![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/Untitled-1.jpg?resize=543%2C348\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Hai s\u0103 presupunem c\u0103 toate femeile universului ar \u00eencepe s\u0103 povesteasc\u0103 \u00eentre ele c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ilor le place \u00een secret s\u0103 poarte kkt \u00een n\u0103ri. C\u0103 au auzit ele la o vecin\u0103 c\u0103 so\u0163ul unei rude \u00eendep\u0103rtate a fost g\u0103sit la autopsie cu kkt \u00een n\u0103ri. C\u0103 a scris \u015fi Click c\u0103 Justin Bieber a venit la Gala Premiilor Grammy \u015fi pe covorul ro\u015fu purta kkt \u00een n\u0103ri. Bine, unii speculeaz\u0103 c\u0103 era un muc r\u0103t\u0103cit, dar noi \u015ftim c\u0103 era kkt.\u00a0 C\u0103 a zis Mircea Badea la el \u00een emisiune c\u0103 blonzii au un apetit mai mare spre kkt \u00een n\u0103ri dec\u00e2t brune\u0163ii. C\u0103 a publicat Olivia Stere pe Facebook o postare despre beneficiile naturiste ale kktului din n\u0103ri. C\u0103 un unchi de mam\u0103 se ascundea \u00een fiecare diminea\u0163\u0103 \u00een bud\u0103 trei ore, \u015fi dac\u0103 st\u0103tea at\u00e2t de mult, sigur, speculativ, \u00ee\u015fi \u00eendesa kkt \u00een n\u0103ri.<\/p>\n
Pe baza tuturor acestor dovezi irefutabile, deducem c\u0103 definitiv to\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163ii poart\u0103 \u00een secret kkt \u00een n\u0103ri \u015fi, de cum vedem unul, \u00eei \u00eentindem rapid o bucat\u0103 groas\u0103 \u015fi solid\u0103 de kkt:<\/p>\n
“Hai, \u0163ine, \u015ftiu c\u0103 \u00een secret asta v\u0103 dori\u0163i to\u0163i.”<\/p>\n
“Ce-ai, femeie, ai \u00eennebunit? Cum s\u0103 vii cu fecala spre mine, eu sunt un om s\u0103n\u0103tos \u015fi normal.”<\/p>\n
“Hai, las\u0103 vr\u0103jeala, \u015ftiu c\u0103 vrei kkt \u00een n\u0103ri.”<\/p>\n
“Nu, jur pe bunul Dumnezeu c\u0103 nu. Te rog, arunc\u0103 \u0103la undeva \u015fi du-te \u015fi tu cu el.”<\/p>\n
“Las\u0103, pisi, \u015ftiu c\u0103-\u0163i place. Uite ce kkt mare \u015fi tare, \u015fi uite ce miros pestilen\u0163ial are!”<\/p>\n
“Ce n-ai \u00een\u0163eles, f\u0103, mar\u015f dracu’ cu kktul t\u0103u cu tot!!” ar \u0163ipa tipul, care nu ar \u015fti cum s\u0103 transmit\u0103 mai clar informa\u0163ia.” <\/p>\n
“Vai, dar ce fiin\u0163e ira\u0163ionale \u015fi emo\u0163ionale sunte\u0163i voi, b\u0103rba\u0163ii. Te pierzi cam u\u015for cu firea. Hai, ia kktul, \u015ftiu c\u0103-l vrei”.<\/p>\n
\u015ei b\u0103rba\u0163ii ar face o mi\u015fcare, #Metoo, \u00een care b\u0103rba\u0163i din toat\u0103 lumea povestesc cum au fost ei agresa\u0163i de femei nebune, care le fluturau excrementul pe la nas.<\/p>\n
Dar femeile ar face o contra mi\u015fcare, alt-shit, care ar zice a\u015fa: nu v\u0103 uita\u0163i ce zic fraierii \u0103\u015ftia public, realitatea e c\u0103 vor kkt \u00een n\u0103ri, \u015fi alea care vorbi\u0163i pur \u015fi simplu omene\u015fte cu ei sunte\u0163i beta \u015fi cuci, \u015fi n-o s\u0103 v\u0103 respecte.<\/p>\n
Prin urmare, dup\u0103 ce o via\u0163\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103 ai \u0163ipat \u00eempotriva kktului \u00een n\u0103ri, pe patul mor\u0163ii vezi c\u0103-\u0163i vine sora medical\u0103, r\u00e2njind: “Hai, s\u0103-\u0163i fac o ultim\u0103 pl\u0103cere \u00eenainte de a p\u0103\u015fi \u00een neantul ve\u015fnic.”<\/p>\n
