{"id":18131,"date":"2019-08-01T10:23:25","date_gmt":"2019-08-01T07:23:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18131"},"modified":"2019-08-01T10:23:25","modified_gmt":"2019-08-01T07:23:25","slug":"dontinsist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/dontinsist\/","title":{"rendered":"#DontInsist"},"content":{"rendered":"

Azi diminea\u021ba, am primit un comentariu de la un b\u0103iat care \u00eemi atr\u0103gea aten\u021bia asupra urm\u0103toarei situa\u021bii<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

O fat\u0103, Natalia G\u0103itan pe numele ei, ne \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219e\u0219te conversa\u0163ia complet ireal\u0103 cu un stalker care o h\u0103r\u021buia on and on.<\/p>\n


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M\u0103 rog, \u015fi continu\u0103 a\u015fa timp de 19 print screenuri, cu ea repet\u00e2nd c\u0103 nu e interesat\u0103 \u015fi el insist\u00e2nd c\u0103 vrea explica\u0163ii sau o va c\u0103uta personal. Iar c\u00e2nd trece de la mesaje la calls, fata se enerveaz\u0103 \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit \u015fi \u00eei d\u0103 block.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u015etiu, \u0219tiu ce o s\u0103 comenta\u0163i.<\/p>\n

“S\u0103-i dea block \u015fi gata.”<\/p>\n

Vorbi\u0163i cu fata care are o list\u0103 de block mai lung\u0103 dec\u00e2t pe aceea de prieteni.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dar op\u0163iunea de a da block only takes you so far. \u00cen via\u0163a real\u0103, nu ai op\u0163iune de block. \u00cen via\u0163a real\u0103, \u0103la va continua s\u0103 te h\u0103r\u0163uiasc\u0103, agaseze \u015fi s\u0103 refuze s\u0103 ia la cuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 interac\u0163iunea nu e dorit\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 se va ajunge la un deznod\u0103m\u00e2nt extrem de ur\u00e2t.<\/p>\n

De aceea, cred c\u0103, dincolo de poli\u0163ie, tribunale, procese, drumuri, bani cheltui\u0163i \u015fi eterna nevoie de a pedepsi pe cineva, ar trebui s\u0103 existe o campanie de educare \u015fi de awareness pentru tineri dezl\u0103n\u0163ui\u0163i hormonal. \u015ei nu doar b\u0103ie\u0163i. Cum a\u0163i v\u0103zut \u00een articolul meu despre stalkeri\u0163e, exist\u0103 \u015fi fete – e adev\u0103rat, mai pu\u0163ine! – care au impresia c\u0103, dac\u0103 lor li se pune pata pe tine, e ca un act care te \u00eendatoreaz\u0103 automat cu reciprocitate.<\/p>\n

\u015ei a\u015f propune un nume de campanie: #DontInsist.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 ai tineri educa\u0163i \u00een privin\u0163a ideii de boundaries – dreptul altuia de a seta limitele dorite ale interac\u0163iunii cu tine – vor exista mai pu\u0163in stres online \u015fi offline, mai pu\u0163in\u0103 pis\u0103logeal\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 sens, \u015fi \u00een\u0163elegerea ideii de “nu” e “nu”.<\/p>\n

\u015ei no\u0163iunea c\u0103 str\u0103inii nu-\u0163i datoreaz\u0103 nimic: nici timpul, nici aten\u0163ia lor, nici raport legat de motivele pentru care nu sunt interesa\u0163i.<\/p>\n

Cum se vede, b\u0103iatul stalker nu e un analfabet de la Gheboaia, Scrie corect rom\u00e2ne\u015fte, se exprim\u0103 articulat, e genul de persoan\u0103 care, probabil, la prima vedere pare perfect s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103 cu capul.<\/p>\n

Principala problem\u0103 e absen\u0163a educa\u0163iei despre care am vorbit mai sus.<\/p>\n

