{"id":13744,"date":"2017-12-08T16:57:58","date_gmt":"2017-12-08T13:57:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=13744"},"modified":"2017-12-08T17:51:05","modified_gmt":"2017-12-08T14:51:05","slug":"premiile-cum-de-au-scapat-de-acasa-2017","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/premiile-cum-de-au-scapat-de-acasa-2017\/","title":{"rendered":"Premiile “Cum de-au sc\u0103pat de acas\u0103”, 2017"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u0102\u0103\u0103\u0103hm, pardon. Pardon. Premiile Elle Fashion Awards, 2017.<\/p>\n

Sau premiile “Cum s\u0103 ne \u00eembr\u0103c\u0103m to\u0163i de la Bruno Funny Shop”.<\/p>\n

Hai s\u0103 reconstituim c\u00e2teva dintre dialogurile care au avut loc \u00eentre aceste vedete \u015fi asisten\u0163ii lor sociali, \u00eenainte ca numitele vedete s\u0103 scape din incint\u0103, s\u0103 sar\u0103 gardul \u015fi s\u0103 defileze pe covorul ro\u015fu.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Antonia\u00a0<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    “B\u0103i, Velea!”<\/p>\n

    “H\u0103u!”<\/p>\n

    “B\u0103i, Velea, facem \u015fi noi un empowerment?”<\/p>\n

    “Impau\u0103… h\u0103u?”<\/p>\n

    “S\u0103 promov\u0103m \u015fi noi c\u0103 os\u00e2nza e noul frumos.”<\/p>\n

    “Adic\u0103\u0103?”<\/p>\n

    “Ia s\u0103 m\u0103-mbrac io \u00een p\u0103s\u0103rica goal\u0103, s\u0103 m\u0103 rog la Dumnezeu s\u0103 nu sufle un v\u00e2nticel nici la dus, nici la \u00eentors. \u015ei dac\u0103 tot fac asta, s\u0103 ar\u0103t omenirii c\u0103 celulita e sexy \u015fi stria\u0163iile de dup\u0103 na\u015ftere sunt sexy \u015fi col\u0103celul care se formeaz\u0103 pe talie e \u015fi el c\u00e2t se poate de sexy.”<\/p>\n

    “B\u0103i, nu \u015ftiu ce s\u0103 spun.”<\/p>\n

    “Adic\u0103 eu nu sunt sexy, boule? No sex for a week.”<\/p>\n

    “Gata, gata, iubita mea, e\u015fti cea mai sexy.”<\/p>\n

    “\u015ei-mi pun cizmele alea obraznice \u015fi roz, cu care facem noi \u015ftii-tu, hihi.”<\/p>\n

    “Daaaaa.”<\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    Nu \u015ftiu cine e duduia, deci ne rezum\u0103m la dialog.<\/p>\n

    “Mam\u0103, a venit rochia de la Getu\u0163a Fe\u015f\u0103n \u015fi m\u0103 face s\u0103 ar\u0103t gras\u0103!”<\/p>\n

    “Tragic, puiul mamei.”<\/p>\n

    “Trebuie s\u0103 port altceva.”<\/p>\n

    “A\u015fa s\u0103 faci, puiul mamei.”<\/p>\n

    (Trei dulapuri golite mai t\u00e2rziu.)<\/p>\n

    “Ce destin implacabil, nu am cu ce s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eembra – ha – ha – c.”<\/p>\n

    “Nu pl\u00e2nge, puiul mamei, g\u0103sim noi o solu\u0163ie.”<\/p>\n

    “N-am nimic frumos, elegant, distins, prezentabil, haicutur. Nimic. NIMIC.”<\/p>\n

    “Puiul mamei, io acum am venit de la cump\u0103r\u0103turi, \u015fi am luat \u015fi saci de gunoi. Negri. \u015ei ni\u015fte scoci. Transparent. Crezi c\u0103 putem \u00eenjgheba ceva?”<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    3. Maurice Munteanu<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    “Din Iordaaaaan botez\u00e2ndu-teee tu, Doamneeee…”<\/p>\n

