{"id":14985,"date":"2018-05-22T11:26:35","date_gmt":"2018-05-22T08:26:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=14985"},"modified":"2018-05-22T11:47:01","modified_gmt":"2018-05-22T08:47:01","slug":"patru-tinute-de-vara-pe-care-imi-doresc-sa-nu-le-mai-vad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/patru-tinute-de-vara-pe-care-imi-doresc-sa-nu-le-mai-vad\/","title":{"rendered":"Patru \u0163inute de var\u0103 pe care \u00eemi doresc s\u0103 nu le mai v\u0103d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cencet – \u00eencet, vine-vara-bine-mi-pare, drept care lumea b\u00e2ntuie magazine, r\u0103scole\u015fte dulapuri, \u015fi printre tradi\u0163ionalele schelete, reintroduce \u00een circuit \u0163oalele care nu s-au uzat fizic \u015fi moral.
\n\u015ei trotuarul se umple brusc de piele dezvelit\u0103, culoare, forme \u015fi periodic fonduri.<\/p>\n

\u015ei totodat\u0103, apar la vedere c\u00e2teva dintre cele mai ur\u00e2te \u0163oale inventate de om.<\/p>\n

Prilej pentru mine s\u0103 rog cel pu\u0163in cititorimea aici prezent\u0103 s\u0103 se respecte suficient \u00eenc\u00e2t, m\u0103car vara asta, s\u0103 nu poarte urm\u0103toarele monstruozit\u0103\u0163i:<\/p>\n

1. \u015ealvari <\/strong><\/p>\n

B\u0103rba\u0163ii din Orientul Apropiat \u015fi Mijlociu sunt extrem de posesivi, gelo\u015fi \u015fi convin\u015fi c\u0103 femeia e proprietatea lor, exact ca vaca sau mer\u0163anul. Numai c\u0103, \u00een timp ce mer\u0163anul se fabric\u0103 \u00een serie, \u015fi po\u0163i s\u0103-\u0163i cumperi unul identic cu al vecinului, femeia e prototip \u015fi nu merge s\u0103 te \u00eendr\u0103goste\u015fti de Fatima \u015fi s\u0103 o iei pe Aysha.
\nP\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 se perfec\u0163ioneze clonarea, musulmanul a venit cu ideea perfect\u0103: s-o acopere pe Fatima p\u00e2n\u0103-n din\u0163i \u015fi s\u0103-i anuleze complet atractivitatea, s\u0103 nu t\u00e2njeasc\u0103 altul la ea.
\nPentru asta, omul nostru a inventat \u015falvarii.<\/p>\n

\u015ealvarii sunt ni\u015fte n\u0103dragi l\u0103l\u00e2i care au deosebitele calit\u0103\u0163i de a) fi ur\u00e2\u0163i cu infinite spume \u015fi b) de a nu ar\u0103ta bine pe absolut nimeni.
\nIa un fotomodel de catwalk, 1.85 cm, 55 kg. Pune-o \u00een \u015falvari. Instant o s\u0103 par\u0103 de 1.60 \u015fi de 90 kg.
\nPrin forma lor absolut oribil\u0103, \u015falvarii scurteaz\u0103 piciorul, \u00eel \u00eengroa\u015f\u0103, l\u0103b\u0103r\u0163eaz\u0103 \u015foldurile \u015fi anuleaz\u0103 talia. Practic, transform\u0103 orice z\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eentr-un c\u0103r\u0103midoi lipsit de orice urm\u0103 vag\u0103 de gra\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

De ce te-ai \u00eembr\u0103ca de bun\u0103 voie ca \u015fi cum ai avea un b\u0103rbat sup\u0103rat din oficiu acas\u0103? Poate doar dac\u0103 isp\u0103\u015fe\u015fti p\u0103cate dntr-o via\u0163\u0103 anterioar\u0103, sau tocmai l-ai g\u0103sit pe Mahomed \u015fi vrei s\u0103 devii una dintre cele 72 de fecioare care-i revin unui terorist ISIS obi\u015fnuit.<\/p>\n

Colan\u0163ii cu cameltoe<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pe acest blog, nu exist\u0103 fat shaming. Credem cu t\u0103rie c\u0103 orice om are dreptul s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103 cu num\u0103rul de kilograme care \u00eel face fericit, \u015fi dac\u0103 tu e\u015fti un gurmand pasional, \u015fi ai analize ok, n-o phoote pe Lupu grija ce gabarit afi\u015fezi tu pe strad\u0103. Cu condi\u0163ia s\u0103 nu te dai la numita Lupu, c\u0103 \u00een acest caz \u00ee\u015fi rezerv\u0103 dreptul s\u0103 fie extrem de incorect\u0103 politic.
\nAcestea fiind clarificate, nu prea \u00een\u0163eleg colan\u0163ii vara, mai ales ziua, pe canicul\u0103. Transpiri ca un c\u00e2ine. Colan\u0163ii sunt din diverse materiale sintetice supraelastice. Astea, se \u015ftie, au harul de a crea transpira\u0163ie \u015fi \u00een zone \u00een care nu ai glande sudoripare.
\nApoi, unele doamne au forme mai generoase, \u015fi o parte dintre acestea au ni\u015fte p\u0103s\u0103rici extrem de expandate, s\u0103 zic a\u015fa. (\u00cemi aleg cuvintele, c\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 jignesc.)
\n\u00cen secunda \u00een care tu por\u0163i o pereche de tanga \u015fi un colant peste m\u0103nunchiul \u0103la de p\u0103s\u0103ric\u0103, practic \u00ee\u0163i dest\u0103inuie\u015fti cel mai intim secret fizic oricui trece. Verile trecute, \u00een metrou, mai ales c\u00e2nd m-am a\u015fezat, m-am pomenit ochi \u00een… \u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103… buze cu c\u00e2te un cameltoe obraznic \u015fi b\u00e2rzoet, cu multe falduri, de mi-a trebuit o lun\u0103 de terapie s\u0103-mi revin.
\n\u015ei aten\u0163ie: mie \u00eemi plac \u015fi fustele scurte, \u015fi skinny jeans, \u015fi topurile cu decolteu. Numai, te rog din inim\u0103, nu-mi pune p\u0103s\u0103rica peste fa\u0163\u0103. Cred c\u0103 e o rug\u0103minte rezonabil\u0103.<\/p>\n

