\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Am ni\u015fte cuno\u015ftin\u0163e cu care m\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg bine. Nu ne frecvent\u0103m suficient s\u0103-i pot numi prieteni, dar energia e pozitiv\u0103, z\u00e2mbet, amabilitate. S\u0103 le zicem, de dragul acestei pove\u015fti, Alin \u015fi Dana.
\nAlin \u015fi Dana erau perechea perfect\u0103. Am\u00e2ndoi intelectuali, \u00een jur de 45+ de ani, cu sofisticarea natural\u0103 a oamenilor care n-au trecut prin via\u0163\u0103 degeaba \u015fi pe care v\u00e2rsta \u00eei patineaz\u0103, nu-i erodeaz\u0103, mereu afectuo\u015fi, tandri \u015fi dulci unul cu cel\u0103lalt, p\u0103reau cuplul pe care numai moartea \u00eei va desp\u0103r\u0163i. Sau nici m\u0103car ea.
\nDin cuplu, eu \u00eel cunoscusem ini\u0163ial pe Alin, \u00eel felicitasem c\u0103 \u015fi-a g\u0103sit so\u0163ia perfect\u0103, fusesem importat\u0103 la statutul de afinitate comun\u0103 – nu, nu e at\u00e2t de comun pe c\u00e2t a\u0163i crede; mul\u0163i se combin\u0103 cu ni\u015fte harpii teroriste \u015fi pl\u0103tesc privilegiul de a face sex \u00een continuare cu ruperea oric\u0103ror rela\u0163ii cu fo\u015fti prieteni \u015fi prietene. Dar tipele care nu bubuie de proaste se conving \u00een fix cinci minute c\u0103 nu reprezint nicio amenin\u0163are la adresa masculilor lor \u015fi atunci buna comunicare se extinde \u00een mod firesc la cuplu.
\nOK.
\nDar fiecare dintre noi a avut treburi, iar eu nu am vorbit cu Alin \u015fi Dana mai multe luni. Ne d\u0103deam likes pe Facebook \u015fi pe Instagram, dar cam at\u00e2t.
\nCa s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor cu Alin prin centru acum c\u00e2teva zile.
\n-Ce faci, man? N-am mai vorbit de catralioane de ani.
\n-Am divor\u0163at.<\/p>\n
*<\/p>\n
Am r\u0103mas tablou. Natur\u0103 moart\u0103 cu fructe, de Paul Cezanne.
\n-Ce?
\n-Ce ai auzit.
\n-Dar de ce? Era\u0163i absolut perfec\u0163i \u00eempreun\u0103.
\n-Pentru c\u0103 nu exista pasiune sexual\u0103 \u00eentre noi.
\n-B\u0103i, Aline, nu vreau s\u0103 sune ageist, \u015fi \u015ftiu c\u0103 dac-o pun pe net, o s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eenjure tot internetul, dar ai \u015fi tu o v\u00e2rst\u0103. Nu po\u0163i s\u0103 pretinzi s\u0103 vrea cineva s\u0103 te f*t\u0103 ca nebuna.
\n-De ce nu?
\n-Eu la v\u00e2rsta mea \u015fi nu pretind de la nimeni pasiunea animalic\u0103 pe care o resim\u0163eau c\u00e2nd aveam 20 de ani, explic eu. Dar\u0103mite tu?
\n-Tu po\u0163i pretinde ce vrei tu, face. Iar mie nu-mi convine s\u0103 fiu tratat ca un mo\u015f expirat. \u00cenc\u0103 nu mi-a murit.
\n-OK, dar po\u0163i s\u0103 te ui\u0163i \u00eentr-o oglind\u0103 la tine \u00een ansamblu \u015fi s\u0103 \u00een\u0163elegi ra\u0163ional c\u0103 nu inspiri lenjerie intim\u0103 aruncat\u0103-n cap, nu-i a\u015fa?
