{"id":13783,"date":"2017-12-12T10:57:31","date_gmt":"2017-12-12T07:57:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=13783"},"modified":"2017-12-12T12:07:54","modified_gmt":"2017-12-12T09:07:54","slug":"femeile-complici","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/femeile-complici\/","title":{"rendered":"Femeile – complici"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dup\u0103 cum bine \u015fti\u0163i, fac aceast\u0103 serie de interviuri, cu femei voluntare, care \u015ftiu ce vor de la via\u0163\u0103. Pe de o parte, cu scopul educ\u0103rii popula\u0163iei. Mi se pare important s\u0103 le ofer modele feminine care nu arat\u0103 ca Angelina Jolie – mai ales acum, c\u00e2nd nici Angelina Jolie nu mai arat\u0103 a Angelina Jolie – dar care au o meserie, exceleaz\u0103 \u00een ceea ce fac, nu at\u00e2rn\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 scop, \u0163el \u015fi cauz\u0103 ca ni\u015fte zombi st\u0103tu\u0163i la soare.<\/p>\n

\u015ei asta dintr-un motiv simplu: c\u00e2nd nu ai un scop, e\u015fti ca o corabie \u00een deriv\u0103, la mila elementelor. Scopul te \u0163ine la suprafa\u0163\u0103, \u00ee\u0163i d\u0103 putere c\u00e2nd te confrun\u0163i cu diversele be\u0163e pe care al\u0163ii, din r\u0103utate sau din pur\u0103 prostie, insist\u0103 s\u0103 \u0163i le bage \u00een roate. Scopul \u00ee\u0163i d\u0103 o coloan\u0103 vertebral\u0103.<\/p>\n

Bun. Unul dintre interviurile cele mai izbitoare pe care le-am luat a fost povestea Ginei Bradea<\/a>. Blogger de food care a fost buc\u0103tar mul\u0163i ani, Gina ne-a dezv\u0103luit o poveste care ne-a cutremurat: a avut o copil\u0103rie grea, cumplit\u0103, cu un tat\u0103 care o snopea \u00een b\u0103t\u0103i zi de zi, ca hobby, \u00eei smulgea c\u0103r\u0163ile din m\u00e2ini dac\u0103 o vedea citind, c\u0103ci, nu-i a\u015fa, locul femeii e la crati\u0163\u0103, \u015fi, cum spune ea, i-a smuls aripile.<\/p>\n

Majoritatea copiilor astfel trata\u0163i ajung adul\u0163i cu probleme psihice grave, neintegra\u0163i social. Sau chiar mai r\u0103u.<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 aceast\u0103 relatare care mi-a sf\u00e2\u015fiat inima, apare aceast\u0103 cucoan\u0103:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Femeile de acest tip poart\u0103 vina perpetu\u0103rii violen\u0163ei domestice de-a lungul secolelor.<\/p>\n

Femeile de acest tip sunt complicii direc\u0163i ai abuzurilor. Ele sunt cele care \u00eenvinuiesc victimele pentru c\u0103 nu-s “copii cumin\u0163i”, “neveste supuse” \u015fi a\u015fa mai departe. Ele sunt cele care le neag\u0103 victimelor dreptul la a-\u015fi tr\u0103i suferin\u0163a, ele mai pun o lopat\u0103 de umilin\u0163\u0103 \u015fi \u00eenjosire peste respectul de sine deja f\u0103cut ferfeni\u0163\u0103 al victimelor, ele le impun rudelor lor, prietenelor sau, iat\u0103, necunoscutelor de pe net, c\u0103 tratamentul abuziv \u015fi violent e ok, problema e la tine c\u0103 nu supor\u0163i, \u015fi c\u0103 “ai un caracter ur\u00e2t” dac\u0103 nu supor\u0163i. Ele te porc\u0103ie \u015fi te insult\u0103 pentru c\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i exprimi emo\u0163iile negative.<\/p>\n

Una dintre cele mai dificile realiz\u0103ri ale unui om care tr\u0103ie\u015fte sau a tr\u0103it un abuz, \u015fi a fost maltratat \u015fi m\u0103cinat emo\u0163ional p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een punctul \u00een care a \u00eenceput \u015fi el s\u0103 cread\u0103 c\u0103 \u00eel merit\u0103 e EXACT capacitatea de a-\u015fi exprima emo\u0163iile negative legate de acesta. \u015ei un prim pas spre vindecare e asumarea \u015fi tr\u0103irea p\u00e2n\u0103 la cap\u0103t a acestor emo\u0163ii, s\u0103 te po\u0163i elibera.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 vii s\u0103 insul\u0163i un om care \u00ee\u015fi descrie cea mai dureroas\u0103 perioad\u0103 a vie\u0163ii lui nu e numai o r\u0103utate de nedescris, nu e numai o cruzime gratuit\u0103, e mai mult de at\u00e2t: incapacitatea complet\u0103 de a comp\u0103timi \u015fi de a te pune \u00een situa\u0163ie. E o dovad\u0103 c\u0103 e\u015fti complet sterp mintal \u015fi emo\u0163ional, \u015fi tot ce conteaz\u0103 pentru tine e “s\u0103 dea bine” lucrurile \u00een afar\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015ei multe femei au f\u0103cut asta de-a lungul istoriei.<\/p>\n

