{"id":16130,"date":"2018-11-30T14:56:29","date_gmt":"2018-11-30T11:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=16130"},"modified":"2018-11-30T14:56:29","modified_gmt":"2018-11-30T11:56:29","slug":"bocet-de-jale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/bocet-de-jale\/","title":{"rendered":"Bocet de jale"},"content":{"rendered":"

Drag\u0103 Bucure\u0219tiule.<\/p>\n

Coexist\u0103m \u00eempreun\u0103 de 15 ani, mai mult sau mai pu\u021bin confortabil, cam ca amorul anal, \u00een sensul c\u0103 e nevoie de o ton\u0103 de lubrifiere artificial\u0103 s\u0103 nu m\u0103 doar\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u0218tii \u0219i tu c\u00e2t e de greu. Sigur, nu imposibil. C\u0103 de n-ar fi fost, nu s-ar povesti.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, e\u0219ti jegos. \u00cengrozitor de jegos. Locuitorii t\u0103i arunc\u0103 pe jos orice, de la mucuri de \u021bigar\u0103, la speran\u021be zdrobite. Plimb\u0103 c\u00e2ini \u0219i nu le adun\u0103 urmele de trecere. Dac\u0103-i g\u00e2tuie o emo\u021bie \u0219i se v\u0103de\u0219te a fi o flegm\u0103, ea nu va ateriza nicidecum \u00eentr-o batist\u0103, ci va decora trotuarul \u00een nuan\u021be irizante de g\u0103lbui \u0219i verzui. Am v\u0103zut oameni f\u0103c\u00e2nd pipi pe ziduri ziua \u00een amiaza mare, la strad\u0103. Ce-i drept, oameni defec\u00e2ndu-se \u00een palm\u0103 \u0219i arunc\u00e2nd \u00een cl\u0103direa ANAF-ului n-am v\u0103zut, dar cu siguran\u021b\u0103 nu am fost eu suficient de atent\u0103.<\/p>\n

Sistemul t\u0103u de salubritate la bloc, \u0103la cu ghena din cap\u0103tul holului, face ca nou\u0103 blocuri din zece s\u0103 fie un focar de infec\u021bie cu g\u00e2ndaci de toate tipurile. A\u0219a cum cet\u0103\u021beanul obi\u0219nuit nu se descurca \u00een Vestul S\u0103lbatic f\u0103r\u0103 un pistol sprinten, bucure\u0219teanul obi\u0219nuit are mereu la c\u0103p\u0103t\u00e2i flaconul de Raid: anti\u021b\u00e2n\u021bari, antig\u00e2ndaci, antiorice.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u00cen al doilea r\u00e2nd, e\u0219ti \u00eengrozitor de g\u0103l\u0103gios. Dac\u0103 nu ob\u021bine ce vrea cu viteza luminii, lumea \u00eencepe s\u0103 \u021bipe, cu maturitatea unor copii din grupa mijlocie. La semafor, dac\u0103 se face verde \u0219i omul din pole position uit\u0103 doar o nanosecund\u0103 s\u0103 demareze, \u00eel claxonezi de-i sf\u00e2\u0219ii urechea interioar\u0103. Lui \u0219i \u00eentregii familii, p\u00e2n\u0103 la maimu\u021b\u0103.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u00cen al treilea r\u00e2nd, e\u0219ti insuportabil de nepoliticos, \u0219i nu po\u021bi fi tolerat dec\u00e2t dac\u0103 omul se dezbrac\u0103 de educa\u021bie, \u0219i se apuc\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eempart\u0103 mor\u021bi de mam\u0103, cu generozitate, celor care-l bruscheaz\u0103. Chiar zilele trecute, c\u00e2nd m\u0103 gr\u0103beam la metrou, mi-a \u021bipat unul c\u0103 de ce nu m\u0103 dau din drumul lui. Teoretic puteam. Practic, m\u0103 gr\u0103beam, c\u0103 era ma\u015fina-n sta\u0163ie, \u0219i nu aveam chef s\u0103 m\u0103 dau din drumul nim\u0103nui. “Dar de ce nu te dai tu din drumul meu, \u0163\u0103r\u0103noiule cu b\u0103\u015fini, \u0163i-a luat m\u0103-ta certificat de baron pe Bucure\u015fti?” l-am admonestat tandru. N-a apucat s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103, c\u0103 am s\u0103rit \u00een vagon \u015fi paaa.<\/p>\n

