{"id":16391,"date":"2019-01-08T10:53:35","date_gmt":"2019-01-08T07:53:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=16391"},"modified":"2019-01-08T10:53:35","modified_gmt":"2019-01-08T07:53:35","slug":"piratii-si-marea-rosie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/piratii-si-marea-rosie\/","title":{"rendered":"Pira\u0163ii \u015fi Marea Ro\u015fie"},"content":{"rendered":"

De revelion, am repostat o povestioar\u0103 foarte simpatic\u0103<\/a><\/strong>, despre un cuplu de \u00eendr\u0103gosti\u0163i care pleac\u0103 la caban\u0103 izolat\u0103 de munte pe timp de trei zile, se asigur\u0103 c\u0103 au tot ce le trebuie pe lume, \u015fi c\u00e2nd ajung acolo, descoper\u0103 c\u0103 le lipseau exact tampoanele.<\/p>\n

O bun\u0103 parte din popula\u0163ie a r\u00e2s, dar n-a fost r\u00e2sul lor, \u00een special fetele, c\u0103 \u015ftiu exact ce presupune asta, \u015fi b\u0103rba\u0163ii care au avut parte \u00een via\u0163a lor m\u0103car de o rela\u0163ie de o lun\u0103, c\u0103 \u00eentre timp au aflat ce presupune asta.<\/p>\n

Dar au venit \u015fi reac\u0163iile ignorante.<\/p>\n

Gen:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Acest fl\u0103c\u0103u era convins c\u0103 menstrua\u0163ia presupune “pu\u0163in” s\u00e2nge, \u015fi c\u0103 vine \u00een flacon cu pipet\u0103, ca Olynth. \u015ei c\u0103 principala problem\u0103 a glumi\u0163ei mele ar fi fost c\u0103, eventual, eroul masculin ar fi dorit s\u0103 ini\u0163ieze un act amoros \u015fi s-ar fi speriat de “pu\u0163inul” s\u00e2nge.<\/p>\n

\u015ei m-am \u00eentrebat cum e posibil ca diver\u015fi oameni s\u0103 ajung\u0103 la v\u00e2rsta adult\u0103, tr\u0103ind cu mamele lor \u00een cas\u0103, dar f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u015ftie cum func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 anatomia femeii.<\/p>\n

Pe la 14 ani, s-a dus Radu la \u015fcoal\u0103 \u015fi a auzit o coleg\u0103:<\/p>\n

-Mi-a veniiit!<\/p>\n

-Ce? a \u00eentrebat Radu.<\/p>\n

-Nu e treaba ta ce, l-a repezit colega.<\/p>\n

Radu a t\u0103cut nedumerit. Femei. Dracu’ s\u0103 le \u00een\u0163eleag\u0103.<\/p>\n

Peste trei zile, alta:<\/p>\n

-\u015ei mie mi-au venit ru\u015fii.<\/p>\n

-Ai rude \u00een Rusia? a \u00eentrebat Radu.<\/p>\n

-Da, sunt var\u0103-sa lu’ Putin, a r\u00e2s colega \u015fi l-a l\u0103sat cu ochii \u00een soare.<\/p>\n

Apoi a auzit o a treia coleg\u0103 \u00eenvoindu-se la sport.<\/p>\n

-\u00cemi cer scuze, sunt \u00een perioada aia a lunii.<\/p>\n

-Bine, domni\u015foar\u0103, a zis profesorul, stai cuminte pe margine.<\/p>\n

-Care perioad\u0103 a lunii? s-a b\u0103gat \u015fi Radu.<\/p>\n

-Gata cu discu\u0163ia, a suflat profesorul \u00een fluier, toat\u0103 lumea \u00een coloan\u0103. Drep\u0163i!<\/p>\n

A ajuns Radu acas\u0103. a dat de taic\u0103-su, care st\u0103tea pe canapea, sp\u0103rgea semin\u0163e \u015fi se uita la meci.<\/p>\n

-Tat\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Taci, b\u0103. Hai, gool. Bag-o, b\u0103, nu te uita la ea ca prostu’. Ouuu\u0103i, s\u0103 fac io ceva cu m\u0103-ta aia panaram\u0103 jegoas\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Tat\u0103, ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 perioada aia a lunii?<\/p>\n

-Perioada a lunii \u00een care \u00ee\u0163i dau io vreo dou\u0103 c\u0103 m\u0103 deranjezi de la meci. \u00centinde-o. Teme n-ai?<\/p>\n

Apoi, Radu s-a dus \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie, la m\u0103-sa.<\/p>\n

-Mam\u0103, ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 perioada aia a lunii?<\/p>\n

-R\u0103ducu, puiule, ce \u00eentrebare e asta? Vai de capul meu.<\/p>\n

-Ce \u00eentrebare? O \u00eentrebare normal\u0103.<\/p>\n

-E ru\u015fine mare, n-ai de ce s\u0103 \u015ftii tu de a\u015fa ceva, tu e\u015fti mic!<\/p>\n

-Am 14 ani, mam\u0103…<\/p>\n

-Da, da, practic un bebelu\u015f. Du-te, f\u0103-\u0163i temele.<\/p>\n

Apoi, c\u00e2nd \u00eentreaga familie se uita la televizor, a venit reclama.<\/p>\n

-Aaaah, perioada aia a lunii e atunci c\u00e2nd femeii \u00eei curge lichid albastru de undeva din zona chilo\u0163ilor?<\/p>\n

-Dadada, a aprobat bunic\u0103-sa, apoi a schimbat discu\u0163ia, povestind ce are de g\u00e2nd s\u0103 g\u0103teasc\u0103 m\u00e2ine.<\/p>\n

“Ahaa”, a tras R\u0103ducu concluzia. “Deci \u00een perioada aia a lunii, femeia secret\u0103 albastru. Foarte frumos. Trei – patru pic\u0103turi.”<\/p>\n

Cum mergea el a\u015fa, fericit, a dat peste o ni\u015fte cet\u0103\u0163eni de etnie rom\u0103, care tocmai \u0163ipau dup\u0103 fiare vechi.<\/p>\n

-Scuze c\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eentrerup, dar nu \u015fti\u0163i cum se nume\u015fte lichidul albastru al femeii?<\/p>\n

-S\u00e2ngele m\u0103-tii, a boscorodit \u0163iganul, apoi a plecat mai departe, ofticat pe fraierul care pune \u00eentreb\u0103ri f\u0103r\u0103 sens.<\/p>\n

Din secunda aia, Radu a tr\u0103it fericit p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een zilele noastre. Doar \u015ftia tot ce trebuie \u015ftiut despre menstrua\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

De revelion, am repostat o povestioar\u0103 foarte simpatic\u0103, despre un cuplu de \u00eendr\u0103gosti\u0163i care pleac\u0103 la caban\u0103 izolat\u0103 de munte pe timp de trei...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16393,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/redsea.jpg?fit=615%2C409&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16391","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16391"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16391\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16395,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16391\/revisions\/16395"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}