{"id":18321,"date":"2019-09-03T10:02:09","date_gmt":"2019-09-03T07:02:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18321"},"modified":"2019-09-03T10:02:09","modified_gmt":"2019-09-03T07:02:09","slug":"ghid-de-rezistenta-al-omului-hartuit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/ghid-de-rezistenta-al-omului-hartuit\/","title":{"rendered":"Ghid de rezisten\u0163\u0103 al omului h\u0103r\u0163uit"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Scriam ieri sear\u0103 pe Page:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none; overflow: hidden;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Florenaalmighty%2Fposts%2F1184253898449325&amp;width=500\" width=\"500\" height=\"287\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u015ei \u00een timp ce scriam, mi-am dat seama de un lucru: foarte mul\u0163i tineri sunt ACUM \u00een situa\u0163ia \u00een care am fost eu pe atunci. Supu\u015fi h\u0103r\u0163uirii intense de c\u0103tre colegi de clas\u0103 sau de serviciu, pentru ni\u015fte defecte care nu sunt c\u00e2tu\u015fi de pu\u0163in problema respectivilor.<\/p>\n<p>Adic\u0103: dac\u0103 tu \u00eei promi\u0163i colegului t\u0103u s\u0103-i \u00eemprumu\u0163i un curs, el mizeaz\u0103 pe ajutorul t\u0103u, \u015fi tu te suce\u015fti, da, meri\u0163i ciubote \u00een cap p\u00e2n\u0103 dezvol\u0163i un creier. Dar dac\u0103 tu e\u015fti gras, prost \u00eembr\u0103cat, timid, gay, r\u00e2r\u00e2it, s\u00e2s\u00e2it, ai vocea groas\u0103 sau orice alt defect care, \u00een fond, nu afecteaz\u0103 direct eficien\u0163a \u00een munc\u0103 sau \u015fcoal\u0103 a colegului, \u015fi colegul sau ga\u015fca de \u015fmecheri care se instig\u0103 unii pe al\u0163ii simt nevoia s\u0103 te tot agaseze cu asta, po\u0163i spune c\u0103 e\u015fti \u0163inta unei h\u0103r\u0163uiri. A unui bullying.<\/p>\n<p>Scriu acest text ca \u015fi cum mi-a\u015f da sfaturi mie cea de atunci, \u015fi sper ca asta s\u0103 v\u0103 ajute pe cei afla\u0163i \u00een aceste situa\u0163ii s\u0103 v\u0103 descurca\u0163i mai bine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Nu lua asupra ta nimic din ce rahat m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 \u0103ia.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Faptul c\u0103 e\u015fti s\u0103rac, gras sau cu vocea groas\u0103 nu justific\u0103 pe nimeni s\u0103 se \u015ftearg\u0103 la c*r cu tine, de\u015fi, c\u00e2nd un grup mai mare de oameni adopt\u0103 acest comportament, naivitatea ta, combinat\u0103 cu presiunea de grup te-ar putea face s\u0103-i crezi pe cuv\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n<p>S\u0103 crezi c\u0103 \u00eentr-adev\u0103r nu meri\u0163i dec\u00e2t lovituri de la via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi oameni.<\/p>\n<p>George R. R. Martin a sintetizat excelent acest &#8220;dresaj&#8221; \u00een modul \u00een care Ramsay \u00eel anihileaz\u0103 pe Theon \u015fi-l transform\u0103 \u00een Reek. Sigur, bullies din via\u0163a real\u0103 nu se vor apuca s\u0103-\u0163i taie testiculele sau s\u0103-\u0163i rup\u0103 degetele, dar ce vor face va fi s\u0103-\u0163i demonteze structura de rezisten\u0163\u0103 a \u00eencrederii tale \u00een for\u0163ele proprii, s\u0103 te conving\u0103 c\u0103 tu CHIAR E\u015eTI ultimul om \u015fi tu CHIAR MERI\u0162I tratat ca ultima scursur\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>A\u015fa se ajunge la c\u0103s\u0103toriile acelea de care ne mir\u0103m to\u0163i, cu c\u00e2te un el abuziv \u015fi violent, \u015fi c\u00e2te o ea care nu \u015ftie cum s\u0103-l pupe \u00een c*r s\u0103-l \u00eempace pe st\u0103p\u00e2n, \u015fi la final, tot \u00eencaseaz\u0103 o b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>Secretul rezisten\u0163ei este urm\u0103torul:\u00a0<strong>tu ai tot dreptul s\u0103 fii tu, chiar dac\u0103 acest tu este imperfect. Chiar imperfect fiind, nu le-ai futut mamele jigodiilor \u015fi nici nu le-ai \u00eenc\u0103lecat boii de la biciclet\u0103, drept care nu au nici un motiv obiectiv s\u0103 te umileasc\u0103.