{"id":14779,"date":"2018-04-20T10:19:16","date_gmt":"2018-04-20T07:19:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=14779"},"modified":"2019-04-11T17:16:34","modified_gmt":"2019-04-11T14:16:34","slug":"cinci-retete-de-lenesi-cu-legume-mexicane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cinci-retete-de-lenesi-cu-legume-mexicane\/","title":{"rendered":"Cinci re\u0163ete de lene\u015fi cu legume mexicane"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cen caz c\u0103 vre\u0163i re\u0163ete serioase, conform datinii din b\u0103tr\u00e2ni, executate cu profesionalism \u015fi \u015ftiin\u0163\u0103, merge\u0163i pe bloguri profesioniste de cooking. Pe siteul meu nu ve\u0163i g\u0103si dec\u00e2t \u00eencropeli. Adic\u0103: idei extrem de simple, pe care le poate \u00eenjgheba \u015fi cel mai ordinar lene\u015f (eu, dar \u015fi voi, c\u0103 altfel nu a\u0163i fi dat click pe acest titlu) cu minimum de efort, dar s\u0103 ias\u0103 ceva ok ca gust la final.<\/p>\n

Din acest punct de vedere, unul dintre ingredientele mele preferate este mixul mexican. Poate cel mai ieftin pache\u0163el de legume de la raionul de congelate, mixul mexican include maz\u0103re, fasole, morcov, porumb \u015fi buc\u0103\u0163i de ardei ro\u015fu. Ca atare, e s\u0103\u0163ios datorit\u0103 proteinelor din leguminoase \u015fi carbohidra\u0163ilor complec\u015fi din porumb, apoi mai vine \u015fi morcovul cu carotenu-i aferent s\u0103 dea un boost petrecerii. E o combina\u0163ie de legume care nu te face s\u0103 boce\u015fti de fomic\u0103 mic\u0103 \u00een 2 ore dup\u0103 ce ai m\u00e2ncat.<\/p>\n

A\u015fadar, ai \u00eenh\u0103\u0163at o pung\u0103 de mexican mix de la produc\u0103torul t\u0103u preferat (dac\u0103 era articol sponsorizat, aici intra sponsorul, dar nu e, deci l\u0103s\u0103m la latitudinea spectatorului) \u015fi tocmai ba\u0163i cu lingura de lemn \u00een mas\u0103, strig\u00e2nd: “OK, Lorena, cum tranform asta \u00eentr-o cin\u0103 de lene\u015fi?”<\/p>\n

P\u0103i, iat\u0103.<\/p>\n

5. Omlet\u0103\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Freci fundul obraznic al unei tig\u0103i cu abur cu un cub de unt, sau m\u0103 rog, cu un strop de ulei dac\u0103 e\u015fti vegan, dar, dac\u0103 e\u015fti vegan, de ce ai m\u00e2nca omlet\u0103?<\/p>\n

Pui legumele \u00een tigaie, s\u0103rezi \u015fi piperezi dup\u0103 gust. C\u00e2nd prind culoare \u015fi mirosul lor \u00eencepe s\u0103 fac\u0103 sexting cu stomacul t\u0103u lihnit – semn c\u0103 legumele-s pe f\u0103cute, spargi dou\u0103 ou\u0103, le arunci deasupra \u015fi \u00eencepi s\u0103 mesteci fioros cu ce ustensil\u0103 se nimere\u015fte pe acolo. Ideal una cu coad\u0103 de lemn, c\u0103 nu te frigi, dar eu fac de obicei omleta cu furculi\u0163a cu care o \u015fi m\u0103n\u00e2nc, pe principiul “Dac\u0103 murd\u0103re\u015fti dou\u0103 chestii, ai de sp\u0103lat dou\u0103 chestii”.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 ai pia\u0163\u0103 l\u00e2ng\u0103 bloc, ca mine, decorezi cu ce p\u0103trunjel \/ m\u0103rar \/ whatever ierburi ai adunat de pe la pie\u0163a\u015fi \u00een drum spre cas\u0103. Dac\u0103 nu, sufer\u0103 \u00een t\u0103cere. Oricum, verdea\u0163a e doar de impresie. Pe ideea de “sunt cel mai antitalent buc\u0103tar din univers, dar ce frumos \u015ftiu s\u0103 mint.”<\/p>\n

4. Legume mexicane cu orez\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Iat\u0103 \u015fi o re\u0163et\u0103 vegan\u0103, pentru veganul care deja url\u0103 c\u0103 e inadmisibil a\u015fa ceva.<\/p>\n

