{"id":14576,"date":"2018-03-23T10:23:41","date_gmt":"2018-03-23T07:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=14576"},"modified":"2018-03-23T10:23:41","modified_gmt":"2018-03-23T07:23:41","slug":"cum-am-avut-eu-zona-zoster-camuflata-in-hepatita","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-am-avut-eu-zona-zoster-camuflata-in-hepatita\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum am avut eu zona zoster camuflat\u0103 \u00een hepatit\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

Eram angajat\u0103 \u00eentr-unul dintre cele mai stresante joburi ever.<\/p>\n

Jobul \u00een sine \u00eemi pl\u0103cea. Dar venea la pachet cu una dintre cele mai sinistre idioate pe care mi-a fost dat vreodat\u0103 s\u0103 le \u00eent\u00e2lnesc, pe post de \u015fef\u0103. Idioata \u00eencepea s\u0103-\u0163i traseze diminea\u0163a sarcini: Ai de scris asta, asta \u015fi asta. \u015ei d\u0103dea \u00eentr-o lung\u0103 logoree repetitiv\u0103 \u015fi inutil\u0103 despre fiecare \u00een parte, de parc\u0103 n-a\u015f \u015fti \u015fi singur\u0103 s\u0103 scriu un text.<\/p>\n

Apoi t\u0103cea 5 minute. De 5 minute aveam nevoie s\u0103-i dau reboot creierului epuizat de frecu\u015ful la icre al cucoanei. \u015ei \u00eencepea: e\u015fti gata?<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd s\u0103 fi fost gata?<\/p>\n

P\u0103i de la 11 \u0163i-am dat ce ai de f\u0103cut.<\/p>\n

Sigur. Dar ai terminat de perorat acum 5 minute. Iar eu nu am cum s\u0103 scriu \u00een timp ce tu aberezi.<\/p>\n

Te apucai de articol, \u015fi \u00een exact cinci minute, idioata \u00eencepea iar:<\/p>\n

Las\u0103 aia, nu e urgent, hai mai bine s\u0103 scrii cutare.<\/p>\n

Iar o or\u0103 de futut la icre aiurea – \u015fi nu, nu mergea s\u0103 \u00eentrerupi \u015fi s\u0103 treci pur \u015fi simplu la treab\u0103, pentru c\u0103 adora s\u0103 se aud\u0103 vorbind.<\/p>\n

\u015ei ne apuca ora 6 cu mine nescriind nimic pentru c\u0103 m\u0103 freca idioata la icre. Apoi, mergeam acas\u0103 cu spiritul plouat \u015fi moralul ferfeni\u0163\u0103 \u015fi \u00een timpul meu liber scriam tot ce trebuia. Terminam la unu noaptea. A doua zi re\u00eencepea cercul vicios: cu ziua dedicat\u0103 pis\u0103logelilor infinit de toxice ale vacii sinistre \u015fi seara, muncii propriu-zise.<\/p>\n

Era R\u0102U. Era epuizant. Beam trei energizante pe zi, plus un num\u0103r nelimitat de cafele, ca s\u0103 m\u0103 men\u0163in cu creierii la un loc, s\u0103 nu-i rup idioatei o m\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi s-o bat cu ea. Cam \u00een momentul \u0103la m-am convins c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii nu de\u0163in monopol pe nesim\u0163ire, c\u0103 exist\u0103 pizde care concentreaz\u0103 \u00een ele prostia feroce, agresiv\u0103 \u015fi oarb\u0103 la nuan\u0163e a unui cartier \u00eentreg de cocalari.<\/p>\n

\u015ei \u00eentr-o diminea\u0163\u0103, m-am trezit c\u0103 mi-era r\u0103u. O grea\u0163\u0103 cumplit\u0103. Familiar\u0103 aceleia pe care o avusesem \u00een clasa a \u015fasea, c\u00e2nd am f\u0103cut hepatit\u0103. Am f\u0103cut cafeaua, c\u0103 n-aveam cum altfel – scrisesem noaptea anterioar\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la trei – am pus \u00een ea lapte p\u00e2n\u0103-n buz\u0103, s\u0103-i atenuez poten\u0163ialul vomitiv, \u015fi am dat-o pe g\u00e2t. Am pornit spre job cu taxiul, \u00een ideea c\u0103 era or\u0103 aglomerat\u0103 \u015fi nu voiam s\u0103 bor\u0103sc \u00een gluga cuiva.<\/p>\n

