Ia, hai s\u0103 d\u0103m milit\u0103ria jos din pod.<\/p>\n
\u0218i ce urmeaz\u0103 sun\u0103 a pagina secret\u0103 din jurnalul lui Nicolae Ceau\u0219escu. \u0102la m\u0103car realiza c\u0103 odat\u0103 ce au trecut grani\u021ba, sunt pa la revedere, nu le mai po\u021bi face reguli, prin urmare, se purta ca \u0219i cum rom\u00e2nii de peste hotare fuseser\u0103 to\u021bi lua\u021bi de uraganul din Oz \u0219i, strategic, t\u0103cea chitic.<\/p>\n
\u00cen schimb, Eugen se r\u0103fuie\u0219te deschis cu diasporezii \u0103\u0219tia r\u0103i, care \u00eei stric\u0103 lui aranjamentele. Zice el: o s\u0103 le emitem un singur permis de munc\u0103, valabil doar pe cinci ani \u00een \u021bara X, dup\u0103 care, s\u0103 lase func\u021bia de chirurg \u0219ef la clinic\u0103 sau owner al unei company (ai auzit, Anastasia Soare?) \u0219i s\u0103 se mute \u00een alt\u0103 \u021bar\u0103. Ah, stai, Anastasia Soare cred c\u0103 a renun\u021bat la cet\u0103\u021benia rom\u00e2n\u0103. Altfel, era trist s\u0103 vezi cum se \u00eenchide Anastasia Beverly Hills \u0219i se deschide Anastasia Las Barranquillas.<\/p>\n
Huehuehue, ca s\u0103 cit\u0103m o alt\u0103 lumin\u0103 a guvern\u0103rii pesediste.<\/p>\n
Dar pentru c\u0103 noi la Trollywood suntem buni ca p\u00e2inea cald\u0103, vrem s\u0103-i d\u0103m lui Eugen Teodorovici \u0219i alte idei cu care s\u0103-i pedepseasc\u0103 pe diasporezii cei r\u0103i, \u0219i s\u0103-l facem, printre altele, \u0219i pe Silviu Biri\u0219 fericit.<\/p>\n
A) Diasporezii s\u0103 nu aib\u0103 voie s\u0103 stea c\u0103s\u0103tori\u021bi dec\u00e2t cinci ani\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Dup\u0103 cinci ani, toate c\u0103s\u0103toriile diasporezilor se consider\u0103 anulate din oficiu, iar b\u0103rba\u021bii \u0219i nevestele lor sunt declara\u021bi virgini prin ordonan\u021b\u0103 de urgen\u021b\u0103.<\/p>\n Partea care le-ar reveni lor din bunurile comune, \u00een urma anul\u0103rii c\u0103s\u0103toriei, revine guvernului pesedist care, se \u0219tie, e reprezentantul rom\u00e2nului de pretitutindeni \u0219i foote prin \u00eemputernicire.<\/p>\n B) \u00cen cazul \u00een care \u00een aceste c\u0103s\u0103torii au ap\u0103rut copii, ace\u0219tia sunt adu\u0219i imediat \u00een \u021bar\u0103 \u0219i coopta\u021bi la \u00een\u0103l\u021barea Catedralei M\u00e2ntuirii Neamului.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00cen fond, nu e de ajuns s\u0103 se mulg\u0103 bugetul pentru ea, cineva trebuie s-o \u0219i construiasc\u0103, iar pe \u0219antieri\u0219tii rom\u00e2ni nu-i suspecteaz\u0103 nimeni de chef de lucru.<\/p>\n C) Diasporezii nu au voie s\u0103 trimit\u0103 bani dec\u00e2t guvernului\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Ia mai las-o pe maic\u0103-ta! Oricum s-a descurcat s\u0103 te hr\u0103neasc\u0103 din ra\u021bia de o p\u00e2ine \u0219i jumate pachet de unt pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 pe cap de locuitor, e obi\u0219nuit\u0103 cu foamea, nu e bine s\u0103 exagerezi cu huzurul c\u0103 se \u00eencrede.<\/p>\n Pe c\u00e2nd PSD-ul? Cum o s\u0103 se descurce ei, acum c\u0103 tot ce era valoros \u00een \u021bar\u0103 a fost deja furat? PSD are nevoie de banii t\u0103i. Moneygram, Western Union, ba chiar \u0219i Patreon sunt acceptate.<\/p>\n D) Orice contract de cablu al unui diasporez vine la pachet cu trei ore obligatorii de Antena 3.