\nS-a sup\u0103rat teribil.<\/p>\n
\u015ei \u00eemi pare r\u0103u, dar \u0163in s\u0103 punctez c\u0103 nu stric\u0103 periodic s\u0103 ne uit\u0103m \u00eentr-o oglind\u0103, \u00eenainte s\u0103 pretindem altora dorin\u0163\u0103 nebun\u0103 \u015fi incendiu-n chilo\u0163i. Poate c\u0103 ar\u0103\u0163i ca un urs brun carpatin, caz \u00een care po\u0163i g\u0103si o femeie decent\u0103, care s\u0103 \u0163in\u0103 la tine, s\u0103-i pese de soarta ta, s\u0103-\u0163i fac\u0103 un ceai c\u00e2nd e\u015fti bolnav, dar care s\u0103 nu se vad\u0103 cu ochii min\u0163ii c\u0103l\u0103rindu-te ca la San Antonio Rodeo.<\/p>\n
\u015ei tu ai f*te-o ca un animal pe Megan Fox, dar probabil c\u0103, \u00eensurat cu Oprah Winfrey, ai putea s\u0103 dezvol\u0163i o afec\u0163iune fa\u0163\u0103 de ea, s-o ascul\u0163i povestind, s\u0103 ave\u0163i grij\u0103 unul de cel\u0103lalt, s\u0103 c\u0103l\u0103tori\u0163i \u00eempreun\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 v\u0103 face\u0163i reciproc injec\u0163ii c\u00e2nd sunte\u0163i bolnavi, \u015fi ai \u015fti c\u0103 la necaz Oprah Winfrey te va proteja, dar nu ai putea s\u0103 faci sex nebun cu ea la tura\u0163ia Megan Fox.<\/p>\n
\u015ei poate c\u0103 femeia nu c\u0103uta un animal sexual c\u00e2nd te-a luat pe tine. Dac\u0103 ar fi c\u0103utat, s-ar fi uitat la tinereii proaspe\u0163i \u015fi \u015fturlubatici care s\u0103 constituie echivalentul masculin al lui Megan Fox.
\nC\u00e2nd o iei pe Oprah Winfrey, \u0163i se pare ridicol\u0103 preten\u0163ia “F*te-m\u0103 ca pe Megan Fox”. Dac\u0103 voiam s\u0103 f*t \u00een registrul Megan Fox, alegeam direct pe cineva cu aspect \u015fi date de Megan Fox. OK?
\nValabil pentru ambele sexe.<\/p>\n
“Vai, Lorena, dar cum po\u0163i s\u0103 insul\u0163i omul \u00een halul \u0103sta?”
\nSe nume\u015fte adev\u0103r, iar rolul prietenilor e s\u0103 \u0163i-l spun\u0103. Pe mine nu m\u0103 ve\u0163i vedea niciodat\u0103 sub poza cuiva care s-a tuns neinspirat, sau s-a \u00eembr\u0103cat oribil, min\u0163ind cu neru\u015finare: “Vai, ce frumuse\u0163e”. Dimpotriv\u0103. Prieteniile mele se rup c\u00e2nd le spun c\u0103 ia lor preferat\u0103 le face grase, sau c\u0103 noua lor culoare de p\u0103r roz bombon combinat\u0103 cu bronzul exagerat de la solar le st\u0103 dizgra\u0163ios. Dec\u00e2t s\u0103 te mint \u015fi s\u0103 las lumea s\u0103 r\u00e2d\u0103 de tine, prefer s\u0103 te trag la o parte \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i spun pe \u015fleau c\u0103 ar\u0103\u0163i ca domnu’ dracu.<\/p>\n
OK. A\u015fa \u015fi cu nenea \u0103sta tomnatic, care a rupt o rela\u0163ie absolut minunat\u0103 pentru c\u0103 nu exista foc \u015fi par\u0103 ca la 20 de ani. Frate, ur\u0103\u015fte-m\u0103, detest\u0103-m\u0103, \u00eenjur\u0103-m\u0103 dar nu. Nu inspiri sex animalic, obscen, pe ma\u015fina de sp\u0103lat. Inspiri misionar comod \u00een pat de puf, cel mult.<\/p>\n
Altfel, pot s\u0103-\u0163i dau link la siteul lui grasomega.ro, trecut \u015fi el de 40 de ani, care e tot numai fibr\u0103 \u015fi energie. Te bagi la genul \u0103la de efort? E munc\u0103. Dar d\u0103 randamente. Subit, au \u015fi femeile la ce s\u0103 se uite.<\/p>\n
*<\/p>\n
Dar acum hai s\u0103 extindem pu\u0163in problema \u015fi la modul \u00een care \u00ee\u015fi aleg b\u0103rba\u0163ii femei. Care e potretul robot? S\u0103 fie cumin\u0163ic\u0103, s\u0103 fie “fat\u0103 bun\u0103”, s\u0103 fie low maintenance. Dar brusc, dac\u0103 se poate, \u00een noaptea nun\u0163ii, s\u0103 vin\u0103 Z\u00e2na M\u0103selu\u0163\u0103 \u015fi s-o transforme magic \u00een Jenna Jameson, experta \u00een supt.
