{"id":18065,"date":"2019-07-25T17:19:03","date_gmt":"2019-07-25T14:19:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18065"},"modified":"2019-07-25T17:20:51","modified_gmt":"2019-07-25T14:20:51","slug":"mercur-retrograd","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/mercur-retrograd\/","title":{"rendered":"Mercur retrograd"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201e\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, e bine ca oamenii s\u0103 \u015ftie c\u0103 \u00een aceste perioade ar trebui s\u0103 se ab\u0163in\u0103 de la investi\u0163ii, achizi\u0163ii \u015fi ini\u0163iative de anvergur\u0103…\u201d, se auzi o voce feminin\u0103 catifelat\u0103 la radio.<\/p>\n

-Iar vorbesc \u0103\u015ftia de guvernarea pesedist\u0103? \u00eentreb\u0103 M\u0103lina.<\/p>\n

-Nu, sufle\u0163el, \u00eei r\u0103spunse bunic\u0103-sa. E Rosalinda de la horoscop \u015fi vorbe\u015fte despre Mercur retrograd.<\/p>\n

-Sunte\u0163i complet nebune cu supersti\u0163iile voastre penibile \u015fi patetice, declar\u0103 M\u0103lina.<\/p>\n

-Ba e\u015fti tu dilie c\u0103 nu ascul\u0163i semnele tainice ale universului, se o\u0163\u0103r\u00ee bunic\u0103-sa. Mercur rerograd e perioada c\u00e2nd nimic nu merge cum ar trebui.<\/p>\n

-Dadada, sigur. Cum zici tu, granny, ironiz\u0103 M\u0103lina. M\u0103 duc s\u0103 fac un du\u0219.<\/p>\n

-Cu ce? se interes\u0103 inocent\u0103 bunic\u0103-sa. Cu lacrimi de crocodil?<\/p>\n

-H\u0103? c\u0103sc\u0103 gura M\u0103lina.<\/p>\n

-Tu chiar nu cite\u0219ti anun\u021burile de la avizierul blocului?<\/p>\n

Nu, M\u0103lina nu citea anun\u021burile de la avizierul blocului. Gramatica aproximativ\u0103 a lui nea Dorel \u00eei m\u0103cina fin zenul.<\/p>\n

-Se face revizie la \u021bevi \u0219i nu avem ap\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la orele 18.<\/p>\n

-Aha, \u0219i eu cu ce se presupune c\u0103 m\u0103 sp\u0103l??<\/p>\n

-Se presupune c\u0103 \u021bi-am p\u0103strat eu ap\u0103 \u00een oale! \u0218tii c\u0103 pe vremea lui Ceau\u0219escu…<\/p>\n

-…oamenii se \u00eensurau cu tractoare? o complet\u0103 M\u0103lina. \u0218tiu. Mul\u021bumesc. Hai c\u0103 m\u0103 sp\u0103l \u0219i eu la vadr\u0103, ca pe vremea lui Sf\u00e2ntu A\u0219teapt\u0103.<\/p>\n

-A, apa aia era pentru du\u0219ul M\u0103linei? se auzi o voce r\u0103gu\u0219it\u0103 din necuprinsul b\u0103ii.<\/p>\n

-De ce, mo\u0219ule? Te-a g\u0103sit pe tine igiena corporal\u0103? Taman azi, c\u00e2nd n-ai cu ce?<\/p>\n

-M-a g\u0103sit c\u0103carea \u00eempr\u0103\u0219tiat\u0103 cu n\u0103b\u0103d\u0103i, de la g\u0103lu\u0219tile tale cu prune, Marie. \u021ai-am zis c\u0103 eu nu pot prune, dar tu c\u0103 ba da, c\u0103 m\u0103 jigne\u0219ti cu afront, c\u0103 vitamine, c\u0103 cutare. \u0218i dac\u0103 nu e ap\u0103, a trebuit s\u0103 torn ceva.<\/p>\n

