Am c\u00e2\u0163iva b\u0103rba\u0163i cu care am o prietenie stabil\u0103, solid\u0103 \u015fi de \u00eencredere. La modul: “Nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 combin, tot ce am s\u0103-\u0163i ofer e multhulitul friendzone. Po\u0163i face ca gher\u0163oii, s\u0103 te ofensezi \u015fi s\u0103-l prive\u015fti ca pe o negare a masculinit\u0103\u0163ii tale, sau s\u0103-l iei ca pe un cadou, de timp, aten\u0163ie \u015fi implicare din partea mea.”<\/p>\n
Deci, am un friendzone care nu are o problem\u0103 c\u0103 e un friendzone.<\/p>\n
\u015ei ieri, dac\u0103 tot boleam ca un c\u00e2ine plouat, am stat de vorb\u0103 cu un amic din friendzone. Un b\u0103iat bun, prins \u00een capcana unei fete rele. Fata rea i-a luat parola de Facebook \u015fi a dat unfriend tuturor persoanelor de sex feminin din lista lui. St\u0103 de paz\u0103 pe Facebook Messenger, \u015fi c\u00e2nd \u00eel vede activ, vrea s\u0103 \u015ftie cu cine vorbe\u015fte. \u00cel sun\u0103 de n ori pe zi, c\u00e2t timp e la serviciu, stoarce din el declara\u0163ii de iubire cu \u00eencr\u00e2ncenarea unui dentist care tocmai extrage o m\u0103sea de minte, \u015fi \u00eel turbeaz\u0103 cu nervii.<\/p>\n
Iar el nu pleac\u0103.<\/p>\n
Punctez, b\u0103iatul \u0103sta nu e un idiot, nu e un p\u0103mp\u0103l\u0103u \u015fi \u00ee\u015fi \u015ftie valoarea uman\u0103. A avut destule femei frumoase, nu e genul “virgin la prima mu*e”. Dar cumva, \u0103steia \u00eei g\u0103se\u015fte interminabile scuze: “A avut o copil\u0103rie nefericit\u0103 \/ A avut o via\u0163\u0103 grea \/ E prostu\u0163\u0103 \/ E mic\u0103 \/ E imatur\u0103.”<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 o copil\u0103rie nefericit\u0103 e all it takes s\u0103 justifice un comportament de psihopat\u0103, eu ar trebui s\u0103 fiu Aileen Wuornos, second of her name. Bine, de via\u0163\u0103 grea nu m\u0103 pl\u00e2ng, dar eu \u015fi muncesc de la 18 ani s\u0103 mi-o fac u\u015foar\u0103. \u015ei nici la 16, nici la 20, nici la 25 de ani nu m\u0103 b\u0103gam \u00een gadgeturile personale ale unui b\u0103rbat, oric\u00e2t de intimi am fi fost. Pentru c\u0103 vedeam \u015fi pe atunci iubirea ca pe o form\u0103 de respect, nu ca pe o form\u0103 de invazie de l\u0103custe, care paradesc recolta \u015fi dup\u0103 ele potopul.<\/p>\n
Mi-am dat seama c\u0103 st\u0103team de vorb\u0103 cu o victim\u0103 a unui abuz. O victim\u0103 care se compl\u0103cea \u00een acest abuz: se pl\u00e2ngea, \u00ee\u015fi relata insulta, dar nu f\u0103cea nimic \u00een privin\u0163a asta. Exact ca o victim\u0103 femeie. Poate, \u00een privin\u0163a emo\u0163iilor, nu suntem at\u00e2t de diferi\u0163i pe c\u00e2nd ne-ar pl\u0103cea s\u0103 credem.<\/p>\n
Sigur, o femeie abuziv\u0103 nu las\u0103 v\u00e2n\u0103t\u0103i, r\u0103ni s\u00e2nger\u00e2nde \u015fi organe zdrobite, ca un b\u0103rbat abuziv. Dar las\u0103 un respect de sine erodat, o team\u0103 acut\u0103 de noua criz\u0103 de isterie \u015fi de ce alt\u0103 t\u00e2mpenie ilogic\u0103 \u015fi retardat\u0103 urmeaz\u0103 de data asta, \u015fi un foarte straniu sindrom Stockholm.<\/p>\n
“O iubesc.”<\/p>\n