\u015ei prin asta au sus\u0163inut, justificat, legitimat, aprobat formatul familiei tradi\u0163ionale \u015fi, implicit, abuzul f\u0103r\u0103 limite pe care-l reprezint\u0103 o familie tradi\u0163ional\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd b\u0103rbatul e un jeg ambulant.<\/p>\n

Aici o s\u0103 sar\u0103 cinci deodat\u0103: “Nu to\u0163i suntem a\u015fa”. \u015e\u0103de\u0163i ogoit pe curu-v\u0103, nici n-am zis c\u0103 a\u0163i fi.<\/p>\n

Dar cei care sunte\u0163i, \u015fi \u015fti\u0163i \u00een con\u015ftiin\u0163a voastr\u0103 c\u0103 sunte\u0163i, \u015fti\u0163i, cum \u015ftiu \u015fi eu, c\u0103 v\u0103 folosi\u0163i membrii de familie ca pe ni\u015fte obiecte proprietate personal\u0103 pe care v\u0103 desc\u0103rca\u0163i prostia, r\u0103utatea \u015fi frustr\u0103rile. \u015ei cei care sunte\u0163i a\u015fa, sunte\u0163i dovada vie c\u0103 formatul familiei tradi\u0163ionale e o rulet\u0103 ruseasc\u0103 \u015fi o permanent\u0103 porti\u0163\u0103 spre suferin\u0163\u0103 \u015fi abuz.<\/p>\n

Iar femeile astea cu “Nu-\u0163i vorbi tat\u0103l de r\u0103u c\u0103 e ur\u00e2t, nu conteaz\u0103 c\u0103 te-a terciuit toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria” sunt chiar mai vinovate dec\u00e2t voi. Pentru c\u0103 sunt \u015fi ele femei. Ar putea \u015fi ele s\u0103 fac\u0103 un efort s\u0103 se pun\u0103 \u00een situa\u0163ie. S\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi imagineze cum e s\u0103 nu \u015ftii ce balamuc sinistru g\u0103se\u015fti acas\u0103. Acas\u0103, unde noi cei normali mergem s\u0103 ne relax\u0103m \u015fi s\u0103 ne odihnim, aceste victime se duc cu fric\u0103, groaz\u0103 \u015fi sc\u00e2rb\u0103.<\/p>\n

Dar \u00een loc s\u0103 fac\u0103 acest minim efort, ele iau partea agresorului \u015fi umilesc victima.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 toate femeile p\u0103m\u00e2ntului ar refuza, de m\u00e2ine, s\u0103 se lase tratate ca ni\u015fte c\u00e2rpe, \u015fi ar ie\u015fi pe u\u015f\u0103 din secunda \u00een care se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103, cred c\u0103 mul\u0163i s-ar da pe brazd\u0103. C\u00e2t timp exist\u0103 cele care se complac, \u015fi mai r\u0103u, cele care umilesc \u015fi insult\u0103, abuzul domestic va exista bine mersi \u00een continuare.<\/p>\n

De ce ar vrea o brut\u0103 s\u0103 fac\u0103 un efort s\u0103 se schimbe, dac\u0103 merge \u015fi a\u015fa?<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dragi cititoare cu aceast\u0103 mentalitate,<\/p>\n

Habar nu am dac\u0103 aceste idei v-au fost inoculate de ta\u0163i care v-au st\u00e2rpit \u00een b\u0103taie \u015fi v-au sp\u0103lat pe creier sau dac\u0103 a\u0163i tr\u0103it \u00een puf toat\u0103 via\u0163a \u015fi nu ave\u0163i termen de compara\u0163ie. Dar dac\u0103 ave\u0163i aceste idei, supune\u0163i-le unei reexamin\u0103ri critice.<\/p>\n

Exist\u0103 p\u0103rin\u0163i care au f\u0103cut sacrificii reale, enorme, au lucrat dou\u0103 joburi, sau au plecat \u00een str\u0103in\u0103tate, sau au v\u00e2ndut case, s\u0103-\u015fi ajute copii. \u015ei exist\u0103 p\u0103rin\u0163i care au umilit, au lovit, au neglijat, au strivit cu bun\u0103 \u015ftiin\u0163\u0103, poate chiar cu pl\u0103cere.<\/p>\n

E corect fa\u0163\u0103 de cei din prima categorie ca cei din a doua s\u0103 fie trata\u0163i cu egal\u0103 deferen\u0163\u0103?<\/p>\n

Eu zic c\u0103 nu.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dup\u0103 cum bine \u015fti\u0163i, fac aceast\u0103 serie de interviuri, cu femei voluntare, care \u015ftiu ce vor de la via\u0163\u0103. Pe de o parte, cu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13784,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/man.jpg?fit=1280%2C896&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13783"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13787,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13783\/revisions\/13787"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13784"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}