\u015ei ca el sunt mii. Sute de mii.<\/p>\n

Sute de mii de oameni care n-au fost educa\u0163i s\u0103 proceseze no\u0163iunea de “not interested”. Dreptul altuia de a-\u0163i acorda timp sau nu, \u00een func\u0163ie de priorit\u0103\u0163i. Dreptul altuia de a decide ce vrea, \u015fi cu cine.<\/p>\n

Po\u0163i s\u0103 dai \u00een judecat\u0103 sute de mii de oameni, s\u0103 faci pl\u00e2ngeri la poli\u0163ie, s\u0103 le foo\u0163i via\u0163a \u015fi, \u00een revan\u015f\u0103, \u015fi ei pe a ta. Dar parc\u0103 e mai simplu \u015fi mai eficient s\u0103 educi.<\/p>\n

Vede\u0163i acel: “Mai \u00eent\u00e2i voiam s\u0103 te \u00eentreb dac\u0103 deranjeaz\u0103 pe cineva c\u0103 scriu, adic\u0103 dac\u0103 ai o rela\u0163ie”.<\/p>\n

Deci, tipul nu e incapabil s\u0103 proceseze no\u0163iunea de boundaries. Problema e c\u0103 nu le recunoa\u015fte pe ale ei. Le-ar recunoa\u015fte doar pe acelea ale unui alt de\u0163in\u0103tor de penis.<\/p>\n

“Da, deranjeaz\u0103 pe cineva c\u0103 scrii. Pe mine”, ar fi trebuit s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103 ea.<\/p>\n

Iar dac\u0103 el ar fi fost educat c\u0103 orice om, indiferent de sex, are drept de decizie asupra propriilor interac\u0163iuni, ar fi zis ceva de genul: Ok, \u00ee\u0163i respect op\u0163iunile, o zi bun\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015ei asta ar fi fost.<\/p>\n

F\u0103r\u0103 dram\u0103 ulterioar\u0103. F\u0103r\u0103 agresori \u015fi victime. F\u0103r\u0103 vinova\u0163i \u015fi consecin\u0163e.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

De aceea a\u015f aprecia s\u0103 lans\u0103m \u015fi s\u0103 promov\u0103m<\/p>\n

#DontInsist <\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Necunoscu\u0163ii nu-\u0163i datoreaz\u0103 nimic.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Simplul fapt c\u0103 exist\u0103 mesagerie privat\u0103 nu presupune obliga\u0163ia unei persoane pe care n-o cuno\u015fti s\u0103-\u0163i acorde automat timpul \u015fi aten\u0163ia ei. Nu le solicita pe un ton de executor judec\u0103toresc. A\u015fa cum e dreptul t\u0103u s\u0103 \u00eencerci, e dreptul celuilalt s\u0103 spun\u0103 “nu”.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

#DontInsist <\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Nimeni nu \u00ee\u0163i datoreaz\u0103 justific\u0103ri legate de preferin\u0163ele lor \u00een materie de prieteni, parteneri, preferin\u0163e personale \u015fi alte aspecte care \u0163in de via\u0163a privat\u0103. Nu le solicita pe un ton de procuror stalinist.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Via\u0163a public\u0103 (job, taxe, obliga\u0163ii) e format\u0103 din raporturile strict necesare \u00eentre cet\u0103\u0163ean \u015fi comunitate. Via\u0163a privat\u0103 (ce se petrece dup\u0103 ce toate cele de mai sus au fost onorate) e STRICT, EXCLUSIV \u015eI ABSOLUT problema persoanei, at\u00e2ta timp c\u00e2t nu face r\u0103u altora.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

De aceea, discu\u0163ii de genul: “Dar de ce \u00eel accep\u0163i pe Gogu \u015fi pe mine nu?” sunt absolut inutile. Sau vrei musai s\u0103 auzi o cruzime de la obraz, de genul “Gogu \u00eemi place, tu nu”?<\/p>\n