Iei o ceap\u0103 mare, (ba chiar dou\u0103, pentru c\u0103 singurul aliment mai bun dec\u00e2t \u0103la cu o ceap\u0103 e \u0103la cu dou\u0103 cepe), o tai \u00een buc\u0103\u0163i mici, o arunci \u00een tigaia cu fundul lubrifiat ca descris mai sus. O pr\u0103je\u015fti un pic la foc mic, apoi adaugi orez (gen, 200 de grame) \u015fi amesteci. Dac\u0103 ai un pic de vin alb \u00een cas\u0103, \u0163\u00e2\u015fti peste. \u015ei amesteci, pentru c\u0103 orezul e foarte nes\u0103tul de lichid \u015fi tinde s\u0103 se lipeasc\u0103. Exact ca mine.<\/p>\n

Acum, c\u0103 baza aromatic\u0103 a fost setat\u0103, completezi cu ap\u0103, s\u0103 fiarb\u0103 bine orezul, \u015fi mai amesteci periodic. De la un punct \u00eencolo, c\u00e2nd orezul se \u00eenmoaie, adaugi \u015fi legumele mexicane \u015fi, tot a\u015fa, amesteci. C\u00e2nd toate par moi \u015fi delicioase, iei de pe foc, \u00ee\u0163i pui o por\u0163ie \u015fi balotezi.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 nu e\u015fti dec\u00e2t vegetarian, po\u0163i s\u0103 razi ca\u015fcaval afumat deasupra. Sau br\u00e2nz\u0103 veche de oi sibian\u0103.<\/p>\n

3. Porceal\u0103 nesim\u0163it\u0103\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00cencropeala aceasta e varianta carnivor\u0103 a re\u0163etei de mai sus. \u00cen loc de orez, \u00eenha\u0163i din supermarket o caserol\u0103 de carne tocat\u0103 \u015fi o conserv\u0103 de ro\u015fii t\u0103iate cubule\u0163e. \u015ei desigur, ceapa.<\/p>\n

Freci fundul obraznic al tig\u0103ii cu unt sau etc, tai ceapa, o pui la foc mic. Dup\u0103 ce ceapa se \u00eeng\u0103lbene\u015fte de invidie, iar mirosul devine obscen de sexy, desfaci carnea tocat\u0103 \u015fi o \u00eentinzi relativ omogen \u00een tigaie, amestec\u00e2nd-o cu ceapa cea \u00eeng\u0103lbenit\u0103. Le la\u015fi un pic a\u015fa, p\u00e2n\u0103 ce lichidul deja existent d\u0103 semne de dispari\u0163ie, apoi, pentru c\u0103 vrei porceal\u0103 nesim\u0163it\u0103, nu tigaie ars\u0103, completezi cu ap\u0103 \u015fi la\u015fi s\u0103 fiarb\u0103. Exact ca orezul, carnea tocat\u0103 are nevoie de mai mult timp de fiert dec\u00e2t legumele tale mexicane \u015fi dec\u00e2t ro\u015fiile.<\/p>\n

Hai un sfert de or\u0103, gen. De\u015fi recunosc, eu nu m\u0103 uit la ceas. C\u00e2nd gustul \u015fi mirosul \u00eemi spun c\u0103 o chestie a fiert destul, \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 a fiert destul. Nu uita s\u0103 mai completezi cu ap\u0103 dac\u0103 e cazul. Insist: scopul nu e s\u0103 faci tigaie ars\u0103, iar carnea tocat\u0103 e o sugativ\u0103 ordinar\u0103. Eu o contabilizez la necesarul zilnic de 2 litri de ap\u0103 pe zi.<\/p>\n

Bun. Carnea miroase porcesc de bine (de unde \u015fi numele \u00eencropelii), \u015fi a prins \u015fi culoare \u00eembietoare? Se adaug\u0103 mixul mexican \u015fi ro\u015fiile din conserv\u0103 (\u015fi, eventual, \u00eenc\u0103 pu\u0163in\u0103 ap\u0103, \u00een func\u0163ie de cum arat\u0103 situa\u0163ia pe front), apoi se pune capacul tig\u0103ii cu abur, ca toate astea s\u0103 se abureasc\u0103 obscen \u00eentre ele. C\u00e2nd mai scoatem capacul, o facem strict pentru a amesteca \u015fi omogeniza.<\/p>\n

Produsul final \u00eemi iese de obicei cam zemos, pentru c\u0103 eu tind s\u0103 adaug mai mult\u0103 ap\u0103 dec\u00e2t e necesar. Ia-o ca pe un sos rafinat de ro\u015fii. C\u00e2t muncesc \u0103ia la Chefi la cu\u0163ite pentru un sos de ro\u015fii? Al t\u0103u vine cu teritoriul.<\/p>\n

Ca aspect, porceala nesim\u0163it\u0103 arat\u0103 de parc\u0103 ar mai fi m\u00e2ncat-o cineva o dat\u0103. Ca gust, e un deliciu. \u015ei de obicei, ies mai multe por\u0163ii.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2. Legume mexicane cu filet de somon afumat\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unele hipermarketuri ofer\u0103 filetul de somon afumat \u015fi condimentat cu piper boabe. Nu e neap\u0103rat cel mai ieftin aliment, dar iese o bun\u0103tate. Iat\u0103 cum:<\/p>\n

