{"id":18476,"date":"2019-10-02T09:37:39","date_gmt":"2019-10-02T06:37:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18476"},"modified":"2019-10-02T09:37:39","modified_gmt":"2019-10-02T06:37:39","slug":"femeia-nu-te-vrea-mort-mai-gigele","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/femeia-nu-te-vrea-mort-mai-gigele\/","title":{"rendered":"Femeia nu te vrea mort, m\u0103i Gigele"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>B\u00e2ntuiam eu pe Facebook \u00een c\u0103utare de victime, c\u00e2nd \u00eemi pic\u0103 sub nas urm\u0103toarea afirma\u0163ie:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none; overflow: hidden;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fhampualexandrunicolae%2Fposts%2F2863229830396627&amp;width=500\" width=\"500\" height=\"255\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u015ei, desigur, nu m-am putut opri s\u0103 nu m\u0103 introduc \u00een seam\u0103:<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"_6qw4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenalupu\" data-hovercard=\"\/ajax\/hovercard\/user.php?id=698353138&amp;extragetparams={&quot;directed_target_id&quot;: &quot; &quot;}\">Lorena Lupu;<\/a>\u00a0<span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">nu, nu ne dorim o iubire ca a lui Jack \u0219i a lui Rose. Un b\u0103rbat decedat nu poate duce gunoiul.\u00a0<span class=\"_5mfr\" title=\"grin emoticon\"><span class=\"_6qdm\">\ud83d\ude00<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>M\u0103i, b\u0103ie\u0163i,<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 una scrie pe Facebook c\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi dore\u015fte s\u0103 muri\u0163i de dragul ei, \u015fi nu se refer\u0103 la figurat, ave\u0163i de a face cu un\u00a0 caz sever de proast\u0103 f\u0103cut\u0103 gr\u0103mad\u0103 \u015fi nimeni nu ar trebui s\u0103 aib\u0103 timp de a\u015fa ceva. Nu trebuie s\u0103 lua\u0163i ce scrie o nebun\u0103 sau alta drept adev\u0103rul universal despre femei.<\/p>\n<p>Nici m\u0103car aia nu cred c\u0103 \u015fi-a recitit statusul ceva mai lent \u015fi cu pricep\u0103torul pe on, s\u0103 se prind\u0103 c\u0103 tocmai spusese c\u0103 toate femeile fericite \u00een dragoste ar trebui s\u0103 fie v\u0103duve \u015fi s\u0103 primeasc\u0103 pensie de urma\u015f.<\/p>\n<p>O femeie s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103 la cap o s\u0103 v\u0103 vrea vii, ap\u0163i \u015fi func\u0163ionali, m\u0103car pe urm\u0103toarele considerente:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu marcheaz\u0103 banul.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Sunt femei care \u00eenc\u0103 se raporteaz\u0103 la b\u0103rba\u0163i ca la prilejul perfect de a ob\u0163ine totul pe tav\u0103 \u015fi de a evita mersul la munc\u0103. Iubi, f\u0103-mi aia, iubi, cump\u0103r\u0103-mi aia, iubi, vreau silicoane, iubi vreau unghii, iubi, vreau extensii.<\/p>\n<p>Ce ar face astea cu Jack, care \u015fi \u00een starea lui vie era mult prea s\u0103rac, dar\u0103mite postmortem?<\/p>\n<p>R\u0103spuns: l-ar trimite dup\u0103 \u0163ig\u0103ri.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu desface borcanul.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Sunt femei care \u00eenc\u0103 ador\u0103 s\u0103 fac\u0103 pe proastele. &#8220;Oooh, iubi, nu m\u0103 pricep&#8221;. Astea sunt surorile bune ale b\u0103rbatului pus s\u0103 dea cu aspiratorul care r\u0103stoarn\u0103 scrumiera pe jos doar s\u0103-\u015fi conving\u0103 nevasta c\u0103 e antitalent la cur\u0103\u0163enie \u015fi c\u0103 mai bine face ea totul singur\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Astea nu te vor mort nici m\u0103car c\u00e2t te vor alea din categoria precedent\u0103. Primele m\u0103car primesc pensie de urma\u015f. Categoria a doua r\u0103m\u00e2ne s\u0103-\u015fi schimbe singure becurile, ceea ce, \u0219tim cu to\u021bii, poate duce la pierderea unghiilor acrilice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu mut\u0103 mobila.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Sunt femeile gospodine, torturate de un exces de zel de-a dreptul exasperant. Astea par o mega afacere la prima vedere, c\u0103 nu trebuie s\u0103 pl\u0103ti\u021bi o tanti s\u0103 v\u0103 fac\u0103 curat, sau s\u0103 comanda\u021bi m\u00e2ncare online, dat fiind c\u0103 locul ei natural \u00een cas\u0103 e printre oale \u0219i crati\u021be.<\/p>\n<p>Problema e c\u0103 excesul de zel vine cu a\u0219tept\u0103ri legate de o presta\u021bie cel pu\u021bin la fel de intens\u0103 din partea ta, iar provocarea major\u0103 e aia cu mutatul mobilei.