\n\u015ei exact ca \u00een basm, vraja s\u0103 \u0163in\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la miezul nop\u0163ii, apoi calea\u015fca s\u0103 redevin\u0103 dovleac, arm\u0103sarii \u015foareci \u015fi foamea de sex, chef de f\u0103cut sarmale.
\nSorry, dar nu prea func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 a\u015fa.
\n\u0162i-ai ales-o \u00eengera\u015f? Asum\u0103-\u0163i c\u0103 are o mentalitate la fel de nep\u0103tat\u0103 cum e ea ca persoan\u0103, \u015fi c\u0103 a\u015fa o s\u0103 fie \u015fi-n pat. \u015ei nu, “dac\u0103 m\u0103 iube\u015fti, ai face-o” nu e un argument. Tot ca pe o presiune nasoal\u0103 o s-o simt\u0103.<\/p>\n
\u015ei mai e o treab\u0103. Fiecare femeie inhibat\u0103 pe care o cuno\u015fti a interac\u0163ionat, online sau offline, cu c\u00e2teva mii de idio\u0163i care i-au spus c\u0103 e curv\u0103. Majoritatea f\u0103r\u0103 s-o fi cunoscut vreodat\u0103 personal. Mul\u0163i dintre ei ca r\u0103zbunare pentru c\u0103 i-a refuzat. Iar c\u00e2\u0163iva dintre ei din pur\u0103 prostie pentru c\u0103 le-a cedat prea repede.
\n\u015ei de la un punct \u00eencolo, pui \u00een balan\u0163\u0103 riscul de a mai \u00eencasa insulte de la \u00eenc\u0103 un idiot cu precau\u0163ia de a juca safe.
\n\u015ei alegi s\u0103 joci safe, c\u0103 m\u0103car \u015ftii c\u0103 nu are ce s\u0103-\u0163i repro\u015feze, de vreme ce \u00een memtalitatea noastr\u0103 de Ev Mediu, e \u00een continuare mai “v\u0103leu” s\u0103 fii curv\u0103, dec\u00e2t plictisitoare \u00een pat.<\/p>\n
Momentan, mentalit\u0103\u0163ile \u00eenc\u0103 func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 \u00een a\u015fa fel, \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 recompenseze “fata bun\u0103” \u015fi s\u0103 umileasc\u0103 “curva”, iar rezultatul e c\u0103 toat\u0103 lumea are parte de sex mediocru sau deloc.
\nIar c\u00e2nd tu pretinzi ca aia s\u0103 se prind\u0103 c\u0103, \u00een mul\u0163ime, taman tu e\u015fti \u0103la neprost – s-o citeasc\u0103 eventual \u00een stele – e\u015fti naiv.<\/p>\n
O s\u0103 \u00eenchei cu un banc tematic revelator.<\/p>\n
Cade una de la etajul 100. La etajul 90, o prinde unul.
\n-Vai, mul\u0163umesc mult.
\n-P\u0103pu\u015fe, dar dac\u0103 te salvez, dai \u015fi tu ni\u015fte \u03c0zd\u0103?
\n-Cum v\u0103 permite\u0163i?
\n-D\u0103-te dracu’ de curv\u0103!
\n\u015ei o arunc\u0103 \u00een jos \u00een continuare.
\nLa etajul 60, o prinde altul.
\n-Vai, mul\u0163umesc mult.
\n-P\u0103pu\u015fe, dar dac\u0103 te salvez, o sugi \u015fi tu pu\u0163in?
\n-Cum v\u0103 permite\u0163i?
\n-D\u0103-te dracu’ de curv\u0103!
\n\u015ei o arunc\u0103 mai departe. La etajul 30, o mai prinde unul.
\n-Vai, mul\u0163umesc mult. M\u0103 f*t, sug \u015fi p*la, numai salveaz\u0103-m\u0103.
\n-D\u0103-te dracu’ de curv\u0103! <\/p>\n
Concluzia: inhibi\u0163iile unei femei sunt rezultatul prostiei foarte multor b\u0103rba\u0163i. \u015ei cu majoritatea \u0103stora n-a ales ea s\u0103 interac\u0163ioneze. <\/p>\n
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