{"id":15380,"date":"2018-08-08T08:52:15","date_gmt":"2018-08-08T05:52:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=15380"},"modified":"2018-08-08T09:02:32","modified_gmt":"2018-08-08T06:02:32","slug":"intrebarea-megaenervanta","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/intrebarea-megaenervanta\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00centrebarea megaenervant\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fiecare om are o \u00eentrebare cu care \u00eel sco\u0163i magistral \u015fi definitiv din s\u0103rite. \u00cen cazul anumitor b\u0103rba\u0163i, e “c\u00e2t c\u00e2\u015ftigi?” \u015fi pot \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 \u00eei \u00eenfurie s\u0103 fie privi\u0163i doar ca o pu\u015fculi\u0163\u0103 ambulant\u0103. \u00cen cazul altora, e “Unde merge chestia asta”, \u015fi tipul se isterizeaz\u0103 pentru c\u0103 din punctul lui de vedere nu trebuie s\u0103 mearg\u0103 nic\u0103ieri, e doar sex f\u0103r\u0103 obliga\u0163ii \u015fi acuma tu \u00eel pui s\u0103 inventeze pove\u015fti, ce e el, Ion Creang\u0103? Anumite femei se \u00eenfurie c\u00e2nd le \u00eentrebi dac\u0103 au prieten, pentru simplul fapt c\u0103 nu au unul nu le face automat disponibile. \u015ei tot a\u015fa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chit c\u0103 exist\u0103 \u015fansa unui r\u0103spuns calm, de tipul “M\u0103 scuzi, nu e problema ta”, “Nic\u0103ieri anume” \u015fi “Chiar trei, de ce \u00eentrebi?”, respectiv, oamenii reac\u0163ioneaz\u0103 exploziv, emo\u0163ional, cu exces de epitete \u015fi metafore. Pentru c\u0103, involuntar sau deliberat, \u00eentrebarea tatoneaz\u0103 o zon\u0103 a lor pe care nu o vor accesat\u0103.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00cen cazul meu, \u00eentrebarea la care fac instant spume \u015fi reac\u0163ionez deplasat – bine, sunt mai multe, \u00eencep\u00e2nd cu at\u00e2t de ineptul “cf” – dar \u00eentrebarea la care CHIAR fac spume \u015fi reac\u0163ionez ca omul din pe\u015fter\u0103 la ciupitura unei specii absolut sinistre de insect\u0103 purt\u0103toare de boli tropicale neidentificate, e “Ce te faci dup\u0103 ce moare Pulic\u0103?”<\/p>\n

Pentru cine intr\u0103 prima oar\u0103 pe blog, Pulic\u0103 e motanul meu. Are 15 ani, l-am crescut de c\u00e2nd era un bebe pisoi inocent cu ochi mari \u015fi alba\u015ftri, l-am \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at s\u0103 se cace, \u00eel iubesc ca pe un mix de \u00eenger p\u0103zitor, unicorn pogor\u00e2t \u00een profanul existen\u0163ei \u015fi primul meu copil.<\/p>\n

De\u015fi are 15 ani, Pulic\u0103 e deocamdat\u0103 bine, s\u0103n\u0103tos, juc\u0103u\u015f \u015fi vesel, m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 precum un lup de step\u0103, are excre\u0163ii regulate de toate tipurile, are reac\u0163ii vii \u015fi prompte la tot ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00een jurul lui – except\u00e2nd momentele c\u00e2nd n-are chef – \u015fi e \u00eenc\u0103 plin de vitalitate ca un iaurt Activia.<\/p>\n

\u015ei vine c\u00e2te un d\u0103t\u0103tor cu b\u00e2ta \u00een balt\u0103 \u015fi pune inteligenta \u00eentrebare: “Ce te faci dup\u0103 ce moare?”<\/p>\n

