Ieri, am avut una dintre cele mai \u015focante experien\u0163e internautice. Una \u00een care am dat o glum\u0103 random pe o tem\u0103 care nici m\u0103car nu m\u0103 pasiona foarte tare \u015fi, next thing you know, sec\u0163iunea de comentarii mi-a fost n\u0103p\u0103dit\u0103 de pule\u0163i cu deficit de testosteron \u00eencord\u00e2ndu-se masiv la mine. \u015ei e frustrant al dracu’, c\u00e2nd \u015ftii c\u0103 nu po\u0163i cu mor\u0163i, r\u0103ni\u0163i \u015fi mame curve, c\u0103-\u0163i d\u0103 Facebook 30 de zile de ban.<\/p>\n
De ce zic deficit de testosteron? Pentru c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii s\u0103n\u0103to\u015fi hormonal nu simt nevoia asta ridicol\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eencordeze autoritatea la str\u0103ini, s\u0103 fac\u0103 pe vitejii cu orice pre\u0163 \u015fi s\u0103 insiste cretine\u015fte, surzi la argumente. B\u0103rba\u0163ii s\u0103n\u0103to\u015fi la minte \u015fi trup \u015ftiu c\u0103 sunt ok \u015fi n-au nevoie de expozeu de penibil.<\/p>\n
Dar pu\u0163ele astea sfrijite se \u00eenfoaie a floci zb\u00e2rli\u0163i de c\u00e2te ori se ia \u00een discu\u0163ie o tem\u0103 care, \u00een mintea lor proast\u0103 ca noaptea aduce o atingere imaginar\u0103 masculinit\u0103\u0163ii lor inexistente. Acum trei ani r\u0103geau \u00een subsol s\u0103 se interzic\u0103 homosexualitatea, c\u0103 se simt ei g\u00e2dila\u0163i anal c\u00e2nd v\u0103d cupluri de acela\u015fi sex pe strad\u0103. Acum doi ani, s\u0103 nu steriliz\u0103m c\u00e2ini f\u0103r\u0103 st\u0103p\u00e2n, c\u0103 dac\u0103-i lu\u0103m c\u00e2inelui masculinitatea, ce pl\u0103cere \u00eei mai r\u0103m\u00e2ne. \u015ei acum, dup\u0103 masacrele \u015fcolare – ultimul \u00een Florida, \u00een care un alt pulete cu masculinitatea perturbat\u0103 a decis s\u0103 arate cine are pula mare deschiz\u00e2nd foc asupra colegilor \u015fi ucig\u00e2nd 17 dintre ei, iar orice om normal trage concluzia c\u0103 accesul la arme de foc ar trebui limitat, s\u0103 nu ajung\u0103 orice c\u0103cat cu ochi la ele, \u0103\u015ftia au \u00eenceput s\u0103 rag\u0103 la mine-n subsol de parc\u0103 propusesem s\u0103 fie to\u0163i castra\u0163i \u00een grup.<\/p>\n
Apoi tot ei spun de femei c\u0103 reac\u0163ioneaz\u0103 emo\u0163ional \u015fi c\u0103 noi, b\u0103rba\u0163ii, suntem ra\u0163ionali. Chit c\u0103 sunt forma\u0163i din zero creier \u015fi 100% emo\u0163ii prost \u00eembuteliate.<\/p>\n
\u015ei m\u0103car dac\u0103 pu\u0163ele astea sfrijite ar fi stat \u00een America, \u015fi le atacam un drept sau ceva. Dar nu. St\u0103teau \u00een Rom\u00e2nia. Au tr\u0103it x ani fiecare, bine mersi, f\u0103r\u0103 arm\u0103 de foc. \u015ei totu\u015fi, se \u00eencordau a prostie \u00eencr\u00e2ncenat\u0103 la mine c\u0103 de\u0163inerea de arme e vital\u0103 pentru ap\u0103rare. Chit c\u0103 ei nu folosiser\u0103 dec\u00e2t pistol cu ap\u0103, cel mult.<\/p>\n
“O, dar stai c\u0103-\u0163i d\u0103m situa\u0163ii \u00een care b\u0103ie\u0163i buni cu pistoale au salvat ni\u015fte oameni de b\u0103ie\u0163i r\u0103i cu pistoale.”<\/p>\n