-Nu se poate. Nu mai avem ap\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103 deloc? se ofusc\u0103 M\u0103lina.<\/p>\n

-Mai e o jum\u0103tate de oal\u0103, dar… aoleu, Marie, trebuie s\u0103 fug. D\u0103-mi \u0219i mie cutia aia de Fairy.<\/p>\n

-De ce, mo\u0219ule, speli vase \u00een timp ce?<\/p>\n

-Nu, dar cutia de Ariel am citit-o deja de opt ori.<\/p>\n

La naiba, bomb\u0103ni M\u0103lina, apoi se uit\u0103 \u00een cafetier\u0103. Zeam\u0103 transparent\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103lcie, pe care bunic\u0103-sa avea umorul involuntar de a o boteza drept cafea. Corect, pentru “T\u00e2n\u0103r \u015fi nelini\u015ftit”, e bun\u0103. Stimuleaz\u0103 exact num\u0103rul de neuroni necesar. Dar pentru munc\u0103 de birou, ai nevoie de cu totul alt\u0103 concentrare. \u015ei alt\u0103 concentra\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

-Dau eu o fug\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 jos, s\u0103 iau un bidon la cinci litri, anun\u0163\u0103 M\u0103lina, sper\u00e2nd c\u0103 cineva va interveni cu “Nu, nu, nu ie\u015fi a\u015fa, mergem noi”.<\/p>\n

-S\u0103 iei \u015fi p\u00e2ine, \u0163ip\u0103 bunic\u0103-sa dup\u0103 ea. \u015ei saci pentru gunoi.<\/p>\n

-\u015ei dou\u0103 becuri, dar s\u0103 fie normale, nu ecologice, c\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 chior\u0103sc la b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u0163e, \u0163ip\u0103 \u015fi bunic\u0103-su.<\/p>\n

Ooof, oft\u0103 lung M\u0103lina. Oameni care nu \u00een\u0163eleg c\u0103 via\u0163a unui cofeinoman \u00eenainte de prima cafea e un lucru fragil \u015fi incert.<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u015fi t\u00e2r\u00ee cadavrul posac \u015fi spart pe interior p\u00e2n\u0103 la lift. Liftul avea lumini\u0163a aferent\u0103 etajului 9 aprins\u0103.<\/p>\n

M\u0103lina ap\u0103s\u0103 butonul.<\/p>\n

Nimic.<\/p>\n

\u00cel mai ap\u0103s\u0103 o dat\u0103.<\/p>\n

Nimic.<\/p>\n

B\u0103tu cu pumnul \u00een u\u015fa liftului, \u00een ideea c\u0103 \u0103la care a blocat liftul la nou\u0103 o s\u0103 produc\u0103 subit o con\u015ftiin\u0163\u0103 nou\u0103 \u015fi capabil\u0103 de vinov\u0103\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

Nimic.<\/p>\n

Plua mai pl\u0103te\u015fte tax\u0103 de lift \u00een blocul vostru de oligofreni, bomb\u0103ni M\u0103lina \u015fi o lu\u0103 pe sc\u0103ri \u00een jos.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u015ei \u00een timp ce se deplasa abulic \u015fi apatic spre magazin, se ciocni de un um\u0103r musculos. Um\u0103rul musculos se \u00eentoarse, dezv\u0103luind o clavicul\u0103 ferm\u0103 \u015fi bine reliefat\u0103, un g\u00e2t neted, o linie a maxilarului puternic\u0103, buze senzuale \u015fi ni\u015fte ochi alba\u015ftri ca o vacan\u0163\u0103 pe o plaj\u0103 virgin\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Ohhh, susur\u0103 M\u0103lina, de parc\u0103 ciocnirea fusese penetrativ\u0103, \u00eentr-un fel sau altul.<\/p>\n