\u015ei scoate o eprubet\u0103 \u00een care mije\u015fte ceva maroniu…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Am folosit aceast\u0103 metafor\u0103 grosolan\u0103 ca s\u0103 \u00een\u0163elege\u0163i cu to\u0163ii c\u00e2t poate fi de enervant cli\u015feul \u0103sta aberant, c\u0103 femeile vor s\u0103 fie tratate nasol. C\u0103 e exemplificat mereu prin “o femeie din Vaslui” sau “vecina unui prieten”, \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 n-ai \u00eent\u00e2lnit \u00een via\u0163a ta pe una care s\u0103 par\u0103 c\u0103 e fericit\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eei vorbe\u015fti ur\u00e2t, c\u00e2nd te dai mare, sau c\u00e2nd o arzi cocalar.<\/p>\n
O femeie care se bucur\u0103 de un anume lucru e evident\u0103 din blocul vecin. “Aoleu, vai ce frumos, hahaha, mul\u0163umesc, te iubesc, \u0163ine ni\u015fte sarmale, oioioi, ioooi, iiooooi, iooooooooooooooooi.”<\/p>\n
Una care face parad\u0103 de mor\u0163ii t\u0103i de cum te \u0163\u0103r\u0103ne\u015fti la ea nu manifest\u0103 semnale subliminale de fericire, indiferent de ce te-ar min\u0163i amicii t\u0103i misogini. Una care devine defensiv\u0103, sau furioas\u0103, sau str\u00e2nge din buze, se \u00eenchide \u00een ea \u015fi caut\u0103 o scuz\u0103 s\u0103 se care e o femeie c\u0103reia NU i-a pl\u0103cut comportamentul t\u0103u.<\/p>\n
Dar unii oameni duc prostia de a insista \u00eentr-un comportament oribil iar, \u015fi iar, \u015fi iar, \u015fi iar, \u015fi iar. Apoi, tot ei: “Femeile sunt posace \u015fi rele.”<\/p>\n
No shit, Sherlock.<\/p>\n
Chiar nu exist\u0103 nici o conexiune logic\u0103 \u00eentre comportamentul t\u0103u jalnic \u015fi furia cresc\u00e2nd\u0103 cu care-\u0163i r\u0103spunde. Dar chiar deloc. Chiar e o simpl\u0103 coinciden\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n
Iar cei mai amuzan\u0163i mi se par \u0103ia care-\u0163i arunc\u0103 o ar\u0163\u0103go\u015fenie, tu le r\u0103spunzi cu aceea\u015fi moned\u0103, \u015fi tot ei, uimi\u0163i: “M\u0103 a\u015fteptam s\u0103 fii o doamn\u0103.”<\/p>\n
S\u0102 MORI TU.<\/p>\n
A\u015fteapt\u0103-te s\u0103 fiu o doamn\u0103 \u00eentr-un singur mod: poart\u0103-te ca un domn. Altfel, nu te v\u0103ic\u0103ri tot tu c\u0103 m\u0103 cobor la nivelul t\u0103u \u015fi te bat cu experien\u0163\u0103. Experien\u0163\u0103 pe care mi-am format-o cu al\u0163i sectan\u0163i ai bisericii “Femeile vor s\u0103 fie tratate ur\u00e2t.”<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n
*** Hai s\u0103 presupunem c\u0103 toate femeile universului ar \u00eencepe s\u0103 povesteasc\u0103 \u00eentre ele c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ilor le place \u00een secret s\u0103 poarte kkt \u00een...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14468,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/hair-pulling.jpg?fit=620%2C387&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15583"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15594,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15583\/revisions\/15594"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
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