Greu de judecat c\u0103, dac\u0103 b\u0103ie\u0163ii \u0103ia r\u0103i ar fi avut ceva mai mult de furc\u0103 s\u0103 procure numitele pistoale, o bun\u0103 parte s-ar fi l\u0103sat p\u0103guba\u015fi, \u015fi situa\u0163iile citate n-ar fi ap\u0103rut in the first place.<\/p>\n
Pentru c\u0103 realitatea profund uman\u0103 e urm\u0103toarea: d\u0103-i idiotului iluzia puterii, \u015fi idiotul va abuza de ea. Pune-i limite idiotului, \u015fi idiotul o s\u0103 se limiteze.<\/p>\n
Cel mai bun exemplu e compara\u0163ia Facebook \/ YouTube \u015fi limbajul argotic. De la o vreme, Mark a hot\u0103r\u00e2t c\u0103 limbajul de pe Facebook trebuie men\u0163inut curat ca lacrima. Next thing you know, ne-am adaptat to\u0163i. Fain frumos, cu cuvinte alese cu grij\u0103, con\u015ftien\u0163i c\u0103 urinatul cu jet pe mama oponentului, care e o doamn\u0103 de moravuri u\u015foare ce-\u015fi ofer\u0103 serviciile pe bonuri de mas\u0103 se las\u0103 cu banuri de c\u00e2te 30 de zile.<\/p>\n
Pe YouTube, unde nu func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 astfel de criterii, mamele noastre ale tuturor \u00ee\u015fi tr\u0103iesc a doua tinere\u0163e \u015fi-\u015fi expandeaz\u0103 orizonturile amoroase.<\/p>\n
A\u015fijderea, dac\u0103-i confi\u015fti prostului armele de foc, o s\u0103 se adapteze \u00een timp s\u0103-\u015fi rezolve problemele cu diploma\u0163ie \u015fi respect. D\u0103-i iluzia c\u0103 are drept de via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi de moarte asupra trec\u0103torilor \u015fi, cu c\u00e2t IQ-ul e mai mic, cu at\u00e2t nevoia de r\u0103zbunare prosteasc\u0103 pe orice ofens\u0103 real\u0103 sau imaginar\u0103 e mai mare.<\/p>\n
“Da, Lorena, dar dac\u0103 eventualul nemernic e tac-tu, frati-tu sau b\u0103rbatu-tu, nu mai bine ai o arm\u0103 s\u0103 te aperi?”<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 eventualul nemernic e tac-tu, frati-tu sau b\u0103rbatu-tu \u015fi ai o arm\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103, \u00een caz de conflict, el ajunge la ea primul. Pentru c\u0103 \u0103la care implementeaz\u0103 abuzul conduce jocul \u015fi ca atare, are reflexele ceva mai vii dec\u00e2t victima, care e deja paralizat\u0103 de perpetua stare de bullying.<\/p>\n
“Dar dac\u0103 cineva deschide brusc foc asupra mea?”<\/p>\n
Posibilitatea e ceva mai redus\u0103 dac\u0103 acel cineva n-are acces la o arm\u0103 in the first place, \u015fi c\u00e2nd vine o ploaie de gloan\u0163e spre tine, \u00een general cea mai proast\u0103 idee e s\u0103 stai s\u0103 te pip\u0103i dup\u0103 arm\u0103, s\u0103-i bagi glon\u0163 \u015fi s\u0103 cau\u0163i s\u0103 \u0163inte\u015fti. P\u00e2n\u0103 le faci, e\u015fti pu\u0163in cam mort.<\/p>\n
“Nu \u015fi eu, c\u0103-s tr\u0103g\u0103tor natural.”<\/p>\n
