“Care vii s\u0103-mi umpli sacii de gunoi cu tot soiul de raha\u0163i b\u0103l\u0163a\u0163i nefolositori lega\u0163i cu a\u0163\u0103 ro\u015fie \u015fi alb\u0103 s\u0103 par\u0103 mai festivi vezi pe dracu’. Am eu aer de om care d\u0103 doi bani pe prostiile astea? Nu? OK. Dac\u0103 tot vrei s\u0103 aduci un rahat mic, s\u0103 fie o brichet\u0103, c\u0103 le tot golesc.”<\/p>\n
Taurul<\/strong><\/p>\n “Da, da, prim\u0103var\u0103 blablabla. M\u0103r\u0163i\u015forul meu s\u0103 fie la ceaun, preferabil cu condimente proaspete, c\u0103 m\u0103 prind c\u00e2nd sunt din plic. \u015ei neap\u0103rat s\u0103 fie \u015fi ceva de ciocolat\u0103 la desert.”<\/p>\n Gemenii.<\/strong><\/p>\n “Toat\u0103 lumea, like la m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foarele mele handmade, din scoici culese de m\u00e2na mea pe Coasta de Azur, \u00een care am inserat aceste balerine ginga\u015fe f\u0103urite din boabe de orez. Like \u015fi share, sau v\u0103 scot din list\u0103 pentru nepartikipare. Dac\u0103 le cump\u0103ra\u0163i, nu uita\u0163i s\u0103 da\u0163i tag creatorului \u00een fotografie.”<\/p>\n Racul.<\/strong><\/p>\n “Oh, prim\u0103vara, anotimpul iubirii. Cred c\u0103 o s\u0103 trimit c\u00e2te un m\u0103r\u0163i\u015for virtual la toat\u0103 lista, s\u0103 simt\u0103 to\u0163i c\u00e2t\u0103 iubire f\u0103r\u0103 margini le port. V\u0103 iubesc, nebunii mei frumo\u015fi. Poftim? Dar de ce \u00eenjura\u0163i, domnule? De ce nu aprecia\u0163i preaplinul inimii mele, rev\u0103rsat \u00een at\u00e2tea cuvinte minunate?”<\/p>\n Leul.<\/strong><\/p>\n “Hai, desf\u0103 o dat\u0103 pache\u0163elul \u0103la, c\u0103 ne gr\u0103bim. Daaaa, m\u0103r\u0163i\u015forul t\u0103u e un weekend romantic la Verona \u015fi avionul pleac\u0103 \u00een dou\u0103 ore. E sub demnitatea mea de regele junglei s\u0103-\u0163i dau nimicuri pe care le v\u00e2nd \u0163i… rromii pe strad\u0103. Tu? Nu trebuie s\u0103-mi dai nimic, doar s\u0103-mi spui din jum\u0103tate \u00een jum\u0103tate de or\u0103 c\u0103 sunt foarte frumos, foarte de\u015ftept, foarte special, \u015fi c\u0103 nu te-a footut nimeni at\u00e2t de ad\u00e2nc, de definitiv \u015fi de pluriorgasmic cum te foot eu.”<\/p>\n Fecioara.<\/strong><\/p>\n “Iubi, dar nu se poate a\u015fa ceva. Uite, co\u015farul \u0103sta are piciorul st\u00e2ng un pic mai mare dec\u00e2t cel drept, \u015fi p\u0103l\u0103ria un pic \u015fuie. \u015ei a\u0163a pare cam g\u0103lbuie, de unde ai cump\u0103rat-o? Sigur aveau normele de igien\u0103 la zi? Hai mai bine s\u0103-l \u00eenmuiem preventiv \u00een spirt, \u00een o\u0163et \u015fi \u00een clor, s\u0103 nu lu\u0103m microbi, bacterii \u015fi viru\u015fi.”<\/p>\n Balan\u0163a.<\/strong><\/p>\n “Anul \u0103sta, am primit numai 993 de m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foare, comparativ cu 1.343 anul trecut. Oare asta \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 am devenit b\u0103tr\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi ur\u00e2t\u0103? Sau c\u0103 o parte din adoratorii mei nu m\u0103 mai ador\u0103? Oare s\u0103-mi schimb coafura, machiajul, sau stilul personal. Gata, \u015ftiu, \u00eemi fac liposuc\u0163ie. \u015ei lifting. \u015ei… stai a\u015fa, e abia nou\u0103 diminea\u0163a, mai au timp.”