\u00centr-o frumoas\u0103 zi de prim\u0103var\u0103, Vasile trase un p\u00e2r\u0163.<\/p>\n
Impropriu spus p\u00e2r\u0163. Chit c\u0103 dexonline d\u0103 drept sinonime flatula\u0163ie, p\u00e2r\u0163, b\u0103\u015fin\u0103 \u015fi v\u00e2nt, orice om cu o bort\u0103 a curului activ\u0103 simte c\u0103 nu-s acela\u015fi lucru. Flatula\u0163ia are aere intelectuale, un \u015fuier mai degrab\u0103 sopran \u015fi, de cele mai multe ori, accent fran\u0163uzesc. P\u00e2r\u0163ul e scurt, juc\u0103u\u015f \u015fi zglobiu, ca un or\u0103c\u0103it de broscu\u0163\u0103. V\u00e2ntul e… ca v\u00e2ntul. Mut \u015fi interiorizat, ca o iubire nem\u0103rturisit\u0103. Pe c\u00e2nd b\u0103\u015fina e neao\u015f\u0103, v\u00e2rtoas\u0103, sparge ferestre, timpane, r\u0103stoarn\u0103 guverne \u015fi, dac\u0103 ar putea fi controlat\u0103, ar putea deveni instrument \u00eentr-o trup\u0103 de rock. La chitar\u0103, Gicu Magicu, la tobe, Geta Exegeta \u015fi la b\u0103\u015fini, Bredpit Cap-de-Mort. Nume de scen\u0103.<\/p>\n
Impropriul numit p\u00e2r\u0163 – c\u0103 Vasile era \u00een vizit\u0103 duminical\u0103, la maic\u0103-sa, \u015fi la maic\u0103-sa acas\u0103, toate categoriile de mai sus erau “p\u00e2r\u0163uri” – erupse ca pasiunea lui Kanye fa\u0163\u0103 de Kim \u015fi l\u0103s\u0103 \u00eens\u0103rcinate toate femeile din bloc deodat\u0103.<\/p>\n
De fapt, maic\u0103-sa era de vin\u0103. G\u0103tise ciorb\u0103 de fasole. De\u015fi \u015eTIA c\u0103 \u00een cazul lui Vasile, ciorba de fasole se soldeaz\u0103 cu mor\u0163i \u015fi r\u0103ni\u0163i. Dar avea ea aceast\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103p\u0103\u0163\u00e2nare demonstrativ\u0103, tipic feminin\u0103, c\u0103, chiar dac\u0103 o chestie n-a mers de 4356 de ori, sigur a 4357-a oar\u0103 va merge, pentru c\u0103 universul \u00ee\u015fi va da seama c\u0103 a gre\u015fit \u015fi o s\u0103 se prosterneze \u00een regret.<\/p>\n
\u015ei nici o g\u0103titoare de ciorb\u0103 de fasole nu va accepta EVER c\u0103 de la ciorba ei te b\u0103\u015fe\u015fti.<\/p>\n
-Nu-i adev\u0103rat. Eu \u00eenmoi fasolea o mie de ore \u00een ap\u0103 \u015fi cald\u0103, \u015fi rece, fierb fasolea \u00een o sut\u0103 cincizeci de ape \u015fi jum\u0103tate \u015fi o aduc pe Maria C\u00e2mpina \u00een persoan\u0103 s-o desc\u00e2nte de dezlegarea p\u00e2ntecelor.<\/p>\n
-Coaie, care parte din “dac\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc fasole, m\u0103 b\u0103\u015fesc” e neclar\u0103?<\/p>\n
-Poate la alte curve, care nu \u015ftiu s\u0103 mute o solni\u0163\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s-o sparg\u0103, de la fasolea MEA nu ai cum s\u0103 te b\u0103\u015fe\u015fti. \u015ei folose\u015fte un limbaj adecvat.<\/p>\n
Gurii \u00eei po\u0163i impune un limbaj adecvat; curului mai pu\u0163in.<\/p>\n
\u015ei iat\u0103-l pe Vasile al meu, b\u00e2ndu-\u015fi cafelu\u0163a de dup\u0103 mas\u0103 \u015fi str\u00e2ng\u00e2nd din buci a melancolie, \u00een timp ce maic\u0103-sa \u00eei povestea certurile din ultima s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 cu Pamfilica de la trei. M\u0103-sa \u015fi Pamfilica de la trei ar merita propriul lui sitcom. Ele sunt foarte sincere \u00een sentimentele lor profunde de ur\u0103 etern\u0103; dar restul lumii r\u00e2de cu stropi.<\/p>\n
