u0103 face\u0163i meseria? E o curv\u0103 nesim\u0163it\u0103, umbl\u0103 cu mul\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i, vin cu ea \u00een cas\u0103, probabil are toate bolile p\u0103m\u00e2ntului. Ptiu, fir-ai a dracu’ de spurcat\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Da, doamna Popescu. 56 de lei. Pl\u0103ti\u0163i acum?<\/p>\n

-Eu am v\u0103zut 46. Dar curva…<\/p>\n

-Am \u00een\u0163eles, are toate bolile p\u0103m\u00e2ntului. Cum facem cu \u00eentre\u0163inerea?<\/p>\n

-Las\u0103, dom’le \u00eentre\u0163inerea, tu nu vezi ce stric\u0103ciunea p\u0103m\u00e2ntului locuie\u015fte l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine? Ptiu!<\/p>\n

Murmur aprobator \u00een coad\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Ia \u015fi tu \u0103\u015ftia 46 \u015fi trece-m\u0103 la caiet cu 10, ce s\u0103 fac. M-am uitat gre\u015fit.<\/p>\n

\u015ei pleac\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Bun\u0103 ziua, doamna Georgescu.<\/p>\n

-Cum s\u0103 fie bun\u0103, domnu’ Gigel, ia uita\u0163i-v\u0103 \u00een telefon aicea! Vede\u0163i?<\/p>\n

-Bate soarele, doamna Georgescu.<\/p>\n

-P\u0103i, hai la umbr\u0103, domnu’ Gigel. Uite, \u0103\u015ftia-s g\u00e2ndaci \u015fi ies din cas\u0103 de la Vasileasca, vecin\u0103-mea. E o jegoas\u0103 \u015fi m\u0103 umple de g\u00e2ndaci, domnu’ Gigel. Nu s\u0103 poate.<\/p>\n

-Da, intru eu \u015fi dau cu solu\u0163ie pe la coana Vasileasca. Pl\u0103ti\u0163i \u00eentre\u0163inerea?<\/p>\n

-Numa’ la bani v\u0103 e g\u00e2ndul, domnu’ Gigel. Uite poze cu g\u00e2ndacii lu’ Vasileasca! E pensionar\u0103 ca mine, de ce nu pune osu’ la treab\u0103, s\u0103-\u015fi fac\u0103 curat?<\/p>\n

-Doamn\u0103…<\/p>\n

-S\u0103 ajung eu s\u0103-mi \u0163in \u015fi zah\u0103rul \u00een frigider de g\u00e2ndacii Vasileasc\u0103i, domnu’ Gigel!! Ce-i aicea, bar de negri sau asocia\u0163ie de locatari, c\u0103 acu’ dau cu ea de podea.<\/p>\n

-Doamn\u0103…<\/p>\n

-\u015ei dumneavoastr\u0103, domnu’ Gigel, nu lua\u0163i atitudine! E vina dumneavoastr\u0103! Cu cineva mai impozant, sigur Vasileasca s-ar pune s\u0103 fac\u0103 curat! Cum s\u0103 ne \u0163inem m\u0103laiul \u00een frigider, suntem oameni sau suntem animale?<\/p>\n

Voce din spate.<\/p>\n

-Poate s\u0103 chem\u0103m dezinsec\u0163ia.<\/p>\n

-Ceeeeeeeeee?? S\u0103 pl\u0103tesc eu \u00een plus c\u0103 Vasileasca e o jegoas\u0103? se enerv\u0103 doamna Georgescu. Nu chem\u0103m nici o dezinsec\u0163ie! S\u0103 pun\u0103 Vasileasca osu’ la treab\u0103 s\u0103-\u015fi fac\u0103 curat! C\u00e2t am de pl\u0103tit?<\/p>\n

-\u0102\u0103\u0103, b\u00e2jb\u00e2i domnul Gigel, luat prin surprindere.<\/p>\n

-Hai mai repede, Gigele, b\u0103iatule, c\u0103 n-am toat\u0103 ziua.<\/p>\n

-Doamna Demetrescu, bun\u0103 ziua. Ave\u0163i 47 de lei…<\/p>\n

-Domnu’ Gigel, nu mai poot. S-a mutat satanistu’ deasupra \u015fi ascult\u0103 numai muzic\u0103 de-a lor cu urlete \u015fi r\u0103gete p\u00e2n\u0103 la 11 noaptea!! 11 noaptea!! P\u0103i ce suntem noi, discipulii diavolului? Vreau s\u0103-i fac pl\u00e2ngere la satanist, c\u0103 violeaz\u0103 lini\u015ftea public\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Ce face, doamn\u0103?<\/p>\n

-M\u0103 lua\u0163i la mi\u015fto, domnu’ Gigel? V-a\u0163i dedat \u015fi dumneavoastr\u0103 cu Satana?<\/p>\n

-M-am dedat cu \u00eentre\u0163inerea. Pl\u0103ti\u0163i?<\/p>\n

-Nu pl\u0103tesc p\u00e2n\u0103 nu-i fac pl\u00e2ngere la satanistu’. Eu nu mai suport! O femeie serioas\u0103 ca mine are dreptul la lini\u015ftea ei public\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Bine, doamn\u0103, lua\u0163i aici o coal\u0103 \u015fi un pix…<\/p>\n

-Nu, nu, scrie\u0163i dumneavoastr\u0103, c\u0103 de-aia v\u0103 pl\u0103tim.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Ora 17:45. Apare “curva”.<\/p>\n

-Bun\u0103 ziua, domnule Gigel. C\u00e2t am de pl\u0103tit?<\/p>\n

-67 lei \u015fi 50 de bani, doamn\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Poftim. Ave\u0163i rest la 70?<\/p>\n

-Sta\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103d.<\/p>\n

-Nu v\u0103 mai deranja\u0163i, l\u0103sa\u0163i a\u015fa. A\u0163i avut o zi grea.<\/p>\n

-Mul\u0163umesc, doamn\u0103. O sear\u0103 bun\u0103.<\/p>\n

-\u015ei dumneavoastr\u0103.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Urm\u0103torul spectacol “NCSF” al trupei mele de parodii ZZ Bottom e pe 6 septembrie, la Blueberry Garden and Bistro, Strada Popa Nan, nr. 5.
\nEvent aici<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Domnul Gigel \u00eencasa \u00eentre\u0163inerea lunea, \u00eentre orele 16 \u015fi 18. Avea o chichinea\u0163\u0103 v\u0103ruit\u0103 cu grij\u0103 \u00een alb, s\u0103 inspire ideea de oficial. \u00cen...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13156,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/dosare.jpg?fit=425%2C282&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13155"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13155\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15464,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13155\/revisions\/15464"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13156"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}