La care prima mea reac\u0163ie e s-o iubesc biblic pe mama interlocutorului, a doua ceva ce genul “\u0162i-l trimit \u0163ie, copt \u00een marinad\u0103 de ierburi aromate \u015fi cu m\u0103r \u00een gur\u0103” \u015fi a treia o parad\u0103 cu mor\u0163ii notabili din familia persoanei.<\/p>\n

Realmente, ce fac oamenii dup\u0103 ce le mor pe\u0163ii? Probabil \u00eei \u00eengroap\u0103 sau \u00eei incinereaz\u0103, sau \u00eel \u00eemp\u0103iaz\u0103 cu \u015ftrasuri, dac\u0103 sunt Oane Z\u0103voranu nebune, apoi tr\u0103iesc mai departe, singuri \u015fi neconsola\u0163i, sau se duc \u015fi adopt\u0103 alt animal.<\/p>\n

Dar \u00eentrebarea mea onest\u0103 e: Intereseaz\u0103 direct pe cineva ce voi face eu dup\u0103 ce-mi moare m\u00e2\u0163a? Chiar e un nivel at\u00e2t de profund de preocupare \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 discut\u0103m cel mai potrivit crematoriu din regiune?<\/p>\n

\u015ei r\u0103spunsul logic e singurul r\u0103spuns:<\/p>\n

Fuck, no.<\/p>\n

E doar un mod par\u015fiv de a-mi b\u0103ga o sul\u0103 \u00een coaste c\u0103 anim\u0103lu\u0163ul meu iubit nu mai are foarte mult de tr\u0103it.<\/p>\n

Sau poate da. Cea mai longeviv\u0103 pisic\u0103 a tr\u0103it 32 de ani. Mai are 17.<\/p>\n

E doar un mod meschin de a-mi provoca acum o durere pe care o s-o simt oricum mai \u00eencolo \u015fi pe care, mul\u0163umesc frumos, nu e cazul s-o simt \u015fi acum, c\u00e2nd m\u00e2\u0163a e ok.<\/p>\n

“Dar nu, Lorena, eu discutam aspecte practice”.<\/p>\n

Ce aspecte practice? Are Pulic\u0103 s\u0103-mi lase mo\u015ftenire \u015fi nu \u015fi-a f\u0103cut testamentul \u015fi succesiunea? Am de rezervat groap\u0103 la Cimitirul \u00cenvierea? Du-te, m\u0103.<\/p>\n

V\u0103 rog din inim\u0103, data viitoare c\u00e2nd pune\u0163i o \u00eentrebare cuiva, folosi\u0163i-v\u0103 un pic substan\u0163a cenu\u015fie \u015fi judeca\u0163i: Caut s\u0103 ob\u0163in vreo informa\u0163ie propriu-zis\u0103 cu ceea ce \u00eentreb, sau doar \u00eel \u015ficanez aiurea pe interlocutor?<\/p>\n

Sigur, dac\u0103 inten\u0163ia e din start de a \u015ficana, don’t mind me. \u00cen fond, de ce s\u0103 ai interac\u0163iuni pl\u0103cute cu oamenii, dac\u0103 po\u0163i s\u0103 le faci enervante, nu?<\/p>\n

Foto: Krow Trayllis, Deviantart.<\/p>\n

***<\/div>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a> \u015fi Instagram<\/a>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Urm\u0103torul spectacol al trupei mele de pamflet ZZ Bottom are loc pe 9 august, la Paque Bistro (Bd. Pache Protopopescu, Nr. 60). Ora 20.00.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fiecare om are o \u00eentrebare cu care \u00eel sco\u0163i magistral \u015fi definitiv din s\u0103rite. \u00cen cazul anumitor b\u0103rba\u0163i, e “c\u00e2t c\u00e2\u015ftigi?” \u015fi pot \u00een\u0163elege...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15381,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/angry_question.jpg?fit=680%2C863&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15380"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15383,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15380\/revisions\/15383"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}