{"id":16169,"date":"2018-12-04T12:19:04","date_gmt":"2018-12-04T09:19:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=16169"},"modified":"2018-12-04T12:19:04","modified_gmt":"2018-12-04T09:19:04","slug":"cliseul-idiot-al-saptamanii-chirurgia-estetica-e-o-trisare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cliseul-idiot-al-saptamanii-chirurgia-estetica-e-o-trisare\/","title":{"rendered":"Cli\u015feul idiot al s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii: Chirurgia estetic\u0103 e o tri\u015fare"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Aici, vom merge pe linia melodic\u0103 a acestui c\u00e2ntec din b\u0103tr\u00e2ni:<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/fcZlmdUo-jQ?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>C\u00e2nd te na\u015fti, o m\u00e2n\u0103 de medic \u00ee\u0163i taie cordonul ombilical<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 te na\u015fti prematur, e\u015fti introdus \u00eentr-un incubator<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 m\u0103-ta n-are lapte, o serie de firme pun la dispozi\u0163ie o ton\u0103 de formule pentru sugari,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 te na\u015fti cu displazie de \u015fold, e\u015fti pus \u00een hamuri Pavlik,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci o diaree, e\u015fti b\u0103gat \u00een perfuzii.<\/p>\n<p>C\u00e2nd te murd\u0103re\u015fti, dai drumul unui robinet creat de un om, care elibereaz\u0103 ap\u0103 din conducte proiectate \u015fi construite de al\u0163i oameni<\/p>\n<p>Te ungi cu o chestie conceput\u0103 de al\u0163i oameni s\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rteze eficient rap\u0103nul,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei cl\u0103te\u015fti cu ap\u0103, s\u0103 curg\u0103 totul de pe tine, s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2i curat,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei te \u015ftergi cu o chestie produs\u0103 de oameni numit\u0103 prosop,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei tu ai tupeul s\u0103 spui c\u0103 chirurgia plastic\u0103 e o tri\u015fare.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 pici \u00een cap, e\u015fti cusut \u015fi tratat cu Rivanol<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103-\u0163i rupi o m\u00e2n\u0103, e\u015fti b\u0103gat \u00een ghips,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci o carie, \u0163i se pune o plomb\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci o irita\u0163ie, e\u015fti uns cu o crem\u0103 produs\u0103 \u00eentr-un laborator aflat la mii de kilometri distan\u0163\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 te b\u00e2lb\u00e2i, e\u015fti dus la un logoped,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei tu ai tupeul odios s\u0103 pretinzi c\u0103 chirurgia plastic\u0103 e o tri\u015fare.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i cre\u015fte p\u0103rul, mergi la coafor s\u0103 te tund\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i cre\u015fte barba, iei o lam\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i cre\u015fte p\u0103rul \u00een nas, iei o penset\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci cear\u0103 \u00een urechi, picuri ap\u0103 oxigenat\u0103, apoi mergi la orelist s-o extrag\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u0163i-e foame, iei ni\u015fte legume recoltate de al\u0163ii, le tai m\u0103runt, le pui pe foc \u00eentr-o oal\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>pe un aparat de metal alb,<\/p>\n<p>apoi expor\u0163i rezultatul \u00eentr-un recipient alb de por\u0163elan<\/p>\n<p>\u015fi-l consumi cu o chestie lung\u0103 de metal, cu emisfer\u0103 la cap\u0103t,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei tu ai tupeul absolut odios s\u0103 pretinzi c\u0103 chirurgia estetic\u0103 e o tri\u015fare.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci apendicit\u0103, cineva te taie \u015fi extrage organul bolnav,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 faci diabet, cineva te injecteaz\u0103 zi de zi cu o substan\u0163\u0103 f\u0103cut\u0103 \u00eentr-un laborator, numit\u0103 insulin\u0103,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i rupi picioarele, cineva \u00ee\u0163i face un scaun cu ro\u0163i, cu care te po\u0163i deplasa,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 nu-\u0163i convine fauna apartamentului t\u0103u, ai c\u00e2te o otrav\u0103 pe alese pentru fiecare tip de parazit \u00een parte,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 animalul t\u0103u de companie e prea agresiv, pl\u0103te\u015fti un alt medic s\u0103-i reteze testiculele,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei tu ai nesim\u0163irea infinit\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eemi spui mie c\u0103 chirurgia estetic\u0103 e o tri\u015fare.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Deci cine tri\u015feaz\u0103, <a href=\"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/posta-redactiei-ce-sa-faci-cand-nu-ai-pe-cine-iubi\/\"><strong>flutura\u015f<\/strong><\/a>?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>C\u00e2nd mori, te bag\u0103 unii \u00eentr-o cutie special produs\u0103, \u00ee\u0163i c\u00e2nt\u0103 diverse \u015fi te ascund \u00een p\u0103m\u00e2nt<\/p>\n<p>Sau te duc \u00eentr-un spa\u0163iu numit crematoriu, te bag\u0103 \u00eentr-un cuptor mare produs de al\u0163i oameni \u015fi te fac cenu\u015f\u0103<\/p>\n<p>Sau te fac moa\u015fte \u015fi te plimb\u0103 la pupat,<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei tu,<\/p>\n<p>Insist, tu,<\/p>\n<p>Care nici dup\u0103 ce mori nu e\u015fti total la voia naturii<\/p>\n<p>Ai tupeul fantastic de jegos<\/p>\n<p>S\u0103-mi spui mie<\/p>\n<p>C\u0103<\/p>\n<p>Chirurgia estetic\u0103<\/p>\n<p>E o<\/p>\n<p>Tri\u015fare.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/Trollywood\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-14577\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=160%2C160&amp;ssl=1 160w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=320%2C320&amp;ssl=1 320w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=184%2C184&amp;ssl=1 184w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=100%2C100&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?w=931&amp;ssl=1 931w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>***<br \/>\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Aici, vom merge pe linia melodic\u0103 a acestui c\u00e2ntec din b\u0103tr\u00e2ni: &nbsp; &nbsp; C\u00e2nd te na\u015fti, o m\u00e2n\u0103 de medic \u00ee\u0163i taie cordonul ombilical&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15303,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/rihanna.jpg?fit=349%2C466&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16169"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16171,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16169\/revisions\/16171"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}