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Confrunt\u0103-i.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Hater: Dar, Lorena, uite o list\u0103 cu \u00eenjur\u0103turile tale.<\/p>\n<p>Circul\u0103 acum un pulete cu o list\u0103 frumos cropuit\u0103 de mor\u0163i de mam\u0103 cu care am r\u0103spuns unor c\u0103ca\u0163i care m\u0103 tot b\u00e2z\u00e2iau aiurea. Aten\u0163ie: AM R\u0102SPUNS. Nu AM INI\u0162IAT. N-o s\u0103 m\u0103 vede\u0163i niciodat\u0103 pe peretele unor persoane necunoscute, l\u0103tr\u00e2nd ca proasta, f\u0103r\u0103 motiv. Dar da, o s\u0103 m\u0103 vede\u0163i lu\u00e2ndu-le mor\u0163ii \u00een p&#8230; unora care vin s\u0103 fac\u0103 pe vitejii, pentru c\u0103 prostia omeneasc\u0103 agresiv\u0103 trebuie u\u015fuit\u0103 ferm \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 ezitare.<\/p>\n<p>Evident, laba trist\u0103 pretinde c\u0103 cu lista aia justific\u0103 &#8220;why the hate&#8221;. Dar ordinea cronologic\u0103 a fost invers\u0103. \u00cent\u00e2i a fost the hate, \u015fi apoi mor\u0163ii de mam\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Drept care,\u00a0<strong>unu bis: ia lista mea de mor\u0163i de mam\u0103 \u015fi aplic-o cu \u00eencredere oricui vine s\u0103 te bully. Consider\u0103-o material didactic free.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Aici, va veni pizda proast\u0103 de rit ortodox: Oh, dar, Lorena, atunci n-o s\u0103 fii mai bun\u0103 dec\u00e2t ei.<\/p>\n<p>R\u0103ul \u00eenvinge azi \u00een lume pentru c\u0103 binele \u00ee\u015fi face prea multe scrupule. Ai g\u00e2ndaci de buc\u0103t\u0103rie? Bagi Killtox sau Raid, nu stai s\u0103 o freci aiurea cu &#8220;poate, dac\u0103-i rog frumos, o s\u0103 plece&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 pasul nr. 1 este deta\u015farea de ce spune muia cu buletin, pasul nr. 2 este <strong>riposta pe m\u0103sur\u0103.\u00a0<\/strong>Nu-i permite idiotului s\u0103 te atrag\u0103 \u00een mecanismele lui de domina\u0163ie \u015fi control, impune-le pe ale tale. F\u0103-l tu pe el s\u0103 se simt\u0103 slab. F\u0103-l s\u0103 simt\u0103 c\u0103 nu are putere asupra ta.<\/p>\n<p>Acum, ca \u00eentre prieteni, \u00ee\u0163i spun un secret al bully-ului. Bully-ul \u00een sine este o persoan\u0103 profund nesigur\u0103. De aceea tortureaz\u0103 perpetuu pe al\u0163ii: pentru a declara oficial o putere pe care altfel nu simte c-o are.<\/p>\n<p>Un om natural puternic nu are nevoie de rahaturi de genul. Se simte suficient de bine \u00een pielea lui s\u0103 nu-\u015fi aga\u0163e senza\u0163ia puterii de chestii externe, respectiv de ce r\u0103ut\u0103\u0163i a zis \u015fi a f\u0103cut azi.<\/p>\n<p>De aceea, dac\u0103 dai temeinic la r\u0103d\u0103cin\u0103, bully va deveni brusc mimoz\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>De ce se vaiet\u0103 \u0103ia de \u00eenjur\u0103turile mele, de\u015fi \u015ftiu \u015fi ei, exact cum \u015ftiu \u015fi eu, c\u0103 ei au ini\u0163iat violen\u0163a verbal\u0103?<\/p>\n<p>R\u0103spuns: Pentru c\u0103 bullies au o rezisten\u0163\u0103 interioar\u0103 mult mai sc\u0103zut\u0103 dec\u00e2t a ta.<\/p>\n<p>Seara trecut\u0103, a venit s\u0103 arunce cineva l\u0103turi la exact aceast\u0103 postare. Dar printre insulte, erau bocete de copila\u015f p\u0103r\u0103sit la metrou: &#8220;\u015fterge, \u015ftiu c\u0103 po\u0163i&#8221; \u015fi &#8220;m\u00e2ine avem ban, nu?