E exact replica femeii b\u0103tute, care se \u00eentoarce la b\u0103rbat dup\u0103 o b\u0103taie sor\u0103 cu moartea, dac\u0103 \u0103la se pune \u00een genunchi \u015fi jur\u0103 c\u0103 nu mai face.<\/p>\n
“OK, dar \u015ftii c\u0103 peste c\u00e2teva ore urmeaz\u0103 alt scandal f\u0103r\u0103 sens, nu?”<\/p>\n
“\u015etiu. Tot sper c\u0103 la un moment dat se maturizeaz\u0103, cap\u0103t\u0103 \u00eencredere \u00een mine \u015fi \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 n-are nici un sens.”<\/p>\n
Acest push – pull al \u00eencrederii e o tactic\u0103 at\u00e2t de transparent\u0103 de manipulare, \u00eenc\u00e2t dac\u0103 ar \u00eencerca-o un b\u0103rbat cu mine, l-a\u015f sp\u00e2nzura de coaie.<\/p>\n
“Acum, dup\u0103 ce termin\u0103m de vorbit, o s-o sun \u015fi o s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrebe cu cine am vorbit, c\u0103 a sunat ocupat.”<\/p>\n
“Repet\u0103 dup\u0103 mine: ‘Cu m\u0103-ta. Am felicitat-o c\u0103 o suge mai bine dec\u00e2t tine’.”<\/p>\n
R\u00e2de.<\/p>\n
“Nu pot s\u0103 fiu at\u00e2t de m\u00e2rlan.”<\/p>\n
Cu genul \u0103sta de oameni nu ai de ales. Trebuie s\u0103 fii m\u00e2rlan, trebuie s\u0103-\u0163i negociezi aerul de respirat prin orice mijloace.<\/p>\n
“Dar dup\u0103 aia o s\u0103 zic\u0103: uite, am avut dreptate s\u0103 nu am \u00eencredere \u00een tine.”<\/p>\n
Asta cu \u00eencrederea e o capcan\u0103. O femeie vede \u00een cam dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni \u00een ce m\u0103sur\u0103 e\u015fti material de rela\u0163ie sau nu. Simplul fapt c\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi permite acest comportament cu tine denot\u0103 c\u0103 are mult prea mult\u0103 \u00eencredere.<\/p>\n
“Repet\u0103 dup\u0103 mine: ‘Chiar te rog s\u0103 nu ai \u00eencredere. De fapt, voiam s\u0103-\u0163i propun o rela\u0163ie deschis\u0103.”<\/p>\n
“Ceeee? S-ar isteriza \u00eengrozitor.”<\/p>\n
“Sau poate nu. Abia asta i-ar b\u0103ga \u00een oase spaima c\u0103 te poate pierde \u015fi ar l\u0103sa-o mai moale cu stalinismul.”<\/p>\n
Mai r\u00e2de o dat\u0103.<\/p>\n
“Nu \u015ftiu ce s\u0103 zic. A\u015f vrea s\u0103 fiu ca tine.”<\/p>\n
“Poate e\u015fti prea amorezat acum, dar lucreaz\u0103 la asta \u015fi o s\u0103-\u0163i ias\u0103. E\u015fti un om bun \u015fi meri\u0163i o rela\u0163ie cu una care te apreciaz\u0103 \u015fi te sus\u0163ine, nu cu una care te vampirizeaz\u0103 energetic.”<\/p>\n
Tace.<\/p>\n
“B\u0103i, dar eu o iubesc. A\u015f vrea at\u00e2t de mult s\u0103 nu fie a\u015fa.”<\/p>\n
Concluzia: Nici un abuz nu e unilateral. El presupune un partener abuziv, care g\u0103se\u015fte pl\u0103cere \u00een a-i face r\u0103u celuilalt, \u015fi un partener submisiv, care se complace \u00een a fi agresat. Suspectez c\u0103 undeva la cap\u0103tul umilin\u0163ei, stresului, nervilor, trebuie s\u0103 fie o form\u0103 oarecare de pl\u0103cere, pe care eu n-o pot \u00een\u0163elege.<\/p>\n
Dar merit\u0103 aceast\u0103 pl\u0103cere tot r\u0103ul emo\u0163ional \u015fi social al unei rela\u0163ii abuzive?<\/p>\n
Foto: Universal Pictures<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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