{"id":15064,"date":"2018-06-04T11:05:22","date_gmt":"2018-06-04T08:05:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=15064"},"modified":"2022-06-04T20:14:29","modified_gmt":"2022-06-04T17:14:29","slug":"cum-sa-te-comporti-cu-un-om-nervos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-sa-te-comporti-cu-un-om-nervos\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum s\u0103 te compor\u0163i cu un om nervos"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ideea acestui text mi-a fost dat\u0103, ieri, de un comentac care m\u0103 scosese fioros din s\u0103rite. Postasem o glum\u0103. “Iubi, sunt frumoas\u0103?” “Gen de vreo 20 de likeuri”.<\/p>\n

Lumea normal\u0103 r\u00e2sese \u015fi at\u00e2t. Apoi intraser\u0103 c\u00e2\u0163iva inteligen\u0163i care tr\u0103seser\u0103 bizar concluzia c\u0103 a\u015f fi eu genul care are nevoie de reassuring legat de propriul look \u015fi \u00eencepuser\u0103 s\u0103 abereze: “Ba e\u015fti frumoas\u0103”.<\/p>\n

E at\u00e2t de insult\u0103tor, de parc\u0103 ai posta un banc cu mili\u0163ieni \u015fi te-ar \u00eentreba la care sec\u0163ie lucrezi. E ca \u015fi cum ai posta un banc cu olteni \u015fi te-ar \u00eentreba ce mai face Amza Pellea. E ca \u015fi cum ai posta un banc cu PSD \u015fi te-ar \u00eentreba dac\u0103 \u00eendr\u0103zne\u015fti s\u0103 crezi.<\/p>\n

Acum, nimerisem un fl\u0103c\u0103u care nu era nici el vreo lumin\u0103 a ra\u0163iunii \u015fi, speriat c\u0103 m\u0103 enervasem de inep\u0163iile lui, debita din ce \u00een ce mai dezl\u00e2nat \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 urm\u0103 de sens, a\u015fa c\u0103 m-am prins c\u0103 e mintal incapabil s\u0103-\u015fi proceseze propria prostie \u015fi l-am l\u0103sat \u00een plata domnului.<\/p>\n

Dar situa\u0163ia este relativ comun\u0103. Tuturor ni se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 s\u0103 avem o secund\u0103 de brainfart, s\u0103 nu g\u00e2ndim \u015fi s\u0103 eman\u0103m ceva ce enerveaz\u0103 un interlocutor \u00een ultimul hal.<\/p>\n

Hai s\u0103 \u00eencepem aceast\u0103 discu\u0163ie de la premisa c\u0103 n-am pornit cu trigg\u0103reala prin sat, c\u0103 nu ne propunem s\u0103 oftic\u0103m un om, c\u0103 avem bune inten\u0163ii, \u015fi c\u0103 zeul accidentelor nefericite ne-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 puim involuntar o gogom\u0103nie, drept care avem un om nervos.<\/p>\n

Ce facem, ce nu facem?<\/p>\n

P\u0103i iat\u0103.<\/p>\n

1. Asum\u0103-\u0163i paternitatea enerv\u0103rii.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nimic nu e mai sinistru de enervant dec\u00e2t genul de bovin\u0103 cornut\u0103 care \u00ee\u015fi declin\u0103 instant orice leg\u0103tur\u0103 cu iritarea ta izvor\u00e2t\u0103 vizibil din ce spune el \/ ea, \u015fi \u00eencepe: \u00cemi pare r\u0103u c\u0103 ai avut o zi grea \/ Se pare c\u0103 ai nevoie de o vacan\u0163\u0103 \/ E\u015fti supy, fata? etc.
\nAstea au darul de a amplifica instant cu 10.000 furia interlocutorului, iar dac\u0103 ini\u0163ial aveai pe cineva vag nemul\u0163umit, cu \u00eentreb\u0103ri \u015fi afirna\u0163ii din astea \u00ee\u0163i asiguri c\u0103 mor\u0163ii mamei tale vor defila patriotic sub Arcul de Triumf, \u015fi nici m\u0103car nu e 1 decembrie.
\nNu po\u0163i emana bullshit de acest calibru, apoi s\u0103 pretinzi s\u0103 fii privit ca o fiin\u0163\u0103 uman\u0103. Tu \u015ftii c\u0103 tu l-ai enervat pe omul. Omul \u015ftie c\u0103 e\u015fti un m\u00e2rlan care \u00eel face pe altul responsabil de propria m\u00e2rl\u0103nie.
\nE contextul \u00een care se rup rela\u0163ii.<\/p>\n