&#8221;. Dincolo de r\u0103utatea unui bully e un munte de nesiguran\u0163\u0103 \u015fi dezechilibru. Bully te chinuie pe tine pentru c\u0103 prin asta transfer\u0103 o parte din cruzimea cu care se chinuie pe el \u00eensu\u015fi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Ignor\u0103 <\/strong><strong>sfaturile binevoitoare de tip &#8220;ignor\u0103&#8221;.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u00centotdeauna mi-a venit s\u0103 le dau pumni \u00een frez\u0103 \u0103lora care, c\u00e2nd v\u0103d acest gen de h\u0103r\u0163uire, \u00ee\u0163i spun s\u0103 &#8220;ignori&#8221;. S\u0103-i spui unui om bullied s\u0103 ignore denot\u0103 incapacitatea absolut\u0103 de a te pune \u00een situa\u0163ia lui. Un om bullied sufer\u0103 mult prea mult \u00een fiecare zi \u015fi tentativele de subminare \u00eei fac nespus de mult r\u0103u. S\u0103-i spui unui om bullied s\u0103 ignore e ca \u015fi cum i-ai spune cuiva captiv \u00eentr-o cas\u0103 care arde s\u0103 ignore c\u0103 e foc \u00een jurul lui.<\/p>\n<p>Cel mai tare a fost un schimb de comentarii pe wallul meu, c\u00e2nd un tip venise cu mansplaining-ul de tip &#8220;ignor\u0103&#8221; \u015fi a fost luat la perpulis de un dobitoc cu: Ia, hai, recunoa\u015fte, vrei s-o f*** pe Lorena. Din trei replici, dobitocul l-a f\u0103cut pe apostolul ignorului s\u0103 tic\u0103ie de draci. Opa, \u015fi era un singur prost. Unul neutralizabil cu vreo doi mor\u0163i de mam\u0103 corect articula\u0163i.<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 ar fi fost dou\u0103zeci?<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei eu: vaaai, dar de ce nu \u00ee\u0163i aplici propriul sfat \u015fi nu ignori?<\/p>\n<p>Realitatea e c\u0103 nu suntem construi\u0163i psihologic s\u0103 ignor\u0103m \u015fi dac\u0103 mim\u0103m c\u0103 nu ne afecteaz\u0103 ceva ce e menit s\u0103 ne afecteze, acumul\u0103m doar frustr\u0103ri. Mergi pe punctul 2. Confrunt\u0103-i.<\/p>\n<p>Varianta cu ignoratul e cli\u015feul celor speria\u0163i de conflicte \u015fi lipsa apuc\u0103rii de guler nu face dec\u00e2t s\u0103-i \u00eencurajeze pe bullies.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4. Cere ajutor.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Ai \u00een jur adul\u0163i, al\u0163i colegi, persoane cu autoritate. Speak up cu fermitate.<\/p>\n<p>C\u00e2nd e\u015fti bullied, e extrem de u\u015for s\u0103 pici \u00eentr-o mentalitate de tip: nimeni nu m\u0103 \u00een\u0163elege. Asta \u015fi vor bullies: s\u0103 te sim\u0163i singur \u015fi izolat, pentru c\u0103 astfel te pot demola mai eficient.<\/p>\n<p>Realitatea e c\u0103 multe alte persoane au fost bullied, sau pur \u015fi simplu au empatie pentru oameni agasa\u021bi \u0219i umili\u021bi de al\u021bii, \u0219i te vor sus\u021bine, c\u00e2nd vor prinde tot contextul. Al\u021bii, dimpotriv\u0103, se vor alia cu bully-ul, ca g\u0103inile care sar s\u0103 dea cu ciocul \u00een cea mai neajutorat\u0103 dintre ele.<\/p>\n<p>Ideea e c\u0103, apel\u00e2nd la al\u021bii, \u00ee\u021bi po\u021bi forma o re\u021bea de sus\u021binere care \u00ee\u021bi va da putere \u0219i, din pove\u0219tile de bullying ale celorlal\u021bi, vei vedea c\u00e2t de frecvent\u0103 e situa\u021bia \u0219i cum nu e ceva ce \u021bi se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u021bie specific, ci multor al\u021bii.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5. Umile\u0219te-l tu pe bully, preferabil public.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Sunt bullies priva\u021bi, de tipul partenerilor toxici, care pozeaz\u0103 public \u00een oameni minuna\u021bi \u0219i abia ntre patru ochi \u00ee\u0219i dau arama pe fa\u021b\u0103, \u0219i exist\u0103 bullies publici, care fac un spectacol pentru ter\u021bi din faptul c\u0103 se leag\u0103 de tine, s\u0103-i distreze pe \u0103ia pro\u0219ti \u0219i r\u0103i, ca ei, \u0219i s\u0103 le inspire team\u0103 celor pe care r\u0103utatea nu-i seduce.