De cum nenea a luat o curb\u0103 brusc\u0103 \u015fi smucit\u0103, cum iau taximetri\u015ftii bucure\u015fteni curbe, cafeaua s-a \u00eentors s\u0103 spun\u0103 “hello” omenirii. Noroc c\u0103 aveam pungi la mine. Orice de\u0163in\u0103tor de animale are pungi la el.<\/p>\n

-Ne oprim, doamn\u0103?<\/p>\n

-Nu. Acceler\u0103m, s\u0103 ajungem naibii la destina\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd m-a v\u0103zut galben\u0103 la fa\u0163\u0103, aia a \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u0163ipe:<\/p>\n

-De ce-ai venit s\u0103 ne \u00eemboln\u0103ve\u015fti pe to\u0163i?<\/p>\n

-Pentru c\u0103 dac\u0103 nu veneam, m\u0103 suspectai c\u0103 n-am nimic \u015fi caut s\u0103 te trag pe sfoar\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Du-te acas\u0103.<\/p>\n

M-am dus. Pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 grea\u0163a sinistr\u0103, \u00eencepuser\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 doar\u0103 umerii \u015fi spatele, de zici c\u0103 m\u0103 b\u0103tuse cineva cu basca ud\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015etiam c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 merg la medicul de familie, s\u0103-mi dea trimitere la analize, dar eram obosit\u0103. Obosit\u0103 de pl\u00e2ngeam. Am intrat \u00een Mega de l\u00e2ng\u0103 cas\u0103, mi-am luat br\u00e2nzic\u0103 de F\u0103g\u0103ra\u015f \u015fi fresh de mere bio – un an de diet\u0103 post – hepatit\u0103 te face expert – apoi am ajuns acas\u0103 \u015fi m-am culcat. M-am trezit pe la cinci dup\u0103-amiaza – nu exista col\u0163i\u015for de pe corp care s\u0103 nu m\u0103 doar\u0103. Am derulat scurt pe mobil 674336 de apeluri pierdute de la cretin\u0103 \u015fi 3689 de mailuri cu indica\u0163ii pre\u0163ioase – pas\u0103mite, omul nici s\u0103 moar\u0103 cum \u00eel taie pe el capul nu poate. Trebuie s\u0103 cr\u0103pi conform fi\u015fei postului \u015fi \u00een conformitate cu metodologia pulii de cal.<\/p>\n

Am cur\u0103\u0163at nisipul motanului \u015fi m-a luat un val subit de grea\u0163\u0103. Nota bene, aveam deja motanul de c\u00e2\u0163iva ani, \u00eei cur\u0103\u0163 nisipul diminea\u0163a \u015fi seara, nu e nimic care s\u0103 justifice grea\u0163a. Am f\u0103cut gargar\u0103 cu ni\u015fte Listerine s\u0103 \u00eemi revin. Nu-mi era foame. Simptom clasic de hepatit\u0103. Am sunat la medicul de familie, m-a programat a doua zi, la nou\u0103 diminea\u0163a. Am pus ceasul s\u0103 sune la \u015fapte \u015fi m-am culcat la loc.<\/p>\n

Pe la trei noaptea, m-a trezit o m\u00e2nc\u0103rime groaznic\u0103 \u00een partea dreapt\u0103 a trunchiului. Exact unde era ficatul. M-am sc\u0103rpinat semiadormit\u0103 \u015fi m-a r\u0103zbit o durere \u00een locul sc\u0103rpinat, de zici c\u0103 m\u0103 sc\u0103rpinasem cu un fier incandescent.<\/p>\n

WTF?<\/p>\n

Aprind eu lumina? V\u0103d c\u0103-mi ie\u015fiser\u0103 bube \u00een partea aia a corpului. Ni\u015fte vezicule cu lichid. Asem\u0103n\u0103toare cu herpesul, dar mai mari \u015fi mai ur\u00e2te.<\/p>\n

“What. The. Fuck?”<\/p>\n

M\u0103 durea zona ficatului de zici c\u0103-mi arsese cineva un bocanc de munte cu \u0163inte direct \u00een fiere.<\/p>\n