Ce s\u0103 faci \u00een schimb? <\/strong>
\n“Explic\u0103-mi, te rog, ce anume te-a sup\u0103rat”. \u015ei ascul\u0163i. Ascul\u0163i \u015fi cau\u0163i s\u0103 \u00een\u0163elegi logic.
\nPosibil, anumite motive de sup\u0103rare ale altora \u0163i se vor p\u0103rea t\u00e2mpenii c\u00e2t casa. Exemplu: aveam o prieten\u0103 care se sup\u0103ra c\u00e2nd nu voiam s\u0103 ies \u00een ora\u015f. De parc\u0103 eram legate una de alta sau ceva. Mie \u00eentotdeauna mi s-a p\u0103rut c\u0103 leisure este facultativ, iar dac\u0103 mie mi-e mai relaxant s\u0103-mi toarc\u0103 Pulic\u0103 \u00een poal\u0103 la a nu \u015ftiu c\u00e2ta redare a lui Velvet Goldmine, cu un pahar de rioja \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, more power to me.
\nI-am ascultat repro\u015furile: “nu \u0163ii cont de pl\u0103cerea altora”, apoi i-am explicat. “Honey, \u00een freelancing \u0163ii cont uneori 18 ore pe zi de pl\u0103cerea altora. C\u00e2nd ai \u015fi blog, make that 25. M\u0103car \u00een timpul meu liber, vreau s\u0103 nu-mi dicteze nimeni altcineva ce pl\u0103ceri ar trebui s\u0103 simt.”
\n\u00cen fine, \u015fi-a g\u0103sit o alt\u0103 BFF cu care s\u0103 b\u00e2ntuie c\u00e2rciumi, iar eu mi-am mai cump\u0103rat o sticl\u0103 de rioja. Acum suntem on friendly terms.<\/p>\n

Unii oameni pur \u015fi simplu au nevoie s\u0103 stea limb\u0103-n limb\u0103 cu prietenii lor toat\u0103 ziua. Al\u0163ii se v\u0103d la jum\u0103tate de an \u015fi continu\u0103 exact de unde r\u0103m\u0103seser\u0103. Niciuna dintre variante nu e gre\u015fit\u0103, e \u00een func\u0163ie de felul t\u0103u de a fi.<\/p>\n

2. Nu \u00eencerca foarte tare s\u0103 schimbi vorba.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00cen general b\u0103rba\u0163ii au tactica asta, \u00een ideea infantil\u0103 c\u0103 dac\u0103 brusc vorbim despre mersul trenurilor, e ca \u015fi cum rahatul X nu s-ar fi \u00eent\u00e2mplat. E o reminiscen\u0163\u0103 din copil\u0103rie: dac\u0103 juc\u0103m cu toat\u0103 convingerea cowboy-ii \u015fi indienii, brusc ne vom trezi \u00een vestul s\u0103lbatic.
\nAsta poate func\u0163iona cu o femeie care e pe ciclu \u015fi o doare burta, cu un tovar\u0103\u015f care a primit o amend\u0103 \u00een trafic sau cu cineva \u00een disconfort minor.
\nDar c\u00e2nd o persoan\u0103 este furioas\u0103 pe tine de tic\u0103ie, e, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-\u0163i dai seama, un mod de a-i comunica faptul c\u0103-\u0163i bagi p***la \u00een sup\u0103rarea ei. Rezultatul: persoana devine \u015fi mai furioas\u0103.<\/p>\n

Ce s\u0103 faci \u00een schimb?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cite\u015fte la punctul 1.<\/p>\n