#DontInsist\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

3. Insisten\u0163a dup\u0103 ce \u0163i s-a spus \u015fi ar\u0103tat clar c\u0103 ba\u0163i la u\u015fi \u00eenchise nu te face mai b\u0103rbat, mai viteaz, mai tare \u015fi mai \u015fmecher. Dimpotriv\u0103. Inspir\u0103 doar sentimente negative, care se accentueaz\u0103 pe m\u0103sur\u0103 ce o l\u0103l\u0103i on and an.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“\u00cemi pare r\u0103u, nu sunt interesat(\u0103)” trebuie s\u0103 aib\u0103 parte de un singur r\u0103spuns: “E decizia ta \u015fi o respect. Cele bune”.<\/p>\n

\u015ei la\u015fi persoana \u00een pace.<\/p>\n

Punct.<\/p>\n

#DontInsist\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Amenin\u0163\u0103rile, insultele, crearea senza\u0163iei de pericol pentru persoana care a spus c\u0103 nu e interesat\u0103 nu \u00eei vor cuceri \u00een mod miraculos interesul. Dimpotriv\u0103, \u00eei vor confirma c\u0103 refuzul a fost o decizie corect\u0103.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pe de o parte, popularitatea ta \u00een ochii omului respectiv va scade \u015fi mai mult. Dar, o s\u0103 spui tu, popularitatea ta \u00een ochii omului respectiv era zero to begin with. Sigur. Dar de ce s\u0103 tragi de oameni \u00een ochii c\u0103rora popularitatea ta era zero to begin with? Caut\u0103 \u00een tine o f\u0103r\u00e2m\u0103 de demnitate, \u015fi dac\u0103 nu g\u0103se\u015fti, cump\u0103r\u0103 de undeva.<\/p>\n

Pe de alta, genul \u0103sta de amenin\u0163\u0103ri sunt ilegale, oricine se poate duce la poli\u0163ie cu ele \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i complice via\u0163a aiurea.<\/p>\n

Merit\u0103?<\/p>\n

Pentru o simpl\u0103 aventur\u0103 care n-a fost s\u0103 fie?<\/p>\n

#DontInsist\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cu c\u00e2t vei trage de oameni care nu te vor, \u015fi \u0103ia vor deveni mai brutali \u015fi mai necru\u0163\u0103tori \u00een refuzul lor – pentru c\u0103 practic \u00eei \u00eempingi tu s\u0103 devin\u0103, cu at\u00e2t vei auzi lucruri care \u00ee\u0163i vor m\u0103cina respectul de sine.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Iar asta \u00een primul r\u00e2nd pentru c\u0103 te pui de unul singur \u00eentr-o pozi\u0163ie d\u0103un\u0103toare fa\u0163\u0103 de respectul t\u0103u fa\u0163\u0103 de tine \u00eensu\u0163i.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Las\u0103 oamenii s\u0103 decid\u0103 singuri dac\u0103 te plac sau nu. Nu c\u0103uta s\u0103 extragi din ei cu sila o aten\u0163ie pe care nu au de ce s\u0103 \u0163i-o ofere.<\/p>\n

#DontInsist\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nu e suficient s\u0103 placi tu pe cineva, mai trebuie s\u0103 existe \u015fi reciprocitate. \u015ei NU, reciprocitatea nu se sub\u00een\u0163elege.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Care vre\u0163i s\u0103 printa\u0163i sub form\u0103 de flutura\u015fi partea cu bold (\u015fi explica\u0163iile intercalate) \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eei \u00eemp\u0103r\u0163i\u0163i prin ora\u015f ave\u0163i acordul meu.<\/p>\n

O lume f\u0103r\u0103 insisten\u0163e t\u00e2mpite e o lume cu mult mai pu\u0163in\u0103 negativitate \u015fi mult mai mult\u0103 relaxare, \u015fi de relaxare avem cu to\u0163ii nevoie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>. Sau, mai nou, devino parte a comunit\u0103\u021bii mele pe Reddit<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Azi diminea\u021ba, am primit un comentariu de la un b\u0103iat care \u00eemi atr\u0103gea aten\u021bia asupra urm\u0103toarei situa\u021bii. O fat\u0103, Natalia G\u0103itan pe numele ei,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18133,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Stop-Sign.jpg?fit=725%2C488&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18131"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18131\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18135,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18131\/revisions\/18135"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18133"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}