Am luat o \u00eenghi\u0163itur\u0103 lung\u0103 \u015fi rece de fresh de mere bio, \u015fi m-am \u00eentins \u00eenapoi \u00een pat. A venit Pulic\u0103, mi s-a culcat exact pe zona dureroas\u0103, a \u00eenceput s\u0103 toarc\u0103 lin \u015fi lent. Am adormit. M-a trezit ceasul care suna la ora \u015fapte diminea\u0163a, s\u0103 ajung la timp la programare.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd am dat s\u0103 m\u0103 mi\u015fc, u\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103. Zici c\u0103 tr\u0103sesem de fiare toat\u0103 ziua. M\u0103 dureau to\u0163i mu\u015fchii corpului, p\u00e2n\u0103 la os. Am intrat \u00een du\u015f. Bubele acoperiser\u0103 toat\u0103 zona din dreapta, din talie p\u00e2n\u0103-n \u015fold. Ce hepatit\u0103 s\u0103 fie asta, fratele meu?<\/p>\n

Am mai luat un\u00a0 g\u00e2t de suc de mere bio – singura chestie pe care n-o vomitam, \u015fi am luat taxiul spre cabinetul doctori\u0163ei.<\/p>\n

De cum a v\u0103zut bubele, femeia mi-a zis:<\/p>\n

-Surioar\u0103, tu ai f\u0103cut zona zoster.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Zona zoster este provocat\u0103 de virusul care e responsabil \u015fi de varicel\u0103, adic\u0103 v\u0103rsat de v\u00e2nt. Varicela o f\u0103cusem \u00een copil\u0103rie, m\u0103 vindecasem f\u0103r\u0103 cicatrici \u015fi coji\u0163e, dar virusul r\u0103m\u00e2ne latent \u00een organism, \u015fi \u00een condi\u0163ii de stres \u015fi imunitate sc\u0103zut\u0103, n\u0103v\u0103le\u015fte ca o armat\u0103 de troli furio\u015fi peste un site de succes.<\/p>\n

Spre deosebire de varicel\u0103, care apare pe tot corpul, zona zoster se oplo\u015fe\u015fte \u00eentr-un singur loc \u015fi afecteaz\u0103 nervii aferen\u0163i acelui loc de pe corpul t\u0103u. \u00cen acest caz, nervii mei din zona hepatic\u0103, trola\u0163i de zona zoster, semnalau Mayday Mayday.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd am ajuns cu povestea aici, am cerut scuze \u015fi m-am dus la toalet\u0103 s\u0103 mai vomit pu\u0163in. Mayday Mayday.<\/p>\n

Medicul mi-a explicat c\u0103, ghinion, timp de c\u00e2teva s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni, c\u00e2t o s\u0103-\u015fi fac\u0103 mendrele virusul, o s\u0103-mi bruieze \u015fi ficatul, datorit\u0103 locului minunat unde a ales s\u0103 se l\u0103b\u0103r\u0163eze, drept care, s\u0103 m\u0103 preg\u0103tesc, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 medica\u0163ie \u015fi unguent pentru vezicule, de dieta clasic\u0103 de ciorbi\u0163e de legume, br\u00e2nzici de cas\u0103, iaurturi, fructe proaspete \u015fi bye-bye vin ro\u015fu.<\/p>\n

“Doamn\u0103”, i-am zis eu. “Nu vede\u0163i c\u0103 sunt gata mahmur\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 fi b\u0103ut?”<\/p>\n

Apoi am anun\u0163at-o pe handicapat\u0103 c\u0103 am zona zoster.<\/p>\n

Spre norocul meu, patroana firmei tocmai r\u0103m\u0103sese gravid\u0103, drept care, nu voia s\u0103 stea nici o secund\u0103 \u00een apropierea cuiva cu zona zoster. Mi-au dat pe mail list\u0103 cu textele de care aveau nevoie \u015fi mi-au urat mult\u0103 s\u0103n\u0103tate \u015fi infinit\u0103 virtute.<\/p>\n

Iar ziua de lucru de 16 ore a devenit brusc zi de lucru de 4 ore. Neexist\u00e2nd bruiajul logoreic, treaba mergea strun\u0103.<\/p>\n

