{"id":14863,"date":"2018-05-03T09:48:26","date_gmt":"2018-05-03T06:48:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=14863"},"modified":"2018-05-03T09:48:26","modified_gmt":"2018-05-03T06:48:26","slug":"manualul-de-imbecilitate-volumul-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/manualul-de-imbecilitate-volumul-i\/","title":{"rendered":"Manualul de imbecilitate, volumul I"},"content":{"rendered":"

Prostia pe net este repetitiv\u0103, redundant\u0103 \u015fi ciclic\u0103. De aceea o putem \u00eemp\u0103r\u0163i \u00een capitole \u015fi s\u0103 o pred\u0103m, ca pe religie, dar cu mai pu\u0163in\u0103 tent\u0103 angoasant\u0103.<\/p>\n

Lec\u0163ia de azi: cum s\u0103 fii retardul perfect pe peretele altuia.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 zicem, un om pune o \u00eentrebare simpl\u0103 la el pe perete. De exemplu, cum s\u0103 blocheze pe Youtube o reclam\u0103 enervant\u0103 \u015fi at\u00e2t de asidu\u0103, \u00eenc\u00e2t roade plu\u015ful de la canapea \u00eentr-o \u00eencercare disperat\u0103 s\u0103 nu se duc\u0103 peste sediul lor ca un terorist islamic.<\/p>\n

1. Bag\u0103-te musai \u00een seam\u0103, dar nici de-al dracu’ s\u0103 nu dai un r\u0103spuns la \u00eentrebare<\/strong><\/p>\n

R\u0103spunsuri poate s\u0103 dea tot fraierul. Scopul t\u0103u e s\u0103 te dai interesant. \u015ei \u00eencordac de musculatur\u0103. \u015ei gigi duru. \u015ei rup\u0103tor \u00een figuri. \u015ei fane \u015fmecherie. Fane \u015fmecherie nu r\u0103spunde la \u00eentreb\u0103ri, c\u0103 Fane \u015fmecherie e \u00eens\u0103\u015fi enigma.<\/p>\n

E drept: enigma const\u0103 \u00een bizareria faptului c\u0103 a supravie\u0163uit p\u00e2n\u0103 la v\u00e2rsta asta cu un creier cu des\u0103v\u00e2r\u015fire privat de oxigen, dar nah. Detalii.<\/p>\n

2. L\u0103f\u0103ie-te lung \u00een schimb de replici inutil, cu zero informa\u0163ie, afi\u015f\u00e2nd \u00een continuare ce bengos e\u015fti tu\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103, nu-i a\u015fa, \u0103la care a pus \u00eentrebarea nu are alt\u0103 treab\u0103 dec\u00e2t s\u0103-\u0163i suporte \u0163ie brain farturile pe net. Dac\u0103 tot a \u00eentrebat ceva, e la cheremul oricui n-are treab\u0103.<\/p>\n

3. Caut\u0103 s\u0103 insul\u0163i omul, pe baza faptului c\u0103 nu \u015ftie detaliul pe care l-a \u00eentrebat.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Cum drag\u0103, s\u0103 nu \u015ftii tu ceva at\u00e2t de simplu?”<\/p>\n

Nu, nu \u015ftiu, de-aia \u00eentreb.<\/p>\n

“Pfff, \u015fi eu care te credeam de\u015ftept”.<\/p>\n

Ce credeai tu e problema ta, acum pot s\u0103 am un r\u0103spuns sau la\u015fi pe altul care \u015ftie?<\/p>\n

“Eu s\u0103 nu \u015ftiu ceva at\u00e2t de banal?”<\/p>\n

\u015ei atunci cum de nu mi-ai r\u0103spuns acum \u015fase replici?<\/p>\n

“C\u0103 a\u015fa sunt eu special”.<\/p>\n

\u015ei nu vrei s\u0103 fii tu special la tine pe perete?<\/p>\n

“Dac\u0103 nu sunt special pe timpul \u015fi r\u0103bdarea altuia, care mai e farmecul \u00een a fi special.”<\/p>\n

4. Insinueaz\u0103 foarte tare c\u0103 omul vrea altceva dec\u00e2t a \u00eentrebat.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Singurul mod de a fi un cretin mai iritant dec\u00e2t cretinul care face pe de\u015fteptul e \u0103sta: s\u0103 fii cretinul care face pe detectivul particular angajat de oh, well, fix nimeni. Pune \u00eentreb\u0103ri idioate de baraj, bag\u0103 insinu\u0103ri penibile, vorbe\u015fte mult pe ar\u0103tur\u0103, ia-o total pe miri\u015fte, c\u0103 altfel nu e\u015fti prost destul.<\/p>\n

5. D\u0103-te tot tu r\u0103nit \u00een sfinctere c\u00e2nd OP se satur\u0103 de panarama ta detestabil\u0103 \u015fi caut\u0103 s\u0103 scurteze parada de tine \u00eensu\u0163i cu un c\u0103lduros “Ia zi, b\u0103, ai un r\u0103spuns sau doar o lips\u0103 general\u0103 de ocupa\u0163ie?”\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prostul care nu e r\u0103nit de iritarea pe care b\u0103garea lui neproductiv\u0103 \u015fi parazitar\u0103 \u00een seam\u0103 o cauzeaz\u0103 altora NU e prost destul.<\/p>\n

6. \u015ei insist\u0103 lung, cu exact 1 – 5 \u00een bucl\u0103 repetitiv\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 iei block.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Orice form\u0103 de b\u0103gare \u00een seam\u0103 pe care o smulgi altora e binevenit\u0103. \u00cen timpul \u0103la, puteau face ceva pentru ei \u00een\u015fi\u015fi, dar a\u015fa, ai t\u00e2rfit cu succes aten\u0163ia lor.<\/p>\n

7. Dup\u0103 block, laud\u0103-te mult pe net c\u0103 ai blockuri de la lume care nu \u00een\u0163elege umorul t\u0103u fin.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

C\u0103 poate cineva pune botul s\u0103-\u0163i demonstreze c\u0103 ba da, uite, el e \u0103la care poate. \u015ei dac\u0103 g\u0103se\u015fti pe acel cineva tocmai ai realc\u0103tuit perechea originar\u0103: prostul toxic meets prostul mototol. \u00centru lung\u0103 \u015fi reciproc satisf\u0103c\u0103toare co-dependen\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0***<\/div>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Prostia pe net este repetitiv\u0103, redundant\u0103 \u015fi ciclic\u0103. De aceea o putem \u00eemp\u0103r\u0163i \u00een capitole \u015fi s\u0103 o pred\u0103m, ca pe religie, dar cu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13542,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14863","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/haha.jpg?fit=540%2C540&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14863","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14863"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14863\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14866,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14863\/revisions\/14866"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14863"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14863"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14863"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}