<\/p>\n<p>Ace\u0219ti bullies publici trebuie f\u0103cu\u021bi de c\u0103cat tot public, unde le place lor s\u0103 se dea \u00een stamb\u0103. Nu ini\u021bia tu, c\u0103 nu tu e\u0219ti the bully, dar dac\u0103 vin la tine cu tupeu, reteaz\u0103-le craca de sub picioare \u00eentr-un mod c\u00e2t mai spectaculos cu putin\u021b\u0103, s\u0103 le dai exact tripul de care te tem: senza\u021bia neputin\u021bei de fa\u021b\u0103 cu toat\u0103 lumea.<\/p>\n<p><strong>6. Apeleaz\u0103 la lege.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Majoritatea bully-ilor se potolesc dac\u0103 le pui piciorul \u00een cap, pentru c\u0103 principalul motiv pentru care \u00ee\u0219i permit s\u0103 h\u0103r\u021buiasc\u0103 e miza pe teama ta de conflict.<\/p>\n<p>Dar exist\u0103 \u0103ia cu adev\u0103rat idio\u021bi, care, dac\u0103 le iei mor\u021bii \u00een pul\u0103, o iau ca pe o provocare s\u0103 fie \u0219i mai idio\u021bi. \u0218i se apuc\u0103 s\u0103 te \u00eembr\u00e2nceasc\u0103, bat\u0103, vandalizeze etc.<\/p>\n<p>\u0102la e punctul \u00een care tu zici pas, pentru c\u0103 scopul t\u0103u nu e s\u0103 faci concurs de idio\u021benie cu idiotul. \u0218i la\u0219i treaba pe seama profesioni\u0219tilor: poli\u021bie, justi\u021bie etc.<\/p>\n<p>Nu ai nimic de demonstrat nim\u0103nui, \u0219i po\u021bi refuza ipostazele care te consum\u0103 mai mult dec\u00e2t e cazul.<\/p>\n<p>Bonus\u00a0<strong>7: Denun\u021b\u0103 bullyingul, acolo unde \u00eel vezi, \u0219i intervino.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u0102sta e pentru oamenii din jur. C\u00e2nd vezi pe cineva care asalteaz\u0103 o alt\u0103 persoan\u0103 cu r\u0103ut\u0103\u021bi f\u0103r\u0103 motiv, \u00eembr\u00e2nceli sau orice alt comportament din aceea\u0219i palet\u0103, intervino \u0219i opre\u0219te-l pe bully. Chiar dac\u0103 omul bullied e at\u00e2t de afectat \u00een respectul de sine, \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 ia partea h\u0103r\u021buitorului \u0219i s\u0103 te \u00eentrebe care e problema ta.<\/p>\n<p>I s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat unui prieten s\u0103 intervin\u0103 \u00eentr-un scandal pe strad\u0103, cu un b\u0103rbat care \u00eenjura \u0219i lovea o femeie. \u0218i ambii au \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u021bipe la el: Ce te bagi tu, b\u0103, n-ai ce f*te acas\u0103?<\/p>\n<p>Chiar dac\u0103 persoana bullied nu e \u00een starea mintal\u0103 \u00een care s\u0103 aprecieze sus\u021binerea, tu m\u0103car \u0219tii c\u0103 ai f\u0103cut lucrul corect.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/Trollywood\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-14577\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=160%2C160&amp;ssl=1 160w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=320%2C320&amp;ssl=1 320w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=184%2C184&amp;ssl=1 184w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=100%2C100&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?w=931&amp;ssl=1 931w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>***<br \/>\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Scriam ieri sear\u0103 pe Page: \u015ei \u00een timp ce scriam, mi-am dat seama de un lucru: foarte mul\u0163i tineri sunt ACUM \u00een situa\u0163ia \u00een&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18329,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/angry-argument-breakup-984954.jpg?fit=640%2C427&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18321"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18321\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18330,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18321\/revisions\/18330"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}