Nu \u015ftiu dac\u0103 mai \u0163ine\u0163i minte revistele de alt\u0103dat\u0103 \u015fi testele lor. R\u0103spunde (pe c\u00e2t se poate de) sincer la \u00eentreb\u0103ri, apoi calculeaz\u0103 punctajul \u015fi vei afla dac\u0103 te iube\u015fte, dac\u0103 vrea un viitor cu tine, dac\u0103 vrea doar o aventur\u0103 de-o noapte, sau dac\u0103 e\u015fti o fire introvertit\u0103. Sau nu \u015ftii, c\u0103 nu e\u015fti din localitate. <\/p>\n
Quizurile alea le f\u0103ceam tot noi, redactorii, cu zero cercet\u0103tori englezi \u015fi zero psihologi implica\u0163i, \u015fi de obicei ne distram mai mult f\u0103c\u00e2ndu-le, dec\u00e2t voi r\u0103spunz\u00e2nd la ele. Pentru c\u0103 strecuram pe ici pe colo IF (inep\u0163ia flagrant\u0103) \u015fi nimeni niciodat\u0103 n-o remarca. <\/p>\n
Azi, onorat cititor, vei efectua pe acest blog quizul “Care e rela\u0163ia ta cu sticla de vin”. R\u0103spunde cu grij\u0103, apoi pe final consult\u0103 rezultatele \u015fi vei afla despre tine lucruri care cu siguran\u0163\u0103 te vor surprinde. <\/p>\n
1. Vezi o sticl\u0103 de vin nou-nou\u0163\u0103 la tine-n frigider \u015fi nu \u015ftii de unde a ap\u0103rut. Ce faci?
\na) Chem poli\u0163ia \u015fi predau suspecta.
\nb) Oioi, plm, vai de via\u0163a mea, \u015fi eu care ziceam c\u0103-mi iau tirbu\u015fon nou.
\nc) Petrecere.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
2. Intri \u00een supermarket. Vinul t\u0103u preferat e la reducere dac\u0103 iei 6 sticle, dar tu mai ai dou\u0103 zile p\u00e2n\u0103 la salariu. Ce faci?
\na) Iau bere Bucegi la doi litri, c\u0103 aia e b\u0103utura s\u0103racului.
\nb) Iau spirt Mona \u015fi o franzel\u0103 la un leu, c\u0103 abia aia e autentica b\u0103utur\u0103 a s\u0103racului.
\nc) M\u0103 \u00eenfig. Mai bine poet, dec\u00e2t comunist.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
3) Prefer vinul
\na) Vezi c\u0103 ai scris ap\u0103 plat\u0103 \u015fi l\u0103m\u00e2ie gre\u015fit.
\nb) Ieftin, s\u0103 nu m\u0103 usture la buzunar.
\nc) \u015ei punct. Mai urmeaz\u0103 ceva dup\u0103 afirma\u0163ia de mai sus?
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
4) Dac\u0103 sticla de vin ar fi o femeie, ar fi
\na) Nu \u015ftiu ce ar fi ea, eu a\u015f fi gay.
\nb) Ur\u00e2t\u0103
\nc) Eva Mendes.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
5) Cel mai prost obicei al unei sticle de vin este
\na) S\u0103 existe.
\nb) S\u0103 fie astupat\u0103. N-am tirbu\u015fon, \u00een plm.
\nc) S\u0103 se termine c\u00e2nd \u0163i-e lumea mai drag\u0103.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
6) Dac\u0103 a\u015f sta o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 beau vin, a\u015f
\na) Tr\u0103i ca \u015fi p\u00e2n\u0103 acum, ce, nu m\u0103 vezi?
\nb) Face eu vin din brusturii care-mi cresc de sub balcon.
\nc) Fugi \u00een Fran\u0163a \u015fi a\u015f face sex oral pe bani p\u00e2n\u0103 mi-a\u015f aduna bani de o podgorie.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din Fran\u0163a. <\/p>\n
7) Continua\u0163i c\u00e2ntecul: “dulce-i vinul, duuulce-i vinul”
\na) C\u00e2nd m\u0103 dau cu submarinul.
\nb) \u00cemi bate-n \u0163av\u0103 vecinul.
\nc) M\u0103 iei la mi\u015fto? Vinul cel mai bun e sec. Dac\u0103 vre dulce, bea \u00een mor\u0163ii tei limonad\u0103.
\nd) Nu \u015ftiu, nu sunt din localitate. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ai r\u0103spuns majoritate de a: <\/p>\n
Prietene, e\u015fti antihazul absolut. Din cauza ta \u015fi a celor ca tine au existat holocaustul, apartheidul \u015fi lupta de clas\u0103. E\u015fti o fiin\u0163\u0103 mic\u0103 \u015fi trist\u0103, \u015fi nu meri\u0163i gura aia de oxigen pentru care at\u00e2\u0163ia copaci fac fotosintez\u0103 \u00een secunda asta. Bea ni\u015fte vin, poate te ajut\u0103. De\u015fi nu cred. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ai r\u0103spuns majoritate de b: <\/p>\n
Tu e\u015fti motivul pentru care s-a inventat rachiul de pufoaic\u0103. Tu, dac\u0103 vezi o baleg\u0103 de cal \u00een mijlocul drumului, o culegi cu grij\u0103 \u015fi fierbi din ea o form\u0103 oarecare de alcool. De obicei \u015fi miro\u015fi ca atare. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ai r\u0103spuns majoritate de c: <\/p>\n
E\u015fti o form\u0103 de via\u0163\u0103 feeric\u0103, sublim\u0103, extrem de dotat\u0103 intelectual, emo\u0163ional, \u015fi parc\u0103 mai era ceva, dar suntem prea be\u0163i s\u0103 ne aducem aminte. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ai r\u0103spuns majoritate de d:<\/p>\n
O, Dumnezeule. De mult n-am v\u0103zut pe cineva at\u00e2t de rang\u0103. To\u0163i cititorii de aici vor s\u0103 bea ce bei tu. <\/p>\n
****<\/p>\n
\u015ei pentru c\u0103 e frumoas\u0103 zi de s\u0103rb\u0103toare, \u0163ine autoarea beat\u0103 prin Paypalul afi\u015fat \u00een sidebar. <\/p>\n
Foto: pixabay.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Nu \u015ftiu dac\u0103 mai \u0163ine\u0163i minte revistele de alt\u0103dat\u0103 \u015fi testele lor. R\u0103spunde (pe c\u00e2t se poate de) sincer la \u00eentreb\u0103ri, apoi calculeaz\u0103 punctajul...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13861,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13860","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/wine.jpg?fit=1280%2C854&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13860","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13860"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13860\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13864,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13860\/revisions\/13864"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13861"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13860"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13860"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13860"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}