<\/p>\n<p>Vii rupt de la munc\u0103, \u0219i te a\u0219teapt\u0103 Vasilica: M-am g\u00e2ndit s\u0103 fac o cur\u0103\u021benie general\u0103, e un jeg de nedescris, am g\u0103sit o scam\u0103 pe sp\u0103tarul canapelei.<\/p>\n<p>Tu: M\u0103 doare spateleeee.<\/p>\n<p>Vasilica: \u0102mnu, pe durata cur\u0103\u021beniei mele generale nu te doare nimic! Mut\u0103, te rog, dulapul \u0103sta, s\u0103 fac curat \u00een spatele lui. \u0218i \u021bine frigiderul \u0103sta ridicat, s\u0103 scot pre\u0219ul de sub el.<\/p>\n<p>Dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni cu una ca asta \u0219i pl\u00e2ngi dup\u0103 aia care nu mi\u0219ca nimic \u00een cas\u0103 \u0219i te punea doar s\u0103 cotizezi jum\u0103tate din banii de tanti de serviciu.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu duce gunoiul.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Nu e ca \u0219i cum femeile nu pot s\u0103-\u0219i duc\u0103 gunoiul singure. Dar nu vor. E sarcina aia care arat\u0103 vecinilor c\u0103 \u0219i tu e\u0219ti om, \u0219i tu produci de\u0219euri, \u0219i tu arunci plasticul cu h\u00e2rtia \u0219i c\u00e2te sticle de Jack a\u021bi fost \u00een stare s\u0103 \u00eengurgita\u021bi, degenera\u021bilor.<\/p>\n<p>Unele femei &#8220;\u00ee\u015fi g\u0103sesc unul&#8221; special pentru asta. S\u0103 delege aceast\u0103 sarcin\u0103 ingrat\u0103. Ele nu ies din cas\u0103 dec\u00e2t la lucruri nobile \u015fi \u00een\u0103l\u0163\u0103toare pentru spirit: coafor, cosmetic\u0103 \u015fi manichiur\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu face copii.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Mi se pare extrem de amuzant cum femei care nu \u015fi-au dorit niciodat\u0103 o rela\u0163ie se trezesc pe la 38 de ani: aoleeeu, mai am c\u00e2\u0163iva ani de fertilitate, ia s\u0103 caut pe unul s\u0103 \u00eemi fac\u0103 \u015fi mie copii \u015fi s\u0103-i cre\u015ftem&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 nu po\u0163i juca rolul de banc\u0103 de sperm\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a cuiva, ai tr\u0103it degeaba.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Un b\u0103rbat mort nu streseaz\u0103 str\u0103ini cu injurii de rahat pe net, videocalluri la ore dubioase (nope, nu exist\u0103 or\u0103 potrivit\u0103 pentru un videocall cu o persoan\u0103 pe care n-o cuno\u0219ti, pur \u0219i simplu NU FACI asta).\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Ah, dar stai. \u0102sta era un argument al taberei contrare, lol.<\/p>\n<p>OK, \u00een concluzie, dragi b\u0103rba\u021bi, sta\u021bi lini\u0219ti\u021bi, numai fraierele vor s\u0103 muri\u021bi pentru ele. De\u0219teptele prefer\u0103 s\u0103 tr\u0103i\u021bi pentru ele \u0219i s\u0103 le face\u021bi multe cadouri. \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n<p>Dar eu nu cred c\u0103 o femeie vrea \u00een mod real s\u0103 mori pentru ea. Mai degrab\u0103, legenda asta a ap\u0103rut a\u0219a:<\/p>\n<p>Maricica: Ionele, du gunoiul.<\/p>\n<p>Ionel: Hai, m\u0103, Maricico. \u0218tii c\u0103 dac\u0103 am fi pe o corabie, \u00een largul m\u0103rii, \u0219i ne-am ciocni de un\u00a0 ghe\u021bar, \u0219i ne-am scufunda, \u0219i al pluti pe acolo o sc\u00e2ndur\u0103, eu te-a\u0219 l\u0103sa pe tine pe sc\u00e2ndur\u0103, f\u0103, prin\u021beso, \u0219i a\u0219 muri cu privirea \u00eenfipt\u0103 \u00een a ta? \u0218i \u00een condi\u021biile astea nobile, tu, ingrato, m\u0103 pui s\u0103 duc gunoiul?<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/Trollywood\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-14577\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=160%2C160&amp;ssl=1 160w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=320%2C320&amp;ssl=1 320w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=184%2C184&amp;ssl=1 184w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=100%2C100&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?w=931&amp;ssl=1 931w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>***<br \/>\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>B\u00e2ntuiam eu pe Facebook \u00een c\u0103utare de victime, c\u00e2nd \u00eemi pic\u0103 sub nas urm\u0103toarea afirma\u0163ie: \u015ei, desigur, nu m-am putut opri s\u0103 nu m\u0103&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18477,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/titanic.jpg?fit=647%2C404&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18476"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18480,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18476\/revisions\/18480"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18477"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}