Desigur, linkul e de anul trecut, dar citindu-l, mi-au venit vibes ceau\u015fiste. C\u00e2nd m\u00e2ncam p\u00e2ine cu p\u00e2ine peste \u00eenc\u0103 pu\u0163in\u0103 p\u00e2ine, c\u00e2nd orice m\u00e2ncare se “sporea” cu r\u00e2nta\u015f de f\u0103in\u0103, s\u0103 fie mai mult\u0103 \u015fi mai lung\u0103, c\u00e2nd o ciorb\u0103 dura patru zile, de \u0163i se lua definitiv \u015fi irevocabil, iar actul de a m\u00e2nca era o plictiseal\u0103 de nedescris.<\/p>\n
Alimentul cel mai popular al co\u015fului g\u00e2ndit de guvern este p\u00e2inea, 31 \u015fi ceva de kilograme pe lun\u0103. Asta mi-a amintit de un banc nou\u0103zecist: Bul\u0103, fugit din \u0163ar\u0103 pe vremea lui Ceau\u015fescu, revine dup\u0103 revolu\u0163ie s\u0103-\u015fi viziteze cel mai bun prieten, pe \u015etrul\u0103. \u015ei-i aduce un whisky, doamnei un parfum, iar copilului un m\u0103nunchi de banane.<\/p>\n
\u015etrul\u0103 junior, nefamiliarizat cu aceast\u0103 delicates\u0103, mu\u015fc\u0103 dintr-un cap\u0103t, cu coaja intact\u0103. Bul\u0103, vag jenat, \u00eei atrage aten\u0163ia prietenului s\u0103u:<\/p>\n
-Uite cum m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 \u0103la mic banana.<\/p>\n
La care \u015etrul\u0103 \u00eei administreaz\u0103 o palm\u0103 r\u0103sun\u0103toare juniorului.<\/p>\n
-M\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103, m\u0103, cu p\u00e2ine.<\/p>\n
*<\/p>\n
R\u00e2dem, glumim, dar alimenta\u0163ia construit\u0103 de guvern dovede\u015fte o ignoran\u0163\u0103 total\u0103 fa\u0163\u0103 de nutri\u0163ie \u015fi o mentalitate fa\u0163\u0103 de masa familiei ca pe vremea lui Ceau\u015fescu. Pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 31 de kg de p\u00e2ine, avem 3 kg de f\u0103in\u0103, aproape 6 kg m\u0103lai – m\u0103m\u0103lig\u0103 la fiecare mas\u0103, eventual cu p\u00e2ine – \u015fi 0,7 kg paste f\u0103inoase.<\/p>\n
Bine, eu m\u0103n\u00e2nc 0.0000 kg paste f\u0103inoase, dar, dat fiind c\u0103 acest co\u015f e pe familie de trei persoane – 0.7 kg paste f\u0103inoase ar fi O MAS\u0102 DE TREI.<\/p>\n
UNA. Pe lun\u0103.<\/p>\n
Orez, cam un kilogram \u015fi jum\u0103tate. Sigur, \u0103sta e un aliment de curs\u0103 lung\u0103, \u00eemi amintesc cum \u00een studen\u0163ie luam o pung\u0103 de orez \u015fi \u00eel preparam cu diverse artificii \u015fi m\u0103 \u0163inea cam dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni punga, dar hei. Studen\u0163ia nu ar trebui s\u0103 fie reperul la care ne ducem c\u00e2nd analiz\u0103m via\u0163a unei familii. Dac\u0103 n-ai dec\u00e2t de 1 kg \u015fi jum\u0103tate de orez pe lun\u0103, nu faci copii, \u00een mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii. C\u0103 \u0163ie \u00ee\u0163i convine s\u0103 duci un trai de mizerie neagr\u0103 e una, dar ei ce vin\u0103 au?<\/p>\n
Fasole, 2 kg, cartofi 13 kg. Cartofi pr\u0103ji\u0163i cu ou\u0103 ochiuri p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i vine r\u0103u. Dar stai, ou\u0103le sunt doar 42 pe lun\u0103, ceea ce, la 3 persoane, echivaleaz\u0103 cu 14 ou\u0103 pe lun\u0103, aka 3 \u015fi jum\u0103tate pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Zi s\u0103 mori tu, Veoriko. Zi s\u0103 mori tu c\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nci doar trei ou\u0103 \u015fi jum\u0103tate pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, vaco.<\/p>\n