-V\u0103 gr\u0103bi\u0163i? o \u00eentreb\u0103 necunoscutul.<\/p>\n

-Pot s\u0103 m\u0103 \u015fi gr\u0103besc, dac\u0103 vre\u0163i dumneavoastr\u0103, vorbi gura f\u0103r\u0103 M\u0103lina. \u0102\u0103\u0103h. Uuuuh. Ap\u0103\u0103\u0103.<\/p>\n

-A, v\u0103 e r\u0103u. S\u0103 sun la salvare?<\/p>\n

-E o idee, m\u0103car ei au ap\u0103 curent\u0103, \u00ee\u015fi zise \u00een g\u00e2nd M\u0103lina, apoi \u00ee\u015fi aminti c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 ajung\u0103 la job.<\/p>\n

-Nu, mul\u0163umesc, m\u0103… reconfigurez.<\/p>\n

-Foarte bine. Ah, iubi, te a\u015fteptam.<\/p>\n

\u015ei sub ochii \u00eenc\u0103 nefocusa\u0163i ai M\u0103linei, frumuse\u0163ea cu ochi alba\u015ftri plonj\u0103 pasional \u00een bra\u0163ele v\u00e2njoase ale unui chel solid de vreo 45 de ani.<\/p>\n

“C\u0103 nu e\u015fti interesat, e una. Dar s\u0103 nu fii interesat pentru c\u0103 preferi pe unul c\u0103ruia eu nu-i r\u0103spund la ‘cf’ pe Tinder… Standarde”, jelui lung M\u0103lina.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

-\u00cemi cer scuze pentru \u00eent\u00e2rziere, ap\u0103ru M\u0103lina cea frumos curg\u0103toare \u015fi \u00eemb\u0103iat\u0103 \u00een Izvorul Minunilor la 5 litri \u00een u\u015fa biroului.<\/p>\n

-Nu-i problem\u0103, r\u0103spunse \u015fefa. Dup\u0103 preaviz, tindem s\u0103 \u00eenchidem ochii legat de aceste mici detalii. Nu suntem nici noi absurzi.<\/p>\n

-Preaviz??<\/p>\n

-Da, trebuie s\u0103 reducem 30% din personal. Nu e nimic personal.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

-Barman, un pahar din vinul casei, ro\u015fu.<\/p>\n

-Nu mai avem ro\u015fu, doamn\u0103. Alb?<\/p>\n

-Bine, alb.<\/p>\n

“…Acestea au fost \u015ftirile zilei. \u015ei acum, horoscopul, cu astrologul nostru, Marcel. Bun\u0103 ziua, Marcel. Ce ne ofer\u0103 astrele pe ziua de azi?”<\/p>\n

“Bun\u0103 ziua, Elena. Azi, Mercur retrograd este….”<\/p>\n

-Nu v\u0103 sup\u0103ra\u0163i, pute\u0163i opri radioul? Vreau s\u0103-mi beau vinul \u00een lini\u015fte.<\/p>\n

-Normal, doamn\u0103. Cine crede \u00een prostiile lor?<\/p>\n

\u00cen timp ce cl\u0103tina din cap, M\u0103lina auzi tonul de mesaj pe mobil. Era bunic\u0103-sa.<\/p>\n

“Pui\u015for, mai cump\u0103r\u0103 un bidon c\u00e2nd vii acas\u0103, c\u0103 repara\u0163iile la \u0163evi se lungesc cu o zi”.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>. Sau, mai nou, devino parte a comunit\u0103\u021bii mele pe Reddit<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201e\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, e bine ca oamenii s\u0103 \u015ftie c\u0103 \u00een aceste perioade ar trebui s\u0103 se ab\u0163in\u0103 de la investi\u0163ii, achizi\u0163ii \u015fi ini\u0163iative...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18066,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/mercury.jpg?fit=640%2C406&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18065","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18065"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18065\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18069,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18065\/revisions\/18069"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18066"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18065"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18065"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18065"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}