{"id":15341,"date":"2018-07-30T10:41:23","date_gmt":"2018-07-30T07:41:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=15341"},"modified":"2019-02-19T19:57:06","modified_gmt":"2019-02-19T16:57:06","slug":"drama-si-tumult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/drama-si-tumult\/","title":{"rendered":"Dram\u0103 \u015fi tumult"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cet\u0103\u0163eanul Vasile ar fi fost un om simpatic, dar avea dou\u0103 defecte: nu d\u0103dea doi bani pe fotbal \u015fi nu d\u0103dea doi bani pe patriotismul local. Primul i se p\u0103rea un sport relativ futil: o ga\u015fc\u0103 de b\u0103rba\u0163i \u00een toat\u0103 firea alergau dup\u0103 o minge, iar c\u00e2nd se apropiau, mai d\u0103deau o dat\u0103 cu piciorul. Al doilea i se p\u0103rea o dovad\u0103 vizibil\u0103 de prostie f\u0103\u0163i\u015f\u0103, pentru c\u0103 diferen\u0163a \u00eentre V\u0103sc\u0103u\u0163ii de Deal \u015fi cei de Vale era doar de altitudine, \u015fi nu era ca \u015fi cum dreptul de a te na\u015fte colo sau colo s-ar fi acordat pe baza unui tabel de merite.<\/p>\n

Buoon. \u015ei \u00eentr-o bun\u0103 zi, c\u00e2nd cet\u0103\u0163eanul Vasile a aflat c\u0103 FC Av\u00e2ntul V\u0103sc\u0103u\u0163ii de Deal s-a calificat la cupa comunei, \u015fi a exprimat o mirare \u00een glum\u0103 legat\u0103 de subiect: “Pe bune? Au uitat \u0103ia din Vale s\u0103 joace fotbal sau au exagerat cu \u0163uica?”, s-a dezl\u0103n\u0163uit toat\u0103 drama posibil\u0103 din regiune. Ba \u015fi cea pe care nimeni n-o b\u0103nuise posibil\u0103.<\/p>\n

-B\u0103i, Vasile, \u00eel strig\u0103 cineva peste gard.
\n-\u0102u.
\n-Cum ai putut?
\n-Cum am putut ce?
\n-Cum ai putuuuut?
\n-Cum am putut ce? se repet\u0103 Vasile, \u00eentreb\u00e2ndu-se de c\u00e2te ori se va relua \u00een bucl\u0103 acest schimb de replici, c\u0103 mai avea \u015fi treab\u0103.
\n-Cum. Ai. Putut?
\n-Cum. Am. Putut. Ce?
\n-S\u0103 aduci atingere celei mai sfinte valori locale.
\nLa asta nu se a\u015ftepta.
\n-N-am mai fost la biseric\u0103 de c\u00e2nd m-a b\u0103gat un nene \u00een rochie \u00eentr-un vas cu ap\u0103.
\n-Nuuuu.
\n-Nu ce? M-oi fi pi\u015fat beat pe gardul bisericii?
\n-Nu, b\u0103. Idiotule. Ai zis mizerii despre cel mai sacru lucru. Echipa local\u0103 de fotbal.
\n-Ah.
\nLui Vasile i se p\u0103rea a\u015fa o nonproblem\u0103, s\u0103 faci mi\u015fto de o ga\u015fc\u0103 de fl\u0103c\u0103i voinici fug\u0103rind o minge, \u00eenc\u00e2t i se p\u0103rea c\u0103 fotbalul ar trebui s\u0103 fie tem\u0103 obligatorie de glume, ca poli\u0163i\u015ftii \u015fi blondele. Habar n-avusese c\u0103 cineva poate face o telenovel\u0103 american\u0103 pe un subiect at\u00e2t de banal.
\n-Ai tu idee c\u00e2t muncesc b\u0103ie\u0163ii \u0103\u015ftia zilnic? Ce diet\u0103 \u0163in? C\u00e2t de punctual vin la antrenamente?
\n-A\u015fa, \u015fi? \u015ei eu m\u0103 duc punctual la munc\u0103, \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 nu s-a mirat nimeni, \u00eencepu s\u0103 se enerveze Vasile.
\n-Ai tu idee c\u00e2t\u0103 pasiune pun ei, spre deosebire de mafio\u0163ii \u0103ia din V\u0103sc\u0103u\u0163ii de Vale?
\n-Dar nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 \u015fi nu asta discutam.
\n-Dac\u0103 mai faci o glum\u0103 despre FC Av\u00e2ntul V\u0103sc\u0103u\u0163ii de Deal, \u00ee\u0163i pictez pe Satana pe gard.
\nMulte tolera Vasile, dar s\u0103-i spui despre ce s\u0103 glumeasc\u0103, nu.
\n-De ce se bucur\u0103 FC Av\u00e2ntul V\u0103sc\u0103u\u0163ii de Deal c\u00e2nd g\u0103se\u015fte un leu pe jos? Sigur e o ofert\u0103 de preluare, \u0103h\u0103hh\u0103h\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103.
\n\u015ei deodat\u0103, ap\u0103rur\u0103 nori negri pe cer, tunete, fulgere, \u015fi c\u00e2nd disp\u0103rur\u0103, Satana r\u00e2njea pe gardul lui.
\n-Ooook, oft\u0103 Vasile. C\u00e2nd glume\u015fti, lumea \u00ee\u0163i mai decoreaz\u0103 moca periodic. Asta e.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