<\/p>\n Scorpionul<\/strong><\/p>\n “Foot\u0103-v\u0103 han t\u0103tar cu tagurile voastre de prim\u0103var\u0103 frumoas\u0103, parfumuri \u00een aer, miresme pe c\u00e2mpii \u015fi albinu\u0163e \u00een c\u0103lduri, voi n-ave\u0163i geam s\u0103 vede\u0163i c\u0103 ninge \u015fi plou\u0103, \u015fi prognoza meteo anun\u0163\u0103 cod galben? Domnu’ Zuckerberg, tot m\u0103 banezi tu periodic c\u0103 \u00eenjur pro\u015fti, nu vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 banezi p\u00e2n\u0103 dup\u0103 8 martie, s\u0103 nu fac diabet? R\u0103m\u00e2n \u00eendatorat. Status pe Facebook: Care m\u0103 mai taguie\u015fti \u00een floricele, \u00eemi iei stamina \u00een gur\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103-\u0163i iese polenul prin scorbur\u0103.”<\/p>\n S\u0103get\u0103torul<\/strong><\/p>\n “Yaaay, ce rahat simpatic, \u015fi uite, are \u015fi a\u0163\u0103. Pot s\u0103-l folosesc de juc\u0103rie, s\u0103-l flutur pe la nasul pisicii \u015fi s-o fac s\u0103 \u0163op\u0103ie. Partyyyy!”<\/p>\n Capricornul<\/strong><\/p>\n “Copii, s\u0103 avem grij\u0103 de m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foarele astea, s\u0103 le punem frumos \u00een cutii \u015fi s\u0103 le b\u0103g\u0103m \u00eentr-un sertar unde nu umbl\u0103m, c\u0103 la anul le d\u0103m mai departe \u015fi scutim un ban.”<\/p>\n V\u0103rs\u0103torul<\/strong><\/p>\n “Eu nu ofer m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foare, ofer poezie abstract\u0103. Pe\u015ftii<\/strong><\/p>\n “Ce dac\u0103 vine prim\u0103vara, at\u00e2ta iarn\u0103 e \u00een noi c\u0103 martie se poate duce cu to\u0163i cocorii \u00eenapoi, bruhuhuhu, \u00eenc\u0103 un an a trecut \u015fi simt cum imensul nem\u0103rginirii neantului se apropie \u015fi eu am impozite de pl\u0103tit \u015fi Vasile nu m\u0103 iube\u015fte. ***<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Doamnei Estelle \u00eei place \u015fi ei cafeaua.<\/p>\n *** Intro: Pe c\u00e2nd f\u0103ceam revista \u015fcolii, diverse alte foicele cu preten\u0163ii, apoi reviste lucioase pentru femei, c\u0103dea mereu pe capul meu pocinogul de a...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/astro.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16760","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16760"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16760\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19123,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16760\/revisions\/19123"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12815"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nFloare f\u0103r\u0103 petale,
\nMiezul t\u0103u de miere se prelinge \u00eencet peste viesparul r\u0103nilor pe care mi le-a zg\u00e2nd\u0103rit via\u0163a,
\nNectarul t\u0103u e s\u00e2ngele meu
\n\u015ei te c\u00e2te ori te plimbi pe str\u0103zi pietruite \u00een tocuri \u00eenalte
\nEu sunt fiecare pietricic\u0103 de sub talpa ta
\nAmintindu-\u0163i c\u0103 e\u015fti vulnerabil\u0103.
\nApoi… Alo, Marcela? Marcelaaaa. Nu avea cum s\u0103 \u00eenchid\u0103, cred c\u0103 a \u00eentrerupt Orange semnalul.”<\/p>\n
\nCe rost are prim\u0103vara \u00eentr-o lume \u00een care Vasile nu m\u0103 iube\u015fte? Ce rost are soarele \u00eentr-o lu… Alo, da, Gigel? Cum s\u0103 nu, \u00een seara asta la 8, da. Status: in a happy relationship.”<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"