{"id":18388,"date":"2019-09-14T09:58:38","date_gmt":"2019-09-14T06:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18388"},"modified":"2019-09-14T10:00:54","modified_gmt":"2019-09-14T07:00:54","slug":"dumbphone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/dumbphone\/","title":{"rendered":"Dumbphone"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u00centr-o zi, Vasile se hot\u0103r\u00ee s\u0103 renun\u021be la telefonul lui mai inteligent dec\u00e2t el. <\/p>\n<p>Problema era c\u0103 telefonul ajunsese s\u0103-i controleze via\u021ba mai acerb dec\u00e2t o nevast\u0103 moldoveanc\u0103. Perpetuu \u00eel atr\u0103gea, cu re\u021belele lui sociale pline de troli ve\u0219nic pu\u0219i pe muieli f\u0103r\u0103 miz\u0103, \u0219i pe care era at\u00e2t de pl\u0103cut s\u0103-i strive\u0219ti \u0219i s\u0103 fac\u0103 cran\u021b, precum g\u00e2ndacii de buc\u0103t\u0103rie; cu Instagramul lui plin de popouri, care mai de care mai bombat, mai rotund \u0219i mai obscen, cu YouTube-ul lui plin de fragmente demente de comedie, dintre care r\u00e2sese zece minute ca idiotul la \u0103sta (\u00eel v\u0103zuse \u00een dou\u0103 relu\u0103ri, \u0219i r\u00e2sese la fel de spastic, ca prima oar\u0103.) <\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/GFzOiX4XlA4\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Mai grav, telefonul ajunsese s\u0103-l \u00eencalece prin jocurile lui captivante, pline de bulinu\u021be \u0219i p\u0103tr\u0103\u021bele multicolore, cu care era o veritabil\u0103 pl\u0103cere s\u0103-\u021bi dep\u0103\u0219e\u0219ti propriile highscores. Avea \u00eent\u00e2lniri de business la care \u00eent\u00e2rzia sau pe care le anula, pentru c\u0103 nu se putea desprinde dintr-un schimb de mor\u021bi de mam\u0103 cu cineva care avea p\u0103reri stupide pe internet sau pentru c\u0103 unea bombonele s\u0103 formeze lan\u021buri care se pr\u0103bu\u0219eau. <\/p>\n<p>Vasile \u0219tia c\u0103 nu mai merge a\u0219a, c\u0103 se \u00eendreapt\u0103 vertiginos spre faliment \u0219i c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 fac\u0103 ceva cu via\u021ba lui acum, p\u00e2n\u0103 nu vine scaden\u021ba la plata internetului. Drept care, se ridic\u0103. Se cl\u0103tin\u0103 pu\u021bin, pentru c\u0103 decizia era extrem de dureroas\u0103. Dar trebuia luat\u0103. <\/p>\n<p>P\u0103\u0219i spre debara. Acolo, \u00een ni\u0219te saci, erau depozitate vechiturile, pe principiul \u201cnu se \u0219tie niciodat\u0103 c\u00e2nd ai nevoie\u201d. Ei, bine, ACUM. ACUM era nevoie. <\/p>\n<p>Vasile \u00ee\u015fi c\u0103ut\u0103 telefonul dumb din 2003. <\/p>\n<p>* <\/p>\n<p>De\u015fi mai plin de praf dec\u00e2t vaginul Vioric\u0103i D\u0103ncil\u0103, telefonul puls\u0103 cu semnal luminos de cum \u00eel \u00eenfipse \u00een \u00eenc\u0103rc\u0103tor. Cum ar fi f\u0103cut, probabil, \u0219i vaginul Vioric\u0103i D\u0103ncil\u0103. Dar, destul despre locuri de unde nu s-a \u00eentors nimeni s\u0103 ne spun\u0103 cum este: telefonul se deschise \u0219i, minune. Avea \u00eenc\u0103 agenda din 2003, cu nick-uri ca Adi Iarb\u0103 \u0219i Lili F*tut, unde nici unul dintre combatan\u021bi nu se n\u0103scuse cu asemenea nume de familie. <\/p>\n<p>-Ce-o mai fi f\u0103c\u00e2nd Lili? se \u00eentreb\u0103 cu duio\u0219ie Vasile. Nimeni nu m-a supt ca ea. Zici c\u0103-mi sorbea sufletul. <\/p>\n<p>Dar nu, nu \u00eendr\u0103zni s\u0103 sune. Ce teme mai avea el cu Lili \u00een 2019? \u201eCe faci, o mai sugi\u201d era mult sub standardele lui de azi. <\/p>\n<p>Evident, dumbphone nu avea importator de numere, \u015fi atunci se chinui vreo trei ore s\u0103 transcrie, num\u0103r cu num\u0103r, toat\u0103 agenda. \u015ei c\u00e2te bile putea juca \u00een aceste trei ore. Pffff. Vasile alung\u0103 g\u00e2ndul, furios pe sine pentru c\u0103-l avusese. <\/p>\n<p>Dar putea \u00eencepe o via\u021b\u0103 nou\u0103. F\u0103r\u0103 re\u021bele sociale vampirizante de timp, f\u0103r\u0103 grupuri de hateri care s\u0103-l raporteze c\u00e2te cincizeci odat\u0103, doar pentru a avea satisfac\u021bia ultimului cuv\u00e2nt. F\u0103r\u0103&#8230; <\/p>\n<p>Telefonul sun\u0103 cu ringtone-ul Mar\u0219ul pre\u0219edin\u021bilor, iar \u021b\u00e2r\u00e2itul acela metalic, strident, \u00eei umplu ochii cu lacrimi. C\u00e2te nop\u021bi jegoase de be\u021bie prin c\u0103minul studen\u021besc \u00eei evoca Mar\u0219ul pre\u0219edin\u021bilor.