Bine, c\u00e2nd am ajuns acas\u0103, aveam dureri fizice p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi-n anus. Din punctul \u0103sta de vedere, zona zoster seam\u0103n\u0103 foarte mult cu conceptul de moarte \u00een chinuri. Data viitoare c\u00e2nd v\u0103 \u00eenjura\u0163i cu vecinul vostru idiot, nu-i mai ura\u0163i s\u0103 moar\u0103 \u00een chinuri, ura\u0163i-i s\u0103 fac\u0103 zona zoster. E acela\u015fi lucru.<\/p>\n

Iar m\u00e2nc\u0103rimea aia combinat\u0103 cu dureri cr\u00e2ncene, pe care o pot da veziculele alea, \u00eenc\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fte \u00een cele mai negre co\u015fmaruri.<\/p>\n

Unguentul doamnei doctor mi-a dat un moment de pace, am luat \u015fi medicamentele, \u015fi un tonic pentru ficat pe care mi l-a dat “just in case, \u0163i zic eu c\u0103 n-ai nimic real la ficat acum” – \u015fi am c\u0103zut la pat, rupt\u0103. A venit iar\u0103\u015fi Pulic\u0103-motanul, iar mi s-a \u00eentins pe zona dureroas\u0103, \u015fi iar am dormit de t\u0103iai lemne pe noi.<\/p>\n

Cam astea au fost urm\u0103toarele dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni – dormit, suc bio de mere, medicamente, unguent mult, dureri fizice – dureri fizice de la ac\u0163iunea simpl\u0103 de a merge – , \u00eenc\u0103 ni\u015fte dormit. Cred c\u0103 am dormit zilele alea c\u00e2te 16 ore pe zi, cot la cot cu Pulic\u0103. M\u0103 trezeam s\u0103 scriu dou\u0103-trei texte \u015fi adormeam cu capul pe tastatur\u0103.<\/p>\n

“E bine c\u0103 dormi”, m\u0103 \u00eencuraja medicul. “A\u015fa se reface organismul”.<\/p>\n

Prima s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 a fost tortur\u0103 \u015fi somn, somn \u015fi tortur\u0103. \u015ei mult vomitat. A doua a fost mai \u00een regul\u0103, m\u0103 durea corpul mai cu bun sim\u0163, puteam \u015fi eu s\u0103 scriu un text f\u0103r\u0103 trei pauze de somn, puteam m\u00e2nca o ciorb\u0103 cald\u0103, care s\u0103 stea \u00een stomac unde o pusesem. Tubul de unguent se terminase, mi-am luat altul.<\/p>\n

La munc\u0103, unde erau to\u0163i fr\u00e2n\u0163i de grija gravidei, erau mai mult dec\u00e2t dispu\u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 lase \u00een plata Domnului oric\u00e2t o s\u0103 fie nevoie \u015fi s\u0103 primeasc\u0103 doar textele. Zici c\u0103 aveam cont pe Upwork sau ceva.<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 trei s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni, am reu\u015fit \u015fi eu s\u0103 fac o plimbare civilizat\u0103 pe afar\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 bucur de ea. Veziculele se cicatrizau. Nu mai aveam dec\u00e2t un puseu rar de grea\u0163\u0103. Atunci m-a trimis doctori\u0163a \u015fi la analize hepatice. “Just in case”.<\/p>\n

Mi-au ie\u015fit perfect normale \u015fi s\u0103n\u0103toase.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Oricare dintre voi a avut varicel\u0103 la un moment dat se poate trezi \u00eentr-o bun\u0103 zi c\u0103-l doare fizic s\u0103 duc\u0103 \u015fi o can\u0103 la gur\u0103. \u015ei \u00een func\u0163ie de zona corpului pe care tab\u0103r\u0103 virusul, o s\u0103 aib\u0103 toate simptomele unei boli interne imaginare.<\/p>\n

Vestea nasoal\u0103 e c\u0103 suferi ca u n animal.<\/p>\n

Vestea bun\u0103 e c\u0103 trece ca \u015fi cum n-ar fi fost. <\/p>\n

Foto: pixabay.com.
\n(Am ales m\u0103rgele pentru c\u0103 alternativa ar fi fost s\u0103 pun vezicule \u015fi nu v-ar fi pl\u0103cut.) <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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Eram angajat\u0103 \u00eentr-unul dintre cele mai stresante joburi ever. Jobul \u00een sine \u00eemi pl\u0103cea. Dar venea la pachet cu una dintre cele mai sinistre...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14579,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/pearls.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14576","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14576"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14576\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14581,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14576\/revisions\/14581"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14579"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}