3. Nu c\u0103uta s\u0103 jigne\u015fti persoana pentru sentimentele ei.<\/strong><\/p>\n

“E\u015fti nebun\u0103 \/ isteric\u0103 \/ paranoic\u0103 \/ drogat\u0103 \/ beat\u0103 \/ drogat\u0103 \u015fi beat\u0103 \/ pastilat\u0103 \/ drogat\u0103, beat\u0103 \u015eI pastilat\u0103 \/ curv\u0103 \/ curv\u0103 nebun\u0103, isteric\u0103, paranoic\u0103, drogat\u0103, beat\u0103 \u015fi pastilat\u0103.”<\/p>\n

Faza e a\u015fa. Chiar \u015fi cea mai nebun\u0103 curv\u0103 isteric\u0103, paranoic\u0103, drogat\u0103, beat\u0103 \u015fi pastilat\u0103 e chill p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd o \u00eenfurie ceva. Nimeni nu face spume doar a\u015fa, de dragul de a le face. \u015ei jignirile nu fac dec\u00e2t s\u0103 tensioneze situa\u0163ia.<\/p>\n

Dar, Lorena, dac\u0103 \u00eentr-adev\u0103r m\u0103 atac\u0103 pentru o nimica toat\u0103?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Aici, “nimica toat\u0103” e negociabil. One man’s nimica toat\u0103 is another man’s treasure, cum zice proverbul. Dac\u0103 \u00een mod frecvent motivele de furie ale unuia dintre voi sunt nimicurile celuilalt, e semn c\u0103 a sosit momentul s\u0103 o lua\u0163i pe poteci \u015ferpuitoare, spre z\u0103ri opuse.<\/p>\n

Dar tu jigne\u015fti zilnic pe c\u00e2te unul.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sigur. Dar c\u00e2nd jignesc, a) \u0103la m-a jignit primul, coroborat cu b) e semn c\u0103 \u0103la va lua block pe raza urm\u0103toarelor trei replici. C\u00e2nd m\u0103 vezi jignind pe cineva, suflec\u0103-\u0163i n\u0103rile \u015fi vei sim\u0163i mirosul inconfundabil de poduri arse definitiv \u0219i irevocabil.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 tu vrei continuarea rela\u0163iei, nu recomand tratamentul pe care \u00eel aplic eu idio\u0163ilor pe care \u00eei consider nedemni de orice minut pierdut \u00een continuare.<\/p>\n

4. Nu pretinde s\u0103-i treac\u0103 imediat.<\/strong><\/p>\n

O alt\u0103 fost\u0103 prieten\u0103 f\u0103cea urm\u0103toarele: tr\u00e2ntea c\u00e2te o gaf\u0103, iar c\u00e2nd i-o repro\u015feam, \u00ee\u015fi cerea scuze \u015fi \u00eencepea insistent: “Suntem ok? \u0162i-a trecut, da?”<\/p>\n

Aceast\u0103 a\u015fteptare, ca omului s\u0103-i treac\u0103 la ordin, e la fel de absurd\u0103, ca \u015fi cum ai pretinde s\u0103 cad\u0103 \u00een cap, s\u0103-i apar\u0103 un cucui c\u00e2t o gulie, iar \u0103la s\u0103-i treac\u0103 la ordin.
\nSentimentele, exact ca musculatura, oasele \u015fi articula\u0163iile, au nevoie de timp, s\u0103 se vindece.
\nNu suntem robo\u0163i.
\nIa exact un pas str\u00e2mb s\u0103-\u0163i rupi piciorul, \u015fi c\u00e2teva luni de ghips \u015fi c\u00e2rje, s\u0103 \u0163i-l vindeci.<\/p>\n

Ce s\u0103 faci \u00een schimb?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Depinde de om. Unii au nevoie de l\u0103sare \u00een pace, s\u0103 le treac\u0103. Al\u0163ii de c\u0103in\u0163\u0103 vizibil\u0103. Cunoa\u015fte-l \u015fi tu mai bine pe om \u015fi vezi ce prefer\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0***<\/div>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ideea acestui text mi-a fost dat\u0103, ieri, de un comentac care m\u0103 scosese fioros din s\u0103rite. Postasem o glum\u0103. “Iubi, sunt frumoas\u0103?” “Gen de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12503,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/fuck-you.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15064","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15064"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15064\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23457,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15064\/revisions\/23457"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12503"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15064"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15064"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15064"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}