Freci fundul obraznic exact ca mai sus, cu ce te las\u0103 inima, de\u015fer\u0163i legumele \u00een tigaie, de data asta f\u0103r\u0103 condimente, c\u0103 are somonul tot ce trebuie. C\u00e2nd sunt gata, sco\u0163i somonul din frigider \u015fi \u00eel bele\u015fti de partea cu solzii pe\u015ftelui, pe care o arunci \u00een gunoi \u015fi duci instant punga la ghen\u0103 sau tomberon, altfel Pulic\u0103 al t\u0103u va extrage chestia aia din co\u015f \u015fi o s\u0103 \u0163i-o t\u00e2r\u00e2ie prin toat\u0103 casa, eventual o s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce din ea, atras de mirosul de pe\u015fte, \u015fi o s\u0103 vomite.<\/p>\n

Deci, duci gunoiul, revii, te speli pe m\u00e2ini, ascul\u0163i o pies\u0103 de Michael Jackson \u015fi \u00eenjuri un hater. Zece minute. Zece minute \u00een care legumele tale se r\u0103cesc c\u00e2t de c\u00e2t, iar somonul revine la o temperatur\u0103 care-i poten\u0163eaz\u0103 aroma. Apoi, torni legumele \u00eentr-o farfurie, sf\u0103r\u00e2mi\u00a0 somonul peste ele, omogenizezi amestec\u00e2nd cu frenezia cu care i-ai face prima lab\u0103 iubitului plecat \u00een armat\u0103 acum 18 luni \u015fi mai la\u015fi cinci minute s\u0103 se \u00eemprieteneasc\u0103. Frenezia nu e doar de amorul artei: vrei ca aroma de somon, fum \u015fi boabe de piper s\u0103 penetreze viguros legumele mexicane \u015fi s\u0103 formeze un act de iubire adev\u0103rat\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00cemi vei mul\u0163umi c\u00e2nd m\u0103n\u00e2nci.<\/p>\n

1. Legume mexicane\u00a0\u00c0 la Hongroise<\/strong><\/p>\n

Orice aliment poate fi maghiarizat cu dou\u0103 componente: sl\u0103nin\u0103 \u015fi boia de ardei. A\u015fadar, ce v\u0103 mai trebuie: sl\u0103nin\u0103 dat\u0103 cu boia de ardei, boia de ardei separat, c\u0103 ce pu*a ta, o via\u0163\u0103 ai, un ardei kapia sau ni\u015fte past\u0103 de ardei iute Eros Pista.<\/p>\n

Ungem – frec\u0103m fundul obraznic al tig\u0103ii bla-bla, \u015fi de data asta punem la pr\u0103jit sl\u0103nin\u0103 ardeleneasc\u0103 t\u0103iat\u0103 cubule\u0163e, al\u0103turi de un ardei kapia t\u0103iat \u015fi el cubule\u0163e. Sau singur\u0103, dac\u0103 n-ai ardei, caz \u00een care \u0163ine-l pe Eros Pista prin preajm\u0103.<\/p>\n

Ok. Sl\u0103nina se pr\u0103je\u015fte repede, devine sticloas\u0103 \u015fi decadent\u0103. Atunci adaugi legumele mexicane, \u015fi la\u015fi s\u0103 se p\u0103trund\u0103 de aroma \u015fi perversitatea situa\u0163iei. Pe final, adaugi c\u00e2teva linguri de Eros Pista \u015fi amesteci ca \u015fi cum via\u0163a ta ar depinde de asta. \u015ei, desigur, boia de ardei cu generozitate.<\/p>\n

Aroma sl\u0103ninii pr\u0103jite, combinat\u0103 cu aceea de ardei \u00een toate formele lui de dezagregare, va fi ceva prea sexy pentru universul cunoscut \u015fi ve\u0163i orgasma cu strig\u0103turi pe cale oral\u0103. Apoi ve\u0163i reveni la mine pe blog s\u0103 v\u0103 \u015fterge\u0163i de fluide corporale cu col\u0163ul alb \u015fi s\u0103 zice\u0163i:<\/p>\n

“Mersi, Lorena. Habar n-aveam c\u0103 lenea \u015fi antitalentul culinar pot na\u015fte concoc\u0163ii at\u00e2t de diabolic de bune.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u00cen caz c\u0103 vre\u0163i re\u0163ete serioase, conform datinii din b\u0103tr\u00e2ni, executate cu profesionalism \u015fi \u015ftiin\u0163\u0103, merge\u0163i pe bloguri profesioniste de cooking. Pe siteul meu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14780,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/mexican-mix.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14779","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14779"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14779\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17212,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14779\/revisions\/17212"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14779"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14779"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14779"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}