A\u015fa cum nu am cum s\u0103 v\u0103d un dikc pic trimis de cineva \u015fi apoi s\u0103-l iau pe om \u00een serios, nu am cum s\u0103 m\u0103 uit \u00een vaginul uneia \u015fi apoi s\u0103 discut filosofie cu ea. Sorry.<\/p>\n

Pantalonii trei sferturi<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cine-mi cite\u015fte cu regularitate siteul \u015ftie \u00een ce hal \u00eei ur\u0103sc eu pe \u0103\u015ftia \u015fi s-a \u015fi s\u0103turat de \u00eenc\u0103 o litanie la adresa lor.
\nDar obiectiv.
\nDe ce s\u0103 por\u0163i pantaloni care scurteaz\u0103 optic piciorul, \u015fi implicit te fac \u015fi pe tine s\u0103 pari mai scund\u0103, apoi se termin\u0103 exact \u00een zona c\u0103rnoas\u0103 a gambei, d\u00e2nd senza\u0163ia de grosime \u015fi neelegan\u0163\u0103? Periodic, c\u00e2nd duduia are piciorul mai musculos \u00een gamb\u0103, vezi cum cracul pantalonului trei sferturi creeaz\u0103 cute, ca un fel de \u015funculi\u0163\u0103, \u015fi toat\u0103 frumuse\u0163ea specific\u0103 piciorului feminin se duce p**ii de suflet.
\nE at\u00e2t de ur\u00e2t, de-mi s\u00e2ngereaz\u0103 ochii.<\/p>\n

Rochi\u0163ele scurte \u015fi nerealist de mulate<\/strong><\/p>\n

Da, \u015ftiu. “\u00cemi iau chestia asta cu 4 numere mai mic\u0103, \u00een ideea c\u0103 dac\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc kale \u015fi broccoli, o s\u0103 \u00eencap \u00een ea.”
\n\u015ei vita aici prezent\u0103 \u015fi-a cump\u0103rat zeci de “\u0163oale motiva\u0163ionale”. Aberant de mici \u015fi de str\u00e2mte. At\u00e2t de mici \u015fi de str\u00e2mte, \u00eenc\u00e2t nici m\u0103car varza de Bruxelles nu \u00eenc\u0103pea \u00een ele, dar\u0103mite halitorul ei.<\/p>\n

Evident, au r\u0103mas nepurtate p\u00e2n\u0103 azi. Dar eu n-am ambi\u0163ie. C\u00e2nd ceva nu-mi vine, m\u0103 las p\u0103guba\u015f\u0103. Mai e \u015fi categoria: “c\u0103 doar n-am dat 564 de lei \u015fi 83 de bani pe rahatul \u0103sta de \u0163oal\u0103, s\u0103 n-o port.”
\n\u015ei revin la subiect.
\nVar\u0103. Canicul\u0103. Toropeal\u0103. Topeal\u0103. T\u00e2mpeal\u0103.
\nDup\u0103 ce c\u0103 ar\u0103\u0163i ca un parizer sugrumat, mai \u015fi transpiri ca un cal, iar cum corpurile se dilat\u0103 la c\u0103ldur\u0103, disconfortul \u015fi sudoarea devin triplu vizibile.
\nDa, \u015ftiu, body positivity. P\u0103rerea mea incorect\u0103 politic despre body positivity este: poart\u0103 haine care-\u0163i fac corpul s\u0103 se simt\u0103 bine. \u015ei nu m\u0103 convingi c\u0103, \u00een plin iulie, o chestie care-\u0163i str\u00e2nge fundul de-\u0163i urmeaz\u0103 relieful celulitei e ceva \u00een care e\u015fti relaxat\u0103 \u015fi fericit\u0103.<\/p>\n

P\u0103streaz\u0103 “\u0163oalele motiva\u0163ionale” \u00een dulap, unde le e locul, pe acela\u015fi raft cu orientarea sexual\u0103, \u015fi poart\u0103-le pe drum pe cele “veridice \u015fi necesare”.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0***<\/div>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u00cencet – \u00eencet, vine-vara-bine-mi-pare, drept care lumea b\u00e2ntuie magazine, r\u0103scole\u015fte dulapuri, \u015fi printre tradi\u0163ionalele schelete, reintroduce \u00een circuit \u0163oalele care nu s-au uzat fizic...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14987,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/salvari.jpg?fit=474%2C741&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14985"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14991,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14985\/revisions\/14991"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14987"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}