-\u015ei s\u0103 vezi nenorocita…<\/p>\n
-BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!<\/p>\n
-‘re-ai al dracu’ de nemernic, mi-a cr\u0103pat oglinda din cauza ta. \u015eapte ani de ghinion!<\/p>\n
-Eu \u0163i-am zis s\u0103 nu faci faso…<\/p>\n
-NU era fasolea mea! Fasolea mea fiart\u0103 \u00een o mie de ape \u015fi \u00eenmuiat\u0103 \u00een altele o mie! Tot consumul de ap\u0103 al Bucure\u015ftiului pe s\u00e2mb\u0103ta trecut\u0103 a fost pe fasolea mea. Habar n-am ce shaorme \u015fi alte prostii m\u0103n\u00e2nci tu \u00een rest, alea te baloneaz\u0103. Cine \u015ftie ce arme teroriste pun arabii \u00een ele.<\/p>\n
Brusc, cineva \u00eencepu s\u0103 sune \u015fi s\u0103 bat\u0103 insistent.<\/p>\n
-Deschide\u0163i! Poli\u0163ia!!!<\/p>\n
-Ce e, domnule? Ce-ave\u0163i?<\/p>\n
-Am primit reclama\u0163ii c-a\u0163i \u00eenc\u0103lcat Legea Zgomotului.<\/p>\n
-Cum s-o \u00eenc\u0103lc\u0103m? Nu vede\u0163i ce pa\u015fnici suntem?<\/p>\n
-Ne-a \u00eenm\u00e2nat vecina dvs., Pamfilica Ionescu, print screenul m\u0103sur\u0103torii computerizate. 646895 de decibeli. .<\/p>\n
-Pamfilica e nebun\u0103. E truli, s\u0103ri ca ars\u0103 maic\u0103-sa.<\/p>\n
-A photoshopat, \u00eent\u0103ri Vasile.<\/p>\n
-Toat\u0103 lumea \u015ftie c\u0103 Pamfilica e o photoshopist\u0103 de renume mondial.<\/p>\n
Poli\u0163i\u015ftii se uitar\u0103 descump\u0103ni\u0163i \u00een jur. Cas\u0103 b\u0103tr\u00e2neasc\u0103 plin\u0103 de bibelouri \u015fi mileuri. O gospodin\u0103 plinu\u0163\u0103 \u015fi dr\u0103gu\u0163\u0103, \u015fi fiul ei tolomac. Cert nu era nimic incriminator aici.<\/p>\n
-\u00cen cazul \u0103sta, ne scuza\u0163i de deranj.<\/p>\n
Dar curul bucluca\u015f al lui Vasile avea alt\u0103 p\u0103rere despre situa\u0163ie.<\/p>\n
-BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!<\/p>\n
Poli\u0163i\u015ftii s\u0103rir\u0103 c\u00e2t colo \u015fi o rupser\u0103 la fug\u0103.<\/p>\n
-Atentat terorist! Nu suntem echipa\u0163i corespunz\u0103tor!! Fugi\u0163i!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00centr-o frumoas\u0103 zi de prim\u0103var\u0103, Vasile trase un p\u00e2r\u0163. Impropriu spus p\u00e2r\u0163. Chit c\u0103 dexonline d\u0103 drept sinonime flatula\u0163ie, p\u00e2r\u0163, b\u0103\u015fin\u0103 \u015fi v\u00e2nt, orice...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14493,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/loud-boom.jpg?fit=800%2C638&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14492","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14492"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14492\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14496,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14492\/revisions\/14496"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14493"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}