<br \/>\nDar \u00ee\u0219i reveni \u0219i r\u0103spunse. Era un partener de business. <\/p>\n<p>-Vasile, nu ne vedem \u00een centru. Au deschis o c\u00e2rcium\u0103 nou\u0103 \u0219i dr\u0103gu\u021b\u0103 prin Floreasca, am auzit c\u0103 au o friptur\u0103 de fazan minunat\u0103 \u0219i vreau s-o \u00eencerc. \u00ce\u021bi dau share location.<br \/>\n-N&#8230; nu. Te rog, trimite-mi adresa prin SMS, interveni brusc Vasile.<br \/>\n-Mai d\u0103 cineva SMS \u00een 2019? \u00eel apostrof\u0103 partenerul de business.<br \/>\n-Da. Tu \u0219i cu mine.<br \/>\n-Ciudat e\u0219ti, Vasile.<br \/>\n-Mul\u021bumesc frumos, \u0219i tu.<br \/>\n\u00cen cinci minute sosi adresa, iar Vasile d\u0103du s\u0103 deschid\u0103 Waze. Oh, fuck. De unde Waze pe dumbphone? O s\u0103 \u00eentrebe trec\u0103torii, exact cum f\u0103cea \u00een 2003. <\/p>\n<p>Trei sferturi de or\u0103 \u0219i opt runde de explica\u021bii contradictorii \u0219i \u201edar unde merge\u0163i \u015fi ce face\u0163i acolo\u201d mai t\u00e2rziu, Vasile intr\u0103 \u00een c\u00e2rciuma nou\u0103.<br \/>\n-D\u0103-o-n pizda m\u0103-sii, Vasile, \u00eel \u00eent\u00e2mpin\u0103 Clientul. Iar ai f\u0103cut binging de Saturday Night Live pe mobil?<br \/>\n-Nu, am f\u0103cut binging de Monday Morning Live \u00een via\u0163a real\u0103. Nu vrei s\u0103 \u015ftii c\u00e2\u0163i idio\u0163i b\u00e2ntuie liberi pe str\u0103zi. <\/p>\n<p>Telefonul bip\u0103i iar. Vasile arunc\u0103 o privire.<br \/>\n\u201eA\u0163i primit mesaj imagine. Pentru desc\u0103rcare, accesa\u0163i Vodafone online\u201d. <\/p>\n<p>Oh, fuck. \u00cel accesez acas\u0103, se oftic\u0103 Vasile \u015fi se ad\u00e2nci \u00een discu\u0163ii despre noul proiect comun cu partenerul de business. <\/p>\n<p>Dar, \u00een zece minute, telefonul sun\u0103 din nou. <\/p>\n<p>-Iart\u0103-m\u0103, trebuie s\u0103 r\u0103spund. <\/p>\n<p>Era copilul. <\/p>\n<p>-Tati, sunt la mall \u015fi iau blugi, \u0163i-am trimis poz\u0103 cu ei, de ce nu-mi spui cum \u00eemi stau?<br \/>\n-Foarte bine, min\u0163i Vasile. Cel mai bine.<br \/>\n-Aha, deci nu te deranjeaz\u0103 c\u0103-s rup\u0163i \u015fi cu turul la genunchi. E\u015fti cel mai bun tat\u0103, te iubesc. Paaaa.<br \/>\n-Stai pu\u0163in, \u00eencerc\u0103 Vasile, dar copilul \u00eenchisese deja. <\/p>\n<p>Vasile scr\u00e2\u015fni din din\u0163i \u015fi \u00eencerc\u0103 s\u0103 reia discu\u0163ia, dar telefonul sun\u0103 din nou. Era interna lui, Andreea. <\/p>\n<p>-Vasile, \u0163i-am trimis prezentarea \u00een PowerPoint pe WhatsApp de ieri. S\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg c\u0103 nu \u00ee\u0163i place, c\u0103 nu-mi dai nici un feedback? <\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>Trei noaptea. Vasile triumf\u0103. Tocmai \u00ee\u015fi dep\u0103\u015fise propriul record la Snake. <\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/Trollywood\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-14577\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=160%2C160&amp;ssl=1 160w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=320%2C320&amp;ssl=1 320w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=184%2C184&amp;ssl=1 184w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=100%2C100&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?w=931&amp;ssl=1 931w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>***<br \/>\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00centr-o zi, Vasile se hot\u0103r\u00ee s\u0103 renun\u021be la telefonul lui mai inteligent dec\u00e2t el. Problema era c\u0103 telefonul ajunsese s\u0103-i controleze via\u021ba mai acerb&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10002,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/red-telephone.jpg?fit=442%2C442&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18388"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18388\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18390,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18388\/revisions\/18390"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}