Trebuie constant s\u0103 \u0163ipi la cineva, s\u0103 bruschezi pe cineva, s\u0103 pui la punct pe cineva, doar pentru a-\u0163i menaja spa\u0163iul personal.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u00cen al patrulea r\u00e2nd, e\u015fti vomitiv de libidinos. Habar n-am ce plute\u015fte at\u00e2t de afrodisiac \u00een sud, dar nic\u0103ieri \u00een \u0163ara asta nu-s b\u0103rba\u0163ii at\u00e2t de eviden\u0163i \u00een aga\u0163ament, at\u00e2t de resping\u0103tor de vulgari \u015fi at\u00e2t de dezgust\u0103tori \u00een modul \u00een care se holbeaz\u0103 ca vita la poarta nou\u0103. \u015ei at\u00e2t de tupei\u015fti \u00een a te opri pe strad\u0103. Vorba vine a te opri, c\u0103 eu expediez cu un dr\u0103g\u0103la\u015f “m\u0103 scuza\u0163i, mi-am uitat pizza acas\u0103, nu v\u0103 pot ajuta” \u015fi merg mai departe, pentru c\u0103 am \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at c\u0103 orice urm\u0103 vag\u0103 de omenie cu un lihnit pus pe ag\u0103\u0163at se termin\u0103 cel pu\u0163in la o sec\u0163ie de poli\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

\u00cen al cincilea r\u00e2nd, e\u015fti scump. Pe fiecare articol vestimentar pe care l-a\u015f cump\u0103ra \u00eentr-un butic de acas\u0103 cu 50 de lei, pl\u0103tesc 120 de lei aici, pentru c\u0103 se adaug\u0103 chiria, lumina, facturile magazinului. Pl\u0103tim mai multe chirii \u00een tot ce m\u00e2nc\u0103m, \u00eembr\u0103c\u0103m, iubim, dec\u00e2t oricine dintr-un ora\u015f mic. Dac\u0103 ies \u00eentr-o sear\u0103 la b\u0103ute, n-o pot face f\u0103r\u0103 200 – 300 de lei dac\u0103 vreau o sear\u0103 fancy, pe c\u00e2nd \u00eentr-un ora\u015f mic, nu trec de prima sut\u0103 nici dac\u0103 m\u0103 zbat din cale afar\u0103.<\/p>\n

Da, \u015ftiu, la scumpete \u015fi arogan\u0163\u0103 te-a l\u0103sat Clujul pe locul 2. Irelevant pentru subiect.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u00cen al \u015faselea r\u00e2nd, e\u015fti exasperant de neserios. Nic\u0103ieri \u00een \u0163ara asta, cuv\u00e2ntul dat nu valoreaz\u0103 at\u00e2t de pu\u0163in. Nic\u0103ieri nu tragi de lume s\u0103-\u015fi onoreze promisiunile, ca aici. Nic\u0103ieri nu se fabuleaz\u0103 cu at\u00e2ta convingere, \u015fi nic\u0103ieri nu se experimenteaz\u0103 fazele astea, c\u0103 vorbim o treab\u0103, \u015fi a doua zi nu mai e valabil\u0103 nici c\u00e2t negru sub unghie. M\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 lumea de ce nu am proiecte artistice as in spectacole. Nu le am exact datorit\u0103 acestei neseriozit\u0103\u0163i care \u00eemi face nervii franjuri, \u015fi de la un punct \u00eencolo, obosesc s\u0103 m\u0103 milogesc de lume. Probabil c\u0103 e \u015fi \u0103la un talent. Eu nu \u00eel am.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dar, cu toate astea, Bucure\u015ftiule, am ales s\u0103 convie\u0163uim 15 ani. De ce? Pentru c\u0103 aveai un avantaj. Un avantaj care compensa toate celelalte neajunsuri \u015fi mai l\u0103sa loc de \u00eenc\u0103 c\u00e2teva, just in case.<\/p>\n