-Fiuleee, auzi peste gard o voce binecunoscut\u0103.
\n“O, nuuuu”, oft\u0103 mut Vasile.
\n-Ce vrei, mam\u0103? ie\u015fi el aparent indiferent la poart\u0103. Mi-ai adus pl\u0103cinte?
\n-Las\u0103, m\u0103, pl\u0103cerile astea lume\u015fti. Eu cum te-am crescut?
\nAceaast\u0103 \u00eentrebare \u00eel l\u0103s\u0103 pe Vasile total descump\u0103nit. Ce voia s\u0103 afle femeia. Numele metodei de parenting? “Vasile, nu e voie”?
\n-Nu credeam c\u0103 tu-\u0163i ur\u0103\u015fti \u00een a\u015fa hal satul natal.
\n-Ce? r\u0103mase total t\u00e2mpit Vasile.
\n-Am auzit cum ai r\u00e2s de cel mai valoros lucru pe care-l avem noi aici. Echipa local\u0103. Care s-a calificat la cupa comunei.
\n“\u0102\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103”, \u00eencepu Vasile s\u0103 ca\u015fte.
\n-Te califici tu, b\u0103i, prostache, la cupa comunei?
\n-Prefer butoiul de vin al comunei, recunoscu Vasile.
\n-N-am \u015ftiut c\u0103 am n\u0103scut un asemenea monstru. Mai bine te sp\u00e2rc\u00e2iam cu m\u00e2na.
\n-Ce, m\u0103, pentru o banal\u0103 echip\u0103 de fotbal de la \u0163ar\u0103?
\nFemeia \u00eencepu s\u0103 tremure de nervi.
\n-De la \u0163ar\u0103 e\u015fti tu cu m\u0103-ta!
\n-Corect, d\u0103du Vasile din cap. \u015ei?
\n-\u015ei… e\u015fti un porc nemernic, ultimul om, un desfr\u00e2nat \u015fi un descreierat, \u015fi o s\u0103 ajungi \u00een iad dup\u0103 moarte.
\n-S-a notat. Alte puncte pe \u015fedin\u0163a de lucru?
\n-Nu mai vreau s\u0103 te v\u0103d \u00een ochi, r\u0103cni femeia \u015fi p\u0103r\u0103si val v\u00e2rtej incinta.<\/p>\n

*
\nNoaptea la ora 3. Vasile dormea cu b\u0103lu\u0163e la gur\u0103, c\u00e2nd deodat\u0103 auzi un fojg\u0103it suspect. Deschise ochi. Deasupra lui era fantoma lui Mihai Viteazul, pe cal.
\n-C…cum ai intrat cu calul la mine-n dormitor?
\n-Prin pere\u0163i, c\u0103 suntem fantome, idiotule. Dar s\u0103 trecem la subiect. Cum \u00ee\u0163i permi\u0163i s\u0103 iei \u00een r\u00e2s echipa de fotbal local\u0103?<\/p>\n

Foto: Thinkstock<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a> \u015fi Instagram<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Cet\u0103\u0163eanul Vasile ar fi fost un om simpatic, dar avea dou\u0103 defecte: nu d\u0103dea doi bani pe fotbal \u015fi nu d\u0103dea doi bani pe...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15342,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/fotbal.jpg?fit=640%2C420&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15341"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15341\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16692,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15341\/revisions\/16692"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}