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n P\u0103i cum adic\u0103, s\u0103 fie rom\u00e2n \u0219i s\u0103 se uite la ce televiziune vrea mu\u0219chiul lui? Ce-i aicea, bar de negri? Cet\u0103\u021benia rom\u00e2n\u0103 vine la pachet, volens-nolens, de gustibus non disputandum, ci direct mardeiandum, cu obliga\u021bia sine qua non, la Antena 3.<\/p>\n Dac\u0103 Unitymedia vrea s\u0103-i v\u00e2nd\u0103 TV prin cablu unuia, \u0219i \u0103la e rom\u00e2n, volens nolens va trebui s\u0103 includ\u0103 trii ceasuri r\u0103le de Antena 3. \u0218i cum o s\u0103-i oblig\u0103m? o s\u0103 \u00eentrebe gurile rele. Simplu. Cum i-a obligat \u0219i Donald Trump pe mexicani s\u0103 pl\u0103teasc\u0103 pentru zid.<\/p>\n E) Orice diasporez rom\u00e2n va fi obligat, o dat\u0103 la cinci ani, s\u0103 fac\u0103 amor cu Veorica.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n E evident pentru toat\u0103 lumea de ce nimeni n-ar prea avea chef de \u00eentre\u021binut flac\u0103ra olimpic\u0103 \u00een Veorica. Nu doar c\u0103-\u0219i pune burete \u00een coc, \u0219i asta te face, prin deduc\u021bie, s\u0103 suspectezi c\u0103-\u0219i pune burete \u0219i \u00een alt\u0103 parte, dar, prin spontaneitatea reac\u021biilor ei, pare genul care doar st\u0103 acolo. Implacabil\u0103, ca impozitul pe venit. \u0218i mai zice din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd: Oh. Cred c\u0103 mai e ceva. Exact ca impozitul pe venit.<\/p>\n Taman de aceea, \u0219i pentru c\u0103 cineva e obligat s\u0103 fac\u0103 \u0219i munca asta, pocinogul va c\u0103dea pe diasporezi. Nu de alta, dar rom\u00e2nul neao\u0219 e prea obosit de stat la coad\u0103 dup\u0103 ajutorul social, s\u0103 i se mai scoale. Mai ales la Veorica.<\/p>\n Vrei \u00eenc\u0103 cinci ani de zburdat liber pe meleaguri corect pavate \u0219i f\u0103r\u0103 gropi? Termenul t\u0103u la \u00eenc\u0103lzit Veorica e pe 27 martie, anul curent.<\/p>\n OK, o s\u0103 \u00eentrebe acelea\u0219i guri rele. \u0218i diasporencele?<\/p>\n Voi cita dintr-un poem comunist de mare anvergur\u0103: Cet\u0103\u021bene Stan Pendul\u0103 \/ Om al muncii f\u0103r\u0103 *flutura\u0219<\/a>*<\/strong> \/ C\u00e2t exist\u0103 deget, limb\u0103 \/ Legea \u021b\u0103rii nu se schimb\u0103.<\/p>\n Iar dac\u0103 vorbim de un diasporez cu adev\u0103rat n\u0103r\u0103va\u0219, \u0103la prime\u0219te \u0219i nivelul urm\u0103tor de pedeaps\u0103. Pe prietena bun\u0103 a Veoric\u0103i, madam Pippidi.<\/p>\n Abia asta va \u00eenfr\u00e2nge tupeul \u00een ei.<\/p>\n Vezi, Eugen, ce tare te sus\u021bin. Acum vreau s\u0103-mi cump\u0103ra\u021bi \u0219i mie c\u0103r\u021bile cu 450 de lei bucata, ca doamnei Jucan<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n \u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n *** Ah, rom\u00e2nii din str\u0103in\u0103tate. Ah, ace\u0219ti mici diavoli \u00eempieli\u021ba\u021bi, elibera\u021bi de spa\u021biul carpato-danubiano-pontic \u0219i de micile aranjamente locale de tip o m\u00e2n\u0103 spal\u0103 pe...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14856,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/lol.jpg?fit=960%2C717&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16121"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16121\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16122,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16121\/revisions\/16122"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14856"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"