Ok, nu \u015fi tu. Dar societatea nu e g\u00e2ndit\u0103 s\u0103-i protejeze doar pe tr\u0103g\u0103torii naturali, ci \u015fi pe \u0103ia care \u00een loc s\u0103 bage glon\u0163ul pe \u0163eav\u0103, \u015fi-l introduc accidental \u00een anus.<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 se d\u0103 liber s\u0103 aib\u0103 toat\u0103 lumea arme, tot ce se ob\u0163ine e o lege a talionului, unde eu o \u00eempu\u015fc pe m\u0103-ta s\u0103 m\u0103 r\u0103zbun pe tine, tu pe mama s\u0103 te r\u0103zbuni pe mine, tu \u00eemi mai omori trei m\u0103tu\u015fi, eu \u0163ie patru unchi \u015fi, tot a\u015fa, p\u00e2n\u0103 ne revedem to\u0163i la morg\u0103. Avantaj cel cu reflexe mai rapide.<\/p>\n
Apoi, sunt oamenii cu probleme de anger management, gen eu. M\u0103 ag\u0103\u0163i \u00eentr-o s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 \u00eentr-un bar. Povestim, r\u00e2dem, chimia pare natural\u0103, mergem la mine acas\u0103, iar mai glumim, \u015fi \u00eencepem s\u0103 ne dezbr\u0103c\u0103m reciproc. Tu \u00eencerci u\u015fa din spate. Eu \u00ee\u0163i\u00a0 zic frumos \u015fi politicos: “Nu, nu acolo.” Dar cum tu ai nesim\u0163irea tipic\u0103 de b\u0103rbat rom\u00e2n, care insist\u0103 mult dincolo de “nu”, mai \u00eencerci o dat\u0103. Eu ca de\u0163in\u0103toare de arm\u0103 a\u015f lua pistolul \u015fi te-a\u015f \u00eempu\u015fca f\u0103r\u0103 regrete \u00een febra momentului. “B\u0103i, idiotul mor\u0163ilor m\u0103-tii, care parte din “nu acolo” e neclar\u0103, pi\u015fa-m-a\u015f pe cadavrul t\u0103u \u00een s\u00e2nge?”<\/p>\n
Apoi \u00eemi rup pu\u0163in hainele \u015fi sun la poli\u0163ie, s\u0103 reclam c\u0103 ai f\u0103cut invazie de domiciliu \u015fi tentativ\u0103 de viol.<\/p>\n
Nu mai bine nu de\u0163inem to\u0163i pro\u015ftii arme? A\u015fa, eu m\u0103 ab\u0163in de la aventuri de-astea \u015fi tu r\u0103m\u00e2i \u00een via\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ar fi s\u0103-i num\u0103r\u0103m pe b\u0103rba\u0163ii rom\u00e2ni care-\u015fi datoreaz\u0103 via\u0163a doar faptului c\u0103 femeile nu aveau acces imediat la o arm\u0103 de foc, eu zic c\u0103 no\u0163iunea de restric\u0163ie pe de\u0163inerea de arme de foc e de maximum bun sim\u0163.<\/p>\n
\u015ei pe final, zic \u015fi gluma care i-a declan\u015fat pe pule\u0163i.<\/p>\n
\u015etire: \u00cen urma masacrului din Florida, Trump a propus s\u0103 fie \u00eenarma\u0163i \u015fi profesorii.<\/p>\n
Lorena:\u00a0Pe baza acestei logici, metoda ideal\u0103 de a preveni cariile e s\u0103 d\u0103m bomboane \u015fi denti\u015ftilor.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Foto: Wikipedia.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ieri, am avut una dintre cele mai \u015focante experien\u0163e internautice. Una \u00een care am dat o glum\u0103 random pe o tem\u0103 care nici m\u0103car...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14382,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/1200px-SIG_Pro_by_Augustas_Didzgalvis.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14381","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14381"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14381\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14385,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14381\/revisions\/14385"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}