\u015ei acest avantaj, Bucure\u015ftiule, e c\u0103 nu aveai iarn\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00cen noiembrie, lumea \u00eenc\u0103 umbla \u00een T shirt cu m\u00e2neci scurte, de Cr\u0103ciun ne scoteam cizmele de cauciuc pentru a sfida noroiul, iar de la jum\u0103tatea lui ianuarie se f\u0103kea c\u0103 ninge o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Da, automat se alerta Firea, se \u00eenchideau \u015fcolile, oamenii scoteau sicriele din fundul dulapului \u015fi se puneau \u00een ele cu m\u00e2inile \u00eencruci\u015fate, dar realitatea situa\u0163iei e c\u0103 acea s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 de iarn\u0103 era kakamakatralala pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 iernile feroce din Bra\u015fov, sau nordul Moldovei. Era a\u015fa, ca iaurtul light. Te p\u0103c\u0103leai cu gustul de iarn\u0103.<\/p>\n

Apoi, de Valentine’s Day, plimbam iar ursule\u0163i \u015fi inimioare de plu\u015f prin noroi, \u00een fuste scurte cu vedere la borta anusului.<\/p>\n

Anul \u0103sta, \u00eens\u0103, Bucure\u015ftiule, ai dat cu b\u00e2ta-n balt\u0103. Care balt\u0103? Ditamai ghe\u0163u\u015ful. Ce e cu gerurile astea de \u00eenghea\u0163\u0103 aluna \u00een coaj\u0103? Ce e cu cancerul \u0103sta cr\u00e2ncen, de Boto\u015fani? Ce e gerul \u0103sta criogenizant, de intri direct \u00een st\u00e2lp, c\u0103 vezi stele verzi c\u00e2nd te izbe\u015fte prima pal\u0103 de v\u00e2nt venit direct din anusul Satanei?<\/p>\n

E un efect special pentru sezonul 8 din Game of Thrones, Winter Is Here?<\/p>\n

Serios, nu-s echipat\u0103 s\u0103 lupt cu Whitewalkeri \u015fi cred c\u0103, oricum, Pulic\u0103 \u015fi eu am capitula primii. Ne-am face wights de bun\u0103 voie, numai s\u0103 ne moar\u0103 receptaculele de frig \u015fi s\u0103 fim ni\u015fte sloiuri \u00eemp\u0103cate cu noi \u00een\u015fine.<\/p>\n

Ce facem, Bucure\u015ftiule, dac\u0103 nici m\u0103car iarna aia la mi\u015fto nu po\u0163i s\u0103 ne-o oferi?<\/p>\n

Revino-\u0163i, naibii. Fii din nou capitala noastr\u0103 balcanic\u0103, vesel\u0103, cu soare. Nici m\u0103car Kusturica n-are haz la temperaturi sub minus zece grade. \u015ei \u00eenc\u0103 e noiembrie, tehnic.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Drag\u0103 Bucure\u0219tiule. Coexist\u0103m \u00eempreun\u0103 de 15 ani, mai mult sau mai pu\u021bin confortabil, cam ca amorul anal, \u00een sensul c\u0103 e nevoie de o...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16132,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16130","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/eye.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16130","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16130"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16130\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16135,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16130\/revisions\/16135"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16132"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16130"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16130"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}