    “Maurice, ce-i cu tine?”<\/p>\n

    “Citeam eu blogul lui Marius Ianu\u015f, c\u00e2nd m-a p\u0103lit o lumin\u0103, direct \u00een moalele capului. \u015ei mi s-a revelat calea dreptei credin\u0163e.”<\/p>\n

    “Poftim?”<\/p>\n

    “Daaa. Apoi l-am v\u0103zut pe Isus \u00een sushi.”<\/p>\n

    “Oau.”<\/p>\n

    “\u015ei \u00een guacamole.”<\/p>\n

    Nu se poate.”<\/p>\n

    “Ba da. \u015ei am hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 las \u00een urm\u0103 cele lume\u015fti \u015fi s\u0103 iau calea Muntelui Athos. S\u0103 m\u0103 dedic moliftelor \u015fi os\u00e2rdiei preacurate.”<\/p>\n

    “Maurice!”<\/p>\n

    “Nu, nu Maurice. Spune-mi fratele Pafnutie.”<\/p>\n

    4.\u00a0Ilinca Vandici\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    “Iubi, hai s\u0103 facem pariuri.”<\/p>\n

    “OK, dar pe bani.”<\/p>\n

    “F\u0103r\u0103 bani n-are farmec”.<\/p>\n

    “F\u0103r\u0103 bani nu pierdeam timpul cu tine.”<\/p>\n

    “H\u0103h\u0103, oricum pierzi, fat\u0103.”<\/p>\n

    “Pune-m\u0103 la \u00eencercare”<\/p>\n

    “Pe c\u00e2t?”<\/p>\n

    “10.000 de euro.”<\/p>\n

    “Ooook. La pariu c\u0103… nu reu\u015fe\u015fti s\u0103 bele\u015fti un disco ball… ba nu, patru disco balli \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i faci fust\u0103 din coaja lor? Apoi s-o asortezi cu cea mai ur\u00e2t\u0103 bluz\u0103 vintigi \u00eemprumutat\u0103 de la cea mai s\u0103rac\u0103 vecin\u0103 de la noi din bloc? \u015ei la pariu c\u0103 nu te \u0163ine s\u0103 ie\u015fi din cas\u0103 a\u015fa?”<\/p>\n

    “Pfff. \u0162ine-mi pu\u0163in sucul de goji.”<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    Alta care habar n-am cine plm este \u015fi ce plm face.<\/p>\n

    “Ia cu tine \u015fi inima, inima mea.”<\/p>\n

    “N-am loc \u00een bagaje, iubito. Am de c\u0103rat ni\u015fte burete ro\u015fu, s\u0103-l duc la fabric\u0103, s\u0103 facem izola\u0163ie termic\u0103 \u015fi fonic\u0103.”<\/p>\n

    “A, asta face buretele, hani?”<\/p>\n

    “\u015ei mai \u015fi absoarbe lichide.”<\/p>\n

    “\u015emecher buretele \u0103sta, hani. \u015ei… zici c\u0103 \u00eel duci pe tot la fabric\u0103?”<\/p>\n

    “Da, bine, Avem un pic \u00een plus. De aceea n-avem loc de inima ta, inima ta.”<\/p>\n

    “Ei, bine, ba ave\u0163i”.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Foto: Elle.ro<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    \u0102\u0103\u0103\u0103hm, pardon. Pardon. Premiile Elle Fashion Awards, 2017. Sau premiile “Cum s\u0103 ne \u00eembr\u0103c\u0103m to\u0163i de la Bruno Funny Shop”. Hai s\u0103 reconstituim c\u00e2teva...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/Antonia.jpg?fit=489%2C328&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13744","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13744"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13744\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13752,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13744\/revisions\/13752"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13744"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13744"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13744"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}