Morcovi, p\u0103trunjel, p\u0103st\u00e2rnac 1,682 kg – lol. Cred c\u0103 bag mai multe verde\u0163uri de genul \u00een supe sau salate pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. \u0218i apropo de salate: unde sunt restul legumelor, f\u0103? Ro\u0219ii, castrave\u021bi, ardei, dovlecei, vinete, salat\u0103 verde, ridichi, etc?<\/p>\n
Mere, 3 kg pe lun\u0103, citrice jum\u0103tate de kilogram.<\/p>\n
Jum\u0103tate de kilogram pe zi, poate? Vac\u0103 funest\u0103 ce e\u015fti. \u00cen lunile de iarn\u0103, a\u015fa previn r\u0103celile. M\u0103n\u00e2nc o pung\u0103 de un kil de portocale la dou\u0103 zile. Eu, singur\u0103. Nu trei.<\/p>\n
Carne de bovine, 701 kg. Adic\u0103, o mas\u0103 pe lun\u0103. Carne de porcine 2,5 kg, hai, o mas\u0103 pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Carne de pas\u0103re, 2.8 kg, a\u015fijderea. \u00cen restul zilelor, ciorba e de post.<\/p>\n
Carne de oaie 0.4 kg, adic\u0103 fragment \u00eentr-un fel de m\u00e2ncare cu urme vagi de oaie.<\/p>\n
Pe\u015fte: 0.8 kg pe lun\u0103. La trei persoane, f\u0103, neghioaba p\u0103m\u00e2ntului? At\u00e2ta m\u0103n\u00e2nc eu pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, \u015fi aten\u0163ie, mie nu-mi place pe\u015ftele. \u00cel m\u0103n\u00e2nc strict pentru beneficiile de s\u0103n\u0103tate.<\/p>\n
Mezeluri: 2.5 kg pe lun\u0103. Pe astea s\u0103 \u0163i le bagi \u00een c*r, c\u0103-s \u00eengrozitor de toxice. Mai bine puneai \u00eenc\u0103 2.5 kg din ce carne \u0163i se scula.<\/p>\n
Lapte proasp\u0103t: 14 litri pe lun\u0103. La trei persoane, bre? Hai, eu cam at\u00e2ta consum, c\u0103 nu beau sucuri \u015fi laptele e my drink of choice. Dar trei persoane?<\/p>\n
Mar\u015f, f\u0103.<\/p>\n
Lapte b\u0103tut, iaurt, 0.7 litri pe lun\u0103. Adic\u0103 dou\u0103 Danone mari, sau patru Danone mici. Un Danone mic pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Looool. Poate pe zi, beibi.<\/p>\n
Urmeaz\u0103 br\u00e2nzeturile, \u00een cantit\u0103\u0163i at\u00e2t de nerealiste, \u00eenc\u00e2t deja m-am enervat \u015fi am \u00eenchis linkul.<\/p>\n
Concluzia: nemernicii \u0103\u015ftia, dac\u0103-s g\u0103si\u0163i vinova\u0163i prin procese, nici nu necesit\u0103 alt\u0103 pedeaps\u0103 dec\u00e2t s\u0103 se descurce, cu tot cu familii, din propriul lor co\u015f.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n
*** F\u0103ceam eu noapte alb\u0103, as one does, cu ga\u015fca mea de game of throni\u015fti, a\u015ftept\u00e2nd ora 4, pentru c\u0103 bitches gotta get their fix...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12644,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/billa.jpg?fit=1920%2C1280&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17305"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17305\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17308,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17305\/revisions\/17308"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12644"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
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